Blue

by Sarah Jayne Carr

  I walked into the bathroom and flinched when I saw my reflection in the mirror. One of my Brennan traits had reared its ugly head. Post-ugly cry face. Anytime I had a really good sob, I looked like hell the next day. My cheeks were blotchy and pink, eyes swollen and reduced to puffy, red-rimmed slits. Outside of wearing a brown paper bag over my head, there was little that could be done to remedy my face before the meeting. Hopefully, my uncle wouldn’t be frightened into making a Ty-shaped hole in the wall.

  Absentmindedly, I went through the motions of taking a long shower before throwing on my favorite sweatshirt and faded jeans. It was the polar opposite of what I’d worn the night before, but if Ty was fine with casual, that’s what he was gonna get. Fuck it. I wasn’t about to dress up to get shut down. My Chucks were still near the front door along with a graveyard of wadded tissues I wasn’t ready to clean up. I grabbed a strawberry protein bar from my suitcase and pinned my hair up into a messy bun before beginning my walk toward the construction company.

  “Blue!” Ralph called out, jogging to catch up to me. He had a book tucked under his arm.

  “Ralph, I’m in a hurry.” I tried to brush him off by avoiding eye contact, even though the dark sunglasses took care of that.

  He skidded to a stop in front of me. “This’ll only take a second.”

  He was old. I tried to be polite and hear him out.

  “Can you help with this?” He extended the book toward me. A yellow sticky note was on the front.

  “I can’t find these two words in here,” he continued through his thick accent. “This dictionary is both useless and broken. That Merriam-Webster is a fool.”

  I looked down at the sticky note. Written in shaky pencil were the words “perfusely” and “misterious”.

  “Ralph—”

  “Also,” he tapped the cover with his index finger, “the history of pheasants isn’t in here.”

  I closed my eyes and with as much patience as I could muster, I explained the difference between an encyclopedia and a dictionary. Additionally, I suggested a spelling lesson.

  The look on his face told me he didn’t believe I knew what I was talking about. “Okay. I’ll ask someone else. You go.”

  “Oh! Here.” He handed me a plastic bag he held in his other hand.

  “What’s this?” I asked.

  “Plastic containers. From meals you’d sent over for me. I’m returning them.”

  “The meals I sent?” My eyes got wide as I peeked inside the bag. The clear plastic still had bits of food clumped into the corners, now olive green and fuzzy.

  Ralph’s wife had passed years prior, and he lived alone, his daughter out of state. On Sunday nights, I’d task Daveigh with taking him leftovers.

  “And I thank you,” he said.

  “You’re welcome? Ralph, I’ve been gone for nearly two years,” I replied.

  “Better late than never, right?” He nodded once and walked back toward his driveway.

  I headed around the side of the house and opened the trash can to throw in the bag of plastic dishes before I left. “Gross.”

  I took a deep breath as I headed down the sidewalk. The air was both calm and still with the faint smell of rain lingering on the horizon. It reminded me of what happened before a big storm hit Steele Falls, and Zack’s words echoed in my head about the weather changing. Zack. The party. It was already Tuesday. Damn it.

  I’d finished my near-flavorless breakfast that had the consistency of soggy cardboard by the time I walked up to the entrance of Brennan Construction. Absentmindedly, I took off my sunglasses, like I would before walking inside any building. The front doors closed behind me and was greeted by Rita, the wonder receptionist. At that moment, I wasn’t sure which of them left a worse taste in my mouth.

  “Blue!” A fake grin manifested on Rita’s face as she perched a pair of rectangular-shaped reading glasses on her round face. “It’s so nice to see you again. Can I get you a cup of coffee or a cheese Danish from the break room? Made them myself.” She scrunched her nose and focused on my eyes. “Dear God, honey. What happened? You look awful. Did someone die?”

