A Few Little Scars

by Casey McMillin

  Molly made slow, deliberate work of getting her clothes off. She glanced at Nick a couple of times as she was doing it, and both times, he gave her the hint of a smile, raising one side of his mouth ever so slightly. It was just enough of a response to encourage her to continue.

  She stepped into the shower, pulled the showerhead from its place on the wall, and held it to her chest. Then, in one smooth motion, she turned around to face the iPad and stared into the camera. She stared at the little circle she knew to be the camera lens, imagining she was looking at him. Molly didn't even try to look at him on the screen—she thought if she did, she'd get nervous and change her mind.

  Knowing he could see her whole body in the frame, she used the showerhead to run warm water all over her chest and lower onto her stomach. She tried to do things she thought would look good like when she washed her body, she took extra care in cleaning her chest. Touching herself wasn't the thing that did it for her. It was the thought that Nick was on the other side of that iPad getting off on watching her.

  The thought of him enjoying watching her and maybe even touching himself while she was doing it made her insides ache. She wanted more than anything to have him there with her, touching her. She let go and gave in to the urge to satisfy her own need. She used the showerhead to run warm water on herself as she ran the other hand over the curves of her chest and stomach and lower, to the place where her thighs met.

  She didn't look at the camera. She imagined it wasn't even there. She imagined Nick was in Nashville making all of this up in his head, and she wasn't even doing it in real life. She surrendered to the urge to ignore her surroundings and please herself. She wasn't sure how long it took, but what must have been a few minutes into her little jam session, she felt her body about to go over the edge. Just as her body warned it's impending release, she thought about Nick watching her. She imagined him doing the same thing.

  Thinking about Nick being pleased by watching her is what made her fall off the edge. She had no reservations whatsoever as she let her body find it's release. When she was done, she used the showerhead to give her body a once-over.

  Chapter 18

  Molly immediately turned off the iPad when she finished showering in front of him that evening. She smiled into the camera when she was doing it, but truth was, she was feeling embarrassed and a little dirty about what she'd just done. She wondered if she'd ever be able to take a shower in there again.

  A text came in from Nick before she was even done dressing. Nick: "That was the most amazing thing I've ever seen. I'm cursing Facetime right now that it didn't record that conversation. You're beautiful. That was beautiful. Please show it to me in person one day."

  Molly read the text again, but didn't respond right away. The sweet words he had written on the text helped matters somewhat, but she was in the middle of a rush of emotions that weren't necessarily pleasant, and she felt a lot like she wanted to cry.

  When she came into the bedroom, Hannah was on the far side of the queen size bed with her back to Molly. "Night," Hannah mumbled sleepily. "Happy Birthday."

  "Thanks Hoo. Night." Molly turned off the bathroom light and got into bed. She wanted to believe that she was tough or had thick skin or whatever, but felt like she had bore her soul to him in there, and felt ugly as a result of it.

  She marveled at the fact that Nick had the power to make her do crazy things. He had too much going for him. He was impossible to resist. Molly came to terms with the very real possibility that him seeing Daisy was part of the appeal too. Something inside Molly got off on being able to make the boyfriend of a famous singer cheat on her. Shameful as it was to admit, before she did all that in the shower, Molly felt a sense of pride at being the one capable of making someone cheat on Daisy Lee—but after the whole shower thing, she was left feeling regret.

  God help her for admitting this, but most of the regret she was feeling was that she wasn't the one he called his girlfriend. She wanted it all with Nick. Not just sex. She wanted him to not belong to anyone else. Molly shed more than a few tears that night. Hannah lay there and snored while Molly felt the gut wrenching heartache that accompanied the realization that she couldn’t see Nick anymore.

  Her feelings were too strong.

  The emotions were overwhelming enough that Molly knew she had no choice but to end things with Nick for good. She decided to break all contact with him. She composed an email on her phone because there was no way she was going to be able to turn off her feelings and fall asleep otherwise.

  "Nick, Where do I start? I guess I should just get to the point and tell you that I'm not going to be able to see you anymore. I know we're not really seeing each other, but you know what I mean. I want you to know that I had a lot of fun with you and I think you're really hot and a great guy. I'm really glad we got to know each other. If this changes things with the shears, I totally understand. That was a very elaborate gift and I get that you might need to get it back if we're not gonna mess around or whatever. I'm not trying to have drama. I just don't think I'll be able to make it work. We're both seeing other people, and it's not fair to anyone involved. I have no regrets, but I think it's best that we quit while we're ahead. Molly.

  She thought of about eight different closing words such as: Best, Take care, Your friend, Thanks, and Peace. She could think of nothing that would work for that type of email, so she ended up going with just signing her name.

  Molly read it three times. Her eyes stung and her jaw ached with hopeless tears. Was it possible that lust could hurt that bad? Or was she feeling more than just lust for Nick? She thought of every possible outcome to continuing a sexual thing with him, and understood that aside from him saying, "Molly, you're my one and only," there was no way to avoid getting hurt.

  She cried for another twenty minutes before she pressed send on the email. There was no explanation for how heartbroken she felt at ending things with him. There wasn't even a relationship in the first place, and Molly was devastated. Imagine if she had let herself develop feelings.

