White Lies and Promises

by Ally Hayes

  Some days they started early, sometimes after noon. No one seemed to care, and the clients all seemed happy. There was one elderly lady who offered them five dollars extra to mow with their shirts off.

  “Hell, I’ll vacuum naked if it means more cash,” Joey joked as he tossed his shirt aside.

  Joey was beginning classes at the local community college after Labor Day. Never a great student, he was exceptional at drawing and sketching. He had binders full of ideas for comic books and graphic novels. He sold it to his father as “drafting” which he bought as leading to architecture; Joey never corrected him. His plan was to ace a year of required classes and move on to illustration and design.

  Matt and Jackie spent almost every night together, splitting their time between the two groups of friends, which were beginning to blend since the end of school. Some nights they’d hang out in Brianna’s bonus room playing music, talking, and snacking with four or five others, but Matt and Jackie would always be near the other, usually touching. Matt seemed comfortable around her friends now, and they were pleased to see him smiling with his arm around Jackie or his hand in her back pocket.

  Other nights, they’d be in Joey’s basement with a crowd who were equally warming up to Jackie as she began to let her guard down around the boys and Matt’s sisters. Her favorite part of those summer nights were the car rides home.

  Well, the parking home. Sitting in Matt’s car outside her house, stalling to go inside. She knew her parents saw the car, that she’d made curfew. Also, if they peered out from the behind the curtains, all they’d see was Matt and Jackie talking—talking about wishing that they didn’t have to part.

  “Soon enough. Once we’re in college, we’ll be able to visit each other, and they’ll be no curfew, no parents.”

  “I can hardly wait, Matt. It feels like we’ve been doing this forever!”

  “We have!”

  Jackie leaned in to kiss his cheek. “I’m so excited for the future.”

  “Me, too, our future.”

  “I like it when you say that,” Jackie said.

  “I mean it, Jackie, I really do. I want to be with you forever.”

  Jackie kissed him again and was out of the car quickly to ensure that, aside from the “good night,” his last words would be about forever.

  As June came to a close, things really began to heat up for everyone. Fourth of July vacation arrived quickly as it always did, and although no one in Westhaven would dare admit it, there was always the sense that summer was half over upon the fireworks’ finale. This was especially true for Matt and Jackie that summer as freshman orientation would occur in August.

  Jackie was to report to Yale on the seventeenth. Matt assumed his start date was similar but really had not bothered to read any of the packets that arrived from his future school. It was summer, he reasoned. Who wanted to read or think about schoolwork again? Having not given it much thought, he failed to realize his scholarship for basketball required more than just making his free throws. He discovered just how early his summer would end, with a bang.

  They were in his room. She had never been in his or any boy’s room before. Matt was playing grab-ass, trying to lure her over to his bed as she snooped and investigated the hallowed boyland.

  “C’mon, no one is home,” Matt pleaded. It was late afternoon. He was fresh out of the shower after cutting lawns, and his parents weren’t due to return for at least another hour.

  “You sure do have a lot of junk. Oh look, an old school picture of me—covered in dust.”

  “I don’t let my mom in here,” he explained.

  “That’s obvious.”

  “Let me show you what else is obvious.” Matt pulled her playfully to the bed, sending the envelopes she was holding scattering to the floor.

  It was already August first, and the humidity was unbelievable. Even with the fan blasting on them, they were hot and sticky in minutes. Her willpower melted like the ice cream they had just shared. Soon they were missing most of their clothes and entering the point of no return.

  Minutes later, they lay panting in each other’s arms. Matt wanted to doze off; Jackie had another idea for the post-coital moment.

  “Matt, we really have to talk.”

  “I know.”

  “I feel as if you won’t discuss the fall because you think I won’t like or be able to handle what you have to say.”

  “It’s not that,” Matt began. “I really don’t know what to do. I have a habit—probably bad—of not dealing with difficult things. I push them away. Being away from you is one of those difficult things.”

  “So you avoid it?”

  “Exactly. You understand.” Matt smiled.

