Memory: Volume 2, Trials to Bear, A Tale of Pride and Prejudice (Memory: A Tale of Pride and Prejudice)
Page 15
“Where?” She placed her hand within his palm and rose to stand beside him. “What have you done?”
“I told your brother that I am not going to wait and watch while he mucks up this match.”
“Richard, there is no possibility of Miss Stewart being lured away by another, she has told me of her feelings for him.”
“I was not speaking of his match, I was speaking of ours.” His eyes held hers. “I am a reasonably patient man, but if there is any possibility of moving things along, I will encourage them.” Glancing out at the dusky garden he looked back to her. “Will you walk with me? It is not too cold outside.”
“Alone?” She whispered and looked out of the window.
“We need to talk. No more avoidance.” Fitzwilliam looked at her seriously. “Eva, I may seem to be pushing you to speak, and I apologize if you feel undue pressure, but nothing will be advanced if we continue this way, we must face the enemy, whatever it is. I may not be here much longer. If Darcy goes to London for Wickham’s trial, I will accompany him and testify if needed. Our time is limited, and I have waited so long to be with you again. I do not want to waste it by dancing around the subject.”
“Tomorrow then, we will talk tomorrow.” She swallowed as his intense gaze burned into her. “In the daylight.”
“You do not trust me in the dark?” He said softly.
“I do not trust myself.” She began to move away but stopped and looked up to his eyes. “You promise to dance with me at the ball?”
He laughed with relief. “I promise to do anything you wish.”
Stewart grinned and nudged Bingley. “I think that Fitzwilliam is finally making some headway.”
Bingley laughed. “It is about time, he has been following her around like a sick calf, and she just walks faster!” He looked around the room and grinned. “It just leaves more ladies for us.”
“Hmm.” Stewart watched Bingley’s eyes roaming over the room. “What are your thoughts on our friend Darcy’s choice?”
Smiling, Bingley’s gaze settled on Elizabeth as she laughed and leaned against Darcy’s shoulder, and his hand supported her back. “She is an angel.”
“What does that mean, in your mind?”
“It means that she is …everything that a man could wish for.” He smiled at Stewart, but saw the serious expression in his eyes. “I mean no disrespect to Mrs. Darcy. I met her before Darcy did, well officially, and … well you were smitten with her, so you can hardly question my attraction, can you?”
“I do not question it happening, I only question to what extent it continues.”
Bingley turned and faced him head on. “See here Stewart, the only man who has any business questioning my opinion of Mrs. Darcy is her husband. He is assured of my friendship and devotion to both of them. Mrs. Darcy is no more your property than she is mine, and I suspect that we both at one time wished that was different, however may I ask, if you were to have the opportunity to kiss her with no repercussions and no memory on her part, would you take it?”
Stewart stared at him for several long moments then spoke softly, “I take it that you had such an opportunity?”
“I did, and I called for her husband.” Bingley said stiffly. “Now, he trusts me, she trusts me, and that is all that I want to hear of it.”
“Very well, I stand corrected. Your feelings for both of them are familial.” Stewart nodded and held out his hand. “Please accept my apology, I feel rather protective of them as well. Shall we form a pact, and stare more often at the unmarried ladies? Perhaps there is someone in this room for each of us.”
Bingley relaxed and taking the hand; shook. “We could perhaps help each other? We do have a number of ladies to enjoy here tonight.”
“And more to come at the ball. What do you think of them?”
“Oh, they are all lovely, I especially enjoyed meeting Miss Wilson, she is determined to please.”
“Yes, a little too determined.” Stewart grimaced. “She has her mother’s ambition written all over her.”
“I suppose that I was more interested in her smiles and her wit.” Bingley shrugged. “Miss Henley is very handsome.”
“Yes, she is.” Stewart tilted his head and considered her. She was standing with Elizabeth and the two young women were laughing together. He noticed Darcy standing quietly by Elizabeth’s side, and how a smile played on his lips as he listened. “Excuse me.” He joined the group, and bowing slightly he smiled at Darcy. “You need some male reinforcements.”
