Being Whitney (Book one of the Being Series): A Young Adult Novel

by Elizabeth Thompson

  Whitney cried silently listening to Leif’s heart. She hated how at peace he made her feel.

  “Are you playing down there over break?” Leif asked into her hair.

  Whitney nodded.

  Leif moved to sit up and Whitney followed. He held her hands and breathed in the chilly night air.

  “Whitney you are so much more than a basketball player. You are smart and funny and a perfectly freckled, gorgeous girl.”

  Whitney stared at the worn blanket underneath them. “But basketball is what I’m good at. Or I can be good at. It’s what people see. It’s what makes me, me.”

  “It’s not what people see. Everley, Brynley, Ivy they all see a fun, heartfelt, wonderful friend. Jesse, well we all know he sees more than just a good basketball player.” Whitney smiled at him. “And it’s definitely not what makes you, you. The Whitney Amanda Volsum I know is good at all kids of things. She’s an amazing track star, she’s a great equestrian. She’s a perfect friend, and a great study buddy, and an AMAZING kisser.” He grinned and his dimple cut into Whitney’s heart.

  “No one sees that. Everyone thinks I’m a spoiled brat from California, and my dad only sees basketball.”

  “But they’re wrong. You need to believe that.”

  “My dad’s so scary though,” Whitney said, losing it.

  “I know,” he said setting her hands down gently and biting at his lip. “I have a little experience with scary dads. Tonight, when I left, my dad looked at me like I was the worst thing on earth.”

  Whitney caught the first tear as it rolled down Leif’s cheek.

  “I’m not telling you this to make you feel bad. I’m telling you because tonight I walked away. I know he’s mad at me right now, but he shouldn’t be and I’m holding onto the hope that eventually he get’s that.”

  Whitney hoped too, but she wasn’t too sure.

  “What I’m saying is that you should tell your dad if you don’t want to play. You aren’t going to get a second chance to be in high school, and your first chance isn’t his second chance,” Leif said. Then he grabbed her face on either side and pulled her in for a kiss. Still holding her face just inches from his he said, “you need to say it. Say, I am good.”

  Whitney laughed and tried to pull away.

  “Nope,” he said grasping tighter. “Say it.” His eyes emitted strength and Whitney tried to take it in.

  “I am good,” she whispered.

  Leif let go of her face. “I didn’t hear that.”

  “I am good,” she said a little louder.

  “What?” Leif said standing up and backing away.

  “I am good,” Whitney said glaring at him.

  “Still didn’t get that.”

  Whitney stood and ran into his arms. “I AM GOOD,” she shouted through the night.

  “Yes you are. You are amazingly good!” Leif said before kissing her.

  They fell back onto their blanket, Leif replacing her salty tears with sweet kisses underneath their blanket of stars.

  Chapter 15

  Friday morning her mom dropped Mable and Whitney off at the airport at 6 am. Their flight arrived in San Francisco at 8:30 and Whitney was on the court by 11.

  She practiced twice Friday (the second one because it was evident to her dad she hadn't been working much since her season ended), played three games Saturday, two on Sunday, practiced Monday, played two games Tuesday, practiced Wednesday and played another game Thursday. Whitney had expected the packed schedule to keep her mind off of all the uncertainties at home, but it actually did just the opposite.

  By half time of the first game it was clear that her return wasn't like putting in a missing puzzle piece. The team she'd played with for three straight years before moving had learned to be successful without her and the realization stung worse than any lack of success in Millersburg ever could. When her coach pulled her from the third game it took everything in her not to cry. She'd been sure of this place. Playing on this team, with these girls was the one remaining place she'd known she would always be good, and now that was gone.

  “It looks like maybe yesterday when I said I didn't feel like you were ready to return to this level of play and you rolled your eyes at me, I was actually correct.”

  “Looks like you were Dad,” Whitney said from the passenger seat of his new Range Rover. They had an hour and a half drive home and Whitney knew fighting would only make the conversation longer.

