Finding Shadows

by Lindsay Nall

  “We’re leaving Mari in your care, don’t let us down Marinique.” Marinique sobered at Tadum’s words making him walk over to stand in front of the man. Tadum was a few inches shorter than him but neither seemed intimidated by the other.

  “You’ve taken good care of her Tadum, you always have; trust me to do the same.” He nodded and turned to Mari.

  “A word?” She asked nodding towards the exit. Micah and Nevelyn took seats on either side of Marinique at the bar joining him for a drink to give Tadum and Mari some privacy.

  They left the Inn walking down a back road that led to a pasture of sheep and long-haired goats. Once she was sure no one was around she spoke.

  “I’m sorry.” Tadum leaned against the wooden fence dividing the pastureland from the road with a cocked eyebrow. “I relied on you too much through all of this and never took your feelings into consideration.”

  “Stop.” She looked up from where she had been picking at her fingernails, his voice had been stern but the look on his face was anything but. Taking her hands in his he kissed one palm and then the other. “When we decided to call off our engagement you made me promise that no matter what happened we would still be there for each other. At the time I thought you were living in some kind of foolish fairy tale but now I see why you asked me to make that promise. We are adults Mari but we still hurt and we still need comfort. If I can give that to you when you need it then I know I am keeping my end of that promise.” She had forgotten about that promise completely and wondered if he also remembered the promise they had made that if the war ended and they were both still single they would get married. “Yes, I remember that promise too.” She giggled under his stern gaze.

  “You’re keeping up your end of the promise but I’m not.”

  “If saving my life isn’t being there for me then I don’t know what is.” She nodded but still felt as if she had taken advantage of Tadum’s kindness to her. “If Marinique screws up, if he does anything stupid or reckless…”

  “I know how to keep the reins on him.” She stepped close to him wrapping her arms around his waist and tucking her head against his chest with her ear to his heart. “I’ll be ok, I promise.” With a quick squeeze, he left her embrace but held her hand the entire way back to the Inn, something he had never done before. Mari wondered if it was a need to stay connected to her for a little bit longer or just a simple show of encouragement but either way she didn’t mind. His strength was the only thing that had kept her going for so long she was glad to hold on to it a little longer.

  The five stayed at that Inn that night and for the second time Mari fell asleep on her own but this time her determination not to see the dream man again kept her night peaceful and dream free.

  Once Tadum and his travelers had left the town Mari turned to her Uncle with a determined set to her jaw. “We’re going back to Ipsburg.” She announced pulling Marclay out and turning off her locator once again.

  “Ipsburg?” Marinique echoed. “The demon… Mari, do you think you’ll be able to find the right tear after this long? What if another demon used it? What if it has already been sealed?”

  “It’s a risk we’ll have to take. We’re going Uncle.” Marinique grumbled an oath under his breath but knew he wouldn’t be able to talk Mari out of her decision when her mind was made up there was no changing it.

  “You must have gotten your stubbornness from your father.” Mari cocked an eyebrow at his comment. “Well, you sure as hell didn’t get it from me or your mother.”

  “Mother was just as stubborn if not more so than I am.”

  “She must have learned it from your father.”

  “Uncle!”

  Fourteen

  As the two made their way through the two towns that would take them to Ipsburg they found themselves walking in a lot of silence. Though her uncle had never been much of a talker this new silence worried her, had something happened before she reached him that had his mind distracted and elsewhere? She had voiced her worry about it more than once but had kept receiving the same answer from him. ‘It’s nothing, Mari.’ Yeah like that wasn’t going to make her worry. Mentally she prepared herself to receive that same answer a fifth time, debating on what she would say to retort his answer for a few minutes she opened her mouth to speak but he beat her to it.

  “Have you ever had a strange dream?” She froze mid-step with a new worry on her mind. Marinique got twelve paces ahead of her before he realized she was no longer next to him, stopping he turned to look at her taking in the worry in her eyes and the tension in her body. “Mari?”

  “Uncle…why would you ask me that?” He closed the distance between them walking back to stand in front of her.

  “It was just a question. You keep asking me what has got me so quiet, that is the answer. Strange dreams.” She began fiddling with her necklace, without a word it told him she was uncomfortable. “Maybe we should sit down for a while.” Placing an arm around her shoulders he led her off the path and over a small hill towards a large oak tree that would supply them plenty of shade to be able to sit and talk under. Taking a seat against the trunk he removed his hat, setting it next to him he let out a long sigh and looked to the leaves that shifted above them in the breeze. “Would you like to tell me what has you so bothered by my statement?”

  “It’s just…I never told anyone…”

  “Not even Tadum?” She shook her head.

  “Uncle, what was your dream about?” She seemed almost excited over the idea that someone else had strange dreams. He explained how he had dreamt of her mother the last few nights, more memories of when they were young than anything but as the memories faded out she turned into a horrible demon that roused him from his sleep in sweat and terror. As he finished explaining what he had dreamt about she seemed to become more and more upset as if what he was telling her was killing all of her hopes.

