by Abigail Agar
Amelia’s eyes grew hot with angry tears that threatened to spill over her cheeks. Emma let her be angry, but she continued on with her own work, not willing to carry on the conversation that was already such a chasm between them.
“I wish that you understood. You know nothing of what I have gone through or what my mother has gone through. You are being foolish, not us,” Amelia said.
“If that is what you wish to believe, I shall let you believe it. But I am not going to concede to it, Amelia. I want to see you happy and right now you are choosing misery even when happiness is right before your eyes,” Emma said.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Amelia said, the bitterness in her voice like steel.
Emma shook her head, looking at the work in her hands and continuing it. She wouldn’t give Amelia an opportunity to continue in her anger. She had said what needed to be said and the rest was up to Amelia. If she wanted to continue to be angry, she would. That was a part of her stubborn character that Emma had come to understand a long time ago.
“Allow me to say just one more thing,” Amelia began.
Emma looked up at her, knowing that this was going to be the end of it for now.
“He cannot be all that different from his father. I am accused of being too much like my mother and that is because she was the one who raised me. The earl was raised by his father. They are similar, I can promise you that. So if one cannot be trusted, nor can the other,” Amelia said.
With that, she got back to work and left the air quiet.
It was clear.
Emma could see that she had no other option. She would have to ignore her feelings. If she did not, Amelia would feel betrayed.
Trying to convince herself that she did not have the feelings would be difficult. But Emma knew that she was strong enough to do so. Her friendship was more important.
It was heartbreaking to think of the fact that she would not be able to get to know the earl better. She would have to leave aside the option of knowing him and being around him. Whatever had happened at their dinner, she would have to forget it. Whatever connection they might have had, Emma would have to let it go.
The earl was no one to her. Not anymore. She could convince herself if she tried hard enough. She could let go of whatever feelings were beginning to bloom within her chest.
Emma was a devout and loyal friend. She would put that first. And as she finished the hem of the gown she was making for Lady Forsyth, Emma decided to hem in the emotions that threatened her.
She could be bitter at the unfairness of it all. She could rage at Amelia for taking this chance away from her.
Or she could bite it down. She could swallow her desires. She could accept that this was the right choice on behalf of her friend, and this was the best thing for her to do.
As always, the latter decision won out.
Chapter 15
Eric took a deep breath, knowing what an utter fool he was being. He had not told Reginald that he was going to do this. He would not have admitted it to anyone, in fact. He could hardly confess it to himself.
As he made his way along the same road at the same time as he had done the previous evening, he told himself that he had simply wanted to go for a walk. He told himself that it had nothing to do with any hopes that he might bump into Miss Sproul again. He told himself any number of lies that needed to be told.
But he also knew that he wanted nothing more than to see her and to be near her again.
Eric took slow, deliberate steps and then…
There she was.
Miss Sproul was walking, her mind appearing rather preoccupied by the way she watched the ground and pursed her lips, her jaw tense and shoulders stiff.
But Eric drew up close to her so that she might notice him before he made it clear that he had seen her.
To his utter dismay, Miss Sproul walked right past him without even noticing.
“Oh! Miss Sproul!” he exclaimed in a voice that conveyed his false surprise.
She jumped and turned, looking up at him with hesitancy.
“M-my lord. Lord Thornbury, I mean. Hello. Good evening,” she said, the words cautious and foreign. She sounded as though she was making every effort to be formal in her greetings. There was no warmth in them.
“How are you this fine day? Well, evening now, I suppose,” he said.
“I am well,” she said, looking around them as though she was suspicious of their being watched.
Eric looked around more subtly than she had, curious as to whether or not there was anything to her suspicions.
“Are you all right, Miss Sproul?” he asked.
“Yes, certainly,” she replied quickly.
“You appear to be somewhat disturbed. Have I upset you?” he asked her, forthrightly.
Miss Sproul shook her head.
“No, my lord. I just didn’t know whether or not we should be seen together as we were with one another in the evening past. It may cause talk,” she said.
