Loving Liberty

by Belinda Boring

  They’ll know. They always know, I chided myself guiltily. My parents had been true to their word—visiting at random times so there was no way of guessing when they’d show up. Secretly, I was surprised they didn’t have their own key cut. That was definitely something they’d do to show they still controlled me.

  It wasn’t my parents. Erica and Andrew stood outside my door, holding hands, my sister wearing a goofy grin on her face as she finished kissing her boyfriend. I still couldn’t believe they were dating, especially after everything I’d told her about him. She’d adamantly defended him, saying it was me who was the problem and that she was completely in love. After a while, I gave up trying. If she wanted to be with a pompous jerk, more power to her.

  “Good, you’re home,” she stated, walking in without waiting for an invitation. I gave her a few moments to scrutinize the apartment, finding its faults, so she could report back to Mom. Andrew nodded as he passed by and the brief look he gave me, made my skin crawl. The sooner they delivered whatever news they had, the sooner they could leave.

  “What’s going on?” I asked, leaning against the fireplace mantle. There was no way they were here merely to be social. There was some kind of agenda, judging from Erica’s superior than usual appearance. She’d come to gloat about something.

  “Can’t I come visit?” She pretended she was offended.

  “Who are we fooling here, Erica?” The time I’d spent living alone had helped me be braver when it came to dealing with her. Although she never stopped reminding me she would hurt me in a heartbeat, the truth was I took a small amount of pleasure knowing she was jealous over the apartment.

  “Fine, be a spoil sport. We came to hand deliver this to you.” Nodding to Andrew, he reached into his jacket’s pocket and pulled out a cream envelope.

  “Here you go, Liberty.” He smiled, his fingers brushing over my hand.

  There weren’t many reasons for such an ornately embossed envelope. I was being invited to something, and after opening it, the words engagement stood out. “Looks like congratulations are in order.” Scanning the card inside, my brows furrowed. “You’re not having it at home? I thought you always wanted something small and intimate.”

  “Maybe once, but being with Andrew has convinced me I want more. We love each other so passionately; our engagement needs to be shouted from the rooftops.” It was hard not to gag over the sickly giggling noise she made.

  “Well, good for you,” I said automatically. “I’m sure you’ll be happy together.” Now that the invite had been delivered, I was ready for them to leave.

  “Oh, we will be. Perfectly,” Erica gushed.

  “I hope this isn’t awkward for you, Liberty. I know you were disappointed when we didn’t work out, but I hold no ill feelings toward you,” Andrew added. He raised Erica’s hand to his mouth and kissed it. “You’ll be my new sister, after all.”

  The idea made me want to vomit. “It’s all in the past.”

  “So, I expect you to be there, Liberty. Mom is already planning pampering and shopping for the three of us. I’m sure she’ll be by soon to discuss it with you. The party’s going to be the event of the season.”

  I’d already begun moving toward the door, signaling their stay was over. “I’m sure it will be.”

  “Dad managed to procure the services of the best catering business in Seattle. It was quite the coup because they were already booked that evening. They’re in hot demand right now . . . Creative Cuisine Catering.” She knew exactly how I’d react hearing the name of the company Oliver worked for. “Of course, Dad knows that’s the business your waiter works for, so you’ll no doubt need chaperoning through the entire event.”

  “Why can’t you use someone else? In all of Seattle, there’s more than one catering firm.” A tremble passed through me. This was all just a game to her.

  They both laughed at my question. “Not everything is about you, Liberty. This is my party and I want the best. You’ll just need to control yourself. Surely you can do that for a few hours. If not, maybe you can discuss it with Dr. Stein at your next session.”

  “It’s time for you to go,” I demanded. All politeness and civility was thrown out the window.

  “Wow, still touchy, huh? Interesting.” Erica smirked as she passed by. “Don’t bother showing us out, we know the way. Enjoy your day, Sister.”

  Shutting the door behind them, I waited until I heard the elevator door dinged closed before crumpling to the floor in tears.

