Loving Desire

by Renee Young

  “Sure. Beats going home to a TV dinner and boxed wine.” I shrugged and they chuckled.

  “I have someone coming over too. We kind of needed to talk to the both of you.” Jamie informed me.

  “Let me guess; it’s your ‘too hot to even stand near’ cousin.” I joked. When they didn’t say anything I groaned. “Of course. Why wouldn’t I see him on a night like this. I swear if you’re trying to set me up wi-”

  “That’s not it. I promise.” Nova interrupted and I looked at her skeptically through the mirror.

  “Fine, but you have to make me look halfway decent. No way do I want to see a guy with that much sex appeal lookin’ like I just came off an eight hour shift.” I said to my best friend who just nodded eagerly.

  “Dude, that’s my cousin!” Jamie groaned. I smirked.

  “I could tell you about how his body felt pressed against mine, or how the sound of his voice ma-” He interrupted my teasing.

  “Eh eh! No none of that.” He fake gagged and Nova and I busted up laughing.

  “I kid I kid.” I insisted. “Besides, he’s quite the player I understand. Not for me, sadly.” I told him.

  “He’s a good guy, Livvy.” Jamie insisted.

  “That may be, but it’s just not what I want. Don’t get me wrong. I would jump at the chance to bed that man, but I can’t be someone on a list like that.” I shrugged.

  “Really Liv? ‘Bed that man’?” Nova teased me for my wording and I just shrugged.

  Soon enough we pulled into their driveway and we all climbed out of the warmth of the car into the freezing wind outside. We hurried inside, all rushing to be back in the warm. “Come on.” Nova grabbed my hand and pulled me to her bedroom. She threw an outfit at me before pulling out her hair brush and straightener.

  “Your clothes don’t fit me Nov.” I complained in a joking whiny tone. Nova was about five inches taller than me, and while she was perfectly model thin, I had curves she always insisted she was jealous of.

  I may have had the curves, but she had the perfect hair, the beautiful blue eyes, and the flawless skin.

  “It’s a good thing they’re yours then.” She shot back and I looked at what she had given me. Sure enough I was holding a pair of medium wash skinny jeans from my own collection and an olive green sweater that hung off one shoulder.

  “Awesome.” I grinned. I loved having a best friend that had half my closet in her’s.

  I pulled off my work clothes, and I ditched the bra, before stepping into the new outfit.

  “Perfect, now sit and let me fix your hair.” She demanded and I did what she said with a little chuckle.

  She brushed through the dark brown locks attached to my head before running her straightener through them. When she was done she brushed a little powder over my already made up face. “Done. Good as new.” She informed me and I thanked her before we left her room.

  “So is there a reason you wanted us both here tonight? After nine that feels weirdly specific.” I crossed my arms over my chest as I examined my two friends.

  “You’ll see!” Nova insisted and I rolled my eyes with a little chuckle.

  I watched my two friends together. They seemed to gravitate towards one another. He was always touching her or she was always glancing at him with a tiny smile. I don’t think they even realized it.

  It was more today. They were practically glued to one another and she was positively giddy. I gasped and my eyes grew wide.

  “You did it! You finally asked her?” I guessed and they looked at me in shock. I guessed right.

  “How’d you know?” Nova whined. “I wanted to tell you.”

  “Okay, tell me! I’ll act surprised.” I promised. She looked from me to Jamie before standing up and coming over to me. She pulled something from her pocket and slid it on her finger.

  “I’m engaged!” She said with so much excitement I couldn’t help but match it. I let out a thrilled shriek and pulled her into my arms.

  “About damn time!” I joked and they laughed. “Really I’m so happy for you guys this is incredible!”

  “What’s incredible?” A deep voice asked from behind me and I had to fight the urge to turn around and throw myself into his hard body.

  “We’re gettin’ married!” Jamie told his cousin.

  “That’s awesome man! Congratulations!” His voice was laced with excitement, much like everyone else’s. I took a breath and braced myself to see the most attractive man I’d ever laid eyes on. I missed the silent message that Nova was trying to send me with her eyes. One I would have liked to see so I could prepare myself.

