Pepped Up Forever

by Ali Dean

  “Who’s with me?” I challenge.

  The guys agree quickly, and I recruit Lexi, Caroline and Wren to join us. Given the intoxicated state of my housemates, and, well, myself, I’m not sure we’ve thought this through.

  Ryan and Zeb make a run to the store to grab the right kind of beer – something light – and we meet at the outdoor track twenty minutes later. I’ve never been out here late at night like this and the giant empty stadium is a little intimidating. It almost feels like there are ghosts or something up there watching us as we take off our shoes. Sneakers probably would have been a smarter choice, but the beer is the hard part for me. Running faster than these baseball players will be easy.

  Since all of us want to participate, we need a timer, and Ryan hooks up the giant scoreboard we sometimes use for workouts and hits the clock as we crack open the first beer. The guys kick our butts downing the first one, though Wren isn’t far behind them. I’m the last one to finish, and when I finally start running, the guys are already halfway around the track, though Mitch and Juan are slowing fast, and Wren and Lexi are about to pass them. But when I finally finish the first lap, and the others are chugging the second can of beer, everything I’ve drunk from that night comes right back up, and there’s no stopping it. The group gives me a hard time, as I’m the only one to disqualify on the first lap, but it’s really out of my control. I suppose for my first time puking from drinking too much, a beer mile is the way to go.

  As I cheer for the others, I vaguely wonder what to do about the puke on the grass, and if there’s any way to clean it up. Mitch, the biggest one amongst us, is the next to be forced to quit, and I’m wishing we had the foresight for a trash bin. But surprisingly, the rest of the crew finishes the entire mile, though Wren and Lexi walk in the last lap. Zeb takes the win, followed by Ryan and Clayton. Zeb proclaims he’s still the UC beer mile record holder, even though he didn’t hit his mark tonight.

  “Next time, we’ve got to plan for this so I can eat my pre-beer mile meal,” Zeb tells us afterward.

  “Which is?” I wonder.

  “PB and J and definitely not the several beers I drank before this.”

  As we wander back through campus, I notice everyone is in good spirits except for Clayton, whose serious expression through the sporting event suggests he believed this was an important competition, and a bronze medal was not what he was hoping for. The more time I spend with the guy, the more he rubs me the wrong way. He needs to get over himself.

  I’m feeling fairly sobered up now that I’ve eliminated most of the intoxicating substances from my body and it’s dawning on me that at some point I’m going to have to go back to my bedroom and try to fall asleep alone for the first time in weeks. It’s a depressing thought. And one I refuse to let bring me back to that emotional moment I was trying to escape.

  Yellow house is the first stop, but Ryan’s the only one who heads off, since Zeb doesn’t live there anymore, and besides, he’s staying with Caroline tonight. When we get to purple house a moment later, it’s an awkward goodbye from the baseball players, because I’m not sure where they’re going next, and their presence isn’t exactly the norm for us on a Saturday night. We’d all agree that it was fun, but I’ll be honest, if it was just Juan and Mitch, I’d have enjoyed myself more.

  If Clayton thinks I’m going to say I’ll call him later, or invite him to hang out tomorrow or something, he’s going to be disappointed. To avoid seeing his expression, I don’t look at him when we veer off the sidewalk, waving goodbyes.

  When we get inside, we find Jace waiting on an armchair in the living room area by my bedroom. He watches me carefully, and when we don’t greet each other like we normally would, my friends say goodnight and leave us be.

  “I don’t want to talk, Jace,” I finally tell him when they’re gone. “I thought I made that clear.” I’m way too sober now, and my attempts to avoid this confrontation tonight have clearly failed. Walking by him proves to be pointless, because he’s up from the chair and by my side in an instant.

  “Pepper, please,” he pleads. “I had no idea that girl was at my apartment. She planted the underwear and she’s going to pay for it, but please don’t throw out all the progress we’ve made because of her.”

  All the progress we’ve made? He makes me sound like a project and that angers me. He’s the one with issues, not me.