  “Why the hell are you okay with the way you played out there? That was so embarrassing!”

  “I'm not okay with it. It's just hard to get back into their rhythm.”

  “I'm so tired of you saying things are hard Whitney. You don't know hard, but you're about to. When you finish high school at that mediocre place with a mediocre career record you're going to see just how hard life will be.”

  Whitney bit against the tears and when she was sure he was done pulled out her phone.

  I miss you she text Leif.

  After fifteen minutes of no reply she tried Everley.

  How's the trip so far?

  It's awesome! There's wifi here so I can send you all kinds of updates. Everley said.

  Oh. Leif wants me to tell you his phone got taken away. So if you text he isn't ignoring you.

  Whitney's heart landed in her stomach with a thud. She'd been hoping for some love from him to get her through what she knew would be five more days of today with her dad.

  Yeah, I did text him. Thanks for letting me know.

  No prob! Have fun in sunny California!

  Whitney looked into the dark night, covering the freeway exits and towns beyond, thinking about how un-sunny California seemed right now.

  ◆◆◆

  Sunday's games went much like Saturday's and Whitney spent three hours shooting with her dad out back once they got home. She wanted so badly to do well, for her old friends who kept looking at her like she was an alien, for her dad who had put so much into this and for herself, but it just wasn’t happening.

  Throwing herself onto her bed after four hours of practice on Monday, all Whitney wanted was to go home. The only problem was she didn't know where “home” was.

  Tuesday's games went slightly better and her dad let her go to ice cream with her friends after, saving her from his latest lecture. Afterwards she lay curled up in bed, full and tired, when she received a new picture message from Everley. Whitney opened it; Everley and Ivy were front and center in their orange life jackets and exhilarated smiles, headed down a roaring river in a large yellow boat. Yet, Whitney’s eyes traveled past them. In the second row, Aspen sat with Eva’s sister Sara and his little sister Everest, cowering from a huge splash of water headed his way. Beyond them, small yet still there, were Leif and Eva. He looked perfect. His hair was damp, his skin tan, his smile genuine. He wore his lifejacket over his bare chest exposing his perfect arms. The real problem though, was Eva; she looked perfect too. Her thin arms clung to Leif’s left arm as she flew into him. Her hair was pulled into a ponytail, with the perfect number of wild pieces flying in the wind. She was usually pretty, but here she was beautiful. They were a perfect, beautiful couple and Whitney could not look away. The more she stared the more her heart twisted in her chest, but she couldn’t stop.

  That looks SUPER fun, she text Everley before pulling the picture up again and letting the emptiness it brought consume her.

  She'd forced herself to believe Leif was staying away from Eva, as he'd said he would, and each time she'd doubted it she closed her eyes and remembered being in his arms. The same arms Eva was wrapped around. She tried not to jump to conclusions. She knew Leif and she knew Eva, but the perfect image still ripped at her heart.

  Wednesday's practice went horribly wrong from the start. She was distracted, again, and missed four lay-ins during the first drill.

  “Whitney. A word!” her dad yelled from the bleachers. Being a top backer meant coach let him sit in on practices. Whitney knew when he interrupted it wasn't good.


  “I'm sorry. I'll get it together,” she said walking up to him.

  “Just so you know, you won't be returning to Millersburg next year. You will be coming back here and playing where you should be. I won't have you throw away our dream like this.”

  Whitney glanced back at the team trying to process his words without crying. She wanted to play with a good team, but she also wasn't the girl who fit in there anymore. Yet she clearly didn’t fit in anywhere.

  “We will talk about the details later, but if you're playing like shit because you think this is temporary, think again. Now go.”

  Whitney ran through the rest of practice with laser focus, ignoring the swirling mess of her future in her head. When they headed home she pulled out her phone. Nothing.

  My dad is pissed that I’m out of shape and says I have to move back. She text Brynley.

  What?!? NO. You can’t leave us. And how are you out of shape? We run every day.

