The Loss (Heartache series #1)

by Green, Vicki

  Both parents, Hailey, Jolie, and Scott came to visit and we had a great time sitting around reminiscing of good times, keeping all bad things away from our conversations. Then, once everyone left, Alena and I laid in bed, watching a movie on TV, cuddling and having some ‘us’ time. Much needed.

  “So, can you tell me what happened now,” I ask as the movie ends and I shut off the TV. “I don’t know why I can’t remember.” I scratch my sore head and sigh.

  “Well, I only know some but Tanner is the one you should really ask,” she says softly, looking down at our intertwined fingers.

  “Tanner?” I ask curiously.

  She looks up and whispers, “He saved you.”

  I’ll be dammed. I look down and stare at our hands. “Tell me what you know.”

  “It was Bill’s hired help. He came to get the money Bill owed him for getting the information from Scott of our whereabouts. He set your gym on fire.”

  My head snaps, turning to her. “Battle Ground,” I whisper.

  She nods slowly, biting her lip. “There’s a ton of damage, Jase. I’m so sorry. But, I’m so glad you’re alive.”

  “Shit, baby. It’s just a gym. It’s replaceable. Go on.” Fuck! My gym.

  “Well, you already know you were hurt pretty bad. Tanner was there working out and was getting ready to leave when the fire alarm went off and the sprinklers were activated. He heard fighting coming from the locker room and ran there.”

  I looked over at the window, staring at nothing, as pieces of that night start flashing in my mind. “And the attacker?”

  “Dead. Tanner killed him.”

  “Good.” Scenes start replaying in my head. I swallow hard. Tanner saved me. The guy that I thought odd when he first joined the gym, mysterious. Why was he there working out when Scott had told me everyone was gone? Bits of our conversation hit me. I need to talk to him, when I get outta here. Something doesn’t sit right with me.

  I put my arm around her, shaking myself from my thoughts. She folds into me, close, warm. “Nothing but happiness from now on and love. Lots and lots of love.” She nods into my chest, and I feel nothing but her touch.

  ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

  “I’m ready to go home now. I’m sick and tired of laying around in this bed. I wanna go home,” he whines for the hundredth time but I don’t mind. He’s alive and stubborn as ever.

  Two days have passed and he’s getting anxious. Good sign. He wants to go to Battle Ground, survey the damage and start renovations. It’s too soon. He needs to rest. He almost died. “Babe, I’ve been working on the graphics, you’ve seen them. A crew has been over there cleaning everything up. It’s all good. A few more days is not gonna hurt. You need to rest and get stronger. Please, do this for me.”

  He sighs, “I know. I’m trying. I really am, but I’m about to go bat shit crazy just laying around.” I walk over to the bed, bringing my laptop with me and sit down on his good side, placing it on the tray. “I’m so fucking excited about the plans you’ve drawn up. You’re a genius.” He leans over and kisses me hard, and I smile.

  “It’s gonna take a few more days for them to clear the damage and get things cleaned anyway. I know you’re excited and so am I but I still have to finish this anyway. Chet said he’d have everything ready to get his crew on as soon as I have them done and they’re done with things there. Patience, my love.” I laugh to myself. He has no patience. Zero. Nada.

  “What’s so funny?”

  Shit! Thought I was laughing inside. Busted. “Nothing. I’m just happy. So happy.” I put my arm over his slim waist, my head down on his chest and sigh. “Nothing but happiness from now on.”

  A week later and he’s still driving me crazy or crazier than normal. We’ve made love several times now, each time, I fall in love with him more. I was worried about his injuries, how close he came to dying, and the intensity of our love. Then, I worried about how we didn’t use protection but his answer was, “I’m ready to start my life with you, all of you, and that includes our babies.” That only reminded me that we haven’t had time to have the memorial for Vivian, so we plan on doing that tomorrow. Before this last bout of bad luck, we had picked out a headstone and I’d talked to the cemetery but we hadn’t set a date. Tomorrow morning at nine a.m. we’ll be getting some closure. I hope.