  “To a point,” she explained, sitting up to make herself feel more in control, “but now we’re down to weeks, days really. You can’t deny this any longer. So let’s talk about this. Start with the facts.”

  “I love you,” Matt said more sincerely than he ever had.

  “That’s a good start. I love you, too.”

  “And I don’t want to lose you…but I’m afraid of being tied down. Does that sound horrible?” he asked tentatively.

  “Not at all.” It was exactly what she had been thinking. As much as she loved Matt, she was weary of starting college in a relationship. She could imagine herself constantly saying, “But I have a boyfriend,” and subsequently being excluded. She’d seen those movies. Jackie didn’t want to be one of those girls.

  “Really?” he asked.

  “We can still be in love and not together, right?”

  “Like half the time we’ve know each other?” Matt offered, and they laughed. It was true; they were always in love with each other, just not always together, going out.

  “I feel like I’ve always loved you, Matt.”

  “Me, too, and I’ll go even a step further to say that I think we always will be no matter where we are.”

  She smiled with confidence. “So, we’ll be okay apart. Won’t we?”

  “You can bet on it. I’ll even wear my ring.”

  They remained in the afterglow for another twenty minutes, and then scrambled into their clothes and down to the kitchen when they heard a car door slam. Ann greeted them knowingly.

  Matt walked Jackie out to her cute little graduation Volkswagen. They assured each other they would make the best of the time remaining. Jackie seemed relaxed, relieved maybe. They parted happily for the night; Patty had made “family plans” again for this Friday night.

  As Matt slammed the screen door behind him, Ann’s voice came booming from the upstairs.

  “Matthew William! Get up here this instant!”

  Matt’s stomach knotted. She must have gone in his room. Why? What did she find? Did he leave the condom wrapper on the floor? Was the bed messy—no, wait, it always was. What could it be? Whatever it was, it seemed bad. He was busted, and now he had to talk about it. He felt sick.

  “Matt, what are all these?” She held up the envelopes that had been strewn during foreplay.

  “I dunno, stuff for school.”

  “Stuff?” she screamed. “Did you know you were supposed to fill out and reply to at least half of these?”

  “Relax, Ma. I’m sure it’s fine,” he said, having calmed himself down upon realizing they weren’t going to have a sex talk. “I’ve got plenty of time. If it makes you happy, I’ll go do them now. I was planning on hanging in tonight anyway.”

  “Actually, smartass, you will be packing tonight,” Ann announced.

  “What are you talking about?”

  Ann read from a letter in her left hand: “Dear Mr. Foster—Oh, and, Matt, this was dated June thirteenth—We are pleased you will be joining our work/study program this academic year. It is both a rewarding and—blah, blah, blah… Oh, here it is—As you are now a member of the NCAA, we thought you would enjoy a position assisting in our training facility. As such we need you to report to football camp on Monday, August fourth. Please fill out the followi
ng page regarding preferences for housing facilities, and we will advise you which dorm to report to Sunday, August third, at four o’clock in the afternoon, sharp.”

  Matt’s jaw was dropped.

  “The next few letters are the same. The last one says due to your failure to respond, you’ve been assigned a tripled room in some dorm with a Latin name.”

  “Oh my God,” Matt answered.

  “I know.”

  He could not get a hold of Jackie that night. After about three hours of sleep, he called her house at six a.m.

  “I’m sorry, Mr. Hamilton, I swear it’s important.”

  “Of course it is,” Robert grumbled as he went in search of Jackie. He returned to the line after what seemed like forever. “She’s not here, and neither is her car. Wait, what, Patty?” He covered he receiver, then explained, “Oh yes, she went to some doorbuster bedding sale with Brianna.”

  Right, he remembered her mentioning it, and she was horrified to hear he’d planned to just take the sheets from his own bed to school. Now he had no choice. Robert promised he’d tell her to call.

  Matt panicked all day. Joey flipped out, insisting they get wasted one last time.

  “Oh, man, I don’t know.”