“Is that so? I think that I am doing very well.” He took Elizabeth’s hand in his and lifted it to his lips. “I have everything I need right here in my grasp.”
Julia sighed. “I think that I made a grave error in not allowing my mother to chase after you, Mr. Darcy.”
Elizabeth laughed and wound her hand around his arm. “Well I am grateful that he knew his mind.” They looked at each other and smiled, then she turned to Stewart. “Are you taking note of this, sir?”
“I am.” Stewart bowed to Miss Henley. “In that spirit, may I secure the first set of the ball with you?”
“Why …yes, I am flattered, sir! Thank you!” Julia laughed and smiled. “I thought that you might ask your sister for such an honour.”
He laughed and looked across the room to Harwick and Laura. “No, I will dance with her, but I believe that it is safe to assume that her time will be otherwise occupied.”
Laura smiled up at Harwick and he pursed his lips in a fruitless attempt to remain stern. “Well sir? You brought me here, in a highly noticeable manner. Is there a reason for your ungentlemanly conduct?”
“It was hardly ungentlemanly to remove a lady who was clearly feeling distress from an untenable situation.” He smiled, then furrowed his brows back to looking stern. She laughed and he continued. “Mr. Ryan is a puppy, and he is better off flirting with maids of his ilk.”
“His ilk, sir? He is the son of a gentleman, just as you are. His estate may not be so grand, but …”
“He is a boy, and belongs with girls. Let me meet him in five years and perhaps my opinion will be improved. You are a woman, and deserve far better.” Harwick watched her brows rise and worked hard to contain his delight.
“Is there anyone in this room who would be good enough? Colonel Fitzwilliam is surely a man.”
“He is but he has interests in another.” Harwick looked to his sister and catching her eye stared at her then to Fitzwilliam and back. She hung her head and he sighed.
“She is hesitant, to begin anew is frightening.” Laura said softly. “I have heard stories of her husband’s death.”
“They are nothing to his life, and Eva has said nothing of their home.” Harwick sighed. “I wish for her to be happy.”
“The colonel will undoubtedly be very persistent; he did not buy that rank as so many do. He earned it and is accomplished with battle.” When she smiled, he relaxed and returned it.
“You are very likely correct.” He paused and then taking her hand placed it decidedly on his arm, then covered it with his own. They both looked down and he laced his fingers with hers. Keeping his gaze down he spoke softly, “Miss Stewart, surely you know that I feel very strongly attracted to you. I … I thought when my mourning ended that I needed to remarry to produce an heir and that to do so I should choose one who did not touch my heart. I began a courtship with another …”
“Miss Bennet.”
“Yes.” He continued to look at their hands. “I went about it all so coldly, but in the process I discovered that I cannot marry without feeling, and that I require, that I need … I want to be happy. Miss Bennet, who is a very nice woman, inspired nothing in me, and I ended it. It would be wrong to subject her to such a heartless union, although it was wrong of me to raise her hopes.”
“I do not think that she regrets you, sir.” Laura looked over to Jane speaking to a young gentleman and smiling. “She is quite at ease with your presence.”
“She served as a bridge
between my mourning for Ellen and,” he hesitated and looked up to her. “You.”
“At last you speak.” She smiled and her eyes sparkled. “I have been hoping you would say what your gaze expressed silently.”
“I could say nothing with Miss Bennet on my arm, but my heart found its rhythm again the night I met you in the theatre and it frightened me, and is why I turned away to speak to Singleton when you and your brother visited the box. I did not know that I would be permitted such a pleasure again. That is why I did not go to the Derby; I knew you would be there. I … I owed it to Miss Bennet to be sure that she was not the one.”
“That is what I admire about you so much; you are a gentleman in every sense of the word.”
“Except when I drag you away from puppies.” He smiled and she laughed. “Miss Stewart, will you accept my courtship?”
“Oh yes.” She blushed and looked down to her shoes.
“Miss Stewart … Laura …” He whispered and she raised her head again. “I have never met anyone like you before; you are not a shadow of my Ellen. You are unique and I look forward to discovering so much more of you.”
