Make Me Yours

by Louise, Tia

  “Him!” Lillie reaches down and picks up the small dog. “We’ll call him Buddy.”

  “He might not be a boy…”

  Janet scoops the little dog up and checks its bottom. “Buddy it is!” She presents him to me and walks to her kitchen. “I have their vaccination records I can give you.”

  “Are you sure you’re giving them away for free? These guys are normally kind of expensive.”

  Janet only waves a hand. “Everybody’s got a dog in Oakville. Nobody’s going to buy one.”

  I don’t want to argue her out of a deal, so I just agree. “Let’s go, Lillie and Buddy.”

  Lillie holds the dog in her arms like a baby, and he puts his puppy head on her shoulder. It’s the most adorable thing I’ve seen since… pretty much ever.

  I put her in the booster chair and take a blanket out of my trunk. “Wrap him in this just in case he pees. He’s probably never been in a car before.”

  “He won’t pee, will you Buddy?” She’s talking to him in her little sing-song voice, and I make the short drive to my house.

  Fortunately, I have a fenced in backyard, and we spend the rest of the afternoon deciding where Buddy should sleep. I decide I’ll have to buy a large kennel until he’s house broken.

  “We have to train him to use the bathroom outside.” I’m on my laptop reading all about the breed. “He’s supposed to be a very smart dog, so hopefully it won’t take too long.”

  “I love him.” Lillie is in the middle of my bed with her new baby, and as I research, both of them curl up together and fall asleep.

  I cover them with a thin blanket and walk out to my dining room where I’ve set up an easel. I started a painting on the canvas I bought yesterday. At the moment it’s just line sketches, but I plan to make it my version of Gustav Klimt’s “Mother and Sleeping Child.”

  In my version, I want the mother to have distinctively Asian features, and I want the child to have golden curls and sweet green-hazel eyes.

  I’m just laying down the eggshell background when I hear a knock on my door. This time I’m not terrified. I’m pretty confident I know who it is. He always liked to watch us playing together as if it gave him back something he’d lost.

  I miss having him above us, looking down.

  Opening the door, he glances up and gives me that panty-melting smile. “Can I see what all the excitement is about?”

  “Of course.” I reach out and clasp his hand. He threads our fingers immediately, and it feels so good. “Be quiet.”

  His eyes travel quickly around my small house as I lead him to my bedroom. He pauses a beat to study the painting, but I give him a gentle tug. Finally, he joins me outside my door, and for a minute we both stand watching Lillie lying on her side with Buddy curled up right beside her.

  “Oh, man.” Remi’s voice is so warm. “That’s the cutest thing ever.”

  “He’s a Miniature Schnoodle. Lillie named him Buddy.”

  “A Schnoodle?”

  Turning quickly, I launch into the speech. “Don’t worry, he can stay here at my house, and I told Lillie she could come and see him as much as she wants—”

  “Hey,” Remi holds up a hand just in front of my lips. “It’s okay. Whatever you want is fine with me.”

  Warm hands drop to my waist, and he pulls me closer. “Thank you for being so sweet to her.”

  My lips press, and I want to kiss him so bad.

  I’m staring at his mouth when he speaks again. “I’d like to kiss you, too, but I’m afraid it might violate your rule… the one where we’re supposed to be thinking about what we want.”

  I’m thinking about it… I’m leaning closer when a little voice interrupts our moment.

  “Daddy!” Lillie sits up in the bed and we step apart. “Look what Ruby got for me! It’s a puppy! His name is Buddy. He’s a Schnoodle.”

  Remi gives me a smile and a light squeeze before going to his daughter. “I think Buddy is amazing. I’ve never heard of a Schnoodle.”

  “Isn’t that a funny word for a dog?”

  Buddy wakes up and starts hopping all around. “Lillie! He probably needs to pee. Let’s get him outside, quick!”

  She jumps up and runs with him to the back door. Remi and I trail behind her, watching as she walks around the small backyard talking to her little companion in the growing twilight.

  “It feels right, doesn’t it?”

  Remi’s voice is so full of love, it’s like warm liquid in my veins.

  I couldn’t agree more.

