Dawn of Change

by Gerri Hill

  “She told you?”

  “She kissed me.”

  Shawn smiled and raised her eyebrow.

  “Yes. And I thought I was going to faint. I’ve never felt the butterflies in the stomach and all that crap before.”

  Shawn laughed and stood. “I know the feeling. What kind of pizza do you want? I’ll call it in.”

  “Anything . . . but I’m not crazy about peppers.”

  Shawn came back outside with another beer for herself and a glass of ice for Lisa, who poured her warm Coke over it. Shawn watched Lisa, noting how relaxed she seemed now, compared to when Shawn had found her at the front door.

  “So, you didn’t sleep with her?” Shawn asked hesitantly.

  Lisa blushed. “No! Are you kidding? I was scared shitless.”

  “Did you talk about it with her or did you just run?”

  Lisa blushed again. “I ran.”

  “Lisa . . .”

  “But I saw her Sunday. We talked some, but this is just so . . .”

  “New?”

  “Shawn, I’m a virgin,” Lisa said quietly. “I don’t have a clue what to do with a guy, much less a girl.”

  Shawn laughed, then abruptly stopped at Lisa’s embarrassed face. “I wasn’t laughing at you, Lisa. I was thinking back to my own first time.”

  “How old were you?”

  “Sixteen.”

  “Sixteen? With a girl?”

  Shawn nodded. “She was older than me, had been around the block a few times, you know? I didn’t know what to do, I only knew I wanted to do it. And with her.”

  “What was it like?”

  Shawn smiled, remembering. “Awkward at first. But it was a long night. And I learned quickly.”

  They were quiet for a moment, then Lisa said quietly, “I was with her last night. But we didn’t . . . you know. I mean . . . we kissed. And touched, but . . .”

  Shawn reached out and squeezed Lisa’s arm. “You don’t have to tell me, Lisa.”

  “But it’s harder and harder to stop.”

  Shawn nodded. “I know. And when it does happen, it will be the most wonderful feeling you’ll ever have.”

  “You won’t tell my mother, will you?”

  “No,” Shawn reassured her. “That’s your decision.”

  “She would never understand.”

  “Don’t underestimate your mother. She loves you dearly, Lisa. She would never turn her back on you, no matter what.” Shawn hoped Lisa believed her. She hadn’t known Susan long, but she knew her well enough to know she would never turn Lisa away.

  “I guess I just don’t want to hurt her. She’s got her own problems. She doesn’t need to worry about me.”

  “Don’t let it go for long,” Shawn urged. “You can talk to me and I’ll be there for you, Lisa. But it’s not the same as your mother.”

  “Now I know why she likes you so much,” Lisa said.

  Over pizza, Shawn listened as Lisa told her about Sheri. She let Lisa ramble on, her own mind on Susan. Lisa was right. Susan had enough going on in her life right now without Lisa dropping this bomb. It probably wouldn’t hurt to keep it from Susan for a while.

  “Shawn?”

  “Hmm?”

  “Are you going to be at the cabin this weekend?”

  Shawn shook her head. “I’m going to San Francisco.”

  “Oh.”

  “Are you?”

  Lisa nodded. “I already told Mom that I was coming, but I want to spend time with Sheri, too.”

  Shawn shrugged. “Take her with you.”

  “Oh, I don’t know, Shawn. I’m not sure if I’m ready for that.”

  Shawn smiled reassuringly. “It’ll be fine. And Susan will have met her. It’ll make it easier later on, Lisa.”

  “I wish you were going to be there.” Me, too, Shawn thought.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Susan tried not to be annoyed as Ruth and Mother settled into chairs on the deck. Having unexpected company was getting old. And she had so been looking forward to spending time with Lisa. Uninterrupted time, where they could talk freely. But this way, they would at least be able to share a bedroom. They could talk then.

  “I haven’t seen Lisa in ages. Does she even bother to see her father?” Ruth’s voice dripped with sarcasm and Susan had to bite her tongue.

  “She’s been busy with college.” Then Susan added, equally as sarcastic, “And I haven’t asked if she’s seen Dave.”

  “Where’s your woodswoman?”