“Thank you for telling me that.” She whispered.
“I hope that should our courtship go as far as I wish; that you will accept another woman’s children.”
“They are your children, are they not?”
“Of course.” He said softly.
“Then they are part of you, and so I will …” She stopped, then saw the hope in his expression. “I will love them as you do.”
“May I speak to your father when he comes?” Harwick asked with shining eyes.
“Please, yes, please do.” She blinked and found a handkerchief pressed in her hand. “Why am I being so silly? It is not as if I have been proposed to, is it?” She sniffed and looked up to see him smiling with his head tilted and his brow raised.
“Not yet.”
Bingley wandered over to Jane’s side, and startled her from contemplation of Harwick and Laura. “You are turning quite a few heads this evening, Miss Bennet.”
“I notice that you have received your share of attention.” She smiled and he shrugged. “You do not agree or are you used to it?”
“I am not so vain as to ever be used to it. I simply realize that a smile is more attractive than a frown. During my first Season I have run across many personalities in the ladies, and I have determined that next Season, I will not waste my time with a woman who presents a haughty or unwelcoming air. It could be my background that she disapproves or my person, regardless, I will not try to fix someone who is inhospitable. I am learning from my mistakes.” Bingley noticed her listening closely. “I imagine that you have long ago learned this? Ladies are thrust out so much sooner than gentlemen.”
“I am feeling my way around much as you are, sir. We both come from places far removed from society.” She looked to Elizabeth and noticed how Darcy’s hand again rested on her back and how she was leaning into him. “I think that is what first drew you to my sister? At that dance where you met?”
“Hmm?” Bingley was watching the couple as well. “Yes, we were similar, and of course, she was approachable.” He remained silent for some time thinking over his conversation with Stewart and watching Darcy’s ease. “It is remarkable how different he is with her near.” He returned to face Jane. “I attended a dance here at Pemberley for the tenants last year and he was as aloof and unreceptive as the coldest peer’s daughter on her presentation day. But now, with the right woman he is, well he is comfortable.” Bingley laughed. “Not transformed, but certainly easier in company.”
“So he was won by a smile?” Jane asked.
“Oh, the smile is just the beginning Miss Bennet, you must have something behind it or you will be finished before you end the first dance. Of course, that goes for the gentleman as well. What lady wants to be bored all of her life?” He laughed and Jane’s brow creased. “Well my sister would if the man was wealthy, but I have little hope of her finding anyone who will ever satisfy her.”
“Mr. Wickham fooled her.”
“Hmm, he fooled many people, and I regret it. I wonder if I should take some blame for your sister’s experience. If he had been run off from Caroline, he may not have ever contemplated robbing Darcy, and Elizabeth would not have suffered the confrontation.” He sighed and his shoulders fell.
“You cannot take on that burden, sir.” Jane said softly. “My sister would not like that.”
“I am glad to hear it.” Bingley smiled at her. “I seem to have adopted Mrs. Darcy as another sister in my heart. As you said, we were beginning together in a strange new world. And next Season I will face it alone, it seems. My mentor will most certainly not leave Pemberley for town, not with his new baby being born in April. But then, they may travel as the rest of the fashionable set seems to do, once the lady is free of her confinement.”
“I am not sure of their plans, but I cannot imagine my sister leaving her child behind. I imagine that Mr. Darcy will be required to travel for business, but when that may occur is unknown.”
“That is true.” Bingley mused. “And what of you, Miss Bennet, will you enjoy the Season again?”
“I will stay with the Gardiners, along with my sister Mary. I doubt that our paths will cross without the Darcys in town, your circle is far removed from the Gardiners now.” She smiled and his brow furrowed.
“I think that we may manage to meet somewhere. However, I must rectify a grave error immediately. At the Matlock ball I failed to ask you for the first set. I hereby ask for your hand now, or am I too late once again?”
Jane laughed as he bowed and looked up to her. “No sir, you are not late at all. I will be glad to accept you.”
Bingley nodded and straightened. “Very well then, we shall dance and the tongues will wag.”
