The Loss (Heartache series #1)

by Green, Vicki

  “What are you doing here?” I look down at her outfit and back up into her eyes. “Didn’t you already have a hell of a workout this morning?” She laughs, throwing her head back.

  “Yes, but I figure, if I’m gonna end up getting all fat when I get pregnant, I better start getting in shape now.” My smile couldn’t be any bigger. The thought of her pregnant, her tummy large carrying our child, makes me want to take her back home and make love to her again. Right now. “Besides. I wanted to be here for your big day.” Fuck, I love her.

  I tighten my hold around her, pulling her closer. “Well, I for one, love that you’re here and I think you will look like the sexiest pregnant mommy in the world.” I kiss her but don’t pull away. God, I love her taste. Finally, I move back and stare at her. “I’m also glad you’re here for the opening as well. You’re design is fantastic and I’m so proud of you.” She smiles, leaning in and kisses me back. I look over at the clock on the wall but hesitate leaving our comfy spot. “But now. It’s time to open the doors. I wish we could just stay here. Think anyone would miss us?”

  She giggles and slides off my lap, her arms struggling to release my neck so I stand with her, taking one of her hands and threading my fingers through hers. “Come on, babe. Let’s go let all the people in.”

  “All the people?” She starts to pull me to the door and when we turn the corner, there’s a mob of people waiting to get in. “Wow!” I stop, my eyes welling with tears and feeling all emotional. Fucking pussy. She moves behind me, pulls her hand from mine, and gives me a small push. I turn my head, giving her a smile, and she wipes away a fallen tear.

  “Go get ‘em.”

  I turn my head back, rolling my shoulders, and proudly walk to the doors. People start cheering as they walk in and I hear some letting out ‘Ohhhh’s’ and ‘Wow’s’. I couldn’t be more proud of how it all turned out.

  The day was fantastic. I swear the whole town came, and we sold a bunch of new memberships. I’m exhausted by the time I head home but Alena took care of me, running a bath and making sweet love to me. She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I can’t believe after growing up together, separating and then all the horrific things that have happened to us, that’s she finally mine. Forever.

  ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

  A month later, Battle Ground is packed most days, my graphic designs are over the top but I love that they keep me busy when Jase is at the gym. I have a special surprise for him tonight when he gets home and can’t wait. I’ve been shopping this morning and by evening I’ll have everything ready. We decided that we’re gonna go ahead and get married in a week, everyone will be there. As unconventional as we are, we decided to have the ceremony at Battle Ground. Seems fitting. With all the bad memories, we’ve decided not to go to the cabin for our honeymoon, instead we are going to a luxurious hotel about an hour from here. Spas, indoor and outdoor pools, fine dining, not that we’ll ever leave our suite.

  Everything’s in place, candles lit, cold iced beer in the bucket, lights off and the surprise sitting on the couch. Perfect! An hour after he was supposed to be home, I start texting him and pacing the floor. No word. I’m about ready to go over to the gym when I hear the front door unlocking. I bolt for the door, it about hits me when it opens, and I throw myself into his arms.

  “Jase! I was so worried. I was about to come over there to see if you were okay. Oh, my God!” My tears roll down my face, onto his shirt, as I about choke him with my arms around his neck. My face is buried in his chest and I know my words are muffled.

  “Hey, hey. It’s okay, baby. I’m sorry. I stopped off somewhere and ran into Danny. We got to talking.” He rubs my back. I nod into his chest and look up at him. Concern is written all over his beautiful face. I take a step back, releasing my death grip and try to smile. “I’m so sorry to worry you.”

  I look down and see a bag in his hand and wipe the tears from my eyes. “What’s that,” I ask then sniff.

  “Oh, just a little of your favorite Chinese takeout. I hope you didn’t cook. I wanted to surprise you.” He smiles, holding up the bag. The delicious aroma suddenly turns my stomach and I race down the entryway until I’ve made it to the bathroom, just in time to expel everything from my stomach. I hear his fast footsteps as I lay my forehead against the cool porcelain and feel him rubbing my back. “Dang. Are you okay?” The gentle touch of his palm lays on the side of my face and comfort envelopes me. “You don’t feel warm.”