  Evidently, I still looked like shit. “Actually, someone did die. The mayor’s husband. My step-father. Do you not keep up on town gossip?” I shot her a glare. She didn’t need to know Tom wasn’t the reason for yesterday’s tears. “No thanks on the coffee or the pastry though,” I replied, unwilling to return her phony smile. “Any other awkward questions you care to ask while I’m standing here? Wanna know what color my underwear are or how many men I’ve slept with? Maybe you’re wondering if the curtains match the carpet.”

  Rita blinked rapidly. “I…”

  I sighed, knowing I’d taken it a smidge too far. “Just let Ty know I’m here, please.”

  “I’ll call him while you’re on your way up.” She dialed on a phone and glanced at me with concern spanning her face three times before nodding for me to continue through the double doors.

  As I exited the elevator on the second floor and walked toward Ty’s office, I froze when someone rounded the corner at the end of the hall. Adam was headed in the opposite direction, bee-lining toward me while on his cell phone. He hadn’t seen me yet, his secondary focus on spinning a ring of keys in his hand. My watch indicated it was too late to turn around and run the other way. Two minutes until ten o’clock. I could either be a coward and bolt for the nearby stairwell or be on time for my meeting. Hello, big girl pants. We meet again. Guess that blueberry muffin of Cash’s wouldn’t have hurt my waistline after all.

  My heart thudded in my chest as I tried to remain inconspicuous. It’d be a difficult feat considering we were the only two in the corridor. My goal was to be transparent while rushing by him. Be cool. Be casual. Walk. Maybe he won’t notice. Unfortunately, I failed and didn’t go undetected.

  For a brief moment, his eyes locked with mine and his pace slowed, but I couldn’t pinpoint what his questioning expression conveyed. Horror? Pity? Curiosity? Maybe it was all three and he’d mastered the fine art of how to SHAT on me like Cash used to too.

  “Fuck off, Rockwell,” I replied as I blasted past him with a hitch in my voice. Twice more, I glanced over my shoulder and he’d stopped in the hall with his head cocked to the side, watching me walk away.

  When I was outside of Ty’s office and out of sight from any other Brennan Construction employees, I pulled the pair of oversized sunglasses from my tote bag again. After I put them on, I checked my reflection in the glass of a painting before knocking on the door. Much better.

  “Come in,” Ty said.

  I opened the door and walked inside, closing it quietly behind me, the bottom abutting the plush carpeting.

  Like last time, my uncle welcomed me with open arms paired with a hug and a warm smile. It had to be a consolation prize before he unleashed the bad news. Could’ve won the trip to Tahiti, but instead Blue gets the booby prize. Score. “Have a seat.” He glanced at my eyewear for a few seconds, but didn’t question it.

  There was another knock on the door as I set my bag on the floor and did what I was asked.

  “Sorry,” Ty said to me with a sigh. “Come on in.”

  The door opened and I craned my neck, immediately wishing I hadn’t.

  Adam walked in, holding a stack of papers in one hand and his cell phone in the other. I was so concerned with passing him in the hallway, I hadn’t noticed he wasn’t in his muddy work gear like he had been the day prior. Instead, he was clean-shaven, his hair styled with just enough gel. I scanned him from head to toe. A powder blue-and-white striped button-up shirt. Dark slacks. Black shiny dress shoes. I’d forgotten how well he cleaned up.

  “What’s up, Adam?” Ty asked. “I thought you were meeting with Calvin this morning?”

  “I am. He pushed it back to noon.”

 
“Sounds like Calvin. So, what’s up?” Ty asked again.

  Adam cleared his throat. “Um. Can you sign off on these modifications for Gervais? I just got off the phone with him, and I think we finally reached an agreement.”

  “You don’t need my signature on those. I trust your judgment more than—”

  “I’d feel better if you reviewed them,” his eyes flicked to me, “and knowing everything was all right.”

  I averted my eyes even though I knew he couldn’t see them through the tinted lenses.

  Ty gestured toward me. “Does it have to be done now? I’m in the middle of a meeting.”

  “It can’t wait. I told him I’d call him back in five with a final.” Adam handed the stack of paperwork to Ty. “He’s about to board a plane at SeaTac, and we both know impatience is that man’s greatest strength.”