  Susan turned to her mother and frowned. “Who?”

  “I think she means your . . . woman friend,” Ruth supplied.

  “Shawn? She’s not a woodswoman, Mother. She camps.”

  “Whatever,” she said, lifting her glass of scotch. “It’s just that Ruth said she’s here most weekends mooching off you. Does she even have a job, Susan?”

  Susan forced a smile to her lips and glanced briefly at Ruth. “She’s in San Francisco this weekend,” Susan said, ignoring her question. Susan didn’t feel the need to explain further and she wondered just what Ruth had told their mother.

  “San Francisco? How appropriate,” Ruth said.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” Susan demanded.

  “Ruth thinks she’s a homosexual,” Mother replied before sipping from her drink.

  Susan squared her shoulders. “Well, Ruth is right. She is. She’s also a friend of mine and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t . . . gossip about her.”

  “Susan? Do you think that’s wise?” her mother asked. “I mean, to be around her?”

  “Oh, good Lord, not you too?” Susan stood quickly and spread her arms. “She’s my friend. That’s all. And I’m not going to stop seeing her just because she’s a lesbian!” Susan’s voice hardened with each word and she was practically shouting at them. “I like her. I’m sorry if you don’t understand that.”

  They both stared at her as if she were a stranger and she shoved both hands through her hair in frustration. It was a thankful sigh that she uttered when she heard the car drive up. Lisa. Thank God.

  But Susan stopped in her tracks when she rounded the corner of the cabin. Lisa stood by her car, talking quietly to someone. A girl. A tall, slender girl with hair so short she wouldn’t need a brush. Earrings lined one ear, the other was bare. When both girls turned to look at her, Susan smiled warmly and made her feet move.

  “Lisa!”

  “Hi, Mom.”

  They embraced quickly, then Susan stood back and smiled at Lisa’s friend.

  “I’m Susan.”

  “I’m Sheri.”

  “Mom, I hope you don’t mind, but I’ve been telling Sheri about the cabin and I wanted her to see it. She’s a friend from school,” Lisa explained.

  “Of course not, Lisa. Your friends are always welcome.” Then she lowered her voice. “If they can tolerate Ruth and Grandma.”

  “I was just explaining that,” Lisa said. “Why are they here?”

  “Well, as usual, they came uninvited and unannounced,” Susan explained.

  “Is there enough room for everyone? Sleeping, I mean,” Lisa explained.

  “I’ll take the sofa,” Susan offered. “You two can have my bedroom. I’m sure you’ll be up half the night talking anyway.”

  Susan turned to head back to the cabin, but she didn’t miss the glance shared by the two girls. Her heart raced. There was intimacy in that glance, she would swear. She felt her face flush. Could it be possible? Lisa?

  They made their way to the deck and Susan flicked her eyes warily toward Sheri. She would not stereotype, she told herself firmly. Then she felt her shoulders sag. If only Shawn were here. She would know.

  “Mom?”

  “Hmmm?”

  “Why are Aunt Ruth and Grandma here again?”

  “Who knows?” Susan whispered as they rounded the corner of the deck.

  Susan avoided Ruth’s eyes as she introduced Lisa’s friend to them. She knew exactly what Ruth was thinking. Hell,
she was thinking it herself. She felt on the verge of hysterics and she headed immediately into the kitchen. She refused to think and she grabbed two Cokes for the girls and filled a glass of wine for herself.

  “Coke okay?” she asked Lisa.

  Lisa grinned at her mother. “I guess with Shawn not here, there’s no beer?”

  Susan’s heart warmed at just the mention of Shawn’s name and she didn’t pause to wonder why. She simply shook her head. “No beer. Sorry. I keep meaning to pick some up, though.”

  “I don’t believe you’re of age, Lisa dear.”

  “In the company of my mother, I don’t think that matters.” Lisa turned to Susan. “Unless, of course, my mother objects.”

  “Well, I assure you, at your age, my children would never have dared touch alcohol in front of me,” Ruth continued.

  Lisa grinned. “Mom’s hardly you. And I’m certainly not one of your kids, thank God.”