  He helps me stand and I grab the mouthwash from under the counter, squishing it around in my mouth, and then splash some cool water on my face. I turn around, placing my hands on the counter behind me, and plaster on a smile. This isn’t going at all like I’d planned. I notice one of his hands is behind his back and can smell a different aroma that wasn’t there before. “I’m fine. What’s behind your back?”

  His look shows his confusion. “You sure are all over the place.” He brings his hand from around his back, holding out a beautiful bouquet of flowers. Various types, in different colors. He holds them out towards me, and I take them, bringing them up to my nose and taking a huge whiff. My stomach turns and I lay them on the counter, kneeling quickly at the toilet and pay homage to the porcelain God again. “Damn, baby! What’s going on with you? Should I call Dr. Shafer?” I shake my head against the toilet and sigh. So not how I wanted this to go. Shit! I stand, wash my mouth out again, and splash water on my face. At this rate, I’ll be too exhausted and emotional for my big surprise.

  Once again I plaster on my smile and without saying anything, I take his hand and lead my confused man out of the bathroom, down the hall and into the living room. “Surprise!” I yell, holding my other hand out into the room.

  I watch his face light up. His lips form into a grin, and I’m equally surprised when he turns and lifts me up into his arms. “Fuck! We’re pregnant?” I nod as I giggle, looking down from my high altitude. He starts spinning us around, and I swear I’m gonna hurl….Again!

  “Babe.” He keeps turning us, laughing and smiling. “Babe.” He doesn’t stop, doesn’t hear me with his laughter, and I cover my mouth with my hand quickly. “BABE!” He stops immediately, sets me down on none moving land, and I take off for the bathroom. So not what I had in mind.

  This time when I look up from my perch in front of the toilet, I see him set down a glass of ginger ale on the counter, walking over to me with a sad look on his face. “I’m such a dumb shit to spin you around like that. Especially in your condition.” He helps me up from the floor, handing me a cup of the mouth wash and frowns. “Forgive me?”

  I look in the mirror at him, nodding while swooshing the mouthwash around in my mouth. I set the cup down and we head out to the living room again and walk over to the couch. I stand, watching him sit down by the huge teddy bear, and picking it up, hugging it against his broad chest. “Best news ever!” He looks up at me, around the bears head and his smile turns sad. “Sorry I ruined your surprise.”

  I sit down beside him, laying my head on his shoulder and put my arm around the bear. “It’s okay, darling. I think the surprised worked by the look on your face earlier. But nothing we seem to do goes exactly as planned.” I look up and smile and watch his face change into a smile too. “Besides, the main thing is that now you know. Surprise, Daddy.”

  “Soooo. Is it for sure? I mean you’ve had a test and stuff?” His grin is beautiful, and I feel so much love, so much comfort from him.

  I nod. “Yes, babe. I went to see Dr. Shafer today and he recommended an OB/GYN for me to go see.” His brows lower and I know he’s wondering what in the hell that is. “It’s a baby doctor, for the pregnancy. They will be the one also delivering the baby, when the time comes.” I sit up quickly, making him startle, and laugh. “Speaking of that. He thinks my due date will be in the middle of May. I’ll know for sure when I go see the other doctor.”

&nbs
p; He smiles, grabbing my arm and bringing it back around him and the bear. My head lays back on his comfortable shoulder. “Hmmmm. Maybe he’ll be born on my birthday.”

  I move my eyes up and tilt my head. “He?”

  He shrugs. “Well, we were to have Vivian, a girl, and I’m a macho kind of guy so it only seems like now we’d have a boy. Grow up strong, like his daddy, play sports, maybe even run track and I’ll teach him everything he needs to know about girls. Of course, he’ll look like you.”

  My giggles escape me. “Oh, really? First of all, a girl can do all that too, and second, just because you’re all ‘macho’ and we were to have a girl first, doesn’t mean we’ll have a boy this time. And really,” I sigh. “Whether our baby is a he or a she, I hope they look just like their daddy.”