  ****

  "Have you ever liked it when a girl rubs one out in front of you? Like really liked it?" Nick and Jason had been talking about their plans for Christmas, and the off-the-wall question had Jason wearing a confused smile.

  "Uhh, what's not to like about that?" Jason asked.

  "I don't usually love it," Nick said.

  Jason laughed.

  "There's always something slightly awkward about it, like they think they're not doing it right or something."

  Jason just smiled and shook his head. It was a random Monday in the middle of December, and Nick brought subs from Sub Station to Jason's office for both of them. Nick had told Jason he wanted to come by to talk, and Jason smiled wondering if this was the reason for the meeting.

  "I'm serious. How often do you ever see a girl just go at it like nobody's watching?"

  "Not too often, I guess."

  "Well I saw a girl do that," Nick said.

  "Were you watching porn at the time?"

  "No."

  "Was it on a screen, Nick?" Nick cocked his head at the question. "Yeah, but it wasn't porn. It was on Facetime."

  Jason laughed and covered his mouth with his fist. "Who you been Facetiming, Dog? Don't tell me Daisy's letting you watch her—not Daisy." It was more of a question than a statement. Jason looked over at him. His sandwich hung suspended as he waited for Nick's answer.

  "Not Daisy, no."

  "Who's rubbing one out for you on Facetime then, Nick?" Jason's curious expression had no doubt that Nick would offer up the name. Nick was silent.

  "Raegan?" Jason asked.

  "No!"

  Jason raised an eyebrow. "Who?"

  Nick came really close to opening his mouth and letting the word Molly come out of it, but he reconsidered for reasons he didn't even understand. It wasn't the type of information Nick usually kept to himself. He was the type who shared everything, and every partner for that matter. He, Jason, and C
am had a general understanding that nothing was really off limits sexually, and because of that, Nick knew his sudden reluctance to share information would come as a surprise.

  "She's just a girl," he said, hoping it would be enough.

  "Just a girl who you happen to be Facetiming sex with?" Jason asked. He'd never seen Nick get shy about a girl. "Do you like her?"

  "No. I mean, she's cool and everything, but I don't know, she sort of said she never wanted to see me again that night after she, uh… "

  "Have you had sex with her?"

  "Yeah."

  "Just the Facetime thing, or real sex?"

  "Real sex."

  Jason gave Nick another curious smile. "What'd you do when she went off like that on Facetime?" he asked.

  "What do you think? I grabbed a hold of Jimmy James and took him for a little ride while I watched her."

  Jason laughed. "Jimmy and James came out for that one?"

  "Hell yeah, Dude, she was so smoking hot. I was done before she was."

  "Who is it?" Jason said casually.

  "Good try."

  "Do you like her?"

  "You already asked me that."

  "Because you're acting like an idiot."

  "Oh shit," Nick said.

  "What?"

  "That's exactly what you started acting like when you met Hannah."

  "Are you having Hannah thoughts about this girl?" Jason asked with a serious expression. Nick knew what he meant by the question.

  "I don't know. I don't think so. I mean, I'm still hanging out with Daisy or whatever."

  "Yeah, where's she been?"

  "She had a few dates on the road, including the Today Show. I think she's on it tomorrow…" He thought for a second. "Or maybe it was today. Anyway, she's out of town."

  "She goes out of town and you Facetime someone else who gives you Hannah thoughts."

  "I'm not having Hannah thoughts. She's just really freaking hot and I was wondering if you'd ever had the pleasure of watching a sexy hot little mama rub one out in the shower like the camera wasn't even there."

  "I can't say as I've had the pleasure. I'm gonna have to ask Hannah to learn some of those moves." They both laughed and continued eating their lunch.

  Jason was the first to finish eating, so he spoke again. "Are you gonna stay with Daisy?" he asked.

  Nick took a deep breath. He didn't know how to respond to that because, honestly, he wasn't sure how he felt about Molly. He'd always just assumed that she was more the type he'd have a little fun with, not settle down with. Did he just think the words settle down? Nick wanted to panic at the thought—especially when he realized it wasn't the first time he'd considered something long term with Molly.

  "I'm sure I'll still hang out with Daisy," Nick said. "I was just messing around with this other girl."

  "Then why won't you tell me her name?"

  "Why do you care? It's not like you're gonna call her. You've been Hannahed, remember?"

  "Cam might want to call her," Jason said.

  "Like hell," Nick said, laughing.

  Nick wasn't sure why he brought up Molly and what she'd done in the shower. It had been running through his mind, and he just felt like he wanted to talk about it. He was trying to act like it was no big deal in front of Jason, but he was scared of the intensity of his own feelings for Molly. He was actually a little relieved that she broke things off when she did. She was right—if they continued what they were doing, he was in danger of going down the same path Jason had gone down.

  In the days since Molly's email, Nick had been tortured with regret, and that was something he didn't enjoy. He had written her back that night asking if there was anything he could do to see her again, but had no response.

  Nick was sure it was the shower scene that set her off, and even though it was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen, if it meant he'd never see her again, he wished it hadn't happened. He felt genuine sadness at the thought of Molly not being in his life. He had never been attached to any of the women he'd been with over the years, but something about Molly was different.