  Out of basketball shape.

  You don’t want to move back, do you?

  I don’t know. I thought I kinda did, but now after playing this week I don’t fit in here either. Whitney wiped a tear from her face.

  What about us? You can’t leave the girls.

  You guys are fine. You don’t even notice when I’m gone.

  Yes we do! I do! I need you. Ivy and Everley are so weird. You’re my normal friend.

  Whitney laughed. Thanks.

  And what about Leif? You can’t leave when things are getting good.

  That’s just the thing though, they always seem like they’re getting good and then they don’t. His dad will never let us date. I feel like I’m just getting him in trouble all the time.

  Have you talked to him this week?

  His phone is taken away. Everley told me. Then Everley sent this. Whitney attached the rafting picture.

  I’m sure it’s all Eva. You know how she is.

  Whitney wished it was that easy to dismiss, but it wasn’t.

  ◆◆◆

  Emotionally and physically drained, Whitney fell asleep on the couch in the basement and woke three hours later to her phone going off. Again and again. She reached for it in a groggy state of surprise.

  I really miss you

  What are you doing?

  I stole my phone and you aren’t even there to talk to me?

  Whitney…..

  The messages from Leif caught her off guard. A rush of excitement and relief filled her.

  Sorry. I fell asleep. I miss you too.

  YAY! You’re there.

  I’m here. How’s your trip.

  Eh. Location and activities are fine. People are less than fun.

  I saw a picture from your rafting trip. It seemed like you were having fun.

  Yeah, rafting was okay.

  Eva seemed to be enjoying it. She couldn’t help herself. The picture was burned into her mind.

  Eva’s a stupid bitch. His blunt statement caught her off guard.

  That you spend a lot of time with.

  I don’t choose to spend time with her. I can’t get rid of her.

  She seemed rather attached to you on the rafting boat.

  Yeah. She wouldn’t get off of me. I was really annoyed.

  Whitney wanted to believe him but the distance and the picture and her dad's threat were all too much. She was mad. She was mad that Eva always won. That Whitney always lost and Eva ALWAYS won.

  How's your week going? Are you playing ball?

  Yeah. That's about all I'm doing. It sucks. I've been playing horribly.

  I'm sure that's an exaggeration. Is your dad being mean?

  Yeah, Whitney text, the anxiety of his lectures coming back to her.

  Today he said I have to move back. Whitney sent hesitantly.

  WHAT!?! NO. Did you tell him no?

  No. I didn't really say anything.

  Why not? Do you want to move back?

  Whitney stared at the million-dollar question, still unsure of the answer.

  I don't know. I don't really know how things will pan out in either place.

  Whitney, I want to be with you. Only you.

  Then why aren’t you?

  It isn’t that easy. I wish it was.

  What do I need to do? Be smaller, be cuter, be more Eva?

  God NO! You don’t need to do anything different Whit. You’re perfect. I don’t even deserve you.

  You’re like king of Millersburg. No one is higher than you.

  Ha! Don’t drink the Millersburg juice Whitney. Don’t let it change you. These people are not as special as they think. I’m not as special as they think.

  I think you are.

  What else have you been up to? Whitney asked after a few minutes of no reply, but he was gone. She looked at the clock, it was midnight. He’d probably fallen asleep, or gotten angry with her. Now she regretted pushing. She threw her threw her phone across her bed and curled into a ball. In the morning she woke to a message from 12:34.

  I love you Whitney.

  Whitney stared at it. He didn’t love her. She loved him. He was Leif, he was perfection. But he didn’t love her. She was definitely not good enough for him to love. The thought scared her more than anything else ever had.

  ◆◆◆

  Whitney's last game of the break was at noon on Thursday. Whitney did everything she could to focus, and she played better, but 'not up to her potential.'

  “I could already see improvement today. It's crazy what practicing and pushing yourself can do, isn't it?” her dad said on their way to the airport.

  “I practice at home too dad.”

