Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Girls in a Dungeon?, Vol. 2

by Fujino Omori

  “…H…haa-haa-haa!”

  I know it works, but I’m not satisfied yet.

  My entire body is sizzling. I close the open hand in front of my face into a tight fist.

  Yes…!

  Real results. Real progress.

  This is something that I can see with my own eyes, not just my status on a sheet of paper. I’m finally getting closer to Miss Wallenstein—I can feel it!

  Firebolt. Electric flame.

  Conjured in an instant, it strikes at the speed of light with the power of fire.

  Fire magic faster than anyone.

  Magic just for me.

  “!”

  A new wave of joy envelops me.

  I accidentally bite my lip while fist pumping over and over again. It hurts. I don’t care.

  I’m in the zone, my face flush with excitement.

  My eyes haven’t sparkled this much since the moment I registered for the Guild. Pure, naïve glimmering.

  The emotion and excitement go straight to my head.

  I sprint into the Dungeon, looking for my next target.

  “FIREBOLT!”

  “Gyuaaaaaaa!!!!”

  I find a monster, then thrust out my arm.

  “FIREBOLLLTTTT!!!”

  “Ebbbsshhiiii!”

  I feel like a small child, running around yelling as loud as he can.

  “FFFIIIRRREEEBBBOOOLLLTTT!!!!!!”

  “BGYAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

  Explosion on sight.

  “FIREBOLT!” “FIREBOLT!” “FIREBOLT!” “FIREBOLT!” “FIREBOLT!” “FIREBOLT!” “FIREBOLT!” “FIREBOLT!” “FIREBOLT!” “FIREBOLTTT!!!!”

  “GYAAHH!!!”

  “Whoops. I’m on the fifth level…”

  I’ve gone too far in. I laugh to myself, looking around the room with a very satisfied smile.

  The fact that the pale blue walls have turned light green is all the proof I need.

  I was having too much fun, I reflect to myself as I make a quick U-turn.

  ’Bout time to go home, I say to myself, humming a tune when…

  “—Whuh?”

  Something feels…off.

  Heartbeat in my ears, I can hear it.

  “Uh……?”

  It happens quickly.

  I’ve never drunk alcohol before, but this must be what a drunk person feels like.

  My legs are unsteady. I’m not even sure they’re touching the ground.

  My vision spins. I glimpse the rapidly approaching floor, and pass out right then and there.

  “……?”

  “What’s wrong, Aiz?”

  Two adventurers entered the fifth-level floor.

  However, they didn’t come from above. They arrived from below.

  Standing firm without a scratch on them, Aiz and Reveria had spent three days climbing up from the Lower Fortress, level thirty-seven. Even though they’d been fighting off monsters for the past forty-six hours straight on their journey to the surface, neither of them looked all that tired.

  Now their journey’s end was right in front of them, but Aiz, who was walking a few paces in front of Reveria, stopped in her tracks.

  The elf looked at Aiz’s long blond hair as she asked what was wrong.

  “A person is on the ground.”

  “Done in by a monster?”

  Sure enough, alone in the middle of the room was the body of an adventurer.

  He lay facedown on the dungeon floor, like he had tripped and not gotten back on his feet. The two girls approached him.

  “No visible wounds, healing and detox appear to be unnecessary…Looks like a classic case of Mind Down.”

  Reveria continued her diagnosis in a matter-of-fact tone, saying that he’d probably used magic without thinking about the consequences.

  Using magic was not free. It required energy. Magic uses mental energy, the opposite of physical strength, to activate. Of course, just as the body has its limit, the mind can only take so much.

  Reveria was amazed that this boy had been able to keep using magic to the point of losing consciousness.

  Meanwhile, Aiz crouched down over the adventurer with her hands on her knees, staring at his white hair.

  “This boy…”

  “What’s that? Do you know him, Aiz?”

  “Not really. We’ve never spoken directly…He’s, um, the boy I told you about. The Minotaur…”

  “…I see. He’s the boy that idiot insulted.”