  He knew she was different because her absence left him with a sore spot. He felt bruised by the void she left, and he was hoping that, just like a bruise, time would heal it. It had been two days since Nick got the email, and so far, no improvement. The thought of Molly hurt just as bad as it did the second after he read that email. When he brought lunch that day, he was hoping it would help to hash things out with Jason a little bit, but all it did was confirm that he was having feelings for Molly.

  The best he could do was hope that it was just hurting because it was still so fresh. He told himself to give it a week and he'd be over her.

  ****

  Two months later, and still, there was an ache in the spot where Molly had been. Nick had maintained a friendship with Daisy Lee, but that's all it was. He wasn't having sex with her. The media thought they were, but they'd scaled back and were just friends. Truth was, it was Molly's fault. Nick had been ignoring his feelings for her, but he was extremely annoyed that they weren't going away.

  He kept telling himself he'd get over it, but he just couldn't seem to. He knew if he went to her, it would be for everything—a good old-fashioned relationship complete with calls to tell each other where you were going and when you'd be back.

  Nick was way too scared of commitment to let himself get into a situation like that. He wasn't ready for a relationship and he wasn't ready to give up Molly, and the two options fought like bitter enemies in his brain. He just kept telling himself it would get better—that he'd get over her. He promised himself that on a daily basis, and there they were in the middle of February, and still he regretted her absence.

  He'd gotten regular updates on her accidently through Jason and Hannah. He knew she was doing really well in school and had a job at some upscale salon. He tried not to listen to too many details about her, because it always resulted in him being proud of her or wishing he could see her. They hadn't seen each other at all since she moved to town, and while he knew it was better that way, he still caught himself wishing he'd accidently kiss her in a dark hallway or find her sleeping in the guest bedroom at Jason's.

  Chapter 19

  Molly and Ben made it to Nashville in time for her to start the January session at beauty school. They found a two-bedroom place in a small apartment complex off of Hillsboro Road, which was a neighborhood Molly really liked when they drove around looking at a few places. They only had four or five promising options since they were trying to find something quickly, but all it took was one, and she really fell in love with the one they decided on.

  Molly had been at her new school for just over two months, and her new job for just about as long. She was thriving at both places. She found her passion in hair, and felt really lucky to have made connections with some great people who seemed to love it as much as she did.

  Beauty school was different than regular college. The hours were intense, but it was a trade-off since she'd be completely finished in just over a year. There were a certain number of hours you had to obtain to get a license, and students could finish as quickly or slowly as they chose. Some students were on a part time schedule, but Molly went full time, and hoped to be done in about a year.

  A week or so after she got into her routine at school, she decided to seek out a place to work. She was taking out student loans to pay for school, and had saved enough money working at the hardware store to live on during the year she was in school, but she wanted to go ahead and get her foot in the door at a salon.

  Jason knew someone who owned an upscale salon in East Nashville, and Molly asked if he could make an introduction. It was basically love at first sight. The name of the place was Reflections, and Molly never even knew that salons that nice existed. It smelled like heaven when she walked in, and she instantly felt at home in the hustle and bustle that went along with the grooming process.

  The owners were a husband and wife team who had bo
th been doing hair for twenty-plus years. Their names were Daniel and Vicki, and they liked Molly as much as she liked them. Neither of them did hair for live events, but they had a team of star stylists who did, and the whole salon was heavily tied into the country music scene.

  Daniel and Vicki agreed to work with Molly's schedule while she was in school, and Molly made herself useful in whatever way she could. The clientele list was intimidating, but the owners and stylists were all so down to earth that Molly had no trouble fitting in.

  Everything happened for a reason, and whatever bitterness she felt toward her dad for holding her back was dwindling. The two years she'd been forced to wait had served to make her much more focused and determined than if she'd gone to school right out of high school. She loved living with her brother, she liked her apartment, and Nashville was at least as cool as she thought it'd be. Life was good.

  So why was she miserable?

  Something had been wrong with her for two months since she told Nick she couldn't see him anymore. In addition to the sadness and regret she felt when she thought about Nick, she was also extremely embarrassed. Even two months later, she still blushed at the memory of what she'd done in the shower. Molly wanted to see Nick with as much passion as she didn't want to see him.

  She was technically still dating Zeke (because quite frankly, he was a good catch and she knew she'd be mad at herself if she let him get away). She knew that was ridiculous on so many levels but she was honest with him about wanting to take things really slow, and Zeke was fine with the relationship as it was since he was so focused on the band.

  It was Valentine's Day and Zeke's band, The Half Nelsons, had a gig at the biggest venue they'd ever played. It was actually thanks to Molly. One of her new friends at Reflections knew the person who booked the place, and Molly gave him some of the songs Zeke and the guys just recorded. They really were a good band, and Molly was glad she could help them out.

  The bar was called Midnight Inn. It was one of the premiere late night music venues in Nashville, and it was a big deal that The Half Nelsons got booked on a Friday Night. Zeke had told Molly about a hundred times how thankful he was that she hooked it up.