  “You seem upset.” She shook her head quickly looking up to lock eyes with him.

  “I’m not upset…I was just hoping…it’s nothing uncle.”

  “Now if you wouldn’t let me get away with saying that then why should I let you?” Well, he had her there. His dream had been nothing like hers though. There had been no beach, no inversion of the world, no mystery man that questioned his faith just a twisted version of the truth they were already aware of. “Mari?” She shook her head clearing her doubts. If she couldn’t discuss the dreams with him then she couldn’t discuss them with anyone. They sat there for the next half hour as she recapped everything about the black and white beach, about how she had dreamed about it for so long before it had changed and the mystery man had appeared. Then she told him of the second time she had met her mystery man, of course, this meant she had to tell him about her behavior with Tadum which he did not take well. She came to the conclusion of her dreams slowly with a horrible feeling in the back of her mind that told her he may not be able to help her at all.

  They sat in a long silence, she was hoping he was thinking things over trying to find a way to explain to her that she wasn’t insane but the first thing he said to break the silence made her want to set him on fire.

  “How many nights have you spent in Tadum’s bed?”

  “Oh for the love! Uncle! Really!?” He gave a swift nod with a firm set to his jaw. “More than a few, less than a lot.” He looked at her out of the tops of his eyes. “It’s all your getting now move on.” His lips twitched.

  “I will deal with him later.”

  “The hell you will it was none of your business to begin with and it still won’t be the next time you see him. Now can we get back to the original subject?” Mari crossed her arms over her chest with a huff.

  “Very well.” He was quiet for a long minute. “You’re sure you’ve never seen this man before?” She shook her head.

  “No, but he seemed very familiar…”

  “It is possible, though I thought it was only rumored.”

  “What was only rumors?”

 
“One of the first Shadows to be discovered questioned The Five about a similar dream. He said a strange man appeared to him in shadows asking about his faith but The Five just decided it was God’s way of making him prove himself worthy of being a carrier of Paranus and dismissed it.” Mari couldn’t help but wonder if The Five would tell her the same thing and dismiss her as well. She had never met The Five, as far as she had known no one had.

  “Maybe I should speak to this Shadow; he might know more than the rumor suggests.” Before she even finished speaking Marinique was already shaking his head.

  “Do you know how long Shadows have been around? He died many years ago Mari and I doubt he left a journal...” He trailed off, he never trailed off. Cocking an eyebrow at him she tried to move her head so he would look her in the eye but he wouldn’t.

  “What aren’t you telling me?”

  “It’s nothing.”

  “We’ve been over the fact that that lie doesn’t work with the two of us.”

  “He wasn’t just a Shadow.”

  “Eh? Then what was he?”

  “He was Alto’s forefather.” Her blood ran cold at that statement. If he was Alto’s forefather that meant he kept diligent records on any interaction with The Five and therefore a detailed record of his dream and the only person who would have access to those records would be Alto himself or…

  “Nyght.” Marinique nodded slowly when he saw that she realized what she would have to do to get access to any of the Deus logs from that time. “Can we just keep moving on?” She stood as she spoke already making her way back towards the road that led to Ipsburg. Quickly he grabbed his hat and was on his feet catching up to her before she could get too far away.

  “Mari…”

  “Not right now. Let’s deal with the demon and Ipsburg first before I even think about dealing with…that.” He nodded falling in step next to his niece. If she wanted to keep moving forward then that’s exactly what they would do but he worried that moving forward was all she was doing. She couldn’t run from Nyght forever but no one could force her to face him either. He wanted nothing more but to fix this for her. To tell her she could love whoever she wanted without consequences. She had been hurt deeply by Tadum’s rejection and now she had to force that same pain on Nyght. It seemed to be a vicious circle that followed her around, fleeting moments of happiness followed by valleys of pain no one could explain away or mend for her. If he could renounce himself as a member of the fourteen and take her away to live a normal life he would in a second but for now all Marinique could do was keep her safe and let her continue to think he didn’t see the pain she carried.

  It was night when they finally reached Ipsburg, it was just as Mari remembered it though a little less crowded this late at night. At the first Inn they came to they paid for two rooms and went their separate ways. Marinique made his way to the bar as Mari knew he would but she was on a mission, with no want or need to drink her fill she went straight to her room and focused on the dream man once more. She was hoping he would come to her even though their last encounter had not been the greatest. Hoping with all her heart that she would not have to contact the remaining members of the Deus clan to get her answers she settled down in her bed to sleep and hopefully get some answers.

  She woke three hours later irritated. There had been no dreams at all. Nothing. Getting up she made her way to the window to see where the moon was sitting in the sky but as she made her way across the room movement in the corner of the room caught her eye. Striking a defensive pose she waited for her eyes to adjust to the darkness a little more and edged closer to the corner.

  “You know better than to fear me, child, that I am not of this world.” She froze at the voice. She knew that voice.

  “I thought you would only come to me in my dreams…”

  “Look closely around you.” She did as she was asked taking in the black desk in the corner that looked more like her desk from headquarters than the desk that had been in her room here. Looking closer at the other furniture she could see where it was mashed together like a jigsaw puzzle, the pieces were real but they weren’t at the same time, they were bits and memories of things she had seen before.