  “Do you know why you’re here, Liberty?”

  Sitting in Dr. Stein’s office, I refused to get comfortable on his brown leather couch. My next appointment wasn’t scheduled for another ten days, but something Erica had told my parents yesterday caused the receptionist to call for an emergency session. Unable to refuse without causing trouble, I’d obediently accepted.

  “No, I don’t.” Just like my father, it was safer to play ignorant with the doctor.

  “Your parents are worried about how you may react to your sister’s engagement and upcoming wedding. From what they’ve shared, you were quite smitten with her fiancé, Andrew, and have been depressed the past few months.”

  My heart broke over how truly oblivious my parents were. All this time they’d thought I was pining away over Andrew and our lost love. They were partially correct, only the sadness wasn’t over him.

  “I was never in love with him,” I answered bravely.

  “I thought we agreed during our first session that anything you shared would be confidential; so you could be honest.” Dr. Stein peered over his glasses at me, the look calculating. “If you choose to lie, I can’t assist you during this transition.”

  It took extreme willpower not to sigh out loud. I didn’t need his kind of help. Unless he could teach me how to stand up for myself and say no to bullies, these meetings were pointless. They were more harmful than anything; the chance of me slipping up and revealing something best left hidden was always a danger.

  “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

  “The truth. When you choose to ignore the real issue behind your depression, you miss the chance to heal.” More cryptic nonsense came out of his mouth.

  “Then what is the real issue?” This conversation was confusing me and I began wishing for the hour to be over.

  “Why didn’t you and Andrew work out?”

  “Because he decided he didn’t want me for a wife and chose Erica instead?”

  “So it wasn’t because you were rude and defiant?” Dr. Stein leaned in, his pen hovering over his notepad ready to take notes.

  “I guess so.”

  “Your father tells me you started displaying behaviors similar to those that you acted out when you were fourteen and that Andrew claimed you unsuitable because you disobeyed your parents and got drunk a few months ago.”

  “I just wanted a night of freedom,” I confessed, feeling the admission was harmless. He’d heard me say the same thing as a teenager.

  “And how did it feel? This night of freedom?” His pen touched the paper as he studied me.

  It was a trap, red flags flying up in all directions. I knew Dr. Stein’s tactics enough that if I answered it felt amazing; he’d scribble furiously and report to my parents his fears. By sharing that the night at Inferno with Oliver, the kiss, and being with his friends had been the best of my life, would be the first nail in my coffin.

  I let out a disappointed sigh. “It wasn’t what I thought it would be.”

  It was hard to know whether he believed my lie. He wrote a few sentences, underlining a few words, before examining me again. “Tell me about the people you were with.”

  Another snare. “They were just people I met that night. I haven’t really thought about them.” A new lie that earned more documentation.

  “How about the waiter your parents forbade you to see?” Dr. Stein pushed his glasses back up his nose, and sat back into his chair. “Oliver.”

  It was a name I never wanted
to hear him say. Shrugging, I downplayed Oliver’s importance. “I thought I might have had a crush on him.”

  “Why do you continue lying to me?” Barely concealing his frustration, he rested the notepad on the armrest. “Do I need to report your failure to comply with treatment?”

  “I’m being honest. I did start developing feelings for Oliver. But that’s over now.” I maintained eye contact, refusing to flinch when he didn’t look away first.

  “I believe it was more than a crush. You claimed to love this young man.” And to my horror, Dr. Stein pulled out a crumpled piece of paper. “Your mother found this in your room after you moved out. Judging from the doodling, you saw yourself having a future with him.” As if to emphasize his point, he showed me one of the pages I’d scribbled on in class.

  “Well, it doesn’t matter what I thought back then. Things have changed,” I answered defensively.

  “Yes, they have.” He picked his note pad up again and made another note. “How do you think you’ll react seeing this Oliver at your sister’s engagement party? Any regrets of ending your relationship?”

