Make Me Yours

by Louise, Tia

  Standing in front of my computer I see unread emails from Stellan. A few more emails wait from Stephen and a rising entrepreneur he thinks I should meet. I hover my mouse over them and think about work and why I’m doing all of this.

  All these feelings and things I want to say to Ruby churn in my stomach. It all came to a head this past week.

  She’s not interested in my money. She’s not interested in what I can give her. She likes me for me, and we have so much fun together. She makes me feel alive. I feel like I can trust her—not to mention how much I love seeing her with my daughter.

  Picking up my phone, I tap the face of my old friend.

  “Hastings here.” He speaks through an exhale.

  “I have a situation and I need a sounding board.”

  “Something happen with Stellan?” A tone enters his voice. “That kid was totally onboard the last time I talked to him. If you did something to piss him off—”

  “It’s not about Stellan. It’s… personal.”

  “I don’t do personal.”

  “You’ll do it for me. I’m pissed and I’m tired and I feel fucking powerless.”

  “You are never powerless. If something appears out of your control, you need to step back and reframe the situation.” He speaks like some old guru. “Unless it’s a woman. Then you’re probably powerless.”

  “Ruby left me.”

  He’s quiet a beat. “And?”

  “That’s it. She packed up all her things and moved out this morning. Just like that.” I’m pacing my office, snatching up a stress ball and squeezing the shit out of it.

  “Did she say why?”

  “Some bitches at the preschool made a crack about her attending the gala with me. It made her feel like I was paying her… for her time.”

  Stephen doesn’t need to know everything.

  “You were paying her for her time. Her time spent with your daughter.”

  The distinction makes me cringe. I played right into their stupid accusations putting the extra cash in with her check. I thought I was being generous. Now I realize how it made her feel.

  He makes an impatient growl. “Do you care about this woman or not?”

  It’s such a straightforward question. I step back, walking to the balcony, looking down over the patio where she spent so many afternoons with Lillie. Every day, I’d step outside and watch them paint or work in the garden or sing songs or just blow bubbles. It soothed my soul to know she was there. It was like a part of me that was missing had been found.

  “Yes.” It’s so easy. “It didn’t matter. I asked her to stay, and she still left.”

  “Did you tell her you wanted her to stay?”

  Now I make the impatient growl. “It’s the same thing. I asked her to stay.”

  “It is not the same thing, and I’m sure you framed it as being for Lillie.”

  “Of course, I mentioned Lillie.” Remorse flashes in my neck. How could she not understand how much I wanted her to stay?

  A long sigh fills my ear. “If you want her to stay, tell her. If you care about her, ask her on a date, propose to her. Marry the girl. Whatever is in your heart. Just stop making it harder than it is.”

  “That’s what she said.”

  “What?”

  I can’t help it. It’s so easy.

  “Thanks, man. I owe you.”

  “Damn straight you do. Now go fucking get her and stop wasting my time.”

  “Fuck off. I have a woman to claim.”

  He chuckles and we disconnect the phone. I’m a problem-solver. Why didn’t I figure this out before now? Rubbing my chin, I’m stumped. What do I do with Lillie?

  31

  Ruby

  Drew sits beside me on the bed rubbing my back.

  After unpacking all my things last night, I opened a bottle of wine, drank most of it, then crawled beneath my covers and fell asleep. I opened my eyes a few times once the sun came up, but all I want to do is stay under the covers and cry.

  “He tried to pay me extra for New York. In cash.” I sniff, my chest squeezing with the ache of a broken heart.

  “He didn’t say it meant more to him?” Drew is wearing church clothes, leaning against my headboard while I stay under the covers.

  “He didn’t say anything,” I wail.

  “Men are bastards.” She shoves a tissue under the blanket, and I take it to blow my nose. “Not you, honey.”

  The way she says it makes me crawl a little higher and peep out. I see Grayson leaning against the doorjamb looking down. His hand is in his pocket, and he looks like something out of a men’s magazine.

