Loving Desire

by Renee Young

  Loving Desire

  Renee Young

  To my best friend. Our adventures and our shared love for all things beautiful or unique have changed my life over this past year.

  I love you.

  Contents

  Title Page

  Dedication

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Epilogue

  Books By This Author

  Chapter 1

  I couldn’t focus. Everything inside of me was screaming to just walk away. This wasn’t what I wanted to do. Not once did I ever see my life turning out like this. I thought by now I’d be at least on the path to making my dream come true. I thought I would have some type of direction. Somewhere to go.

  If I had to sit here and listen to one more customer talk down to me, or ask me a stupid fucking question I was gonna lose my mind. One more; and I’d go berzerk. I had it all planned out. I was gonna wait for someone to get in my face and tell me why it’s my fault she- or he, but let’s be honest she- had to pay so much for her stupid product. I was gonna give her my ‘fuck this shit’ smirk, rip off my name tag and just walk out.

  If only I had the actual nerve to do that. Realistically I knew I’d be stuck here for a while if not forever. I know what I’m like. I could plan my walk out til I was blue in the face, but I’d never have the balls to do it. My anxiety would be way too high. What If I left and my coworkers had to pick up my slack? It was likely, but I love my coworkers. I’d never want to do that to them.

  Something drastic would have to happen to make me actually leave. Something that no one could blame me for. Like, I don’t know; if someone came in and held up the place. Everyone would understand that I was far too traumatized to come back.

  Maybe I could do something to get myself fired. I could-- maybe I cou-- I had no idea. I don’t know what I could actually do. It wasn’t realistic for me. I couldn’t confront a customer, that’s not who I am. I couldn’t steal, just the thought has me itching. I think I’m thoroughly stuck here in this dumb ass retail job.

  I let out a silent groan as the bell over the door rang again and I walked to the front of the store to greet my new customer. A woman I’d seen in here quite a few times. One I knew would want me to remember everything she bought last time. Like I have the mental capacity to just look at her and single her out from my other two hundred customers I see everyday. I have no problem recognizing customers, but to just know what they bought three months ago- that’s ridiculous.

  “Welcome in, how can I help you today?” I greeted with a big smile, hoping she couldn’t see through it.

  ∞∞∞

  I let out a breath as she left the store, luckily without much hassle. Today she thought ahead and brought her empty bottles with her so I was able to locate the product with no issue. Days like this were the worst. I worked the majority of my shift with no one else in the store. Just me and my self destructive thoughts.

  I tried to push everything aside as I worked on making sure everything was pulled to the front of the shelves and facing the correct way. It was a tedious job, that felt like it took a lot longer than it actually did. So I wasn’t surprised to find that I’d finished the entire store in less than twenty minutes. Upset, yes, but not surprised.

  I managed to force myself through the day and was filled with immense relief when Lilah showed up to take over. I was out of there and on my way home where I would sit alone, probably read a book and make myself some kind of pathetic dinner consisting of instant noodles and a beer. Yay adulthood.

  My depressing thoughts were interrupted by the ringing of my cell phone on the front seat of my car. I never pick up my phone while I’m driving. I usually keep it tucked in my purse where I would’t be tempted, but since I recently had my friend Colt install a new sound system with bluetooth capabilities, I was able to answer it handsfree.

  “Hello?” I called out through the empty car. I didn’t bother looking at the caller ID.

  “Livvy please say yes!” I recognized the voice belonging to my best friend.

  “Depends, Nov. What am I saying yes to?” I responded skeptically. She’s always roping me into crazy things.

  “So, hear me out.” She started. “I want to do one of those ‘stanger sessions’ but with boudoir. I already have a guy who is interested and I instantly thought of my gorgeous bestest friend in the whole world.” She rushed out leaving me very confused.

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about. What is a ‘stranger session’?” I asked her while flipping on my blinker to turn down my road.

  “Basically it’s where I, as the photographer, enlist two people who have never met and we do a photoshoot together.” She explained.

  “Wait, hold on. You want me to do a couples boudoir shoot with some guy I’ve never met?”

  “Yes. Please Liv. You have the perfect image to pair up with this guy. He’s incredibly handsome, you’re incredibly beautiful; it’s perfect.” She spoke so sweetly. “Just don’t say no, please. Besides maybe you two will hit it off. He’s single.”

  “What would I have to do?” I asked her with a sigh. I have the hardest time saying no to her and she knows that. She let out a squeal and she gave me all the details. Where to meet, when it is, what to wear. All of it she had planned out.

  “I have to go. I’ve gotta call him and tell him I have someone.” She ended the call sounding so excited it put a rare smile on my face.

  Nova Jane Percy is one of the very few people that bring a smile to my face these days. She has been my best friend since we were in kindergarten together. We slept beside each other for naptime one day and she snored. I couldn’t sleep and when I didn't sleep I got very cranky, so I got up out of my spot and went to her. I shook her, not very nicely, and woke her up. I whisper shouted at her that she was keeping me up and she just giggled before apologizing. She told me her dad snores and her mom always yells at him too. That day we stayed up while everyone else was napping and we told each other about our families. From then on, she was my best friend.

