William Shakespeare's The Jedi Doth Return

by Ian Doescher

  C-3PO

  O counterpart from Heaven sent, my thanks!

  But now, R2, say where dost thou lead me?

  Why do we swift approach the vessel’s edge?

  This is most curious and passing strange,

  For I could not jump to the sand, and ’tis

  From here a mighty drop indeed—

  [R2-D2 pushes C-3PO off the edge of the barge into the sand and falls in after him.

  R2-D2

  —Nee, hoo!

  LUKE

  I prithee, Leia, take the gun and point

  It yonder, at the deck! The barge shall fall!

  [Luke is shot in the hand by a guard.

  [ Aside:] Alas, my hand, but ’tis my hand of steel,

  It causes me some pain, but not as ’twould

  Were it my own real flesh. Strange notion, this.

  I have not time to think on it, but shall,

  Another time, consider this my hand.

  LEIA

  The gun is pointed at the deck: ’tis time.

  LUKE

  Then let it fly, and we’ll escape forsooth!

  ’Tis well a rope is here to swing us o’er

  Another chasm—what serendipity!

  [Luke and Princess Leia swing from the barge onto the skiff.

  LEIA

  [ aside:] Once have I swung with him across a chasm,

  Now swing we once more to the waiting skiff.

  We have a way of swinging through our fears!

  HAN

  We all are now on board the skiff—away!

  This brave event shall be remember’d, Luke,

  And since I have been thaw’d, my warmest and

  My most sincere appreciation do

  I give thee for my rescue well devis’d.

  LUKE

  My friend, ’tis none but what thou wouldst for me.

  Now, let us flee—the droids, do not forget.

  LANDO

  We fly indeed, by foes no more beset.

  [The barge explodes and all on board die. Exeunt Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, Chewbacca, Princess Leia, Lando, R2-D2, and C-3PO on skiff.

  SCENE 1.

  Inside the second Death Star.

  Enter CHORUS.

  CHORUS

  The army of the Empire gathers near

  Within the Death Star’s uncompleted shell.

  They all prepare to welcome one they fear:

  The Emperor hath come, thereon to dwell.

  [Exit chorus.

  Enter Emperor Palpatine and attending royal guards.

  EMPEROR

  My servant Vader have I come to meet,

  To hear him tell what progress hath been made

  Upon this newest Death Star. Confident

  I am that he shall make a good report,

  For he is ever trustworthy when ask’d

  To solve a problem for his Emperor.

  Forsooth, the man is all obedience

  When he is call’d to serve. It hath been so

  For years now, ever since he turn’d toward

  The dark side and became a Sith as I.

  But there is more than mere obedience:

  He looketh on me as a father, aye,

  For truly did I train him so to do.

  He doth respect and hang on ev’ry word

  I utter, even when ’tis to rebuke

  Or punish him for some apparent fault.

  The man is like a pet most pitiful,

  E’er braying for his master’s notice and

  Displaying great affection e’en when kick’d.

  In truth, his groveling doth make me sick.

  Aye, his devotion to me I do not

  Reciprocate, for he to me is but

  A tool—most useful and most sharp, ’tis true—

  But merely agent of my will, no more.

  Yet he a vital purpose serveth in

  My reign and plans, while little doth he know

  That he could be more powerful than I.

  A tool the man may be, but I cannot

  Dispense with his keen services as yet.

  But since I do consider him a threat,

  I keep his leash as short as possible,

  And I accept his childlike zeal for me

  At least till I an apt replacement find.

  Mayhap this young Skywalker—who is e’er

  On Vader’s otherwise clear mind—may prove

  To be his aging father’s substitute.

  Was it a judgment error to inform

  Darth Vader of the presence of his son?

  Methinks ’twas not, for his devotion to

  His Emperor and his submersion in

  The dark side shall be more persuasive than

  What feelings he may have for son unknown.

  And furthermore, to know Skywalker is

  His son shall heighten his resolve to turn

  The boy unto the dark, and make him mine.

  Thus would he see his Emperor and son

  Together join’d, which would bring him dark joy.

  ’Tis surely how the future shall unfold—

  All shall be well, for I have plann’d it so.

  And now he comes: my humble servant Darth.

  Enter DARTH VADER and MOFF JERJERROD with STORMTROOPERS.

  VADER

  I bid thee welcome and with humbl’d mien

  I bow to thee in utmost reverence:

  My master, teacher, savior, rescuer.

  EMPEROR

  Arise, my friend, and put thy soul at ease.

  I trust the time spent here shall bear good fruit?

  VADER

  Indeed, my master. All the workers have

  A newfound motivation for the task.

  The Death Star shall completed be within

  The time and schedule thou hast orderèd.

  EMPEROR

  Thou hast done well, Lord Vader. I am pleas’d.

  And now I sense another thought in thee?