  “Don’t tell me you’re going to pick a little nookie over hanging with your boys?”

  Just then, a voice yelled to him in the driveway where the two friends stood. “Jackie’s on the phone!”

  He looked over at Joey who simply shrugged his shoulders as if to say, “You’re decision, man.”

  Matt turned wordlessly toward his house to take the call. “Hi, Jackie.”

  “Hi, you’ll never believe the deal I got on the cutest comforter and sheet set. Towels, too. You do know you need to bring towels, right? It’s not like a hotel.” Jackie was gushing on a post-sale high. Not for long.

  “Jackie, there’s something I have to tell you,” Matt went on to explain.

  “You mean tomorrow?” she whispered.

  “Yup.”

  “That only gives us tonight, and I’ll come in the morning to say, uh, goodbye.”

  “About tonight,” he began, and heard her gasp, “it’s just that I got one last time with you but not the guys.”

  “Well, if you’d read any of the letters—” She stopped. It was futile to blame him now.

  “I know.”

  “It’s okay. I’ll be over first thing in the morning.”

  “I love you.”

  “I know.” Jackie hung up and cried into her new peach and gray striped towels.

  Ann’s car was packed when she arrived. It was jammed full of duffle bags, crates, and worst of all, garbage bags. Her suspicion was confirmed later; he had simply pulled all his bedding off and stuffed it into the black trash bags.

  “We’ve never really been good at goodbyes,” Matt said as soon as they were left alone.

  “Then don’t say it. Just say you’ll call when you can,” she suggested.

  “I will.”

  They snuck in a quick kiss and hug. Friday’s afternoon delight would have to carry them through for a while.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Matt & Jackie

  “Jacqueline, sweetie, don’t worry,” Patty reassured her, “he’ll call.”

  “It’s not that. Not just that…it’s everything,” Jackie confessed. Tears streamed down her face as she sat on the floor of her bedroom surrounded by piles representing phases of her daughter’s life. One of childhood—stuffed animals, dolls, and odds and ends. Another of high school photos and memorabilia. Beside the piles were the shopping bags full of what Jackie thought was necessary to begin her next phase. The new phase would begin the next day, and Patty was terrified.

  “I understand,” Patty tried to sympathize. “Well, not exactly. I commuted to secretarial school so I didn’t experience the full effect.” Patty was not only excited for her daughter but envious, as well as nervous, all at the same time. Remaining stoic for her daughter and husband was challenging these days.

  Patty reached over to a pile she believed would be packed for the trip to school. She picked up an old stuffed bunny, a couple of books, and a framed photograph.

  “This is a nice one of you and Matthew,” Patty admitted.

  “That’s stuff I’m leaving here,” Jackie mumbled, as if unsure.

  “Oh, Jackie.”

  “It’s okay, Mom. It will be better if I just move on. Start fresh. Dad says there will be so many new people and opportunities I’ll hardly even think about home.”

  Her words hung around the room until Jackie realized how she sounded.

  “Mom!” she exclaimed. “Of course I don’t mean you.” She jumped up to hug her quickly.

  Patty knew she’d fall apart a day or two after she left. She also knew she had to keep it together for Jackie tomorrow and in front of Robert, at least for a few days. She needed to make him think she could handle it with ease. She had come up with a vague plan of action that would take some time but mostly guts. Time wouldn’t be a problem—she would have plenty of that. As for guts, she would have to turn for help in that department—Ann. Patty was about to begin a new phase, too, and like her daughter, she was equally excited as fearful.

  ***

  “Hi, Ma!”

  “Matt, you little devil, it’s about time you called!” Ann exclaimed.

  “I don’t have a phone. I’m not even in my real dorm yet, just bunking in with the other guys who had to report early. There’s just the one payphone in the hall. I haven’t had many chances, or dimes, hint hint.”

  “Fine. I’m sure I don’t have to ask if you’re having fun, so I’ll ask if you’re being good.” “That depends. Define ‘good,’” Matt laughed. “Just kidding, no worries, Ma. Just calling to say hi. I’ll call again when I get set up in my own room.”