  She had heard many things about this boy, Bell, from Aiz. First, he was the coward who was chased around by the Minotaur. He’d also run out of a bar they’d been drinking at after he was slandered by Bete.

  Even though Reveria had warned their party member and defended the boy, she hadn’t realized that he had actually been there. She regretted not stopping the conversation sooner. She knew they had hurt him.

  Even worse, Aiz had been dragged into the middle of that exchange.

  “Reveria, I want to compensate this boy.”

  “…There are other ways of saying that.”

  Reveria let out a long sigh in response to Aiz’s choice of words. Aiz looked up at her with pleading, sparkling eyes and blinked two, three times.

  Realizing that Aiz didn’t understand, Reveria gave up and decided not to say anything.

  “Well, helping someone at a time like this is common courtesy…”

  Aiz nodded twice, her clothing swishing with her head. Reveria leaned forward for a closer look at Bell.

  Seeing that the boy showed no signs of waking up anytime soon, Reveria shifted her gaze onto Aiz.

  “…Aiz, do for this boy exactly what I’m about to tell you. If you’re going to compensate him, that should be enough.”

  “What?”

  Reveria gave her a look to convey her real message.

  “…Is it okay just to do that?”

  “I’m not certain. But you will protect this spot. You don’t have to do anything above and beyond that. Besides, any man would be happy because it’s you.”

  “I don’t…understand.”

  You don’t have to understand, Reveria chuckled to herself.

  The elf looked down at Aiz for a moment, like a mother watching her child grow up, before returning her expression to its usual refined, dignified state.

  Her face back to normal, Reveria stood up.

  “I’m returning to the surface. I’ll just get in your way if I stay here. You two have to be alone to understand each other.”

  “Yes, thank you, Reveria.”

  The elf nodded with an affirmative “Ah” before leaving them behind.

  She wasn’t the least bit worried about monsters attacking them.

  As far as guardians went, the boy had the best one on the planet to protect him.

  A deep slumber envelops me.

  A fragrance like a serene wind, warmed from the heat of the sun.

  All the sensation my skin transmits is soft and pleasant.

  I’m drowsy.

  I’m so comfortable I don’t want to move…

  ……?

  Something is stroking my hair. Thin fingers run down my cheek.

  So gentle, so reassuring.

  My eyelids open slowly.

  …Mother?

  I call out to the person I’ve never met, don’t even know her face.

  The fuzzy outline filling my vision stops moving.

  “Sorry. I’m not your mother…”

  ……Huh?

  The person responds in a voice that goes right through me.

  I blink to clear my clouded eyes.

  As I do, the fuzzy shapes come into focus.

  The first thing I can make out is shiny blond hair. Then a beautiful face.

  Finally, golden eyes that match her hair.

  “……”

  “Are you awake…?”

  My eyes are open. My head is awake.

  But time isn’t moving.

  My mind still empty, I stare at th
e face looking down on me.

  The back of my head is warm. Something soft is under it.

  I think I know what’s going on. My head is, probably, in her lap.

  This person, Aiz Wallenstein, strokes my hair again.

  She touches my eyelids, warm.

  “……”

  I clumsily raise my upper body.

  I know it’s a waste of warm comfort, but still I sit up.

  She leaves my line of sight. In her place is a massacre of slain monsters and random bones. I pretend not to see anything and turn back to Miss Wallenstein. She’s still there.

  “…An illusion?”

  “Not an illusion.”

  Miss Wallenstein’s expression suddenly changes. The line of her eyebrows slants.

  We exchange glances for an eternal moment.

  Gold and ruby-red eyes. It looks like the silence is getting to her. My face is turning redder with each passing heartbeat. By the time Miss Wallenstein realizes it, my head is red enough that it might as well be an overripe apple sitting on my shoulders.

  My eyes are out of focus, fluttering and quivering like lake-worms.