  “Yeah, I know.” The room was silent as my uncle let out a sigh before scanning the documents.

  “What’s with the sunglasses?” Adam looked at me and crossed his arms. “You’re indoors, and it’s November.”

  “Migraine.” I repositioned them. “Must be the lighting.”

  “Uh huh. Makes perfect sense,” he replied, scrutinizing my expression as I tried to keep my cheeks from tingling.

  “Everything appears to be in order, as I suspected. Call Phil and tell him we’re good to go.”

  “Will do,” Adam said as he grabbed the papers from Ty, flashing me one last glance before he walked toward the door.

  Ty remained silent until it clicked shut, indicating we were alone. “I want to talk about what happened last night.”

  I swallowed. “I can explain all of that. It wasn’t my best representation, and I’d like to apologize—”

  “Apologize? For what?” Ty furrowed his brow. “Adam loved you. Maybe those weren’t his exact words, but he said he believes you’d be an asset.”

  Are you sure he didn’t say “ass” instead of asset?

  “So, I’m offering you the job,” he continued, yammering about pay, benefits, a schedule, policies, and vacation time. All of them were important points I should’ve taken detailed note of, but I couldn’t stop replaying the dinner at Mario’s in my head.

  “So…what do you think? Are you on board?”

  “Seriously? That’s it? No second interview, calls to references, or anything?” I blinked, wondering if Adam remembered the same evening I did. Good thing you weren’t there last night, Uncle Ty.

  “Look. You said you have experience from being with that other outfit. Plus, anyone who puts up with the rescheduling hurdles I put you through and no-show employees for an on-the-clock dinner meeting? You took it in stride. The position can be performed remotely, so I’ll have IT set up your virtual office and supply you with a laptop before you head out of town. When do you leave?”

  Out of town. I’d almost forgotten about my old life in Sacramento. “Leave.” I blinked. “I haven’t decided yet. The funeral’s tomorrow. Fast Eddie still has my car.”

  “Keep me posted when you figure it all out,” Ty said as his phone rang. He pushed a button to ship it to voicemail.

  “I don’t know what to say.” What I should’ve said was I didn’t have any experience and I needed an immeasurable amount of on the job training in a twenty-four-hour period. Instead, I kept my mouth shut and decided to swim instead of sink.

  “Well, hopefully you accept.” Ty laughed. “That’s why we’re here, isn’t it?”

  “Yes. Sorry.” I got up and hugged him. “I totally accept. Thank you for this. I mean it.”

  “My pleasure. Now, not to run you off, but I have a meeting in fifteen minutes. My people will call your people.” He smiled and gathered a few file folders, along with his travel mug.

  “Of course.” I grabbed my tote bag and headed for the door after saying goodbye. On my way out, I didn’t even throw any snarky comments in Rita’s direction. For that, I deserved a gold star and a cookie.

  Much like the walk home from the Lean, Mean, Coffee Bean a few days prior, I practically floated back to the house. A burden had been lifted from my shoulders instead of a new one weighing me down. Something had actually gone in my favor. A new job would be a new beginning for me. I could feel it.

  When I arrived back at the house, a yellow taxi was in the driveway, the back driver-side door hanging wide open. A man wearing a pea coat, red plaid scarf, jeans, and loafers gestured and laughed with the cab driver through the open window, a rolling suitcase next to him. I watched him pass a wad of bills before turning his attention to me. A wide smile spread across his face.

  My feet began to take off at a rapid pace before I even realized it happened.

  “Blue!” he exclaimed with open arms.

  I fell into Finn’s embrace and held him tight. “You’re here!”

  “Well, a last-minute flight from around the world cost a pretty penny, and despite two layovers and one missed connection, it was meant to be.”

  I looked up at him, blinking back hot tears.

  “Let me look at you, pretty girl.” He twirled me around in a circle. “Just as radiant as the last time I saw you. Wait. Have you been crying?”

