Same Old Song

by Brenda Dorantes

  As I walk up the stairs to the stage, a feeling of fulfillment takes over me. The same feeling I got four years back when I graduated high school, only now it feels like a real achievement. My life starts here, my future takes off from here. Everything that happens from now on will be because of me, the good and the bad and I am willing to take it and embrace it with everything I have. I look back at my obnoxious brother, who clapping behind me and out in the ocean of people are my parents. My eyes fall on Katherine, who stands in line with the other students waiting for their turn. She’s clapping as well. Her eyes met mine, even through the crowd of people. She nods her head… it’s a silent statement, but I get it.

  We finally made it.

  Chapter Eleven

  Aidan

  Passengers for flight 451 destination to Chicago, Illinois, please line up at gate E6 at this time.

  "Aidan, we have to go." Kathy shakes me, in an attempt to wake me up. I’m exhausted after all the festivities last night and having to wake up before the sun even rose was not a piece of cake. "You're not a morning person today, are you?”

  "Nope," I grumble, rubbing away the sleep from my eyes.

  "Come on, it's time to board the plane." She takes my arm and with a little struggle, she pulls me to my feet. She hands me a Starbucks, which I thank her for.

  Everyone else is lined up at the gate when we get there. I double-check my email for any last-minute changes or announcements from Mr. Garner. As the line progressively moved, I notice Katherine begin to tense up beside me and when I look at her, her cheeks puff in and out.

  "You've been in a plane before, right?" I ask.

  She nods, biting her lower lip. "I have… let's just say being in a plane is nothing very pleasant for me."

  I laugh. "Kathy, the plane is perfectly fine. It's not going to crash."

  "You never know and it's not of the plane crashing that scares me," she says. "It's the small space and the height. I was terrified when I first flew from California to Chicago."

  “Wait, you’ve been to Chicago before?”

  “Yes, when I was a little girl and I haven’t been back since.”

  I take her hand from my arm and wrap my arms around her waist, pulling her back to my chest. I kiss the side of her head and lean my head on her shoulder.

  "Kathy, I'm gonna be here with you the entire way. I'm not leaving you, okay?" I kiss her cheek. Kathy holds onto my hands tighter and though I have a feeling my presence isn't enough to calm her down, it sure is a start.

  The following four hours of our flight from Seattle to Chicago are pretty calm. After an entertaining take off, Kathy doesn’t speak much during the journey. She kept holding onto my arm with her head against my shoulder and her eyes glued on the open window. The sight on the other side of the window is breathtaking. The sight of the thick clouds and the light of the sun bouncing off them.

  Katherine is thoughtful and in some sort of peace, so I don’t disturb her for the rest of the flight.

  * * *

  "Welcome to Chicago," Dad said once we stepped outside the airport. The humid air is the first thing that hits me the second we walked out.

  I look at Kathy, who had this nervous look on her face.

  "You okay?" I ask her.

  "I'm great." She tries to sound convincing, but she isn’t fooling me. Something isn’t right.

  “When you said you came here when you were a little girl, why was it?”

  "My dad’s burial. He was born and raised here before he moved to California and according to my mom, he always said he wanted to be buried next to his parents when he died."

  This could be an opportunity for her to see him again, I thought.

  I wrap my arm around her waist and ask, “do you want to go visit your dad?"

  Katherine rolls her eyes. "Aidan, you have more important things to do.”

  Now I roll my eyes at her comment.

  "Kathy, that rehearsal dinner can wait. Let's go see your dad."

  "Who's dad are we seeing?" Alex chimes in as he walked toward us. "Oh, I want to meet Kathy's dad."

  "No, Aidan, no." She steps away. “This trip is about you and your performance, not about my dad.”

  I hold back the need to snort at her. "Kathy, who said this is only about me? Not me, I can assure you and I’m sure as Alex didn't say that either. Come on, you want to see your dad, right? After all these years you couldn't."

  She nods slowly but still has that thoughtful slash embarrassed look on her face that I wish I could wipe away. She feels like an inconvenience and I hate that I can’t convince her otherwise.