  “I am dreaming.” Loosening her stance she made her way to the odd jigsaw-like bed that reminded her of the bed in her home and the bed at headquarters at the same time and took a seat upon it. “Does it bother you that I called you here?”

  “There is nowhere else I need to be if that is what you’re asking.” It wasn’t but she shrugged. “You have more questions for me I assume?” She nodded.

  “One of the first Shadows…he dreamt of you too didn’t he?”

  “Ah, Alfred, yes I remember him. He was a member of that clan…” He trailed off trying to think of the name.

  “Deus.”

  “Yes, that was it.”

  “Have you visited any other Shadows?” There was a long silence as if the man were thinking about an answer for her.

  “No.”

  “May I ask why?”

  “You may ask but I cannot give you an answer.” Well, that helped a lot.

  “Why not?”

  “It is not my place child.” She squinted into the darkness hoping the look of irritation on her face would be enough to make him tell her. “Save that look for someone who deserves it.” She blinked her face placid. “There is some information I can give you but only if you ask the right questions.” She had read a story like this before with a similar riddle in it, even to this day she didn’t understand it. Taking a long moment she thought about everything she knew, everything the dream man had said to her before and everything her uncle had told her about the first Shadow.

  “You appeared to the first Shadow.” He nodded. “Are you now appearing to the last?” He made an odd noise in the back of his throat.

  “You know that can’t be possible, you and your comrades saved a small girl not long ago that will someday be a Shadow like yourself.” Alright, he had her there. What was the connection between the first Silhouette member and her? What made her so special? Was she special? “You know you are.”

  “Okay don’t tell me you’re a muse too.” The man laughed stepping forward from the shadows to take a seat on the chair by the desk. If he was taking a seat that meant this conversation may not be as short as the last right?

  “No, could never really stand them honestly.” She filed that bit of information.

  “Why am I special?”

  “Now that is a good question. Why do you believe you are?”

  “I don’t.” It was the truth, she always hated when people referred to her that way. “I’ve never liked being called special but at the same time I guess I can’t explain all of the things I can do any other way. I’ll never understand why Paranus gave me two fractures.”

  “But he didn’t give you two, he gave you one and you found the second correct?” She nodded. “Maybe you are special because you are here to protect something more powerful than anyone else has realized.”

  “Protect something?” She mulled over that idea for a long minute. “What could I possibly protect?”

  “Now you know I can’t tell you that.” Of course he couldn’t. Where would the fun be for him if he couldn’t be all cryptic? “I am not allowed to tell you.”

  “Who tells you what you can and cannot tell?”

  “Let’s just say I take orders from a very high level.”

  “Back to the whole God thing huh?” She laughed.

  “I never said anything about God but I still don’t understand how a warrior of his cannot believe in him.”

  “We’re not warriors of God; we’re warriors of the Devil.”

  “If that is what you wish to believe.” Now that got her attention.

  “We’ll come back to that one.” She was pretty sure she had a question he could answer without puzzles. “What connects me and the first Shadow?”

  “Ah, I knew you would get there.” He clapped his hands a few time
s, she thought trying to be encouraging but it was just annoying. “What is the only thing both of you could have?” She thought about lineage immediately throwing it away, she was pretty sure she would know if she were a Deus clan member. The only thing they both could have?

  “Fractures.” The man nodded. “Did he also have two?”

  “No, you alone are special in the fact that you carry two fractures but one of those fractures…”

  “Was his.” She finished his statement as he nodded.

  “Yes.”

  “But which one?”

  “Does it matter? Every fracture, as it is passed from Shadow to Shadow takes something with it to give to the next warrior.”

  “So you’re saying one of the fractures I carry has part of the Deus line attached to it?” He nodded. “Creepy.”

  “All do not see it that way.”

  “I know it’s just…Nyght…” She shook her head. The last thing she needed was to talk about her romantic life with a figment of her imagination, though she was starting to wonder if that was what he was at all. “What are you?”

  “I have told you before, I am Shadow. I am neither light nor darkness, real nor fake, I just am.”

  “That seems lonely.”

  “Do you pity me, child?”

  “No, well maybe a little.” She shrugged. “To live in Shadows, to never experience real life…it seems lonely.”

  “When you put it that way.”

  “Sorry.”

  “Don’t be, honesty is hard to come by.” He stood from the chair pushing it back to its original position under the desk. “It is time for me to go now.”

  “Will you, I mean can I call on you again?” It seemed an odd question to both of them making Mari wonder if she was starting to depend on this mystery man. He wondered the same about her and nodded not thinking twice. The pull of waking was at the back of her mind telling her she had little time left. “Can I know your name?”

  “My friends call me Saran.”

  She woke groggier than she had been before after talking to the dream man, no that’s not right he gave her a name now. Saran. It was an odd name and as she rolled it around in her head to get used to it she realized that they had never gotten back to her being a warrior of God.