Eric’s heart sank when he realised that she didn’t want to be seen with him, but he knew that she was right. It was a risk. In fact, he had known that all along and was constantly being reminded of it, but that had not caused him to slow in his attempts to get to know her.
“Yes, well…well, what do you think if we have dinner again? That way, we might be out of the way of the street and we can still get to know one another once more,” Eric suggested.
Her lips parted, searching for an answer.
“Lord Thornbury, I thank you for your generous offer, but I fear that I cannot accept,” she said with a polite smile.
Eric’s heart sank once more, but he understood.
“Yes, of course,” he said.
“Please know that I mean not to offend you. I was late last evening and had to explain to my mother and father that I was dining with a gentleman on behalf of Amelia. They were displeased. Not only that, but…your sister would be unhappy,” Miss Sproul said.
Eric nodded.
“Yes, of course. I am sorry that I have put you in an uncomfortable position. There are many reasons that you are right to refuse me and I would be remiss to ignore them as I have been doing. I do not wish to put you in such a position that you are forced to make a difficult decision,” he said.
“Well, I have been in a great deal of difficult positions of late and having to make difficult decisions. I think it is best if you and your sister try to spend time with one another without my involvement,” Miss Sproul said.
Eric could see that she was not entirely comfortable with the words that she spoke and he wondered if it was hard for her as well. Did she realise how much he liked her? Was it possible that she liked him back and this was all difficult for her to truly cast aside?
“Yes, I understand,” Eric said again, trying very hard to be considerate of everything that she was feeling.
But deep down, Eric was distraught. He wanted to have this time with her to learn more about her. Thus far, everything they had spoken of had been surrounding the topic of his sister and Eric wanted more than that with Miss Sproul.
His sister was still his priority, but he was re-evaluating the best means of getting her to trust him. Was it not all right for him to get to know Miss Sproul in the meantime?
Apparently, it was not. It appeared as though everyone was entirely against that idea and Eric was simply going to have to accept it, no matter how sad it made him to do so.
He watched Miss Sproul begin to turn from him, but she turned back, as if unsure of her own answer.
Yes, there was a small part of him that believed that she really did not want to have to walk away from his invitation to dinner. There was a part of him that was coming to believe that she just might be as curious about getting to know him as he was about knowing her.
“Miss Sproul, are you all right?” he asked again, wanting to give her a chance to share whatever was in her thoughts.
She took in a deep breath and released it
while nodding to him.
“Yes, yes I am all right. This is all just very complicated and I do not like complicated things,” she said.
“Nor do I. I wish that everything was easier in how we were all communicating,” Eric said.
“Yes, that would be nice,” she replied. “But I must ask you to hear me out.”
“Please, tell me whatever is on your mind,” Eric said, hoping that she would share some deep desire to know him better as well.
“I have nothing against you. I hope that you know that by now. Otherwise, I would not have gone with you to dinner last evening,” she began.
“Yes, of course,” he replied.
“But you must know by now that I cannot betray Amelia by spending time with you. That is what this all comes down to. Well, not only that, but it is a start and it is reason enough on its own. She is my dearest friend. I hate to think of her feeling betrayed. She does not deserve that and she has been through far too much in her life to have to face more betrayal,” Miss Sproul said.
Eric breathed deeply, a sad and disappointed strain at the bridge of his nose.
“In addition to that, however, it is not proper for a man of your station to be seen with me. We are different, you and I. A lady of your station would not be with you unless she had a chaperone, of course. Anything less would be a scandal. And as your family already has a great scandal to deal with, one borne out of another relationship between a nobleman and a young woman of inferior birth, I think you understand what I mean,” she said.
He did understand, but Eric gave no movement to show that understanding.
“You know what I mean, of course,” she said again. “To be seen, just yourself and myself, we might be gossiped about. Others might think that there is something between us aside from simply trying to find a bond between yourself and your sister. We ought not to allow such talk to go about,” Miss Sproul said.
Eric was heartbroken that she was boiling it all down to this simple fact. He could not be seen as his father had been. It was all about reputation. There was nothing that could be between them because they had different stations in society and the two of them would not be allowed to spend time with one another anyway. Not really. Not in the way that he would have preferred over this.