  “Don't start with me on that Whitney. Your practices at home are a joke. That whole town is a joke. You talk different, you act different. I'm not going to have my daughter become some small town hick. Those people aren't like you.”

  “What people?” Whitney asked.

  “The people in Millersburg. Small town people have small minds. I'd be surprised if any of them went to college. If I leave you there any longer you will probably find some local to marry, get pregnant and stay there forever.”

  Whitney watched the passing buildings trying to find the strength Leif said she had.

  “There are really good people there dad. And I already have a boyfriend. One who is going to college and doesn't want to live in Millersburg forever. But even if he did that wouldn't make him dumb.”

  “That explains a lot,” he said. “As soon as schools out you’ll be on a plane south. I will send packers for your stuff. You don't need an extra distraction.”

  The words Whitney wanted to say made laps inside her head, but she couldn’t get them to come out. Then they were pulling into the airport and her dad was placing her bag on the curb. Whitney was still trying to say no when her dad pulled away from the curb, taking her chance with him. She moped into the airport and collapsed into a stiff leather chair overlooking the runway. She needed Leif and even though she hated it, she dialed his number and hit send; directly to voice mail. She took a breath and called Ivy.

  “He's not allowed to talk to you,” Ivy said gingerly.

  “I know, but I really just need to talk to him. Just for a few minutes. Please Ivy? Can you get him the phone without your dad seeing?”

  “Yeah. My dad's upstairs. Hold on.”

  Whitney waited, trying not to question why it'd been such a big deal if her dad wasn't even around.

  “Whit? Are you okay?”

  “Leif!” Whitney started crying again. She knew she looked so sad huddled in the corner of the airport balling, but she didn't care.

  “What's wrong?”

  “I couldn’t do it. He yelled and said I have to move here next year and I just sat there.”

  “You can’t move back there,” Leif said.

  “I know, but…I don’t know, it just feels like my whole being will melt away if he hates me, and he’ll hate me.”

  Whitney brushed away the tears with the back of her arm, fighting to
ignore the stares from everyone around her.

  “You won’t melt away Whit. You are you without your dad’s approval.”

  “I don’t know,” Whitney stammered. “That’s so scary.”

  “Whitney,” Leif started, his voice alone slowing her heart. “You really don’t need him. And I hate him for making you think you do. You're good at a million things and you should do what will make you happy. He’s a dick for wanting anything else for you.”

  A huge plane painted in a tropical scene rolled by in front of her and she dreamed of the carefree places it was going.

  “Just because he said those things doesn’t mean you have to go. You can say no later. Don’t beat yourself up for this,” Leif said.

  “K,” Whitney said. “Thanks.”

  “Of course! I always want to talk to you. I'm SO beyond pissed at my dad. I'm just glad you called Ivy.”

  “My plane is going to board. I'll see you tomorrow?” Whitney said.

  “Of course!”

  Whitney took a breath as she gathered her things. She’d feel better once she was in Leif’s arms.

  Chapter 16

  Whitney’s mom dropped her off outside the high school at 9:10 sharp for her track meet. Leif’s car was already there but she didn’t see him anywhere. She made her way over to Everley, Ivy, Brynley and Will. As she approached they dropped their conversation in an instant.

  “Hey! So, did you tell your dad you’re not going home?” Brynley asked.

  Whitney’s eyes answered for her.

  “Whitney! You can’t leave,” Brynley said definitively, she was used to always getting her way.

  “You’re moving back to California?” Everley asked, her large brown eyes frozen in shock.

  “My dad wants me to. I played like shit with my traveling team and he got pissed.”

  “You can’t leave us,” Everley said, surrounding her in a hug.

  “I don’t want to.”

  Coach called for them to load up just as Jesse and James pulled in. Whitney scanned the bus when she got on and spotted the top of Leif’s head in the back. She’d wanted so badly to see him. She sat against the window and Brynley slid in next to her. Brynley fidgeted with her bag, then her spikes, then her hair.