  “I don’t want to hear it, Jace,” I say shortly, and try to shimmy past him into my bedroom.

  He continues pleading with me, telling me he’s been with no one else in years. But he’s got no credibility here anymore. He ruined that a long time ago. Finally, I manage to slam the door on him, leaving him alone in the hallway, though at this point, my housemates have probably heard most of it and pieced together what happened. Slamming the door wasn’t as satisfying this second time around.

  Once I’ve shut the door, I quickly flip on the lights in my room and when I look around, I realize that sleeping is not going to happen tonight. Not once Jace leaves, though he’s still rambling outside my door.

  I’m thinking about flinging myself on my bed and giving into the pity cry that’s been threatening to spill all night, but instead I swing open my door and Jace’s eyes widen.

  “You can sleep on the floor. With your clothes on.” Even to my own ears, I sound like a total princess. A somewhat psychotic one, at that. Because really, after finding a thong and Savannah’s evil twin at her now ex-boyfriend’s house, what kind of girl wants him staying in her room that night? A desperate one. As time has passed, my fear has only grown, and though I could just join Lexi in her room or something, Jace is here, right in front of me, and showing no sign that he’ll be leaving anytime soon. This will solve both our problems. He has a task, and I have a bodyguard.

  “I would’ve stayed in the hallway all night anyway,” he admits when he walks through the door.

  I don’t answer, because the truth is, it’s the window by my bed that I always picture Wolfe climbing in through; I never imagine him coming in through the front door and using the hallway to get to me.

  Jace stands uncertainly in the middle of my room as I grab my sleep shorts and tee shirt before going to the bathroom to change and brush my teeth. He’s sitting on my armchair when I return, but he stands up immediately, probably remembering what happened when I found him sitting there earlier today.

  “I guess you can sleep in the chair.”

  He sits back down, but doesn’t take off his shoes, and when I climb into my bed and turn off the light, I feel a little weird about the situation. Still, I’m safe; even if my former best friend and boyfriend is a lying cheat with all kinds of emotional issues, I know he’ll keep me safe.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Jace

  After she showed me the thong and kicked me out, I gave her a couple of hours before returning. During that time, I tried to track down Veronica but she was nowhere to be found. Figures. She knew I’d be after her. My guess? The girl meant to leave the thong but wasn’t planning on running into Pepper in the process. She wanted Pepper to find the underwear, but didn’t want to be connected to it. I’ve already talked to Frankie, whose girlfriend Lizzie is on the soccer team with Veronica, and a revenge plan was set in motion. Veronica’s made a lot of enemies over the years, and even her soccer teammates will be happy to see her go. I’d already suspected that she was involved to some degree with Savannah Hawkins’s form of crazy, and she confirmed that for me. But knowing I would get revenge wasn’t lifting my spirits as I sat in Pepper’s armchair, watching her sleep.

  She didn’t believe me. And I couldn’t think of anything I could do to change that. Even if I got Veronica to admit she was lying, Pepper would reject it. I think that Pepper wanted a reason to end what we had going on, because she was afraid of what would happen if it continued. It was easy to see, because I understood her fear. I had been there. I was just hoping she didn’t have to hit rock bottom in order to break free from that fear, like I di
d. I had faith that she was stronger than me, and that she would figure this out without reaching that dark place I’d sent myself to.

  I must have dozed for a little while, because the sound of someone coughing woke me and my eyes snapped open. It was just Pepper though, rolling over in bed. She hadn’t seemed very drunk when she came home last night, but she’d smelled like she’d been drinking, and puking, and I was sure she wouldn’t feel great when she woke up. But when she shuffled out of bed a few minutes later, she looked better rested than I felt.

  “Do you want to go to Hal’s with me for breakfast?” I asked when she came back from the bathroom. It was a long shot, I knew, but I wasn’t going to back down, and she was going to realize that soon enough.