  33

  Remi

  Lillie spends every afternoon at Ruby’s house now that Buddy is in the picture, and I get daily updates of his house-breaking habits, how my daughter is teaching him to sit, roll over, speak.

  According to Lillie, he speaks a lot.

  According to Ruby, he’s a smart little dog who’s very good with children.

  According to me, this is all fucking amazing.

  We’re like a new little family slowly forming.

  Far too slowly forming if you ask me. Still, I hold back. I’m giving Ruby the time she needs to think.

  Every day when I pick Lillie up before dinner, I can see the progress of Ruby’s painting. She’s added dark navy and maroon poppies around the border. The background is eggshell, with perfectly square brush strokes creating a pattern. The brushwork in the child’s hair is so meticulous and loving, and the strokes down the mother’s back… It’s brilliant.

  I’m not an art critic, but Ruby is fucking fantastic.

  She’s taking online courses to add art therapy to her skill set, and even though we’re apart, she tells me about it while I wait for Lillie to tell Buddy goodnight when I pick her up.

  It takes a half hour for my daughter to be sure her dog (who only lives at Ruby’s house, she notes) knows she loves him and she’ll be back again tomorrow.

  I can’t help thinking if this dog is really so smart, he’s already figured it out.

  Driving home, Lillie usually dozes, but tonight, she’s unusually vocal. “Daddy, when you were in preschool, were there mean boys?”

  I assume this is more Louie bullshit. “Yeah, they usually tried to do feats of strength and stuff like that. Why? Is Louie trying to make you eat something gross?”

  “No!” She shrieks, her little nose curling. “I don’t listen to Louie anymore.” Then she gets quiet, and I can tell by her eyes, she’s thinking. “What’s feasts of strength?”

  “Feats. It just means boys trying to show off who’s the strongest.” Alpha-male bullshit.

  “I think grown-up girls do feasts of strength.” She looks out the window as if she’s done with this conversation.

  Not so fast.

  “What do you mean, princess?” She does a little sigh, and she’s singing another Disney song I don’t know. “Princess? Are grown-up girls being mean to you?”

  My hackles are up, and I’m ready to get to the bottom of this.

  Mamma bear? Meet Pappa bear.

  “Not to me, Daddy.” She laughs like that’s ridiculous. In my experience, sadly, it’s not so ridiculous. “I think some of the mommies are mean to Ruby.”

  If I thought the idea of someone being mean to my kid was bad, I had no idea how I’d react to someone being mean to Ruby. I can only guess it’s because I sense it might be partly my fault.

  “Did something happen, baby?”

  “Huh uh.” She shakes her little head no. “Ruby always wants to go home real quick. She never talks to Ms. Terry anymore. She says Buddy misses me.”

  A knot is in my throat, but I hide it. “I’m sure Buddy does miss you. You’re his favorite human.”

  “And Ruby!” My daughter’s voice is shrill and offended.

  “Right—of course, I meant and Ruby. I just meant of the humans who don’t live with him.”

  “Ruby’s doing a painting. She says it’s me and her.”

  The confession cements my resolve. I could see the resemblance as the days passed, but I
didn’t know for sure. Mother and sleeping child? Do I need to be hit over the head with a frying pan?

  Lillie goes back to singing her Disney song as quickly as she stopped, and as always I’m amazed at how fast my daughter lets go of disagreements once they’re settled. We should all be this way.

  Back at the house, I pace in front of my computer. I’ve had this idea in my head since my conversation with Stephen, and it’s only grown stronger with every passing day. It seems impulsive and ill-advised, but truth be told, Buddy cemented the deal.

  Last week I ordered the ring, and tonight, I’ll sit down with Lillie and ask if she’s okay with what I’m planning to do. I’m pretty confident she’ll be onboard with the idea.

  Then I simply set the stage for it to happen…

  34

  Ruby

  The text from Remi blasts in my face. Would you be able to take Lillie to school? Emergency errand. May can watch til you get here. Thanks.

  I’ve got to stop falling asleep with my phone in my hand.