  I scramble to my feet.

  “GAAAAAAAH!!!”

  I run away as fast as my legs can carry me.

  “…Why do you always…run away?”

  If someone had been there to hear her words, they would have heard a hint of loneliness in Aiz’s voice.

  Chapter 4

  DIVINE WINE

  “Please have a look.”

  “All right.”

  An amulet was placed on the counter. The owner of the store, an old male gnome with a long white beard and a red hat, picked up the green jewel-encrusted necklace and made his way to the back room.

  At the Gnome Trader, a very simply named antique shop, a small transaction was again taking place. A prum stood at the counter waiting for the owner to return, surrounded by a random assortment of odds and ends decorating the shop.

  “All finished. Sorry to keep you waiting.”

  “What’s the result?”

  “Looks like it’s got a full status boost…and resistance to poison attached to it. Very good, very good. So…how does forty-six thousand vals sound to you?”

  The prum nodded with a very satisfied look. A deal had been struck.

  “Is today’s payment in cash?”

  “No, the usual.”

  The two finished the transaction at a brisk pace.

  A grandfather clock in the corner of the store ticked off the seconds.

  The gnome slowly opened his mouth to speak. “It might not be this geezer’s place to say this, but…”

  Fiddling with the talisman in his hands, the owner gazed at his customer with a bit of concern in his eyes. The prum tilted his head.

  “Wouldn’t be a good idea to stick your neck into dangerous situations. Might already be too late, I know…”

  “……”

  “There’s a rumor goin’ ’round in some adventurer circles. Not too well known yet, but out there just the same. Talkin’ ’bout a prum with sticky fingers pilfering their valuables. Sometimes even a whole party at once.”

  “…What are you trying to say?”

  “No, no, my friend. I’m not suspecting you. The prum in question is a lady, and been stealing for a while by the sound of it. Suspecting a man like yourself would be barkin’ up the wrong tree, I know. It’s just…” said the gnome under his breath, his white beard twitching. “I’ve seen most of the valuables reported stolen with my own two eyes…yes? This geezer thinks you should keep an eye on your company and keep your nose down.”

  The owner’s mood suddenly turned sour. The prum could see it in his eyes. In response, however, the male prum flashed an arrogant smile.

  “Sounds like there’s a bad prum out there. But then again, are the words of adventurers all that reliable? I mean, many of them do exactly the same kind of stealing and blackmail.”

  “That is…true…”

  “If you ask me, they should all get off their high horses.”

  The prum continued with a nasty grin on his lips.

  “It’s harsh, but the fact is that it’s their fault for being tricked.”

  “Hmm?” the owner replied angrily, but his voice was drowned out by the ticking wall clock.

  “Hnngh…guhhh…?!”

  “…Bell, what are you doing?”

  I’m lying facedown on the sofa, holding a cushion against the back of my head with both hands. The goddess seems to think that me hiding my face with my butt in the air is funny, but I don’t have any snappy comebacks in me at the moment.

  I ran away from Miss Wallenstein.

  I have absolutely no clue what chain of events led to it, but I know that all of it was real. I know that my head was in the lap of the girl of my dreams, and I know that I ran away from her at full speed like some crazy idiot.

  Gaah…Someone, please kill me…

  “Don’t tell me, you wet the sofa?”

  “No, Goddess, no…”

  Normally I’d be all about getting back at her for saying that, but all that comes out is a pitiful voice.

  After I ran away from Miss Wallenstein in an explosion of shame and confusion, I think I wandered around for a while, but I have no idea where I went. By the time I realized where I was, it was almost morning and I was staggering up to the front door at home and falling to my knees.

  “I don’t know the details, but you’re a really sensitive boy…”

  No, Goddess, not sensitive. I’m heartbroken…

  I manage to peel my shaky body from the sofa, my ears still bright red. I even make it to the table for breakfast with the goddess.