  Now we were twenty four, and while I was working my stupid fucking retail job, she was out there living her dream with her own photography business. Nova was always the more outgoing of us two. I wouldn’t say I’m shy, I’m just-- well I’ve been told I’m a little bitchy.

  Our little group was completed with Colt, and Nova’s boyfriend Jamie. They didn’t come till later. Colt was my partner all throughout freshman science and Nova met Jamie through her aunt. They began dating two years ago and of course I gave him the ‘don’t hurt my best friend or I’ll hurt you’ speech. What kind of best friend would I be if I didn’t?

  Pulling into my driveway I let out an exhausted sigh as I collected my purse and phone before exiting the car and going inside. My little two bedroom house, while it felt like home, wasn’t anything to brag about. The only reason I can afford it though is because of my inheritance. My dinky little retail job would never be enough to support myself.

  Once I m
ade it inside the small home I set my purse down on the table beside the door and kicked off my work standard black tennis shoes and pulled off my jacket. For a moment I just stood there looking around. I just felt like I was in a rut. I needed something. I don’t know what, but something different. Something to pull me out of this everyday haze. I needed some excitement. A change of pace. Something.

  Knowing that I wouldn’t have anything different happen tonight I let out a groan and walked to the kitchen where I made myself dinner. I let my mind wander while the noodles were in the microwave. Maybe this photoshoot was what I needed. Maybe I’d feel some kind of fulfillment from it. Maybe it would be a lot of fun. I could use it to jump start my way to being happy.

  It’s been so long since I’ve actually used the word happy to describe myself. Lately I'd been feeling like I was drowning in the montany of my life. Everyday was the same. I'd go to work, I'd come home, I'd eat a shitty dinner, and I'd watch tv or read a book. I have Nova and the guys and yeah when they’re around I smile and I laugh, but it’s never lasting. It’s temporary and I think I needed to do something to change my tone.

  Hell, maybe I just needed a really good orgasm. I laughed to myself at the thought. It’s been forever since I'd been with a guy too. I couldn’t find it in myself to try and date or anything. It just felt too hard. Everything has felt too hard lately.

  The beeping of the microwave pulled me from my thoughts. I let out a breath in relief as I hadn’t fallen too far into the depths of my dark mind this time.

  I ate quickly before sitting on my couch with a second beer. With my laptop out I went online to buy a few new things to wear for this photoshoot. I picked out a few black pieces and a deep red toned piece as well. Nova always tells me how good I look in red.

  I allowed myself to feel the beginnings of excitement. I have always made it a point to not get my hopes up for things. Hope breeds eternal misery after all, that’s what that one guy said. This time though it felt different. I think this is what I needed. This opportunity that takes me so far out of my comfort zone.

  The thought of being so intimately close to a man I’ve never met before. It was exhilarating. What will he look like? What will he smell like? What will he feel like and what will his touch do to me? The possibilities were endless and, to be honest, the fact that he’s a stranger excited me in a way I’d never felt before.

  I wanted to do well at this shoot. Not just for Nova, but for me. For my confidence. I wanted to kill it. Nova has done photos for me before. She’s even done boudoir photos for me, but I’ve never done any kind of couples session. I have no doubt that she’ll make me look great.

  That night, as I slept I was met with nothing but black. It’d been a long time since I’d slept without the nightmares, and I had to believe it was because of my excitement over the shoot next week. I had something to look forward to, and sometimes that’s all I needed to allow my mind to take a break.

  Chapter 2

  The week had passed faster than I thought possible. The thought of having to work filled me with less dread, and my smile felt more effortless. I didn’t feel like ripping the heads off of any of my customers, and for that thought alone I was proud of myself. I didn’t feel dead inside, like everything was pointless. I had something to look forward to, and that changed my life. At least for the week it did.

  Nova and I had many conversations about the photoshoot that was scheduled for this afternoon. She helped me decide what I would do with my hair, how I would do my makeup and which of my three outfits I should start out with. She helped me build me confidence when I would start physicing myself out. She made this easy for me. That's why she was so good at her job.

  Well that and she brought a bottle of wine to the studio for me. The plan wasn’t to get drunk or anything. Mostly I just wanted something to distract me from the stranger I was about to be very close and very intimate with, and wine just so happened to be my favorite.

  “He’ll be here soon Liv. Do you want to go put on your first outfit? I have a robe back there you can use to cover up.” I grabbed my bag and went to the bathroom at the back of her studio. I was already two small glasses of wine in, and I was feeling great.

  The atmosphere in the large studio Nova owned was calming. The area was open with plenty of light. The design was more modern than rustic, and the whole area was beautiful. Perfect for photos.

  Nova suggested I start out with the least revealing of my three outfits, so I pulled out the black longline lace bra with matching cheeky panties. It was simple, and it felt like a safe place to start. Everything important was covered.