  Rubbing my eyes, I glance at the clock. Seven fifteen! I throw my feet out of bed. Buddy lifts his little head, seeming as annoyed as me at this unexpected intrusion.

  “Come on, Bud.” I grab him off the bed and carry him to the back door.

  Thanks to my little helper, he’s gotten to where he goes outside, does his business, and comes back when he’s done. Lillie is taking responsible pet ownership very seriously. I just love that girl.

  I especially enjoy the afternoons spent talking to her dad while she mothers Buddy like he’s the only Miniature Schnoodle on the planet.

  Stepping into old sweats and pulling on a turtleneck, I gather my hair into a messy bun and grab my mug of coffee. I’m going to have a chat with Remington about unscheduled emergencies like this. Yes, I’m still Lillie’s nanny, but I’m not Miss “Drop of the Hat” girl. I wouldn’t have stayed up all night finishing my painting if I’d known I was getting up at the crack of dawn.

  Stopping in front of the easel, I smile. The portrait is similar to the original, a woman in a black dress with a sleeping toddler on her shoulder, but my woman’s hair is shining black, her profile is mine, and the toddler is clearly Lillie. I have to say, I captured her angelic face and golden curls pretty damn well. I call it “Caregiver and Sleeping Child.”

  I love giving her care.

  “Come on, Bud.” I step into my black Uggs and scoop him under my arm.

  Lillie will be thrilled to see her puppy before school. I also love spoiling that child.

  Only because she’s sweet about it.

  If she were a little shit, I might not feel so spoil-ey.

  Damn, I’m grumpy when I’m awoken unexpectedly.

  “Lillie! Time for school.”

  “Ruby!” She squeals from upstairs, and Buddy goes bananas wiggling under my arm.

  “All right, all right, Bud.” I put him down, and he high-tails it to the stairs.

  It’s his first time in this house, but I swear to God, he scampers up those stairs like he knows exactly where his human lives. I stand in the grand entrance and watch his little apricot butt climb two flights, three flights, and take a sharp right at the top floor.

  Half a second later, she’s squealing his name. “Buddy!”

  Lots of little-girl chatter and good mornings and she runs out on the landing holding her puppy as he strains to lick every square inch of her face.

  She laughs so loud and squeal-ey, I start laughing, too.

  “Don’t drop him,” I call, heading for the kitchen. “I’m getting another cup of coffee. Hurry up before you’re late for school.”

  “Hey, Miss Ruby! I’ve got to get to school.” Matilda, the teen who lives next door gives me a wave before walking back to her house.

  “Thanks, May.” It’s interesting to me how relaxed and easy being here feels without Eleanor’s presence lurking around every corner. It almost feels like home to me.

  Silly thought. I shake it from my mind.

  A pounding of feet followed closely by the scuff of doggy toenails, and Lillie and Buddy are both in the kitchen. Lillie dances around in a sea-green skirt and matching mermaid tee. Her leggings have mermaid scales in the pattern.

  “Hey, butter bean, take Buddy out real quick and make him pee before we leave for school. I don’t want him going in my car.”

  She calls him and they both run across the living room for the patio door. I lean against the counter watching them go, wondering if puppies and preschoolers just naturally go together like peas and carrots—to quote Forrest Gump.

  We’re in the car, and I’m contemplating car line while Lillie plays with Buddy, who’s riding right beside her in his little puppy seat belt.

  “Can I bring Buddy in to show the class?” Lillie’s eyes meet mine in the rearview mirror.

  “No, baby, I’m not dressed to go inside today. Look at me.” I’ve been making a point to dress executive nanny for every pickup since that black Friday.

  “I think you look pretty.”

  I’m sure she’s being truthful. Lillie has no concept of fashion yet.

  “Yeah, but you’re biased. I’d rather look a little less ratty when I go inside.”

  “Because of the mean moms?”

  My jaw drops. “What are you talking about, Lil?”

  She only shrugs and goes back to singing to Buddy. He’s heard the entire soundtrack of Lady and the Tramp. I don’t force her to elaborate. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times, little kids notice everything.

  I’m at the drive, the moment of truth, and Lillie looks out the window. “Please, Mommy?”