  We make love a couple of more times today. Once in the morning and once at night. Now, I lay awake, listening to his quiet breathing, thanking God once again that he kept him safe. My mind starts wondering, thinking about what our baby would have looked like. Would she have had dark hair and brown eyes like her daddy, green eyes and blonde hair like me, or a combination? Would she have had his stubbornness, his determination and strength, or my flare for design? So many things I wish I could know. So much loss. A tear slides down the bridge of my nose, and I let it fall.

  “Come on, baby, or we’ll be late.” His voice sounds from downstairs. I’m sitting on the edge of the bed, putting my shoes on. He’s been antsy all morning, telling me he’s okay, that he just wants the closure, but I know better. Jase is just as upset as I am. I stand up, walk to my full length mirror and look at myself. I hate black dresses. Hate them. Why do we have to wear black to a funeral? So morbid. So sad. Quickly, I make a snap decision and walk to our closet. I grab my blue floral dress and change. I practically run down the stairs. His head snaps up when he sees me and his smile is breathtaking, looking gorgeous in his black suit. “I love your choice of dress.” He kisses my forehead as soon as I’m close enough. “I hate black.” He kisses me again and runs up the stairs. I know what he’s doing.

  We arrive at the cemetery, most of the town is already there. I guess we took a little more time than I thought getting ready. He parks the truck along the side of the grass, I wait until he comes around to open my door then he takes my hand and I step out. He kisses the top of my head, takes my hand, threading his fingers through mine, and we walk towards the plot. People nod, smiling sadly, and whisper around us as we keep walking until we are in the front of the gathering. No one cares that I wore my light blue floral dress or that Jase wore his light blue button down shirt and blue slacks. I look down. A small grave with the headstone we picked out, sits before us.

  Vivian Olivia Briggs.

  Beloved daughter.

  Our loss that she didn’t get the chance to live.

  My tears cascade down my face. Jase’s fingers tighten around mine. I don’t look up or around. I just stare at the headstone. So much loss. So much pain. The minister says some words and then I take a step forward.

  To feel loss is devastating,

  To overcome loss is a struggle,

  To live through the pain,

  A miracle.

  “We didn’t know you, I didn’t even get a chance to feel you inside me. But know, we love you and always will. You were made from love. Our love. I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to hold you in my arms, or help you take your first step or be spoiled rotten. Even though we didn’t get to know you, know that you will never be forgotten. We love you, Vivian.”

  People are crying. The breeze blows my hair away from my face. The limbs on the trees rustle. I turn and look up at Jase. He smiles and pulls me along. We leave quietly, and I hear the others follow. I just want to go home. That’s exactly what we do.

  The next couple of days no one comes over although Mom called several times, worried we would need some home cooked meals but I told her I was cooking now and feeling much better. We lazied around, watching movies, and making love in various parts of the house. You know, kind of christening that we live together now. Well, that’s the excuse we used and then laughed about it. I worked on the finishing touches to the redesign of the entire downstairs of Battle Ground while Jase drove me crazy trying to peek. Finally, I sent the plans over to Chet and shortly after, I got a reply of how much he
loved it and they’d be ready to ‘hit it’ in the morning. We decided to celebrate by going over to Danny’s tonight. We haven’t really been out since everything happened. When we walked in, so many people started cheering and clapping. I wasn’t embarrassed. I was touched.

  I follow Jase to the back booth, the one we always used. He releases my hand as I slide into the booth, sitting down as close as he can to me. He’s never very far away now, always in my space, and I’m okay with that, for now. We’ve shared so much grief, so much horrific experiences that I don’t want him too far from me but at some point, we’ll end up smothering each other if we don’t get back to normal. With the construction starting tomorrow, he’ll be over there a lot while I’ll be designing in my office. I have several other projects in the works, so I’ll be busy. With the gym being behind our house, it’s not like we’ll be very far away. I hope he realizes that. He’s already tried to talk me into bringing my laptop and working in his office while he’s there. Not happening.