  Once I was facing the man that had inspired many a fantasy over the last two weeks two things caught my attention. One; he looked fucking incredible in a suit. Two; so did the woman beside him.

  Chapter 6

  Okay I wasn’t ‘hurt’ by his idea to bring a girl to this little meeting, more confused than anything. Was this a ‘bring a date’ kind of thing? Was this a date for him? If so, I’m glad I dodged that bullet. Well, then maybe this was just a stop on his way to plow this goddess in a pantsuit.

  That thought had me jealous. She would get to feel his strong hands all over her body. His perfectly soft lips against her skin. She would get to hear his groans through the night. Maybe he’d even shout her name if she made him feel good enough.

  I wondered what her name was. How they knew each other. If they had the same chemistry we did. I wondered if he’d ever pushed her onto his erection just to feel a little friction. Had she ever dressed in his shirt and then made him take it off of her?

  “Hi! I’m Tabitha.” She held her hand out for me to shake. I looked to Nova and Jamie, confused why she introduced herself to me first.

  “Hi Tabitha, I’m Olivia.” I shook her hand. Tabitha. Maybe he had a nickname for her. I imagine shouting Tabitha in the throws would sound a little-strange. Who knows. Maybe it’s one of those names that sound really sexy when said in a deep tone. One that Sawyer very much possessed.

  “Hello, Olivia.” Sawyer greeted with a gentle smile and a light in his blue eyes.

  “Hi Sawyer.” I couldn’t help the teasing smirk and the raised brow. I wondered what number she was. Maybe she had her name in his phone.

  “I didn’t know you’d be here.” He said as if he needed to explain himself. I chuckled a little.

  “I didn’t know I’d be here either. I probably wouldn’t have if someone hadn’t stolen my car battery.” I laughed at my luck.

  “Someone stole your battery?” He looked confused. “Like your car battery?” He put the pieces together.

  “Mhm. I had a wonderful day today, how about you guys?” I said, pulling out my sarcasm.

  “It was a lovely day, wasn’t it darling?” The woman, Tabitha, answered and I wanted to giggle at her term of endearment. Sawyer seemed a little too rugged to be called darling, but maybe I read him wrong.

  “Sure Tab. It was a nice day.” He seemed annoyed, maybe I wasn’t wrong.

  “Anyway, why are we here guys?” I turned to my friends who were watching the exchange. They looked at us with confused looks. Nova looked at me warily like she thought I’d lose it or something. I just raised a brow at her.

  Sure I’d like to fuck the guy, but I don’t hold any claim over him. If he wants to play around that’s his prerogative, it just won’t be with me. I moved my attention back to Sawyer who seemed lost in thought as he stared at the exposed skin of my shoulder and neck. A place where his face had been buried quite a bit when we first met. I tossed my hair away from that shoulder just to tease him a little more and I watched as he flicked his tongue out and swept it across his bottom lip.

  “We wanted to ask you two a very important question.” Jamie said breaking the tension in the room.

  “Why don’t you go sit in the other room Tab. I’ll try and be quick.” He suggested. She looked at him appalled before turning her gaze to me. Her eyes set in a slight glare before she turned back to him and gave him
a big kiss right on his unsuspecting lips. He jerked back a little in surprise, but they tried to brush it off. I was really proud of myself for not laughing.

  She was more into him than he was into her, and that is exactly why I won’t be with someone who is with other girls. This is why I don’t want it.

  When Tabitha left the room I turned my attention back to the host couple and waited, pretty sure I knew what was coming.

  “Livvy, you’re my best friend in the entire world. I wouldn’t dream of having anyone else beside me while I marry the love of my life, will you be my maid of honour?” She asked and of course I pulled her into my arms.

  “I think I’d be incredibly insulted if you did ask anyone else.” I whispered in her ear and she let out a loud laugh. “Of course, Nov. I would love to stand with you. I think this is the best coupling since John Legend and Crissy Tiegen.” She laughed again and we finally pulled apart. She looked at me and I looked right back at her before we burst out laughing again while doing our best to wipe away each other’s tears. I hadn’t even known I was crying. Happy tears of course.