23 OCTOBER 1809
Richard has just left me, he is frustrated. At last he had a short private interview with Mrs. Carter and she stated again that she wishes to see her brother married before she would move to London, and made no absolute indication of her feelings for him. It is clear to every person in this house that she loves him as much as he loves her, but still she resists. I admit ignorance in understanding this, why would a woman not wish to live under the care and protection of a man who loves her? Surely that is better than loneliness? I hated my years alone in this house. I needed Elizabeth. Perhaps when Aunt Helen arrives today she may speak to Mrs. Carter, and help her to come to terms with her hesitation. They will be mother and daughter one day, I hope.
Stewart received word that Wickham’s trial remains unscheduled, the best he can say is that it is definitely not to be in the first week, and he suspects it may not be in the second either. He is relying on our solicitor to find out some information and it was suggested that some sort of gift might ease the wheels of justice to turn far enough to assure us of a definite trial date. I have provided him with the funds and I trust him to take care of the matter, even if we must travel later in the month it should not be impaired too much by the weather, unless it rains excessively. Our ball is in two days and Stewart will leave for town on the 27th. Richard and I will depart as soon as we receive word. Elizabeth is no more pleased with our pending separation than I am, but I hope that she understands why I need to be present, even if it is only to bear witness to Wickham’s inevitable sentence. I must be there. I will be there. She begged to come with me, but we have guests, and one of us must remain. I admit to being pleased with that fact. I do not care to risk anything with my love as she carries our child. I know that I am being overprotective, but she agrees that it is far better than my brooding over doom. I will remind her of that when I undoubtedly grow worse.
“You will grow worse, Mr. Darcy?” Elizabeth closed the book and he looked up from the letter he was scratching out. “What do you think you will do?”
“I could not say, love.” He smiled and reached his arm around her waist then drew her down to his lap. “I only know that
I will exert every method possible to assure your and our child’s well-being.”
“Where is your dictionary? I wish to add a word.” Elizabeth’s eyes danced and she curled up against his chest. “I need to put mother hen down with Fitzwilliam Darcy as the definition.”
“I will be proud to see it.” He kissed her and ran his fingers through her hair. “What will I do without you by my side?”
“Suffer, as you should.” She declared. “You will make me sleep in that bed without you, how will I stay warm? You are endangering our child, not I. I might as well call to have Emma saddled and take a long ride over …” Her complaints were silenced by his kiss, and they melted into each other. “Please do not leave me.” She whispered when they finally parted.
“I must. I know that you are frightened to be alone, love. But I must see him brought to justice. For both of us.” Darcy looked down to her belly and caressed over the growing baby, then looked up to see her teary eyes. He gently caressed her cheek with the back of his fingers, and softly sang, “From thee; Eliza, I must go, and from my native shore; the cruel fates between us throw a boundless ocean’s roar. But boundless oceans, roaring wide between my love and me, they never, never can divide my heart and soul from thee.”1
“Fitzwilliam.” She sighed and taking his face in her hands kissed him. Darcy remained still, and closed his eyes, letting her lips wander over his cheeks and back to his mouth where she suckled slowly. He shivered and drawing her closer, threw off his control to kiss her deeply.
“Do you know how much I love you kissing me?” He said hoarsely when he tore his mouth from hers, then lifted her chin. “I am lost when you reach for me.” His hand skimmed up beneath her gown and between her thighs.
“Will … please.”
“Now, love?” He asked shakily and burying his face against her shoulder, kissed her neck while playing lovingly in her curls, slipping two fingers within as his thumb caressed and circled her pearl. “Do you want me now?” Feeling her nod and clutching grasp, he removed his hand and lifted her up onto the desk. “Lie back.” He urged. Elizabeth rested her head on the stack of letters and looked up to him as he quickly opened his breeches and stood between her parted legs. Leaning down he kissed her, and then lifting her hips, watched as he slid slowly inside. Elizabeth’s legs wrapped around his waist, and Darcy closed his eyes, standing still with his hands resting on either side of her. “It is so very warm, Lizzy. So warm.”