  “Jase! Alena!” Danny’s voice booms as he walks towards us. His smile is just how I remember it and I laugh when I notice he hasn’t changed. “It’s so good to see you!” He looks over at Mara, our waitress and a friend from high school. “Whatever they want is on the house.”

  “Oh, no, Danny! We’ll pay,” Jase speaks up. Danny crosses his big arms over his chest and gives Jase a look. “Okay, but you come to the gym anytime and it’s on the house.”

  Danny smirks at Jase as he pats his oversized belly. “Do I look like I workout? You eat, drink on me. That’s final.” He winks and leaves us, and Jase starts laughing.

  I look around the room, seeing familiar faces. The sounds of laughter, glasses clanging, the jukebox playing and all the chatter. I look at Jase and smile. This is where I’ve always belonged. He’s where I belong.

  Chapter 20

  The renovation is going great! Three weeks and it’s almost done and the doors can be reopened. People have stopped by throughout the weeks, trying to peek inside until I finally had to cover the front windows with cardboard so they couldn’t see. Danny has been sending over lunches for the crew and me, his kindness never ending. Jolie has been helping, as much as she can, but she’s been spending a ton of time at my house with Alena and Hailey. I’ve been a little concerned about that only because I know how Alena and Hailey can be together. I’m glad that Jolie is getting closer to them, as she’s been my friend through college and moved here because of me. The other thing that has me worried is this Tanner guy. He hasn’t been around since he saved my life. I even tried to go to his apartment, but he doesn’t ever seem to be there. This town isn’t that big unless he went out of town on vacation or something. Strange. I’ve been really wanting to thank him.

  I pull into the driveway, turning my truck off and pulling my leg out. At least get to take the brace off when I’m home relaxing. However, Dr. Shafer said to keep it on during the day when I’m busy and using it a lot. Thank, God I don’t have that fucking crutch anymore. Once I’m in the door, locking it behind me, I look in the living room and no Alena. Kitchen, nope and not in her office. So, I head upstairs. When I walk into our room, my breath catches. Candles everywhere. The nightstands, the dresser and even several on her hope chest that’s in front of our bed. I hear a noise coming from the bathroom and immediately walk there, stopping at the door, and pushing it open slowly. My eyes scan the counter of candles and the shelf above the toilet until they land at the tub. There she is, covered in bubbles, sitting in the tub, drinking wine and looking all kinds of sexy.

  “Bout time you got home,” she says. “Why don’t you join me?”

  She doesn’t have to ask me twice. I pull off my clothes, my shoes hindering me getting my pants off, so I chuck them quickly, push my pants down and remove my brace. I step into the nice hot water. It sloshes as she moves up and I sit down behind her. She hands me a glass of wine. I’m pretty much a beer drinker, but I can drink this shit too. I take a few gulps and start to take another when she takes my glass from my hand and leans across me, setting both our glasses on the floor. I’d be upset except hell her bubbled breasts are setting on my leg. She turns around, putting her leg over my waist until she’s straddling me. When she grabs my hard cock, it twitches in her small hand, and I look into her mischievous eyes and know something’s up. Well, besides my cock. She pumps it with ease, and my hips begin to follow her motion. She stops and looks up with those sparkling green eyes under her long lashes, and I feel like I could lose it already. So much for stamina. She rises up on her knees and holds my cock, aiming for the promise land. She glides down until she’s full of me. So deep. She starts to rock, and I grab her hair. Her mouth latches onto mine as her fingers do amazing things to my head. I feel relaxed yet frenzied. I let go of her hair slowly moving my fingers down her arms, her back and then grab ahold of her tight bottom, squeezing with her movements. She starts purring like a kitten. My kitten.

  “Jase. Ah….” We look into each other’s eyes, her lips part as her climax is reached. Her brows lower, her eyes close halfway and her skin turns the most beautiful color.

  My balls tighten as her muscles grip my cock and my head tilts back, hitting the cool tile behind me. “Alena!” I moan and pump a few more times into her.