  “Hey, don’t cry or anything,” Jamie started with a gesture over to us, making us throw him heated glares. “But would you be my best man?” He finished his question with an awkward chuckle.

  “What? I don’t get a girly hug and tears?” Sawyer teased making Nova and I laugh. “Yeah man, of course.” They did the bro hug thing.

  “Well, we were gonna have you guys hang out and order a pizza, but since you have a date, we can just reschedule or something.” Nova said awkwardly emphasizing the word date.

  “I could just run her home really quick and change out of the suit.” He offered with a shrug.

  “You don’t have to do that man, we’ll just plan it for another time.” Jamie insisted. “Enjoy your date.” I saw Sawyer glance at me, but I just shrugged. I didn’t care what he wanted to do.

  “Well I want pizza. I had a long hard day, I could use a glass of wine too.” I voiced before turning to the kitchen to grab the bottle I knew would be waiting for me in the fridge.

  “I’ll be back.” I heard the deep chill inducing voice announce but I chose not to comment.

  Glass of wine in both hands I went back out to the dining room. I handed one to Nova and kept the other for myself. “So, what are we getting on our pizza?” They both looked at me and chuckled. They knew how lonely I got so I wasn’t planning to pass up the opportunity to have some real company.

  “Whatever you want, darling.” Nova said with emphasis on the term. I laughed and they both joined me.

  “That was strange right?” I wondered and they both nodded in agreement.

  We chose to get a meat pizza, a combo and a chicken bacon ranch. When They were placing the order I made sure they got a couple orders of wings as well. We moved to the living room to wait for the pizza. I took the couch while they sat close together on the loveseat.

  I couldn’t help but wonder if Sawyer would attempt a quickie when he dropped off his companion. The thought didn’t sit well with me, so when he showed up pretty shortly after leaving I was relieved. Either he didn’t or he did and it was unsatisfying at best.

  Then another thought occured to me; what if he was just that good. All he needed was a couple minutes to have a girl screaming his name in ecstasy. That thought had a heat crawling up my exposed neck.

  “What’d I miss?” He asked as he took the seat beside me on the couch.

  “Nothin’ much, darling.” Jamie teased with the endearment.

  “Ugh I hate that!” Sawyer groaned making us all laugh.

  It hit me as we all talked and laughed together that I wasn’t uncomfortable with the fact that this godly man had seen me practically naked. I had assumed I’d be nervous or embarrassed, but I wasn’t. I was relaxed and just enjoying the company of people who weren’t berating me about our lack of stock, or our high prices.

  “God, I need to quit my job.” I stated out of nowhere.

  “What’s wrong with your job?” Sawyer asked, turning his entire body to face me. He was giving me his undivided attention.

  “Well, it’s retail for one. Secondly I just feel stuck there. I don’t feel motivated or inspired and It’s not an environment I want to be in anymore.” I said with a shrug.

  “Then quit.” He said, like it was the easiest thing in the world. Nova let out a snort of laughter.

  “Yeah, she’s been wanting to quit for about a year now. She keeps chickening out.” She informed him.

  “I almost did today. I was ready. I had it all worked out in my head. Then I got back there and instead of saying ‘I quit’ I asked her about the shipment.” I laughed before dropping my head in disappointment.

  “Well, do you have anything lined up for after?” Sawyer asked and I glanced at Nova. She’s the only one who knows and I can see her bursting to say something.

  “I don’t know. Maybe?” I said like it was a question.

  “What do you mean maybe?” He looked at me curiously.

  “She’s a writer.” Nova blurted and I sighed as my cheeks turned red.

  “You are?” Jamie looked confused.

  “Well, I mean I write. I’ve never been published or anything.” I brushed it off.

  “What do you write?” Sawyer asked with a surprised look on his face.

  “She wrote a few novels, but she won’t send them out. She’s scared no one will like them. She won’t even let me read them.” Nova tattled.