  “No. I don’t want to go to Hal’s with you, Jace.” But she didn’t ask me to leave, so I sat stupidly in the chair as she skimmed her phone, raising her eyebrows at me a few times.

  “You didn’t take it with you last night, did you?” I asked. She must have been reading my texts for the first time, and seeing that I’d called several times.

  “No. I’m not going to listen to the voicemails you left,” she added.

  She wasn’t giving me much, and this hardened Pepper intimidated me a little. This girl who wouldn’t take any shit, who slammed the door on me and then opened it a moment later, demanding I sleep on her floor, she was damn sexy.

  Finally, I stood up and made my way over to her, and she fidgeted just enough to tell me she was still affected, and hadn’t completely stonewalled me.

  “I’m not going away, Pepper. And we’re going to talk. Really talk, soon,” I said with conviction. “Oh, and I’m coming back tonight. With an air mattress,” I added before leaving, not missing the slight turn of her lips that told me she might never have believed Veronica Finch in the first place.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Pepper

  “So, what do you guys think?” I ask, after I relay what went down yesterday. It’s just me, Lexi, Gina and Caroline, and we’re jogging on Gina’s favorite trail about a thirty-minute drive from campus. There’s no one else around, and though we’re all a bit hungover, it’s good to get outside and stretch out after the race yesterday.

  Lexi answers first. “Veronica’s a bitch, Pepper, you know that. She’s been scheming on ways to go after you since your freshman year.”

  “Yeah,” Gina adds. “She and Savannah were attached at the hip, so she either shares Savannah’s obsession with your boyfriend or she thinks she’s avenging her or something by breaking the two of you up.” I want to remind her that he’s not my boyfriend anymore, but whatever.

  “I wasn’t around when this Savannah chick went all stalker crazy on you guys, but Veronica’s definitely got a reputation and it’s not a good one,” Caroline adds.

  “But that’s my point,” I protest. “You know what Jace did before. He hooked up with the ultimate mean girl from high school, in front of me. The girl had tried to break us up and everything. It’s like he’s so screwed up he wants to hook up with the girls who hurt us.”

  “Okay dude, now you’re the one bringing on the drama, no offense,” Lexi tells me. “Actually, I take that back, I am trying to offend you. Because really, he didn’t hook up with that girl from high school, right? He just kissed her and made you think he did?”

  “So he says. And even if it’s true, it doesn’t make it okay!” I wasn’t sure Lexi had been following all those details when I’d talked to her about it before. “Wait, are you guys on Jace’s side here?” I ask, incredulous. I was sure that after I told them this, they’d go off about how they thought I was crazy for taking him back in the first place and then proceed to bash him for the rest of the year at every opportunity, and help me to keep him out of my life. But come to think of it, they never warned me, directly or indirectly, about getting back together with him.

  “We’re not on anyone’s side,” Caroline says, all calm and soothing. “But last time all that happened, he wanted you to think he’d been with other girls, and let you think so about that redhead.”

  We’d all found out later that the redhead, Melanie, had been trying to get in his pants for a while but was never successful. I’ll admit, it was a huge relief at the time to know he probably hadn’t cheated on me after all.

  “This time,” Caroline continues, “if he was still all messed up like you say, why would he bother trying to tell you it never happened?”

  “Yeah,” Gina agrees. “If he supposedly goes out of his way to hook up with girls who will hurt you the most, wouldn’t he have flaunted it in your face or something? I mean, you found out by accident.”

  My jaw clenches in a final attempt not to admit that my theory about Jace is probably whack. Based on the things he’s said to me and the way he’s acted, it really doesn’t make sense that he’d be seeing other girls this whole time. And, given his preoccupation with my safety, he wouldn’t welcome a girl like Veronica Finch into his life. Still, he flipped a switch from romantic to stranger in an instant once before, and I’m not about to forget it.

  I’m still trying to understand my friends’ reactions when we get to the waterfall a few minutes later and climb a boulder to sit in the sun.

