Something about this moment seemed pivotal, and Nathan was afraid to speak. he needed to hear his story, but at the same time, he was frightened of what he might reveal.
“You have to understand…” His fingers played across his skin and it seemed as if he were lost in a far off memory, “this cannot be reported. It just… you can’t include it in your… this is off the record.”
He understood. He was telling him, Nathan. Not his therapist, not an official member of the military. This was personal and he did not have permission to share it with his superiors.
“I understand.” he promised.
Chris took a deep breath and rolled onto his back so that he was staring at the ceiling.
“I don’t know what happened,” he began. “I still don’t understand. One minute he was fine, and the next I hear a transmission over the radio that Tony has gone rogue. The next thing I know my men are being picked off one by one. I was too far away too help them. Snipers don’t work at close range. There wasn’t anything that I could do.”
Nathan felt as if his heart had stopped. What was he saying? The implications were astronomical. Tony Pomeretti had killed the men on the elite team? Why had Chris not revealed the truth from the beginning?
“By the time that I had made it on site he was standing over Murphy, his gun pointed right between Murph’s eyes. I’d never seen him like that. I barely even recognized him. I only had a moment to make a decision. I didn’t have a chance to think of another option. I just reacted.”
He could hear the agony in Chris’s voice. The guilt caused by the destruction that was the fault of his friend.
“I shot him.”
Chris’s eyes closed and Nathan knew that the image would forever play across his mind. “I killed my best friend just as he turned and aimed his weapon at me. It was like he didn’t even recognize me. He was… He would have shot me too. I could see it in his eyes. It was like he wasn’t even there. And then… he was gone, and I had no idea how I would ever explain to his family what I had done, what he had done.”
It was then that the truth crashed around him. Chris was not protecting himself. He was protecting the honor of his best friend, the honor of the family that was left behind. Chris would not reveal Tony’s misdeeds for fear of the shame that would befall his widow and their children. He was willing to take the fall, and suspicion surrounding the incident in order to prevent the Pomerettis from knowing the details of Tony’s last moments. His heart went out to him.
There was nothing to say. Nothing that he could say to ease his pain and confusion. Instead, he wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close. At the moment, Nathan could think of no plausible solution that would clear both Chris and Tony. As they fell asleep in each other’s arms he knew that he needed to look into the issue further. He had promised to keep the information to himself, and he would, but that did not mean that he could ignore the knowledge that he had given him. Chris was on the brink of losing his entire career. At the same time, Tony’s family needed the relief of knowing that their loved one had died a hero, rather than a homicidal villain. Chris had been right, there was no easy solution.
He fell asleep knowing he was about to make one of the most difficult decisions of his entire life.
Chapter 11
The following morning, Chris awoke to the icy chill of an empty bed. Nathan was gone. He buried his face in his pillows and groaned.
After what had begun as an excellent night, he had ruined by opening up to him. Of course, Nathan would think that he was off of his rocker for the wild claims that he had admitted to the night before. Tony had been an award winning soldier with no history of mental breakdowns. There was no proof of his claim. No reason that explained Tony’s rampage. That was part of the reason why Chris had been so confused. He, nor the other men, had never seen the attack coming. They had never sensed the turmoil that had boiled beneath the surface of his friendly exterior.
All the same, Chris had been telling the truth.
He wandered through his house playing the previous night over in his head. He had never intended to tell Nathan what had happened, but when he had seen him standing in his kitchen holding photos of the man whom he had once called his best friend, it was as if he had killed him all over again. The guilt and confusion and crashed over him and the truth had spilled out.
He had left a note next to a pot of fresh coffee informing him that he had enjoyed the evening and would be in contact. He supposed that meant that he had not completely botched any chance between them with his moment of weakness.
He hoped that he had meant what he had said about not intending to share the information. Even though he had shared the basic details, he had no intention of participating in the therapy sessions to evaluate every tiny detail and feeling involved. No, sir.
He did not hear from Nathan until the next week. The days had been spent agonizing over that fateful night. Had he driven him away with his confession? Was he sharing his secret with his commanders? Had he only stayed with him that night in order to collect the information?
He had been certain that there had been more than that between them, but after he had practically vanished into thin air, he was not so sure.
Finally, he called him and asked if he could meet him at the office. He did not like the sound of the offer. It was too formal. He did not want to meet in the office. He much preferred to have him here, in his home. Still, he agreed because the need to see him was too great. He needed answers for his disappearance, for his use of the information, but mostly he found that he just wanted to know if he had any intention of continuing their relationship now that he had achieved his goal.
Chapter 12
Nathan paced across the floor of his office. He had never been more nervous in his life. Chris was due to arrive any moment and he knew that this meeting would solidify their relationship one way or another.
A soft knock on the door had him entering with a guarded expression. It was all Nathan could do not to rush to him and tell him he had not meant to be cruel. Yes, he had been avoiding him. They both knew it. Now that they were once again in the same room, Nathan could barely contain the passions that flared inside of him.