  Thou wouldst anon resume thy search for the

  Young rebel Skywalker. Have I judg’d right?

  VADER

  My master: yes.

  EMPEROR

  —Be patient, my good friend.

  Thou shalt not seeker be; I’ll warrant that,

  In time, the lad himself shall seek thee out—

  I see with my mind’s eye it shall be so.

  And when he doth come to thee, thou shalt then

  Deliver him, in deference, to me.

  The boy hath grown quite strong. Together we

  Will bring him to the dark side of the Force.

  VADER

  Thy wish is mine.

  EMPEROR

  —Thus have we set the scene:

  All doth proceed just as I have foreseen!

  [Exeunt.

  SCENE 2.

  The Dagobah system.

  Enter LUKE SKYWALKER and R2-D2, speaking with HAN SOLO and PRINCESS LEIA in comlink.

  LUKE

  Good friends, with you I shall meet once again,

  Where our strong fleet doth plan to rendezvous.

  LEIA

  [ through comlink:] Aye, do. Th’Alliance should be gather’d now.

  HAN

  [ through comlink:] And Luke, my deepest thanks are due to thee,

  For I did doubt that thou a Jedi wert.

  But thine example brave hath shown to me

  A power I ne’er would have believ’d was real,

  Except I was its benefici’ry.

  Thou didst not overlook thy friend in need,

  But came back for his rescue unafraid.

  Now truly, friend, ’tis I who owe thee one.

  [Exeunt Han Solo and Princess Leia.

  R2-D2

  Beep, squeak, meep, beep, squeak, whistle, whistle, meep?

  LUKE

  ’Tis right, R2, we go to Dagobah—

  A promise must I keep to my old friend.

  [ Aside:] This glove I place upon my injur’
d hand,

  The hand that in the fight with Jabba was

  The sore recipient of blaster’s touch.

  O hand, replete with wires and gears that move,

  With glove of black I cover the machine

  That lies within the skinlike covering,

  Which once a medic droid hath grafted on.

  How strange this hand, which feeleth like my flesh

  Yet is such stuff as droids are made of. Cold

  And dead, yet living, this is a device

  That serves me well but represents a dark

  And dismal fate. Aye, with this hand I have

  Become yet one step closer to the man

  Whose path I fear, yet wish to understand:

  Darth Vader, who my father claims to be.

  Indeed, I do believe his claim is true,

  But shall ask Yoda to confirm his words.

  If he my father is, what shall it mean

  For the Rebellion and for my own soul?

  Shall my relations govern all my days,

  Or may I yet escape mine origins?

  Shall all the father’s sins be visited

  Upon the child, or shall I triumph yet?

  Be with me, all ye Jedi past and gone—

  I fly unto that place where first I learn’d

  From Yoda, who is small, yet greater e’en

  Than all my pow’rs or Master Obi-Wan.

  With joy, I fly from here to see his face,

  With hope, I fly to him to learn the truth,

  With fear, I fly to him to know my path,

  With expectation great, I fly to him.

  Enter YODA.

  Look now, he comes—alas, how ag’d he seems!

  YODA

  That face thou dost make:

  Look I so old to young eyes,

  My body so frail?

  LUKE

  Nay, nay, good master! Perish such a thought.

  YODA

  I do, aye, I do.

  Sick and weak have I become,

  Elderly and tir’d.

  And yet, I ask thee:

  When nine hundred years thou hast,

  Shalt thou look better?

  Soon shall I have rest,

  Forever sleep, as all do.

  Earnèd it I have.

  LUKE

  But what is this? Thou art an aging soul,

  Yet wherefore speakest thou of death’s embrace?

  Good Master Yoda, cease: thou mayst not die.

  YODA

  Verily, ’tis true,

  With the Force pow’rful am I,

  Yet not that pow’rful.

  Twilight is on me

  And thence comes night. ’Tis the way

  For all in the Force.

  LUKE

  Yet I have need of thy good help, for here

  I stand, return’d, prepar’d my training to

  Complete. What should I do without thine aid?

  YODA

  No further training

  Dost thou require, for thou hast

  All thou e’er shalt need.

  LUKE

  Forsooth, ’tis true: I am a Jedi now.

  YODA

  Be thou not so sure,

  For still Vader remaineth.

  Thou must confront him.

  Then, and only then,

  A true Jedi shalt thou be.

  And face him thou shalt.

  LUKE

  Dear Master Yoda, one thing in me burns—

  The question that is flame inside my bones,

  Whose answer may yet kindle hate or love,

  I know not which. Yet still it must be ask’d:

  Darth Vader—tell me true—is he my father?

  YODA

  ’Tis time for my rest.

  Time for my sleep eternal,

  ’Tis no time for truth.

  LUKE

  Thou wouldst protect me from this knowledge,

  which

  May difficult and painful be. In this

  Thou showest care for me, and hast my thanks—

  But Yoda, full of heart, I must needs know.