  “You said yourself a few weeks ago that he’s different, and it’s easy to see for myself that he’s changed,” Lexi says.

  “Do people really change?” I ask, not hiding my cynicism.

  “Um, hello?” Gina waves her hand. “I’m a walking and talking example here.” She’s using a goofy voice, but I can tell she wants affirmation, and we give it to her easily.

  “Dude, you are definitely not the same girl from our freshman year,” Lexi says.

  “Or from your sophomore year, our freshman year,” Caroline adds, pointing her thumb in my direction. “You kind of scared me then,” Caroline admits.

  “And even last year,” I add, “you still weren’t comfortable in your own skin at first.”

  “Well, I feel different too, so that’s good. All I’m saying, Pep, is that people can change and it’s different this time around with you two. You’re the one who’s going into it carrying more hurt, and you’re the one who’s got more reason to be scared of the whole commitment thing than the guy in this situation.”

  “Commitment problems is putting it mildly, in Jace’s case,” I mutter.

  “He doesn’t seem to have commitment issues anymore,” Caroline points out.

  “Are you sure you aren’t just trying to punish him for what he did to you before? Subconsciously, I mean,” Lexi adds. “I don’t actually think you’d plot that purposefully.”

  “Yeah,” Gina jumps in before I can defend myself. “This would be a perfect opportunity to make him feel shut out and confused without an opportunity to talk to you, just like he made you feel when his mom left. Maybe your subconscious is still really pissed at him.”

  “You guys are relentless! Why are you so Team Jace, anyway? Besides, I’m not convinced he doesn’t still have those issues, and that Veronica was for real.” I’m kind of pretending to be mad and actually mad at the same time. It’s confusing. I don’t know what to feel anymore.

  “Look, I said I was a different girl in a lot of ways, right?” Gina’s still going on about this. “But it’s not perfect. I’ve got the potential to go back to my eating disorder ways, and I still carry around the baggage from it. My body’s not the same, and on bad days I want to fall back to my old habits. It’s probably like that for Jace too, and it’s going to be like that with your relationship.”

  Lexi interrupts her. “Um, Gina, are you comparing Jace’s commitment issues to an eating disorder?”

  “No,” I say, “I think she’s comparing my relationship with him to an eating disorder?”

  How we all can laugh at these lame attempts at humor, I don’t know, but it breaks the tension when we do.

  “Okay, so stupid analogy,” Gina admits.

  “Nah, you’re just saying that it’s not going to magically
be perfect just because he’s addressed his shit and is a little different.” I don’t want her to feel like her words didn’t get through to me, when she opened up like that. Because in a way, I totally get what she’s saying. And it freaks me out, because that puts the pressure on me. I’m the one who has to accept stuff and move forward. And if I can’t, then I can’t have Jace.

  “Yeah – I mean, for me it’s worth it to not go back to the old skinny Gina. I’d rather fight it and be the new Gina.”

  “New Gina rocks,” Lexi says, throwing an arm around her.

  “I guess new Jace does too,” I grumble. I’m just not sure I’m ready for him.

  When Zoe calls later that week, she’s practically bursting with happiness. Things are “off the charts” with Wes.

  “What do you mean? You guys haven’t seen each other in almost two months.” Wes is at Princeton, playing football, and he might not even make it home until Christmas this year if the team has games during Thanksgiving.

  “Yeah,” she sighs. “But we Skype every night, and FaceTime, like, randomly through the day. I think I’ve become one of those annoying girls who is constantly on the phone with her boyfriend.”

  “Wait, you call him your boyfriend now?”

  “Yes! And he told me he loves me, Pepper!” She’s pretty much screaming and I hold the phone away from my ear for a second.

  “Wow. What else did he tell you?”

  “About how he used to crush on you, but like, only because you were a good friend and his only friend who was a girl, and that Jace liked you, so he thought he was supposed to like you that way too, and then when he met me he realized that his feelings were, you know, way more intense than what he felt for you, and…” she stops for a breath, “and he told me that Jace is his brother.”