This was why he had kept his distance. If he had seen him again he might not have been able to go through with his plans. He might have tried to talk him out of it, but he knew that he had done the right thing. The problem would be trying to get Chris to see that.
He gathered the notes from his desk and gestured for Chris to join him on the couch.
Instead, Chris came to stand right in front of him. He placed his hand on his shoulders and leaned down to him. His lips met Nathan's. They kissed.
Nathan's stomach whirled and his mind lost all consciousness as he clung to his embrace. For several moments they allowed themselves a brief taste of desire, before Nathan pulled away.
He sat on the couch and attempted to calm his breathing. Chris sat beside him, their knees almost touching. Almost, but not. The small space that separated them was enough to drive Nathan wild, but he needed to focus.
He clenched the file and reminded himself why he was here.
“We need to talk,” he said, and his voice was hoarse with emotion. “I gathered that when you called to set the appointment.” Chris said airily.
Nathan could hear the disappointment in his voice. Neither of them wanted to meet here, but it had been necessary. If this meeting went wrong, Nathan could not stand having the memory of him walking out on him bound to his own home, or likewise, could not imagine having to walk away from the man that he had come to love. Here, in this informal venue, they would be forced to function with a decorum that might be enough to preserve his own heart. Or, so he hoped.
Nathan had no explanation to give him, so he decided to press on.
“I’ve been doing some research,” he smoothed his hands over the file of notes. The information inside was most precious to him, and he had worked hard to achieve it.
&
nbsp; “About the case.” Chris said flatly. It was not a question and Nathan could see the trepidation in eyes.
He nodded.
It was as if a steel wall had slammed between them. Chris had not moved, had not altered his position in any way, and yet he felt him withdraw from him.
“Well, did you get what you want?” His voice was cold, detached, and it broke Nathan's heart.
“That’s not what I meant,” he said, with passion. “I meant what I said when I told you that I would not reveal your story without permission.”
He could tell that he did not believe him.
“Chris…” he placed his hand on his arm. Chris did not pull away, but he did not acknowledge it either. He was not sure which was worse. “I completed my research in a very discreet way. That’s what took me so long.”
Chris said nothing. He took a deep breath and began.
“I am here to give you a choice. Everything else will be up to you.” he waited for him to respond, but he just sat there watching him with narrowed eyes. “I am guessing that the reason that you have kept Tony’s actions a secret is to protect his memory, and his family?”
Chris blinked, but did not respond.
“Come on, Chris, work with me here,” Nathan begged.
Chris shifted into a more comfortable position. The action broke all contact between them and Nathan was forced to place his hand back in his lap.
“Obviously,” Chris conceded after several moments of silence. Nathan nodded. That was the only motivation that made sense.
“You have two choices.” He pulled the first page from his file and set it in his lap.
He did not even want to look at the words, they were too gruesome. The paper detailed the possible legal ramifications of a refusal to testify in regard to the investigation, as well as the results if he should be falsely accused of the crime. The range spanned from dishonorable discharge all the way to a life sentence in prison. Even the best case scenario would mean the end of Chris’s career and honor.
Nathan watched Chris peruse the list with silent acknowledgment. It appeared that he was already aware of the potential judgments. He looked displeased, but not surprised.
“I know.” He slipped the paper back into his file. “What else am I supposed to do? Tell his wife and children that he lost it and went on a killing spree? His son and daughters, who look up to him as their hero…his wife, who sacrificed her time with him so that he could serve his country, only to find out that it ruined the man she loved? Tony needed help. I should have seen that. This is not how his family should remember him. I won’t allow it.” His jaw worked with suppressed emotion.
“I know that.” Nathan nodded and placed his hand on his once more. “I spoke with Commander Barclay…”
Before he could finish his sentence, Chris was on his feet.
“You did what?” His shout echoed through the room. “You had no right to do that.”
“I know,” he repeated. “If you’ll just let me explain…”
“I think you’ve done enough.” He moved toward the door but Nathan rushed past him and stood in front of it.
“You need to let me finish.” His heartfelt words fell on deaf ears. “I don’t need to do anything. Get out of my way, Nathan.” Nathan pulled the last page from the file and held it out for him. “Just read this.”
His grabbed the paper from the air, crumpling it in the process. He held the page at his side. Nathan could see that he had no intention of reading it.
“Please, Chris. Read it.” He implored him to understand, he needed him to see that he had not meant to betray his trust. “I kept my promise. I didn’t tell anyone the truth. That is still your choice, but please, please don’t shut me out.”
He waited in silence as Chris stared at the door, jaw clenched, waiting for him to move. Nathan did, and he slipped through the door without a backward glance.
Nathan sunk into the plush cushions of the couch as his heart was overwhelmed with agony.