  YODA

  [ aside:] Alack, he knows all.

  Now may I only speak truth:

  Only truth lives on.

  [ To Luke:] Thy father he is.

  Told you, did he? Unforeseen

  This is. Distressing.

  LUKE

  Distressing that at length I learn the truth?

  YODA

  Nay, nay! Distressing

  That thou hast rush’d to face him.

  Not ready wert thou.

  Thy training not done,

  The field of thy heart unplow’d,

  The burden, too much.

  LUKE

  Forgive me, for I knew not what I did.

  YODA

  Remember, my Luke,

  A Jedi’s strength from the Force

  Doth come. But beware.

  Anger, fear, hatred—

  From the dark side they all come;

  Its minions they are.

  Once thou hast enter’d

  In the dark path infernal,

  Abandon all hope.

  The powers of the

  Emperor, thou shouldst never

  Underestimate.

  Else thy father’s fate,

  Shall, in turn, become thine own:

  Let not this transpire.

  When I have gone, slept,

  The last of the Jedi shalt

  Thou be, thou alone.

  Attend, Luke! The Force

  Is strong with thy family:

  Pass on what thou learn’dst.

  These final words now

  With my last breath I utter:

  O hear well, brave Luke.

  This is our hope: there

  Is another Skywalker.

  The rest silence is.

  [Yoda dies.

  LUKE

  Good night, sweet Jedi, noble, wise, and true.

  So gentle was he, and too quickly gone.

  O Fate, what hast thou brought into my life—

  How shall I live when all I love have died?

  Yet all things die, and all things pass away,

  And all is like the sweeping of the stars

  As one doth pass through lightspeed’s rapid blaze.

  We know ’tis true: no mortal does not know

  That all are born to feed insatiate death.

  But O, what grief we meet along the way:

  The knowledge something beautiful is lost,

  The deep regret for all unspoken words—

  Profound remorse for healing never giv’n.

  To wish to hold the dead one’s hand again,

  To picture a love’s smile, and know it gone:

  These are the pains that human life doth bring,

  The heartache and the thousand nat’ral shocks

  That flesh is heir to. Death shall not be tam’d,

  It shall not lose its victory or sting,

  Yet it shall never have the best of us

  If in our living we have truly liv’d.

  To love with bliss, to fight for righteousness,

  To heed adventure’s call, to cry with joy,

  To laugh amidst life’s greatest heights and depths:

  This is the living that doth conquer death,

  So e’en though it shall come, we shall not fear’t.

  These lessons let my master’s death teach me,

  That my life shall esteem his memory.

  R2-D2

  [ aside:] O gift of Fate, that he my master is!

  [ To Luke:] Beep, meep, beep, whistle, meep, beep, whistle, squeak!

  LUKE

  I cannot face the future by myself,

  What shall I do, R2? I am alone—

  The only Jedi left to bear the name.

  It may be this responsibility

  Is far too great for such a one as I.

  How can I bear the burden by myself?


  Enter GHOST OF OBI-WAN KENOBI.

  OBI-WAN

  Nay, not alone, for Yoda always shall

  Remain with thee.

  LUKE

  —My soul, ’tis Obi-Wan!

  [ Aside:] Now e’en though he of ghostly matter’s made,

  He shall anon give answer for his words.

  [ To Obi-Wan:] Good Ben, it warms my heart to see thee here,

  Yet I must ask thee to explain thyself—

  Pray, wherefore hast thou not reveal’d the thing

  That thou didst know? Thou said’st my father had

  By Vader been betray’d and murderèd.

  Ne’er hast thou said that he my father is!

  OBI-WAN

  [ aside:] I never did imagine that, in death,

  I would be call’d upon to justify

  The words I spoke in life. ’Twas well I spoke

  Not of the midi-chlorians to Luke,

  For then he would have endless questions still.

  [ To Luke:] Thine inquiry shall have an answer, Luke,

  For verily thou dost deserve to know.

  Thy father was seducèd by the dark

  Side of the Force. ’Twas then that he no more

  Was Anakin Skywalker, only Darth.

  When that had happen’d, thy good father was

  Destroy’d. And thus, forsooth, the words I spoke

  Were truthful, from a certain point of view.

  LUKE

  “A certain point of view”? What doth that mean?

  It may be said that I, within my ship,

  Do see my X-wing as an instrument

  Of truth and justice, aye, a noble thing,

  While from a certain point of view I know

  Mine enemies do see it as a threat.

  It may be said that when I was attack’d

  By rancor vicious and intemperate,

  Prepar’d to make of me his morning meal,

  There is a certain point of view that doth

  Suggest he was a simple hungry beast.

  It may e’en be that our Rebellion is,

  For us, an undertaking pure and good,