  Susan heard Ruth’s slight gasp, but ignored it. Ruth had it coming. After all these years, you would think Ruth would have learned not to bait Lisa. Lisa had never been afraid to speak her mind.

  “How’s your father?”

  Lisa turned to her grandmother and shrugged. “I suppose fine. We don’t really have a lot to talk about right now.”

  “He’s still your father,” Ruth’s voice joined in.

  “He still hurt my mother,” Lisa shot back.

  Susan finally stepped between them, hands raised. “Please? Can’t we drop this?”

  “I’m sorry,” Lisa said quietly.

  “I’m really sick and tired of talking about my failed marriage,” Susan said to everyone in general. “We have a guest tonight.” She turned to Sheri and offered an apologetic smile. “Let’s don’t bore her with all that.”

  “Really,” Lisa agreed. “She’s heard enough horror stories.”

  “Lisa!”

  “Oh, Grandma, I’m just teasing.”

  Susan sighed, wondering when things had become so complicated. She longed for the early days of summer, when it would just be her and Shawn, quietly talking, sharing things about their lives. Shawn. Susan longed for her to be here now. She would make some teasing comment that was meant for Susan’s ears only, and Susan would smile at her, silently thanking her for relieving some of the tension. But Shawn was in San Francisco, seeing some woman. Susan had a brief mental image of Shawn locked in a passionate embrace with a woman, but she pushed it away, not liking the jealousy she felt. Instead, she focused on Lisa. Suddenly her mental image shifted to Lisa and Sheri and she knew, deep down she knew that what she was thinking was true.

  Lisa had never dated, never had a boyfriend. It was something Susan could never understand. Lisa was an attractive girl, she always had been. And it wasn’t as if boys hadn’t called. Lisa had just been more interested in her schoolwork than in them. But now as Susan watched Lisa with Sheri, her heart tightened. There was an intimacy between them that went beyond friendship and Susan suddenly wasn’t sure she could handle it.

  “We’re going to go on a walk, Mom. Okay?”

  “Of course. Show Sheri around,” Susan encouraged, hoping her voice sounded normal. To her own ears, it was frantic.

  Susan watched as they headed into the forest behind the cabin, then she turned, finding Ruth and her mother looking as well.

  “Who in the world is that?” Ruth whispered. “Have you ever seen hair that short on a girl?”

  “All those earrings,” Grandma added. “And all in one ear!”

  “Please stop.” Susan’s voice was quiet and calm, and both women turned to look at her. “She is Lisa’s friend. I won’t have you talking about her behind her back.”

  “Oh, Susan, really. Surely she’s not the type of friends you want for Lisa?”

  “Ruth, unlike you, I allow Lisa to live her own life. That includes choosing her own friends.”

  “Well, I assure you, my children wouldn’t dare bring home that . . . that girl,” Ruth hissed. “They were raised better than that.”

  Susan’s eyes flashed red rage. “How dare you!”

  “Girls . . .”

  “No, Mother, stay out of this.” Susan bent close to Ruth. “You don’t run my life and you certainly don’t run my daughter’s life. If you don’t approve of us, perhaps you shouldn’t come up here.” Susan stood and raised her hands to the sky. “I hate to think that you’re being exposed to all this corruption!”

  Ruth’s smile was so patronizing that Susan wanted to slap it right off her face.

  “Susan, I certainly didn’t mean to offend you with anything I said. You’re my only sister, it’s only natural that I be concerned for you and your family.”

  Susan opened her mouth, a stinging retort on her lips, but their mother intervened, placing one hand on Susan’s arm, the other held in front of Ruth’s face.

  “Enough! We are a family. I’ll not have you fighting as if you can hardly stand each other.”

  Then she turned sympathetic eyes to Susan, and Susan let her shoulders sag in defeat. She was once again eight. Their mother had always taken Ruth’s side. This was to be no different.