Chris would never forgive him for speaking with his commanding officer. He would probably never read the report that he had compiled. Either way, he doubted that he would ever see Chris Hobbs again.
Nathan refused to cry. The tears would come later, when he was in the safety of his own home, but for now he simply closed his eyes as he tried to settle the pounding of his heart. He had been trying to help. He truly thought that he could help Chris, but the look he had seen in his eyes was a look of betrayal. Anything that they had shared before, that they might have shared in the future, was gone. He would never trust him again.
An hour passed, maybe less. It seemed like days to Nathan as he sat at his desk staring at his case files but not really reading them.
His secretary entered and announced his afternoon appointment. Nathan swore under his breath. He searched for his calendar to check his schedule. He had forgotten about the appointment! He was unprepared and would have to improvise through the session.
He adjusted his jacket and stroked his hair hastily back into place—it was wrecked by the constant running of his fingers through it since Chris had left.
When he looked up he could not have been more surprised at what he saw.
Chris stood in the doorway with a tentative grin, clutching the crumpled file.
“I’m an ass,” he said, before Nathan could speak. Not that he could find the words in the first place.
“No,” Nathan shook his head wretchedly. “I should have consulted you before going to your commanders.”
Chris released a short laugh. “I would have stopped you.” “I know.”
He took a few steps into the room and held the paper between them, where it hung like a lifeline.
“Is this really possible?” Nathan could hear hope in his voice. Yet, at the same time, an unwillingness to believe that it was true.
Nathan nodded. “It’s rare, and legally complicated, but yes…Your Commander Barclay thinks that it will be approved unanimously. That is, if you choose to go forward.”
The document outlined a complex legal process in which Chris could provide a closed testimony to his superiors. Not only would they be restricted from revealing his story, but they would then stand as witness to clear him of all charges outside of a trial. Only three of his commanders would have access to the full story, and Tony Pomerretti’s family would never know the full details of his downfall. The case would be locked and Chris could move on with his career.
“How did you manage this?” He seemed dumbfounded. “How can the case be closed, without them skewering Tony, and digging through his life for signs that he was a loose cannon?”
“They’ll still need to investigate that, in order to study and prevent similar occurrences, but they will do so in a way that will keep his family from suspecting. Most of that interrogation will come through you. You’ll need to submit to a full debriefing.” Nathan said, succinctly.
“I didn’t see it coming,” Chris admitted. “Tony, being...in that dark place. I did not know.” He shook his head and stood looking down, head hanging in shame.
“That isn’t your fault.” Nathan needed him to understand that no one could have foreseen what Tony would have done. “In hindsight, could you recognize changes in his behavior?”
He shrugged. “A few, maybe.”
“Good.” Nathan took a step toward him. It seemed as if the tension in the room had deflated. For the first time, Chris seemed willing to collaborate with the investigators.
“There is one other thing…” he was not sure how Chris would take the last piece of information. “Part of this process requires that you go through an extensive counseling program, to ensure that you have no repercussions from the event. Especially, if you intend on returning to active duty.”
He nodded. “I don’t like it, but that makes sense. If that’s what it takes, I will.”
Nathan tried to swallow past the lump that had suddenly appeared hi his throat. in his throat. “I understand if you don’t w
ish to continue your session with me…”
“I don’t.” Chris's blank assertion cut him off before he could finish. His tone was final. He had no intention of working with him. Nathan felt as if a vice had closed around his heart. Even after he had realized that he had found a solution, he still wanted nothing to do with him.
“I understand.” He could hear the tremor in his voice and he wished that he could control it.
“Do you?”
Nathan nodded. He needed Chris to leave. The agony twisted his heart, making it painful to breathe, and he wanted him gone immediately.
Nathan started to walk toward the door, to let him out, but Chris curled a hand around his elbow.
“Nathan…” His voice was smooth and soothing. It made the ache even worse. “I think it would be a conflict of interest if I’m dating my therapist.”
A strangled sob crept from somewhere inside of Nathan, but it still took a moment longer for his words to sink in.
“What?” he turned to him with a look of complete confusion.
“That is, if you aren’t done with me yet.” Chris' hand rested gently at the back of his neck, and he pulled him gently against him. “I know that I’ve been quite a handful so far.”
Nathan pressed his forehead against Chris's shoulder, and breathed out raggedly. He wanted very much to cry, though, truly, he felt overwhelmingly happy.
“I’m sorry that I spoke to your commander without permission.” His voice was muffled against Chris' shirt. He could feel the deep rumble of his laughter against his cheek.
“Even I can admit that I’m wrong sometimes.”
His hand smoothed Nathan's hair and he wiped the single track of a tear from his face. “I’m grateful for what you did. I would have never found this solution otherwise.”
Nathan turned to him with a wide smile.
Celestial Seductions: The Complete Series: An MM Gay Paranormal Mpreg Romance Collection Page 42