  “Katherine.” Mom steps in and places a hand on Kathy’s shoulder. "We can go see your dad, if you want to. Just tell us where to go."

  Kathy's eyes start to water, but she holds the tears back. She takes a deep breath and says, "Mount Olivet Cemetery."

  Because this small trip is something personal for Kathy, Mom drives Alex and the rest of the group to the hotel while Dad drove us to the cemetery. He stayed in the car while Kathy and I went looking for his tombstone. I take her hand in mine, giving her a light squeeze and the reassurance that I'm here for her. We walked up and down the long aisles of tombstones, reading every name, every quote, every date… until we finally found his.

  "This is it," she said.

  Charlie Andrew Dawson. He was born on November 23rd, 1981 and he died October 15, 2008. He was twenty-seven when he died… so young.

  "He died two days after my fifth birthday," Katherine said without taking her eyes off his grave. "He had promised me a doll for my birthday, but because he had work, we postponed it till later. We were on our way to the bookstore and it began to rain heavily. He kept getting flash flood alerts and accidents, but we were already on the road so he was trying to find a place where we could park until everything settled. Then out of nowhere a car lost control and impacted the front side of our car... it was his side. He died in an instant." She paused, shifting her weight from one leg to another. Her eyes never left the grave. "Ever since then I’ve tried to avoid riding in a car in the rain the best that I can."

  "Is that why you didn't want me to give you a ride that day?"

  "Sort of. It's not that I'm afraid of cars, but the memories of that day come back. Even when I was so young, I still remember it as if it happened yesterday."

  "He would've been very proud of you," I say, letting go of her hand and wrapping my arm around her shoulders. “Very, very proud.”

  She smiles. "I know."

  "Really?"

  She looks at me. "I know. I haven't given up on my dream, I never did anything I regret and I'm excited to see how my life turns out." She turns back to her father's grave. "And because I'm not alone."

  "That’s right." I look back at the tombstone. "She's in good hands, Mr. Dawson. I'll take care of her, I promise."

  After a short moment of silence, Kathy said, "thank you." And then we started walking back to the car with our hands latched together.

  * * *

  The rehearsal dinner is a special event. Very elegant, as well. It’s a special dinner that the Orchestra Annual Foundation offers to the school that will be performing as a thank you. The dinner is also painfully long. It’s all polite talk, manners, and education. I felt like I was in one of those old school movies where everyone raised their pinky as they sipped their tea.

  It’s a pain in the ass for everyone. Alex whined because we had to wear suits. Kathy wasn't really happy with the dress Leila and my mother made her wear, though she was gorgeous. The dress is light blue, thick straps on her shoulders and with a skirt that went down to her knees. It was heart-shaped at the top part and the skirt was long and wavy.

  "Aidan, Mrs. Garner mentioned your demon was pretty impressive last semester," Principal Clarke said as we were given our dessert.

  "It actually was,” Mrs. Garner said as she cleaned the edges of her mouth with her napkin. “I’ve rarely seen a student with such an amazing touch like Aidan's.
He has a bright future, Mr. and Mrs. Callahan."

  Mom smiles proudly, taking my hand in hers. "He's been playing ever since he was six years old, it wouldn't surprise me."

  I manage to smile through the exchange, even through my own awkwardness. Being the center of attention on the table with my family and teachers is not my number one priority right now. The dinner continued to drag on with conversations about the performance, the preparations and what is going to happen next. There is a chance more than one of us will be offered a job with the number of producers and agents that will be in attendance tomorrow. That is one more reason for me to almost shit my pants and feel hopeful at the same time.

  Later on in the night, Kathy starts showing signs of exhaustion. She tries not to make it obvious, but it is.

  "Do you want to head out?" I ask her.

  "No, it's just a little yawn," she lied. Of course, she's an awful liar because as soon as that sentence leaves her lips, she yawns again.