  I move up so his arm can move around me, squeezing me as close as I can get to him. He kisses the top of my head and I smile. “The baby be a little bit of each of us. I can’t wait. I love you.” I couldn’t be more in love with him, feel more safe and protected as I do right now. “Can we go have sex now or will that hurt the baby?” I look up as he looks down and burst out laughing.

  Epilogue

  Jolie

  It’s the day of the big wedding. I’m so excited for Jase and Alena. Jase became such a great friend in college, helping me move here, get roots and give me a job with something I love to do. I got to know Alena more after all the shit they went through to be together. Times were really rough and then all the damage to Battle Ground. However, things had a way of working out and today they’re finally getting married. Jase said there will be a surprise announcement at the reception. I have a feeling I know what it is but I’ll act surprised.

  I’ve had a pretty tough life, still trying to pay off student loans, no social life except for the occasional beer at Danny’s, and no family, except Jase and Alena. Oh! And Hailey. Now, she’s a fun lovin’ girl. A little too hyper for me but still really sweet and nice. They’re really the only family I have although Jase and Alena’s parents have kind of taken me under their wings, like a stepchild or some shit.

  Most people give me strange looks, when they first see me. My piercings and tattoos sort of turn most people off, but I don’t care. It’s who I am. They define me. Well, there’s one person who it doesn’t seem to matter to. Tanner. He’s a strange guy, secretive, mysterious, and doesn’t say much. He did save Jase’s life, so he’s okay in my book, but I’m still leery of him. Face it, I’m pretty leery of all guys. Why? Because everyone I’ve even remotely gotten close to treats me like shit. Of course, I haven’t been close to that many due to being raped when I was in foster care at the age of twelve. Yeah, same sad story, different day. I’m over it. Kind of. Okay. I may never be truly over it but at least Jase showed me there are some good guys out there. Unfortunately, I’ve not met one of them yet, besides Jase.

  I’m standing here looking through my closet, trying to find a dress that doesn’t scream ‘slut’ to wear to their wedding. I have unique tastes and so far I can’t find one that’s wedding appropriate. Sigh. I give up and walk out of my room, go through the small living area and into the kitchen. This calls for a shot of Fireball. I open the cabinet, standing on my tiptoes to get a shot glass, and almost drop it. I really need to move those to a lower shelf. That’s what I get for being short. I pour me a shot and bring it up to my lips, ready to taste and feel the burn, when something hits the wall in front of me. Damn, next door neighbor. I have no idea who they are. Never seen them but man, do I freaking hear them. All. The. Time. Half the time I don’t think they’re at home, maybe on business or something. They only moved in a couple of months ago.

  Determined to down this shot and find something decent to wear, I bring it up to my lips again and chug it. The burn flows through my mouth, down my throat and burns into my chest. That’ll put hair on ya. Another hard slam against the wall and I quickly beat back with my fist.

  “Stop beating up my wall!” I shout. Nothing. Silence. Ugh!

  I finally pick out a white skirt and blue blouse. The only frilly thing I own. I don’t do frilly. Stepping into my black high heels, almost falling as I try to pull the strap around my heels, and grab my keys. I walk out into the entry hall, locking my door behind me and stop. Damn, not the best thing to wear on a motorcycle. I guess I can walk, it’s only about two blocks. Shit! My head snaps around when I hear my unidentified neighbor’s door open. My mouth drops. Tanner. What the hell?

  “You’re gonna catch a fly,” he says, grinning like a stupid oaf.

  I close my mouth, crossing my arms self-consciously over my chest and huff as I walk to the front door of the building. He was standing there all kinds of sexy in black slacks and a black button down shirt. I almost lost my cool, for a minute, until I remembered the beating on my wall. I stop again when he runs past me, opens the door, but I don’t look at him as I walk past and out onto the small porch. I start to walk down the steps when he speaks again, halting my movements. “So, it’s gonna be kind of tough riding that in a skirt and those heels, huh?” I look up at him and see he’s looking at my bike, and I huff again, leaving him standing there. I walk down the steps, down the small walk and onto the sidewalk, passing my bike parked in the street and start to head to the gym.