  Once I was dressed in that I took the silk black robe Nova left out for me and I pulled it over my shoulders. I took a deep breath, downed the rest of my glass and pushed the door open. I felt a little relief that the mystery man had yet to arrive, so it was still just Nova and I in the spacious studio.

  “Alright, one last thing. You’re gonna be blindfolded to start.” She said as if it were no big deal.

  “Wait hold on I didn’t agree to that!” I basically shouted at her. No way did I want this guy seeing me before I saw him. I could feel myself beginning to freak out at the prospect.

  “Don’t worry, he’s gonna wear one too. I just want to position you and get a few shots before you actually see each other. I want to get the exact moment you see each other for the first time on camera.” I looked at her, still hesitant but eventually I nodded. I gave the okay, as long as she didn’t mess up the eye makeup I took too long doing. I went for a simple neutral smokey eye with winged liner and a pair of false lashes. I kept my lower lash line simple as well with just light mascara. I let Nova decide on my lip color, and I shouldn’t have been surprised when she picked out a deep red shade. One that perfectly matched my lingerie.

  I let her tie the sash around my head and she was careful not to mess up my perfectly curled deep brown hair. Then she led me to a wall where she did a few shots of just me while we waited for this man to arrive. “You’re gonna leave the robe on at first okay.” I nodded feeling nervous because I couldn’t see her face.

  It wasn’t too much later when there was a knock on the locked studio door. Nova made me promise to stay where I was and to not peak, so I did as she asked. I wouldn’t want to ruin this for her.

  I could hear her talking to the man, and I was pleasantly surprised by the deep voice that responded to her. He seemed hesitant about the blindfold as well and I let out an involuntary chuckle at that. She assured him that I had one on too, and he agreed with a little grumble.

  “Alright, before we get started; Oliva, meet Sawyer. Sawyer, this is my best friend Olivia.” She introduced, as if we could see each other.

  “Hello random person I cannot see.” I joked and he let out a deep laugh. A laugh that left me breathless.

  “Nice to meet you.” I quirked a brow as he sounded a little breathy as well.

  “Perfect!” Nova cheered before directing us where to stand so we could get started. She told the man to leave his shirt on, but to undo the first four buttons.

  She had me stand in the center of the room with Sawyer directly in front of me, close enough to touch, but not quite there. When he was that close I could smell him. He wore cologne that smelled expensive. None of that cheap body spray crap. It was a clean and masculine smell that had my hormones raging. This man smelled sexy as fuck.

  “You smell incredible.” He whispered to me. Well I assume it was to me, since I couldn’t see him.

  “So do you.” I responded, sounding a lot more confident than I felt.

  “Okay, you guys can touch each other now, just do whatever feels comfortable. Get to know each other a bit, but don’t take off the blindfolds.” Nova said and I could hear her camera clicking away.

  I reached my hand in front of me. I could feel that this man was tall. My hand reached the fabric of his shirt on what felt like his arm. He had it rolled up to his elbow with his forearms bare. Sexy. I reached my other hand ou
t in hopes of reaching his other arm and I smirked when I met my intended destination.

  I could feel him hesitating to touch me. He seemed a little nervous, and I don’t know if it was because he didn’t want to make me uncomfortable or what so I thought I’d be a little bold. I slid my hands slowly down his arms until I reached his wrists. I then guided his hands to my waist.

  The moment his hands were one me I felt him relax into me. He let out a shaky breath and I moved my hands up his arms yet again. I slid over his thick biceps and over his shoulders. He kept his hands in place, afraid to explore and I giggled a little. I found his neck with my hands and moved up a little to his sharp jaw. A shar jaw that was covered in facial hair. Fuck I couldn't resist a guy with a beard. I turned his head a little to the side and raised to my toes hoping to be close enough. “Touch me.” I whispered my demand and I felt his grip tighten as he pulled me closer to him.

  Finally I felt his hands move. He was gentle and slow, as if giving me a chance to stop him. “Do I make you uncomfortable, Sawyer?” I whispered again, intentionally sounding a little teasing. He let out a quiet almost growl as his hand reached my hip and he pulled me even closer. His other hand went up my back and slid through my hair. He gave it a gentle tug when he reached the base of my neck and I let out a quiet whimper of pleasure.

  The hand on my hip tightened again at my noise as his other hand continued to explore. He reached my jaw before he gently moved his thumb to my nose, dragging it down the length over the sash. He found my cheek bones next while my hands traveled down to his broad chest. The hard planes of his pectorals were bare of hair, but I found a little trail about halfway down his stomachas I slipped into his shirt slightly, before pulling my hands back out. I resumed my exploration over his shit=rt.

  I was vaguely aware of the continuing shutter sound beside us as his thumb passed over my plump lips. He applied a little more pressure to my bottom lip, separating them. I took the chance and lightly brushed his finger with my tongue before gently biting the pad of his thumb. His breath caught at my action and I felt a little movement where our hips were connected. I was turning him on, which was turning me on as well.