  “I—” The door on the other side of the cab unexpectedly opened and caught my attention. It didn’t add up.

  An unfamiliar male got out of the back seat on the passenger side, his eyes locking with mine for a brief moment before he looked away. I drank in his appearance as he ran his fingers through his hair. It was long enough to showcase the tips of nutmeg-colored curls with hints of topaz, matching the irises of his eyes. It was the perfect complement to his golden-brown skin and his manicured goatee. He wore a buttoned trench coat, jeans, and trendy tennis shoes. The gravel crunched under his feet as he walked around to the side of the car where I stood. Quietly, he unloaded his luggage from the trunk.

  “Big sister,” Finn toward the man next to me, “I’d like you to meet someone.”

  “Hi. I’m Blue,” I said, extending my hand toward his.

  His accent was far thicker than Finn’s. “It’s a pleasure. I’ve heard a lot about you. The eyes live up to the name.”

  Finn smiled. “This is my boyfriend, Scott.”

  My hand tightened around Scott’s and I continued to pump it for a few seconds too long before letting go at the unexpected news.

  “Boyfriend?” I murmured to Finn through the side of my mouth. “Can I talk to you for a sec?”

  “Sure.” Finn turned toward Scott and lowered his voice. “Give me a minute with her.”

  “We won’t be long,” I replied.

  Finn led me to the edge of the driveway. “What’s up?”

  “What do you mean ‘what’s up?’ You’re…”

  “You can say it. The word won’t bite. I’m gay.” He paused, seriousness behind his dark blue eyes. “Is that an issue for you? Because if it is—”

  “No. I just…you didn’t tell me.”

  “Why would I?” He laughed. “We haven’t spoken for two years until the other day. Besides, do you blast from the rooftops that you’re hetero?” he asked.

  “No. I mean…”

  “It’s the same thing.”

  “Finn, that’s not where I’m going with this. I don’t care if you’re gay, straight, or somewhere in-between. You could prefer the company of llamas and I wouldn’t judge you.” I paused. “Okay, maybe not llamas. Their teeth creep me out, and they do that weird spitting thing. But that’s not what I’m trying to say. You have my unwavering support; you know that. I…don’t feel like I know you anymore. So much time has gone by…” I replied with a twinge of sadness in my voice.

  “Well, you stopped taking my calls much like Mom did—”

  “Wait. Don’t compare me to the momster. I avoided everyone because…”r />
  “Because why?” He cocked his head to the side. “Why did you leave us all behind?”

  My mouth opened, but I suddenly didn’t know how to consolidate everything into one single sentence without unraveling at the seams. It took three solid attempts before the lump in my throat let me speak without risking tears. “Because I had my own shit I didn’t know how to handle.”

  “We all have our hang-ups. Look at me. I let her,” he glanced toward the house, “pay for my college tuition, and I know perfectly well she does it to keep me away from Steele Falls. The last time she and I spoke, she called me a ‘black mark’ on her pristine election record. How’s that for unconditional love? But I’m not innocent either. I couldn’t afford college abroad, so I allow her to buy me off.”

  “But I was afraid if I revisited…”

  “If you revisited what?” He nudged me with his elbow. “The dive bar? The coffee shop? What?”

  “Wait a sec,” I said as a lightbulb went off over my head at the word ‘revisited’. “Don’t you have finals right now?”

  “No.” His brow furrowed. “I took a semester off because I needed a break. Why?”

  “And Mom knows?”

  “Of course, she knows. She’s the one footing my tuition bill.”

  “And this,” I nodded toward Scott, “is why mom…isn’t talking to you. Don’t you realize the election is right around the corner?”

  “Don’t go diving too far into the rabbit hole, Blue. I don’t. It’s not worth it. And you’ll never find your way back out.”

  The momster’s words echoed throughout my head.

  “Finn’s not coming home. He has finals to study for, and with what I have to pay for his tuition. Just no.”

  It wasn’t that he had exams. Not telling him about Tom was intentionally done to keep him far away from the public eye.