  “Susan, dear, I think Ruth is simply concerned about Lisa, as she should be. Her parents suddenly separate after being happily married for nearly twenty years. Then you move up here alone, only to become friends with this . . . this Shawn person. Maybe we’re afraid you’re setting the wrong example for Lisa.” She pointed to the forest for effect, before continuing. “This girl is trouble, Susan, mark my words. There are plenty of girls Lisa’s age that come from families in the neighborhood, yet she’s never made the effort with them and I always wondered why you didn’t insist she take a more active role in the events of the country club. Now look what you get. Why, she’s practically a street person, much like Shawn.”

  Susan sighed heavily, her head shaking as she looked first at her mother, then her sister. How were they all from the same family?

  “Mother, she’s a college student, she’s not a street person,” Susan said wearily. “Lisa’s in college. Her friends are going to be college students,” she said dryly. “Now, I’m going to go inside to make burgers. When I come back out, I don’t want to hear another word about this.”

  She knew they stared after her as if she were a complete stranger to them, but she squared her shoulders. This was her home. Lisa was her daughter. And she was so tired of having to justify everything she did to them, as if she were still a child. Well, no more. She was tired of people telling her what to do. If they didn’t like her decisions, tough! She had no one to answer to but herself.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Shawn nervously twisted her napkin. She had never been good at blind dates and this one was no exception. Thank goodness Amy had agreed to make it a foursome. She hadn’t seen Amy since Christmas. And she didn’t want her one night in San Francisco to be spent with a stranger. But she and Amy had kept their conversation to a minimum, trying not to exclude the other two.

  “Will you stop,” Amy whispered with a quick kick to Shawn’s shin.

  Shawn dropped her napkin and reached for her wineglass instead. The evening had already been endless and they had yet to order dessert. She sighed quietly, then smiled across the table at Rebecca. She was attractive enough, Shawn thought, if you liked that skinny, angular look. And they certainly seemed to have a lot in common. Rebecca logged in thirty-five miles a week on the running trails and never missed an opportunity to hike the redwood forests north of the city. And camping. She loved to camp.

  Shawn should have been thrilled. Instead, she let Rebecca’s high voice grate on her nerves and thought idly that her long hair made her face look that much more angular. My, but for someone who hadn’t been on a real date in years, she sure was being picky.

  “We really should plan a camping trip some weekend.” Rebecca spoke to all of them, though her eyes were on Shawn.

  Amy laughed. “Shawn took me camping once. And once was enough. I found out I’m a true cit
y girl.” She turned to Laura, who had been nearly as quiet as Shawn. “What about you?”

  “I’ve never been camping, actually. It always sounds like fun when someone else goes, but I’m a city girl, too.”

  “I guess that leaves us,” Rebecca said to Shawn. Her smile was big and Shawn answered with one of her own.

  “Oh, we’ll talk them into it,” Shawn said causally. She was not about to commit to a camping trip with a woman she didn’t know and wasn’t sure she even liked that much.

  It wasn’t until later, when she was safely tucked into bed, alone, that she wondered why she had taken a dislike to Rebecca. She was friendly enough, pleasant even. And Amy had apparently thought they would hit it off or she would never have suggested the date. She knew Shawn well enough not to play matchmaker.

  But there was nothing, not even a tiny spark. Shawn knew she had hardly given Rebecca a chance, though. She just had very little interest in Rebecca and their conversation. When she closed her mind and let Rebecca’s high voice drift to the background, she saw Susan. And she wondered if Lisa had made it to the cabin, and even more, she wondered if they’d talked. If Susan was okay? If Susan wished that Shawn were there?

  She sighed. She never meant to get so involved with them. It was Susan, she knew. They had become such good friends so fast, Shawn hadn’t had the time to back off. Now it was too late. She admitted she probably had a mild crush on Susan, nearing infatuation, really. More like a schoolgirl’s crush on her teacher, knowing it was unattainable, yet unable to resist the attraction.

  Shawn rolled over. Not sexual attraction. No, of course not. Shawn did not think of Susan in that light. But still, she couldn’t help but compare Rebecca to Susan. Rebecca’s high voice, which by the end of the evening was grating on Shawn’s every nerve, was so different from Susan’s soft, soothing speech. Her sharp, angular features seemed nearly severe when compared to Susan. Her lips were too thin, her nose too pronounced, her eyes dull.