  I wanted to tell him it would kill me to see Oliver again and not be able to wrap my arms around his neck while we made up for months of missed kisses. Every day I lived with the regret that I didn’t fight harder for my freedom—that I’d buckled so easily.

  I blamed the man sitting opposite me for traumatizing me at his facility. I blamed my parents for using the threat of sending me back as a method to control me. But mostly, I blamed myself for being so weak.

  “Liberty?”

  “There won’t be any problems. He may not even work for that company anymore.” Looking down into my lap, I glanced up; wanting to make sure he believed my next statement. “And I have no regrets. I love my life as it is. All I am is grateful.”

  Something I’d said must have pleased him because he smiled as he took off his glasses. “I see no reason why the party should be an issue. As a precaution, your father has asked for me to attend. Should you need me or find yourself slipping into those destructive behaviors, I will be there to assist. You’ve made great progress and it would be a shame if you needed to come visit my facility again.”

  The threat was loud and clear. While I’d given him the right answers today, he’d be scrutinizing my every move at the event. One wrong word or sideways glance at Oliver, and I’d be locked away for goodness knows how long.

  “I’ll come to you for help, but I don’t think I’ll need it. There’s nothing going on between us. It really is over.”

  “Good.” Dr. Stein checked his watch and slowly stood. “That’s all we have time for today, Liberty.” He stretched out his hand and I obediently shook it. “I’m glad we were able to resolve some of your parents’ concerns. Maybe during our next session we can address any issues that surface from the party.”

  Directing me to his receptionist’s desk, he said a quick goodbye before welcoming his next client into his office.

  “Same time in two weeks, Honey?”

  “Yes, please.” Accepting the appointment card, I didn’t waste any time leaving. All the talk about Oliver had stirred my ever-present feelings about him. I hated having to hide them, but there was no way I’d ever reveal the truth.

  I was just as much in love with him today, as the day I met him.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Stepping out of the stretch limousine, I just wanted this to be over.

  Erica hadn’t been wrong about Mom wanting us to spend the day together and she’d requested I come home the night before, so we could start the events preparations early. Hour after hour of listening to Erica prattle on about how much she loved Andrew and how sad she was that I was alone, had driven me crazy. There were only so many thinly veiled insults I could take; but like the good girl I was trying to be, I sat there and smiled. My face still hurt.

  The weather was perfect tonight, all clear skies and a gentle, cool breeze keeping the heat at bay. Dressed in a floor length pink evening gown and a tux, my parents were going all out for this party. The invitations had specified black tie for the men and formal dresses for the women. It looked like a glorified prom to me, but I loved the dress I was allowed to pick for myself. When my mother had given me free reign at the boutique, I didn’t question it, my gaze immediately drawn to the deep fuchsia fabric.

  This night promised to be a nightmare, but at least I didn’t look like a cupcake.

  “Are you coming, Liberty?” My father prodded, waiting for me at the hotel entrance. After making sure my gown hung right after travelling in the car, I nodded and linked my arm through his. He patted my hand with his, an oddly caring gesture, and escorted me inside.

  I’d already listened to the hour lecture about being on my best behavior tonight and staying away from Oliver. My heart sunk when my father informed me he did, in fact, still work for the company. He hadn’t been able to find out if he was scheduled to serve at the engagement party, but the threat had still been issued. No interacting with him, remain alongside my parents, unless they deemed one of the males attending worthy enough to dance with. Failure on my part to comply, and Dr. Stein would be summoned to take me to his facility in the morning.

  I wanted to yell back and ask why Oliver was such a threat, why they didn’t believe me when I said it was over. My heart may still love Oliver, but I hadn’t heard from him since that phone call. For all I knew, he was already dating someone else. There was no need to continuously keep me on such a tight leash.

  The Grand Ballroom had been rented for the evening and it was beautifully decorated. Tables were elegantly designed with vases of fresh flowers, crystal glassware, and small strings of white lights. Photos of the happy couple were hung around the room for guests to gaze at, and in the center was a medium-sized dance floor.