  She collapses on my body. Her head buries into my neck, and I’m in heaven. She sighs and groans when I lift her, pulling out and then resting her by my side. Our legs are tangled, the water getting cool, but I don’t want us to move. She begins to shake, and I know we need to get out. I rustle us around until I can let the water out, step out of the tub and grab a towel for her. I help her out, covering her in the towel and dry her. She turns around, facing the mirror and just watches me as I dry off. Before I can move, she leans back against me, so I put my arms around her and smile. We just stare at each other in the mirror. There’s something different about her, but I can’t put my finger on it.

  I lean down and put my chin on her shoulder. “That was amazing, kitten.”

  She smiles. “Yes. I’m thinking we need to do that a lot more. In fact, I think since we’re gonna have a baby, we should get in as much of that in as possible.”

  My brows lift and confusion is written on my face, ‘cos I sure am feeling it. “Are you pregnant?” She shakes her head slowly. “Okay, then I don’t understand.”

  She turns in my arms, putting her hands on my face. “I bought an ovulation kit today and I’m ovulating now. The more we make love during this time, the better chance I’ll get pregnant.”

  Oh. Oh! “You’re ready to be a mommy, huh?” I kiss her lips and smile against them. “Don’t you think we should be married first? I mean, it is the respectable thing to do.”

  Her arms move around my neck, her fingers thread into my hair. “Oh, we have plenty of time to get married. Nine months. I say we get our family started now.” She tilts her head and gives me a smirk. “Look at all the practice we’ll get in.”

  “I’m down for that, kitten. Think of all the purring you’ll do.” I kiss her again and then step back, grabbing her hand, and start pulling her into our bedroom.

  “Wait! Don’t you want dinner?” She yelps as I tug her along.

  “Nope. I want dessert first. Come on, woman. Times a wastin’.” She giggles and follows me, squealing when I rip her towel from her, lift her in my arms and toss her on our bed.

  Best dessert I’ve ever had, followed by her amazing roast beef for dinner.

  The next two days have dragged only because I’m so anxious for Battle Ground to reopen. Okay, anxious might be a little light of a word for what I’ve been feeling. I know I’ve been driving Alena crazy as well as the crew and Chet. This morning, I made love to Alena, then was showered and dressed by five a.m. The doors of the gym are opening at six, and I want to be there early. Luckily, no one is there waiting when I get there, the place dark, except for the security lights.
I walk straight into my office and stop cold. There sitting in front of my desk is Tanner.

  “Morning! Brought you a cup of java.” He points to a cup on my desk and smiles.

  I walk behind him and sit down in my chair, eyeing him the entire time. He just sits there with this cocky smile. Strange. “You, uh, haven’t been around since the accident happened here. Been wanting to thank you.”

  He looks down, his smile fading, and then back at me. “Yeah, had to go out of town unexpectedly. You look like you’ve healed well. Everything good?”

  “Yeah, good.” Awkward.

  He starts to look as uncomfortable as I feel and stands. “Well, I guess I better get ready. I have a client as soon as the doors open.” He starts to walk to the door, hand on the frame, and stops, turning his head to me. “Alena did a great job with the remodel design. It looks great.”

  “Thanks. Uh, Tanner?” He turns around to face me, releasing the door. “Thanks, man. I owe you. Big time.”

  His smile returns and he winks. “Nah. You’d do the same for me. It’s all good. All in a day’s work. See ya.” He turns and walks out the door but I hear an Ompfh’.

  “Watch where you’re going. Dammit!”

  Jolie’s voice erupts and I get up from my chair, quickly, and walk to the doorway. She’s looking all flustered and angry, definitely not her normal self. She rubs her nose and steps back, like he’s made of fire. Interesting. If I didn’t know any better….

  “Sorry. My fault,” Tanner replies stepping back as well.

  She turns abruptly, walking towards the counter, and his head bows then turns and starts walking towards the men’s locker room. Very interesting. I shake my head and walk back to my desk but barely sit down when my door opens. I look up to see my girl, standing there in her workout clothes looking all hot and sexy. “Morning, again.” She closes the door and walks over until she sits down on my lap, throwing her arms around me. I follow suit and wrap my arms around her as she kisses me.