  Our eyes meet in the mirror, and I swear my heart stops beating.

  Lillie looks down, “I mean—”

  “Sure!” Affection tugs at my chest, and I think I might cry. “We can take Buddy to meet Ms. Terry.”

  I steer the car into the parking lot and help them both out of the backseat. Lillie holds my hand, swinging it as she skips, and Buddy rides happily tucked under her arm.

  When we get to the door, I catch a glimpse of myself in the window and cringe. I don’t look terrible, but I definitely look like I just rolled out of bed less than an hour ago.

  “Oh, well.” I exhale, squaring my shoulders. “Everybody has those days.”

  I pull the door open, and I see the Bitch Patrol in their little Gucci cluster gossiping outside Terry’s door, likely judging every parent who drops off his or her kid. I don’t care.

  Fixing my eyes on the door, I walk with purpose to Lillie’s class while she continues skipping, clutching Buddy to her side. The closer we get, the tighter the knot grows in my throat.

  Their conversation fades to silence, and I brace myself for Serena’s slicing remark. “Well, look who it is.” The sneer in her voice tenses my shoulders. “Late night at the office?”

  Somebody fakes a laugh, but Terry steps out at that moment.

  Lillie goes nuts, talking fast. “Ms. Terry! This is Buddy. He’s a Schnoodle. He lives at Ruby’s house, but she said he really belongs to me. I’m teaching him to do tricks, and it’s really important to take him out after he sleeps because he can’t pee in the house or Ruby goes, ‘Oh no! Oh no!’”

  She waves one hand over her head, dancing in place like I can only assume I did.

  One time.

  When Buddy started pooping on my favorite rug.

  Her teacher is delighted, holding up both hands and laughing at Lillie’s performance. I put my hand on my hip and grin. “Nice way to say thanks, Lil bean.”

  She’s still dancing around when her expression changes, and she yells out, “Daddy!”

  This time my heart really does stop in my chest. Turning, I see Remi striding up the hall in our direction looking hot as ever. He’s only in jeans, a maroon tee, and dark gray blazer, but he seriously rocks the casual look.

  “Perfect.” I reach up and touch the mess that is my hair wishing the ground really did things like open up and swallow
people. “What are you doing here?”

  “I came to see my favorite girls.” He gives me that signature grin, and I forget to care what I look like as I melt into a puddle.

  Stopping beside me, he puts a hand on my lower back, pulling me against his side.

  My body is hot all over, but I try to be cool. I’m acutely aware of the Bitch Patrol glaring daggers in our direction.

  “What was the emergency errand? Nothing on fire, I hope.”

  He nods at Lillie and she hops over, taking his hand and looking up at me. “I had to pick something up at the store.”

  He releases me, scooping Lillie into his arms. “Ruby, I know you said we needed time—”

  “Wait… What is this?” That knot has moved from my throat to my stomach, and it’s getting tighter and tighter.

  Remi presses on. “I learned the hard way how quickly life can change. We never know how much time we have, how much time we have with the people we love…”

  I’m having trouble breathing. “Remi, what are you doing?”

  “I talked to Lillie, and she said it was okay for me to say this…” My eyes heat. “We want to start sharing all our time with you.”

  He bends and puts his daughter down, whispering in her ear. She nods quickly then turns to me. “I’m going to class now, but Daddy wants to talk to you some more. You’d better take Buddy.”

  Kneeling, I pull her into a hug and take the puppy. “Thanks, sweetie.”

  Remi looks at the dog and his lips press into a funny smile. “Do you think he’ll hang out with us if you put him down for a second?”

  Blinking down to the little apricot face watching me, I nod, putting him at my feet. Sure enough. Buddy stands beside me looking up and down the hall. My eyes catch for a moment on the open mouths and wide eyes of Serena and her crew.

  “Ruby, I wanted to say this in front of witnesses.”

  Stepping forward, I speak low in his chest. “You can’t do this now. I’m not dressed for it.”

  “I think you look amazing.” Placing his finger under my chin, he lifts my face to his. His eyes are like golden-hot caramel. “I’ve wanted to say this so many times… I love you, Ruby Banks.”