  “I didn’t know Gray was here.”

  “We came straight over from church. Your mom was worried about you when you didn’t show up today.”

  “I couldn’t sit in church with those bitches.” I sit up, wrapping my comforter around my shoulders. “They pretty much flat out called me a hooker.”

  “Don’t even think about those women.” Drew pulls me into a hug. “You’re going to come work for me now.”

  Shaking my head, I blow my nose again. “I can’t go back to the clinic. I feel like such a failure. I was supposed to be getting financially independent. I was supposed to be finding out who I am. Instead I fell in love with him.” More tears fill my eyes. “I’m such an idiot.”

  “To be fair, you were kind of already into him when you took the job.” She reaches for the box of Puffs and hands me another one.

  “You’re always so logical.” My nose makes a loud honk when I blow it. “It’s why you’re a better therapist than me.”

  “I thought you said being a good therapist made me a doormat.” Her blue eyes narrow, and my stomach plunges like a rock.

  “I was so wrong to say that. I take it back. You’re the best friend a person could ever have. I’m so lucky to have you.” I throw my arms around her shoulders, and when she hugs me back, I start to cry again.

  “Okay, we’re getting out of the house now. Come on.” She grabs my arms and drags me to the side of the bed.

  “I can’t go out looking like this.”

  “Then let’s head to the showers.”

  She’s holding my arm, and I let her drag me out of bed, past the longsuffering Gray. “I have beer in the fridge if you want one. I bought all the alcohol so I could get good and drunk last night.”

  “Is this what you were drinking?” He holds up a mostly full bottle of red wine.

  I frown, looking around my bedroom. “Is that all I drank?”

  He starts to chuckle. “Take it easy, lightweight.”

  Pushing off the door, he goes into the kitchen. I follow Drew into my bathroom.

  The rental house is actually pretty cute. It’s a perfect square with the bedroom and dining area separated by a full bathroom. The living room is adjacent to my bedroom and the kitchen is attached to it. It has nice flow and an open floor plan.

  It’s just so lonely.

  “It’s so quiet here at night.” Drew’s in the bathroom with me, and I sit on the closed toilet watching as she turns on the shower, testing the temperature through the curtain. “I miss people. I’m not used to living alone.”

  “You’ve been in this house less than twenty-four hours. How do you even know?”

  “I should get a pet. A puppy… Lillie would love that! I’ll take her with me to get one tomorrow.”

  Drew steps back and takes my hand. “Get up. The water’s ready. I’m going to send Gray home. Can you give me a ride?”

  “Sure.” I nod, stepping into the warm spray.

  I’m showered, lightly made up, and my hair’s brushed as we walk through the craft store.

  “First, we can get started fixing up your little house. What color should we paint it?”

  “You can’t paint anything. You’re pregnant.” I’m pushing a cart past stretched canvases and acrylics.

  It sends my mind traveling back a month ago to something I read on the Internet. “Since I already have my mas
ter’s and my license, I only need a few classes to add Art Therapy to my list of services.”

  Drew stops in the aisle. “Could you do it in a group setting?”

  “I don’t see why not.” I pull two canvases off the rack and put them in my cart. Next I pick up a few different tubes of maroon paint, holding them together in the light.

  I select the darker one, then I take a white, brown, and navy tube from the bin. “In the meantime, I want to start painting again. I have something in mind.”

  “See?” Drew is right beside me, giving me a squeeze. “You just needed to get out of that bed and start moving around. You already know who you are and what you want. It’s just about doing it.”

  Nodding, I steer the cart to the checkout area. I still feel like a heavy weight is sitting on my chest, making it difficult to breathe.

  “I’ll see about getting registered for those courses tonight.”

  Drew and I also swing by the grocery store, we check in with my mother, and it’s late when I’m alone again in my little house. I’m standing in front of the stove in my sweats and a cropped sweatshirt with my hair in a high ponytail.