  Images of Inferno flashed, unwelcomed. My skin flushed remembering the two kisses Oliver and I shared while dancing. There’d been absolute freedom that night, no fear preventing me from acting on my thoughts or desires. There’d been no need for chaperones.

  “Let’s find our table before we start mingling among the guests,” my mother said, jolting me out of my reverie. That was twice I’d been caught standing there, lost in thought, since arriving.

  If I don’t keep focused, I won’t survive the night.

  “Okay, Mom.” Following behind her, I kept my eyes trained on the ground and didn't look around.

  I knew my father was watching me closely when Oliver surfaced. I worked at keeping my face completely neutral.

  He was just as sexy as I remembered, his dimples showing each time he smiled at guests. I’d forgotten how incredible he looked in his uniform, the way it molded to his lean body, highlighting his great physique. I almost called out to him, my awareness suddenly fine-tuned to his presence. Time hadn’t changed the magnetic pull he held over me. I wanted him still. If anything, the attraction was stronger.

  “Seems he will be working,” my father murmured, grabbing my elbow and forcing me to stop. “Do we need to go over the rules for tonight?”

  Before facing him, I killed whatever excitement was churning inside me. It was imperative no one notice the effect seeing Oliver still had over me. One longing glance and the careful stack of lies I’d been building would crumble. Everything depended on my response.

  “I feel nothing, Dad. I didn’t even realize he was here. You won’t get any trouble from me.” To prove my point, I refused to look in Oliver’s direction.

  “Good girl. I’ve also requested he not approach you, either. He won’t be waiting on any of the family.”

  “You couldn’t have just asked that he not be on staff tonight?” It would’ve made this all easier and removed the need for threats.

  “I considered it. Dr. Stein and I discussed it, at length, and he convinced me this was a necessary test. Make sure you pass it, Liberty.” He kissed my cheek before moving toward my mother. They were such a striking couple together, always drawing attention fr
om passersby. Little did people know how deceiving appearances could be.

  This night could’ve been made less painful for me; but instead, they’d chosen to ignore my feelings, and prove their own theories by testing me. Once again, I was merely a pawn in their games and this one stung. Purposely putting Oliver in my path, just to see what I’d do, was cruel—even for my parents. All I wanted to do was turn around and go home, consequences be damned.

  Taking a seat at my table, I didn’t speak with anyone.

  “Can I get you a drink, Miss?” a male voice asked, causing my heart to skip a beat.

  “No, thanks.” Tears threatened as I shook my head at the stranger. “I’m fine with the sparkling water.”

  “Can I suggest adding small pieces of fruit? It gives it a little something extra.” I knew he was trying to do his job but all it did was remind me of that first night I met Oliver. He’d said the same thing.

  A flare of defiance flashed through me. “Actually, that sounds good. Do you have any raspberries?” Being with Oliver might be impossible, but I still had my memories.

  “I’ll bring you one now.” Quickly bowing, my eyes followed the retreating waiter. It was purely innocent, my thoughts not really invested, but it was the worst thing I could’ve done. Before he reached the doorway leading to the kitchens, Oliver stopped him. They exchanged a few words and, to my horror, my waiter turned around and pointed at me.

  Oliver’s gaze looked over the crowd and our eyes locked. I knew he recognized me; and when his face remained impartial, it was more than I could handle. Pushing back from the table, ignoring my mother’s questioning glance, there was only one thing left to do.

  Spotting the nearest exit, I fled.

  “So, this is where you’ve been hiding?” Andrew’s voice broke through my thoughts. “Your parents have been asking for you.”

  I’d been sitting in a secluded section of the hotel lobby for the past hour, trying to gather enough nerve enough to go back into the ballroom. At first, the cool night air had helped; but after being approached by a stranger for money, my fear kicked in. The poor concierge kept coming over, not sure what to do with a young woman just sitting in the shadows, but I hadn’t mustered enough courage to reenter the lion’s den. I didn’t have the confidence to give another believable performance. I’d failed.