  "Come on, I'll take you to your room." I stood up, before she had a chance to stop me. "Please, excuse us,” I said to the rest of the table and I took her hand, making her stand up. We say our goodnights and leave the restaurant. "Finally, that’s over. I don't know how much good manners I could take in one night," I said, untying my tie.

  "Don't you think it's going to be weird for them?" She asked.

  "Weird how?" I unbuttoned the first two buttons of my shirt, they were about to choke me to death. We walk in the fancy elevator and I press the number to our floor.

  "You and I are leaving in the middle of the dinner alone... In a hotel," she said, making it sound like it's the most obvious thing in the world. "What are your parents going to think?"

  I chuckle. "It doesn't bother my parents, Kathy. I'm a twenty-one-year-old man, they know I have a life. I'm not seventeen anymore." Kathy rolls her eyes and leans back against the mirrored wall. "You look very beautiful tonight, by the way."

  She smiles. "Thank you. You do know how to pull off a suit," she said, fixing my jacket and straightening my tie. "Did you tie it all by yourself?"

  "Not really, I had to ask my mother." I rest my hands over hers on the sides of my jacket. She bites her lower lip. I pull her hair away from her face, threading my fingers through her locks. "You're so beautiful."

  "Stop.” She looks down timidly. I cup her cheek in my hand and tilt her head to mine. We’re inches apart with the tips of our noses barely touching each other...

  "It's the truth," I whisper. "I'm very lucky."

  "Oh, yeah? How's that?" She mused in a whisper. I have no idea why we're whispering, but it brings us closer together. We are in our own bubble, in our own world where no one outside of us exists.

  "It's pretty obvious, don't you think? You're here in Chicago with me and my family for a performance that means my entire future. And you're part of it."

  "I’m part of the performance?"

  "Part of my future." I lean over and press my lips against hers. Just then the elevator doors open. "You first," I said, pulling away.

  She walks out and I follow her. I lean against her door, waiting for her as she scavenges for her room key in her purse. She curses both the purse and Leila for making her bring a purse she didn’t need in the first place. When she finally does find her keys, she lets out a deep sigh and opens her door.

  "Finally," she muttered under her breath. She looks at her empty room and back at me, debating whether or not she wants to ask me in. Her teeth dig deep into her lower lip. "You're not tired, right?"

  "No, not really." I tilt my head to the side, looking at her. "Are you?"

  She slowly shakes her head. "Not anymore. Do you want to come in?" Like she needs to ask. I nod and let her guide me in her room. "I'm gonna get changed." She paused in the middle of the darkroom and looked at me. "Could you help me with my dress?"

  Without saying anything, I walk over to her. She turns her back to me and pulls her hair to the right side of her neck, leaving her skin exposed to me. I slowly pull down the zipper of her dress, revealing more of her. My eyes travel down her naked back, my fingers itch with the need to touch her… but I won’t, not unless she wants me to. Instead, I stuck with placing a gentle kiss on the side of her neck. Her body tensed under my lips, my breathing stopped, her breathing became heavy... Something was happening, but neither of us wanted to stop.

  I run my nose down the side of her face, bury it in her curly locks, inhaling her strawberry aroma. Sweet and intoxicating. I take my time, I cherish every little bit of her I can get, I devote myself to her and only her. Kathy let’s go of her dress, letting it drop to her feet. I turn her to face me and lock eyes with her. Her eyes are wide, filled with passion and determination. She reaches for my jacket and pulls it down my shoulders. I let her unbutton my shirt next. We don’t say anything or look away from each other. The only sound in the room is the sound of our heavy breathing and the loud pounding of our hearts. Beats that go in sync, that make us one. She reaches the last button and I roll my shoulders back, throwing the shirt to the stack of clothes we're leaving behind.

  I pull her to me and kiss her with everything I have. I give her everything, every last part of me that she wants, she’ll have. I pour all the love I have for her that I have harbored in me from the moment we met into one kiss. I always thought about what it felt like to be in love, but this exceeded every expectation I had. This was my epiphany.

  The next thing I know, we're lying on her bed, lips glued together, our hands joined together above her head, and our eyes never look anywhere, but each other.