  When my parents passed about four years ago I had been incredibly sad. So deeply sad that I couldn’t find a way to express myself without scaring anyone. So I made characters. I made fictional people who could feel what I was feeling. They were allowed to say all the dark thoughts I had. They were able to scream and cry until they couldn’t breathe anymore. They got to fall apart while I couldn’t.

  So I wrote. I wrote a total of six novels. Each one is a little more sad than the last. I reread them when I’m feeling particularly dark.

  Nova thinks I’m afraid no one will like them, while in reality I’m afraid people will be afraid of me if I share them. They’ll think something is wrong with me. It’s like in english class. ‘Why did the author say the door was black’. Because she was a depressed little bitch who expressed herself with dark themes, and apparently dark paint.

  “I have a friend in publishing Olivia, I could give him your manuscripts if you’d like.” Sawyer interrupted my thoughts. I looked up at him to see a sincere look in his blue eyes.

  “I’ll think about it. Thank you for the offer, Sawyer.” I said with a soft smile.

  “Anytime.”

  After far too many slices of pizza and not nearly enough wine we were packing up for the night. I wasn’t sure how I was getting home, but if I had to guess Sawyer was about to offer me a ride any moment now.

  “Hey Liv?” His voice called and I looked up at him with a knowing grin. “Would you like me to give you a ride home?”

  “Sure, that would be great.” I accepted with a chuckle at my own predictive thoughts.

  The ride to my place wasn’t long, and I probably would have walked if it weren’t snowing. I filled the silence with the story of my battery and he reacted the way you’d expect any alpha male to. He was mocho while asking if I had a way of getting a new battery, if I was safe working there at night, why I was alone at closing. Stuff like that.

  It was a stupid policy. All of my coworkers are female, and four days a week we are expected to close alone. In the dark. Our parking lot doesn’t even have lamp posts. It’s not safe. It’s a liability and they just don’t care. God, I really needed to quit my job.

  “Make me quit my job tomorrow.” I begged when we reached my house.

  “How would you like me to do that?” He asked with a laugh.

  “I don’t know. You’re the smarty pants lawyer.” He laughed again as we got out of the car. "Wait! Wait hold on-" I cut myself off with a burts of laughter.

  "What?" He look
ed confused.

  "Youre Sawyer the lawyer!" He joined me in laughing as he explained that it was meerly coincidence.

  “Anyway," He let out a single chuckle after we calmed down; "you’re the smarty pants, creative writer. Come up with something.” He shrugged and I rolled my eyes with a grin.

  “Would you like to come in a moment?” I asked, spontaneously.

  “Sure.” He smiled.

  Once the door was unlocked I pushed it open and we stepped inside. This time, instead of my usual pause where I evaluate my shit show of a life, I walked straight to the kitchen. I pulled out two beers and offered him one, which he accepted with thanks.

  We talked. We talked for hours. He asked about my books and I gave him brief summaries of them all. I asked him about his work and he told me what he could without breaking confidentiality. Neither of us brought up the photo shoot. We didn’t talk about ‘Babe #4’ nor did Tabitha come up. We did, however, discuss engagement party ideas.

  We each had a couple more beers, and before I knew it I was making a decision I knew I wouldn’t have had I been sober.

  I exposed myself to Sawyer in a way I’d never done before. I peeled back the masks, and the facades. I handed him something that’s never been touched by anyone but myself.

  I gave Sawyer, last name unknown, the manuscripts for all six of my books.

  Chapter 7

  I have never experienced a hangover. I never understood how characters in books could have like two glasses of wine and be hungover the next day. Last night I had four glasses of wine along with the four beers with Sawyer and I felt perfectly fine in the morning.

  Perfectly fine, but also like I was forgetting something. Sawyer left early this morning after having passed out on the couch. I was still asleep when he had to leave for work, so the only goodbye I got was a sweet little note, thanking me for a good night.

  It had been a good night. We laughed, we talked, we got along. It wasn’t a rush of hormones. It was a nice evening spent as two friends, just getting to know each other.

  It wasn’t until I was in Nova’s car on the way to work that I figured out what I was supposed to remember. Well, I was clued into what it was at least. The information came in the form of a text from an unsaved number.