“Yes, I think you are right,” Eric said. “But I do want you to know that in regards to our station, that must be the least of your worries.”
“How so? Why should that not be of concern to me?” Miss Sproul asked, shrugging as though he was missing something important.
“It should not be a concern because I would never wish to compromise your reputation. I am not my father. What he did was his own mistake, and it was foolish. But I would never put you through anything like that,” Eric said.
“Well, thank you, but I hope you understand that it changes nothing,” she said.
“Yes, I do understand that. But further than not being willing to put your reputation at risk, I also want you to know that in regards to my own, I have very little care. You are a good woman, a valuable woman. You are kind. My reputation means nothing to me and if I am not allowed to interact, even in conversation, with a woman purely because of her birth, that is a very sad society indeed,” Eric said.
Her eyes widened, as though Miss Sproul had not expected he would be of that mind, but she allowed the light in them to fade just as quickly as it had come.
“Yes, well, there is nothing more that needs to be said, Lord Thornbury. I thank you for your offer of dinner, but I must be going now,” she said.
Eric agreed and moved out of her way.
“Goodnight, Miss Sproul. Please get home safely,” he said.
“Yes, thank you. And you as well,” she replied.
With that, she passed him and made her way. Eric watched her for a moment, sad that she was not joining him for dinner but understanding that it was something that he had to miss out on for now.
Miss Sproul had been kind and gentle in her refusal of him, but that did not change the fact that it hurt to have to watch her go. She was so lovely and Eric wanted nothing more than to spend time with her even still.
Yes, having her response made it clear to him that he would have to set aside his designs for her. For now, it was time to return his focus to getting to know his sister. Perhaps that had been his mistake all along.
In trying to get to know the two women at once, he was causing difficulties for himself. But if he was successful in getting close to his sister, perhaps it would make things easier in later times for getting to know Miss Sproul.
For now, Amelia would require all of his attention. And if he was going to convince her to get to know him, he would have to be wiser than he had been.
For now, Amelia had only conceded to getting to know him as a means of keeping him away from her mother. But with all that she and her mother had done to smear the name of his family, Eric knew that he would have to try and charm them with whatever kindness he had.
He would have to prove himself over and over again until they would finally trust him. He would have to show how different he was to his father.
And, if he was deeply unfortunate, he would have to convince Liza Lockhart even before he was able to convince his sister.
For now, however, he would do as he had been told and just go and visit Amelia at the shop.
With that in mind, Eric headed back to the inn, determined to rest and figure out his next plan.
Chapter 16
Emma took a step back when the fury of Amelia came bursting into the small room that she was sitting in. Her mother and father were out, but it did not matter. Amelia took up more than enough space in the room with the anger that gripped her.
“What is it?” Emma asked, her voice a peep as she looked at her friend who had just burst into the room.
“What is it? What do you think it is, Emma?” Amelia spat back.
Emma didn’t know what to say. She was utterly frightened and knew that this had to have something to do with her interactions with the earl.
“I-I don’t know. I’m sure that you are upset about something, but you cannot expect me to know exactly what that is,” Emma said, trying to defend herself.
“Ha! I can’t expect you to be reasonable and understand what has happened? You cannot figure it out on your own?” Amelia asked.
Emma looked down, ashamed and knowing full well what it was that had Amelia so angry.
“Please, you needn’t be angry like this,” Emma said.
“I think you know well that I have every right to be angry. How could you do this to me, Emma? How could you betray me so freely?” Amelia asked, tears of rage catching in her throat.
“What exactly is it that you are mad at me for?” Emma asked.
“My mother saw you talking to the earl. She saw you, Emma. You cannot hide it or pretend that it didn’t happen. She saw the two of you together. She knows that you have betrayed the both of us,” Amelia said.
“Betrayed? I didn’t betray you. Not either of you. We stood in the street and he spoke to me. There is nothing more to it than that,” Emma said.
“Nothing? Are you certain? Because she said that it appeared as though you were quite tempted to join him for an evening,” Amelia said, her words an edge.