  “Okay. Uh, Matt, I hate to ask, but have you called Jackie since you left?”

  “Yeah, twice, but her dad answered both times and said he’d tell her. Like I said, no worries.”

  “If you say so. Be safe, take care.”

  “Love ya, Ma!”

  Ann hung up with a smile. Matt was happy at school, and the twins were, too. Meredith had a good job and a nice apartment. Melissa was back and forth but finding her way. All her kids were doing exactly what they should.

  Which left just her and Bill. The inevitable talk would have to come soon. She pulled out a kitchen drawer and extracted a manila folder jammed with various invoices. She couldn’t just keep cramming them in and closing the drawer. They would have to talk. She needed a plan and a friend to help her devise one. She needed Patty.

  Robert hugged Jackie tightly, handed her a wad of cash, and walked back to the car. Patty offered to return with her to the room to say their final goodbye. Jackie allowed her mother to accompany her but insisted on setting up the bed and unpacking for herself later. Patty then offered to help organize, hang or fold her clothes, anything to prolong the inevitable.

  “It’s all right for you to go, Mom. You have to eventually. I don’t think we’d both fit in my twin bed here,” Jackie tried to lighten the mood.

  “I know, I know, I’m keeping you from meeting everyone.”

  “I understand, Mom. It is a lot of change for you, too.”

  “Don’t you worry about me. I can handle it. I will keep very busy. Now, about Matt, honey,” she stared, but Jackie held up her hand to stop her.

  “Don’t you worry. I can handle it. We discussed the situation over the summer. Everything will be fine.”

  “Have you spoken to him recently? He hasn’t called, has he?”

  “He won’t. He hasn’t by now, he won’t.”

  Patty and Jackie hugged, cried a little, and finally said their goodbyes.

  Patty and Robert rode home in silence.

  Ann waited a few days to call Patty over. They both blurted out that they needed each other’s help.

  “I promised Jackie I wouldn’t let their ‘situation’ or lack the
reof affect our relationship ever again.”

  “I agree. This is about us now, and it’s about time. It should only be about us now.”

  They clinked coffee cups. After covering a few benign topics, they both confessed their marital dilemmas.

  “Sounds like we both need to hold husband interventions.” Ann sighed. She knew she had to face Bill and whatever consequences awaited them.

  Patty had a choice. As she and Ann saw it, it came down to her. She could either confront Robert about the mistress—no use for “alleged” now—and face the possibility of divorce at either’s request, or choose to continue as is: turning a blind eye. Continuing would mean living in a loveless, quiet marriage, but it also meant living a life of ease. Her business was successful but could never afford her the lifestyle she had become accustomed. She had scoffed at Ann for pointing this out but could not deny that she was more than comfortable. Especially to Ann.

  The mistress seemed to keep him happy, she tried to explain to herself. When her mind wandered, thinking of having to sell the house and divide their time with Jackie, she lost her nerve and turned to rationalizing.

  “Don’t rush into anything; you’re clearly not ready to make a big decision. Maybe hint that you know every now and then,” Ann suggested to Patty. “You can wait if you want, but I don’t have time of my side.”

  “No, I guess you don’t. I’d hate to see it get worse. Please talk to him tonight. Just remember, you’ve done nothing wrong,” Patty said, “and that I’ll be here to help you with the aftermath.”

  ***

  “Who’s this hottie?” Simone sat cross-legged on Jackie’s bed flipping through the photo album as a sort of study break.

  “That’s my…” Jackie stopped and took a breath. “Matt. That’s Matt.” She sighed without looking up from her textbook. Of course it was Matt. She didn’t need to see the page. Who else could it be?

  She and Simone got along as well as roommates could and were on the last half hour of their self-designated study time. Simone had decided to take one last break. Jackie just wanted to finish the chapter she was now distracted from. Each weeknight after dinner they would study for two hours and then convene in the common room down the hall to chat and occasionally watch television with the other girls from their floor. The schedule had been working smoothly for all of September.