  I imagine I look like Barbie’s Asian best friend Midge, confused in front of the stove because she doesn’t know how to cook.

  If only I had Barbie money.

  And Barbie perks.

  “Then I’d have a chef.” I hold my phone reading the recipe for Black Bean Breakfast Bowl.

  It sounds simple enough. A can of black beans, scrambled eggs, avocado slices, and salsa. How hard can that be? Hell, even Eleanor might approve of this dinner.

  Setting my phone down, I crack the first egg imitating Tessa’s voice. “Free range chicken eggs and organic black beans.” Picking up the can, I don’t see organic anywhere on the Bush’s label. “Oh, well, Jake. I guess we’ll have to hope for the best with these avocados.”

  As I drain the beans, my mind drifts to those dinners, Remi sitting across the table in his blazer and tee. He was always so handsome, so refined. Lillie usually said something funny about the meal or had some silly story from preschool. Pain twists in my stomach as I think about how much I miss them.

  My eyes are misty, and I’m cracking Egg 2 when a rapid knock on my door makes me squeal and toss it across the counter. It falls with a splat on the floor, and I spin, putting my back to the counter and scanning the kitchen quickly for anything I can use as a weapon.

  I snatch a carving knife out of the drawer. Ma gave it to me because it needs sharpening, but that doesn’t stop it from looking scary.

  Tiptoeing to the front door, my heart is beating out of my chest. Why am I so freaked out by someone knocking on my door at night? I’m in freakin’ Oakville. Nothing ever happens here. This is what happens when I watch serial killer documentaries on Netflix.

  I put my shoulder to the wall right beside the door and sneak a peek through the shade. My breath catches, and I drop the knife when I see Remi standing there.

  He’s steps from the door on the porch, and his hand is behind his neck. He looks like he might have jogged over here. He’s all sweaty and sexy, and my mind flies to that night in the kitchen when he kissed me.

  Grab the reins, Ruby.

  Turning the lock, I open the door for him, scooting the knife out of sight with my foot. “Remi? What are you doing here?”

  More importantly, who’s watching Lillie?

  His pretty eyes lighten when he sees me, and he takes a half-step forward. “Hey.” His voice is slightly breathless and so sexy. “Sorry for just barging over. I was thinking I should have texted first or something. I hope I didn’t scare you.”

  “Oh, no. Why should I be scared in Oakville?” I do a fake chuckle. So fake.

  “I was just thinking about yesterday and Friday and how everything went down.” He clears his throat. “So much shit was happening from the gala to the ketchup scare to the moving out business. I think we had a massive miscommunication.”

  I shift on my bare feet, crossing my arms at my waist. Remi’s eyes flicker down to my breasts, and the way his lips press together makes my panties hot. It’s like he’s thinking about kissing me… And my whole entire body wants that to happen. Yes, please.

  “A miscommunication?” I focus my brain.

  “I’m sorry for not realizing how that extra money made you feel. In no way did I think of it as any sort of payment for your time… I just wanted to do something nice for you.”

  His eyes are pained, and I can tell he’s struggling with getting this right. It melts my heart to see him so sincere.

  “Apology accepted.” My voice is quiet, and I give him a little smile.

  “Ruby…” He steps forward on that nugget of encouragement. “I came here to ask you… Would you consider going out with me?”

  “Like on a date?”

  “Yes. Go to dinner with me.”

  I rub my forehead, trying to think. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

  His expression collapses, and I see something like frustration and anger bubbling beneath the surface. It’s a teensy bit scary and a whole lot sexy.

  “Why not?”

  “First, don’t shout at me… Second, why do you think I moved out?”

  “I didn’t shout.” His jaw is clenched, and he’s a little growly. “I thought you moved out so we could date without people making rude insinuations—because you care what these assholes think, and I don’t.”

  Okay.

  “I moved out because too many lines were getting crossed. Things were getting muddled, and you have a little girl to consider.”