  I used to think music was the best sensation my skin could ever feel, but I was wrong. Nothing could compare to that night. The feeling growing in my chest, the way it felt for a second it could explode because of the wonderful sensations she made me feel.

  This was it. She was it. She’s everything I ever needed to complete my happiness and complete me and I never want to lose it. Ever.

  Chapter Twelve

  Aidan

  Today is a big day. Today is the day I've been waiting for the entire school year. The day I've been preparing for all this time, that brought me nightmares at night and it's finally here.

  I stand in the bathroom, washing my face with cold water over and over again. The nerves are killing me. My hands are shaking, my blood is cold, I can see my face literally turning green and my heart rate is above the normal speed limit. I have not eaten anything all day. No matter how hungry I am, I can't swallow anything without fearing I will puke it the moment it tries to go down my throat.

  The bathroom door opens and Kathy walks in with concern written in capital letters on her beautiful forehead.

  "God, Aidan, you're green!" She exclaims, walking toward me. She cups my face in her hands, making me look at her in the eyes. "Are you alright?"

  "Uh, no, n-n-not really," I stammer, my voice barely audible. My body is incapable of remaining still.

  She smiles at me with sympathy. "Babe, you're about to have a nervous breakdown. Come here." She brought me to the toilet and sat me down. Then she grabs a towel, wets it with warm water and sits on my lap with each of her legs on the side of mine and gently wipes the sweat off my forehead and neck. Magically, I feel my muscles start to relax. "You're gonna be okay," she whispers.

  I sigh, laying my head on her shoulder

  Is the stage fright finally making an appearance?" She ask- ed, wiping the towel on the back of my neck.

  Well, it's not stage fright, but I am about to shit a brick. I mutter something under my breath, placing small kisses on her neck.

  "Now, Mr. Beethoven, you don't want to be late," she said and pushed me away. I groan, do I really have to go? That makes her laugh. "What's wrong?" She rubs the back of my neck softly. "You were never this nervous before."

  "This is a big deal," I said. I leaned my forehead on her shoulder. "My entire life starts here."

  Her hands pushed me away, then cupped my face. She looks at me with those amazing
brown eyes of hers, like she’s looking for something in mine. I don't know what she is looking for, but she nods to herself and smiles.

  She kisses me gently on the lips and says, "you're ready. It's okay to be nervous, Aidan. I get it. More than five hundred people are going to watch you perform in less than two hours." She pulls my hair away from my forehead. "When you're up there on that stage, don't think you're performing for them or for your future, okay?" I give her a confused look. That's exactly what I'm doing. "Think we are in the rehearsal room, just you and me. You are playing for me and I am listening."

  I smile, getting where she's going. Kathy and I were ourselves without pressure or without concerns in that rehearsal room. We did what we loved. I nod and kiss her on the forehead. She smiles back and wraps her arms around my neck tightly. Since that night we spent together, we have not left each other's side. We don't call each other boyfriend and girlfriend, that's way too common nowadays. We're different from all these other relationships.

  "You're going to be okay," She whispers against my lips.

  I smiled, nodding my head. "Thanks to you," I replied, stealing a kiss from her lips.

  "Nope. This is all you." She cups my face in her hands again. "As much as I would love to stay here all day, we can't. Come on, you have to be there an hour early." She gets up, dragging me up with her. "Do you want to take a shower first or should I?"

  I grin. "How about you get in with me? We can save water and time."

  She rolls her eyes. "No, we'll waste time and water. Now, I'll go first because it gives Leila more time to get me ready."

  She proceeds to try to push me out of the room and I say try because she doesn’t succeed. I stop at the door and the edges of the doorframe.

  "Let me shower with you," I insist, pouting my lips.

  "No. Now get out!"

  "Pleeeaaassseee," I say, making the word sound ridiculously long. She groans. "Come on, baby, it'll be quick."

  "The shower?" She asks. "Or something else?"

  I laugh. "The shower. Gotta take your own time with other things if you know what I mean."