  I just want to stay in the room and wallow all day, but I know I can’t. Just for today, I need to forget about Miss Wallenstein…Yeah, like hell I can do that.

  Will the day come when I can thank her properly and express my gratitude?

  “Oh, yes. Bell, show me the book you were reading yesterday. I’ve got nothing to do this morning.”

  “Ah, sure. Go ahead.”

  Her shift must start in the afternoon today. She’s still working at the street stand in addition to her part-time job at Hephaistos Familia’s Babel Tower Branch Store…I wonder if she can physically keep this up.

  I hold out the book, thick as an encyclopedia, that I borrowed from Syr, to the goddess.

  “Hmm…the more I look at it, the book seems stranger and stranger…yes?”

  She opens the cover and glances through the first few pages. Strangely, she stops moving.

  But not completely. Her eyes start spinning. It’s almost like someone had come to collect a debt she didn’t know about and was looking at the paperwork.

  Huh…? What’s going on…?

  “…Isn’t this a grimoire?”

  “G-grimoire?”

  I repeat the word. I’ve never heard it before.

  I don’t have a good feeling about it, though. I break out in a cold sweat.

  “So, um, what’s that…?”

  “To put it simply, it’s a book that forces the reader to learn magic.”

  It feels like all the sweat glands in my body have opened at the same time.

  “I don’t think you know about Advanced Abilities, but they’re special skills like Magic Control or Enigma. This book could only be made by someone who has mastered both.”

  —I know what you’re talking about, Goddess.

  Someone with two Advanced Abilities…In other words, a member of a Familia who has reached at least level three. An average smith could never make something like this. It would have to be someone much, much stronger.

  It has to be the masterwork of someone on the level of a legendary individual known as “the Philosopher.”

  My body turns to stone, a broken smile on my lips.

  “So this is how you learned magic…So Bell, just how exactly did this grimoire end up here in the first place?”

  “I borrowed it from a f
riend…She said it was left behind by someone else…”

  “……”

  “What’s it worth…?”

  “At least as much as Hephaistos Familia’s highest-quality weapons, or possibly even more…”

  Crack! My stone body breaks, right down the middle.

  “By the way, it can only be used once. Once someone acquires magic from it, a grimoire becomes nothing more than trash. A big paperweight.”

  I’m dead.

  Acquiring magic through external intervention was said to be miraculous, and I used a book containing precisely such a miracle. Not only that, I basically stole it, and now it’s worthless. Millions of vals down the drain, and all because of me…

  A heavy silence falls over our home.

  I’m in despair. There is no way to undo what I’ve done.

  The goddess stares at the floor, her face as emotionless as a mask. She suddenly turns to the table, grabs a chair, and walks over to me, her feet tapping lightly on the floor. She climbs up onto the seat, thumps both hands down onto my shoulders, and starts talking down to me from her high vantage point.

  “Listen to me, Bell. You met the book’s owner by accident. And you returned the book to him before reading it. So the book was never here. Even if there was a mistake, the grimoire had been used before you had it…That’s how this happened.”

  “Goddess, that’s wrong!”

  Why is she trying to pull a fast one?!

  “Bell, Gekai is not all sunshine and flowers; there are many dark, dark things. I’ve seen them with my own eyes. Being thrown out of home, being so poor that even buying potato puffs was impossible and starving, being forced to live under ruins…carrying an enormous debt. The world is full of injustices.”

  “Wasn’t all of that your fault?!”

  And what was that last thing you said there?!

  What are you hiding, Goddess?!

  “A-anyway, I’m going to go and explain everything to the person who lent me this book!”

  “Bell, don’t! You don’t have to be that upstanding! This world is even more unpredictable than the gods themselves!”

  “Please don’t try to sound wise at a time like this! Even if we tried to hide it, the truth will come out! It’s just a matter of time!”

  The die has already been cast! Syr will ask me if I read the book, for sure. Even if I lied to her, everything would come out when the real owner came back for it! Done! Over! Out!