  Loud running footsteps sound behind me and soon he’s walking next to me. “I could drive you, ya know? Wouldn’t be a big deal or mean anything. Just a ride so you don’t have to walk in heels for two blocks. It’s called being nice.”

  I turn and look at the nice clean SUV that appears to be new and then down at my feet. I look up at him and turn around, heading towards his car. He runs passed me, again, and opens the passenger door then stands there until I get in. I see him smiling as he runs around the front and gets in the driver’s seat. He starts to drive, turning the car around, and heads to the gym. I sit there just watching everything pass by through the window, but I really don’t notice anything. Finally, not being a patient person, I open my mouth. “It would be nice if you didn’t beat on the wall. Just what in the hell are you doing over there?”

  He laughs. Laughs. Really? “I work out on my punching bag sometimes. I guess it’s been hitting the wall, huh? Sorry about that.”

  “You have a punching bag in your kitchen?” The disbelief has to be written all over my face. Who in the hell would have one in their kitchen?

  He laughs again, looking at me and back at the road, simultaneously. “No! I don’t have one in my kitchen. Who in the hell would have one there?” Good question. “It’s in my living room. Guess I have it a little too close to the wall.”

  Ah! Okay, our apartments must be arranged differently. “Ya think?” I give him a smirk and he laughs again. Okay, this is getting pretty old, fast. He better quit laughing at me.

  “Hey, sorry. I’m really not laughing at you.” What? Is he a fucking mind reader too? “I’m laughing at me. I hadn’t realized what an idiot I am, putting that too close to the wall and disturbing my neighbor. I also had no idea you were my neighbor. Small world, huh?” And getting smaller by the minute.

  These are the most words I’ve ever heard leave his mouth. He actually has a low, rough, and sexy voice. No! I did not just think that! I shift my eyes over at him while he watches the road. He’s got a nice build, the tatts I’ve seen on his arms are pretty cool. Short dark black hair which looks like it’s got a little natural curl in it. A piercing above his chin and scruff, a little longer there. He does have a nice smile, now that I’ve seen it. Okay. Stop! I must be outta my frickin’ mind. I quickly turn my head away from him, looking out the window. We need to hurry up and get there. I need to get a drink. Stat!

  The parking lot behind the gym is packed and even along the street. Danny’s parking lot is full too so he ends up having to park a half a block away on the street. I open my door and am almost out when I feel his hand on my arm and I look
up quickly. He just smiles and helps me down then shuts the door. I hear his locks beep when he raises his hand, holding his key fob, and we start walking. “Need me to help you?”

  I look over at him and frown. “I think I can walk.”

  “I just meant with those heels and…. Shit. I can’t seem to say anything right to you, can I?” I stare at him and watch his mouth move up into a grin. I look down, trying to hide my smile. “It’s not like I’ve never talked to a girl…. Woman, before. I don’t know what it is about you that makes me stumble.”

  I look up and right into his dark eyes. “I am a girl. And, a woman.”

  He looks down at his feet as we continue to walk. “Yeah, I’ve noticed.” His eyes move over, looking at me and I swear, deep within me. I shake my head and laugh.

  “I bet you say that to all the girls….Women.” I start walking a little faster, not liking how this conversation is going or where it’s headed.

  “Hey, wait up!”

  I slow down a bit, feeling a little bad. Only a little. He catches up, and we keep walking in uncomfortable silence. He opens the front door to Battle Ground, and I walk in. I stop quickly, seeing how packed it is, and he bumps into me. Slivers of tingle sensations make their way up my back and down my arms. What the hell? I take a step forward and bump into someone, being there’s very little room. My foot tilts, and I start to fall until strong arms grab my upper arms, steadying me. I turn my head and find his eyes staring at me. “Thank you,” I whisper. He just shrugs, like he helps people every day from making a fool out of themselves. Then I think of Jase, how he could have died, if not for Tanner. “No. I mean it, really. Thanks.” I give him a small smile, and he returns it with his big grin. Why do I feel like he’s keeping score, and he just gained a point?