  He exhales deeply and turns, looking out at the street a moment before turning back to me. “So you’re saying you won’t date me while you’re Lillie’s nanny?”

  “I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

  “Is that a no? Is that really what you want, Ruby?” The crack in his voice breaks my heart.

  “Not really… I just. I think it’s too soon to have this conversation. I think we need to give it some time.” My hand is on my stomach, and I instinctively rub the pain there. “When I started you said you needed to focus on your work. Maybe we both need to take a step back and think about what we really want.”

  His arms drop, and he pivots toward the street. “I have to go. I was just out jogging, and I needed to say these things. I wanted to be sure you know how I feel.”

  “Who’s watching Lillie?”

  “Eleanor’s at the house. I expect she’ll want to leave when I get back.”

  Nodding, I swallow the lump in my throat. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Afternoon.” He does a little wave and jogs off into the night.

  I stand and watch him go until I can’t see him anymore. Then I slowly close the door and pick up the knife. I’m not in the mood for black beans anymore.

  32

  Ruby

  I pick up Lillie in the car line for the first time ever since I’ve been her nanny. Not because I don’t want to face the Mean Moms—I’m not that big of a wuss—but because I got a text from Drew as I was leaving the house.

  Dotty’s neighbor has free puppies. Miniature Schnoodles!

  Just reading the word makes my insides feel happy. I can’t resist texting back, Bless you! Now, Miniature whats?

  Her reply is the laugh-crying emoji, and I’m bouncing in my seat waiting for Lillie. I called the school and asked them to send her to the car line, and while I’m waiting, I shoot a quick text to Remi. Important errand to run. Taking Lillie with me. Exciting day!

  Remi texts me back with the okay just as the back door opens and Lillie climbs in with all her things. She looks a little sleepy, and I reach back to hold her hand.

  “How are you doing, butter bean? Feeling tired?” She does a little shrug, and I can’t stand it anymore. “Want to go look at some puppies with me?”

  That changes everything. “For me?”

  “What if…” I turn the car toward Dotty’s house. “What if I get a
puppy for you, and it lives at my house?”

  She presses her little lips together looking to the side. “Would I get to see it every day?”

  “Yes! You could see it every day after school. We can go to my house and play with it, and maybe, if your daddy says it’s okay, we can take it to your house sometimes too.”

  “Okay!” She starts bouncing in her seat. “Let’s get a puppy!”

  “It gets even better.” We’re pulling into Dotty’s driveway, and I kill the engine, giving her my most excited look. “These puppies are called Miniature Schnoodles!”

  Her little mouth drops open. “What?”

  “Let’s go see them!”

  She jumps out of her booster seat, and I grab her hand. We both take off jogging across the lawn to knock on the door.

  It’s pretty much love at first sight when we see the box of three apricot puppies with their curly coats and happy little faces. Lillie tries to hold all three at once. She squeals and sits down, and one starts licking her face while the other grabs her pigtail and plays with it like a chew toy. Finally, she gives up and lays flat on her back as the puppies jump all over her.

  Janet stands back grinning with her arms crossed. “You taking all three of them?”

  That makes me laugh. “No. We’ll just get one. It’s going to be a hard choice.”

  We hang out a little while watching Lillie roll around in puppy heaven until finally, I make the call. “We’ve got to pick one, butter bean. Which do you like the best?”

  Her mouth presses into a frown, and I’m afraid she might cry. Janet hops in and saves the day.

  “I’ve got a little boy coming by later today. He’s been wanting one of these guys, so you’d better pick the one you like best.”

  Lillie’s eyes go round. “Is his name Louie?”

  I swallow a laugh, and Janet pretends to think about it. “No… I think his name is Nicholas.”

  “That’s good.” She lets out a little exhale and returns to the small reddish dogs.

  One has returned to the box and is rooting around in the blankets. Another has gone to the food bowl. Only one stands by her feet as if waiting to see what she’ll do next.