Torn

by A. F. Crowell

  As I walked back inside, I heard a familiar rumble. That sound sent electricity through my body and covered me in goose bumps. It heated me in places that longed for his touch. Six weeks was a really long time.

  To be perfectly honest, I was nervous. I was terrified it wouldn’t feel the same for him or me. I mean, something the size of a small watermelon came out an opening the size of a lime. But I was done waiting.

  “Hey, babe,” Jax called from the back door. He walked over to me in the kitchen, wrapped me up in a tight hug, and kissed me breathless.

  “Well, hello to you too, handsome,” I rasped against his lips, while they weren’t devouring me like he was a starving man. He shoved his hand under my arms and lifted me off the floor and above his head.

  “Jaxon, put me down. I’m too heavy for you to do this. Save this for Lil,” I squealed.

  “Shut it, Lei. You probably weigh less than before you were pregnant,” he said as he slowly slid me down his tight, powerful chest until we were nose to nose. His searing green eyes captured me, seduced me, and entranced me.

  “I can’t tell you how much I love catchin’ you two all loved up on each other,” Ashley admired from the hallway with Lil in her arms.

  “Mom?” Jax flicked back and forth between us as Ashley approached. “What are you doin’ here? When’d ya get in? Where’s Dad?”

  She grinned. “Dad’s at home. Got here about an hour ago and you’ll find out.” She turned to me. “She’s out like a light.”

  Looking down at my sweet sleeping angel, I asked Ashley, “You have everything you need, our numbers, plenty of bottles, and you’ll call if—”

  “I’ve got this,” she chuckled.

  “What? You’ve got what?” Jaxon looked to me. “Are you goin’ somewhere I don’t know about?”

  I gave him a rueful smile. “Yep…and I’ve got this sexy-ass man taking me.” He caught on and grinned. “Kiss your daughter good night then follow me.”

  “Thanks, Ma,” he whispered as he bent to kiss Lil’s forehead. “Sweet dreams, baby girl. Daddy loves you. Be good for Mimi.”

  “Go, have fun. I’ll see y’all later.” She shooed us out the back door.

  “Where are we going?” Jaxon asked as we got into the Escalade.

  “That’s for me to know, and for you to find out. Just sit back and enjoy the ride.”

  “Babe.” I got the look. “I need directions, yeah?”

  Thirty minutes later we pulled up to Wild Dunes Resort on Isle of Palms and checked into our suite. Once we were in the room, I excused myself to the bathroom and changed into a new black corset, matching lace thong, and black silk thigh-highs. Taking a moment to check myself in the mirror, I caught sight of the scar that marred my forehead and temple. Shaking it off, I remembered the important stuff: We were both alive, well, and dying to scratch a big ol’ itch.

  I stepped out of the bathroom in a pair of black stilettos. My curls hung neatly down my corseted back.

  “Wow… I, uh, um. Holy shit, babe. You’re gonna make me come in my pants.” Jaxon crossed the room toward me like a man on a mission. “Hope you aren’t too fond of anything you’re wearin’, ’cause I can’t promise it’s makin’ it through the night intact.”

  “Shut up and kiss me,” I murmured.

  His hands found me in the blink of an eye. Lifting me up, he clutched me against him. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he slammed his mouth over mine. My hands found purchase in his messy blond locks.

  His kiss was rough and intense. I could feel his lust in every twirl and flick of his tongue. He walked us backward toward the bed, until he fell on top of me.

  “We can do foreplay and shit later. Right now, I need to be buried in that sweet pussy, baby,” he rasped as he bucked his hips into mine. His erection strained against his faded blue jeans. He jumped up and ripped his shirt over his head, followed by his pants being flung across the room. “Jesus, I feel like a teenager. I can’t get my clothes off fast enough.”

  I lay back, chewing my bottom lip. Even in that lust-filled, hedonistic moment he paused to stare at me. I took the moment to admire his Adonis-like body. His hand found his rock-hard cock, gliding up and down the length.

  “Baby, you are so fuckin’ gorgeous. God damn, I love you.” Jaxon growled as he launched himself over me.

  “Jaxon,” I whispered. “Be gentle. Please.”

  “I gotcha, baby. Don’t worry.”

  He kissed and nipped his way from my knee to my inner thigh before parting my legs and yanking off my thong. He grinned up at me before running his tongue from my groin up through my silky, wet folds. My whole body jerked in sheer bliss. As his tongue found my engorged clit, he softly slid a finger into my pussy. He flicked his tongue back and forth, swirling and circling the distended nub until I came with a scream.

  “So fuckin’ sweet,” he purred as he climbed up the bed. He gripped his thick cock and rubbed it up and down my swollen folds. Then slowly he pushed the head into my entrance.

  “Oh God, Jaxon.” I threw my head back and whimpered.

  “You okay?”

  “Yes. Don’t stop.” I wrapped my legs around his waist, trying to pull him farther into me.

  He eased the rest of the way in, little by little. I was shockingly tight. “Fuck, babe, I’m not gonna make it long.”

  He pulled halfway back and thrust back in on a deep groan. Once he was sure he wasn’t hurting me, he let go and started driving into me. His calloused fingers pulled the corset down, freed my breasts, and tweaked my nipples just the way he knew I loved.

  “Oh god, Jaxon. Don’t stop, harder. I need more.”

  He slammed into my pussy, over and over again. I could feel his body tensing, trying to remain in control. I knew he was close, but was waiting for me.

  “Lean back a little,” I demanded and he complied, sitting back on his heels but still fucking me mercilessly. He pushed my thighs back, giving himself a perfect view of his rigid length buried balls-deep in my sex.

  As if he could read my mind, his eyes tightened. “That’s right, baby. Rub your clit for me. Let me watch. Make yourself come all over my dick.”

  I skimmed my hands over my breasts, pinching and tugging at my pebbled nipples. Then skated one slowly down my flat stomach to my pussy. My fingers swirled around my aching, needy clit until my muscles contracted and constricted around Jaxon.

  “Oh fuck, I’m coming, Jaxon. Fuck.”

  Unrelenting, his thrusts became even faster until he found his release. I could feel him pulsating and jerking inside me as he came with a low, deep roar of my name. He collapsed onto me and buried his face in my disheveled curls. “Fuck me runnin’, that was unbelievable.”

  I giggled as he rolled off me and walked to the bathroom. He returned with a warm, wet washcloth and carefully cleaned me up.

  “You feel okay? I didn’t hurt you, did I?” He threw the washcloth on the nightstand, got into bed and pulled the sheets around us.

  “I’m okay. Relieved actually,” I said as he looked on, confused. “I might’ve been a little scared.”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t know.” I shrugged, feeling slightly self-conscious. “Maybe that it wouldn’t be the same for you. Was it? Okay, I mean?”

  “Babe.” He cocked his head and gave that look. “Why didn’t you say somethin’?”

  I shrugged.

  “Not sure it’s possible, but it might’ve been better than before.” He pulled me to his chest. “I love you, Leila. It’s always gonna be like that for me with you. There will never be a time I don’t want you. There’ll never be a time when I’m not madly in love with you. You. Are. Mine.”

  “I love you too, Jax. So much more than I ever thought possible.”

  “Now, let’s do somethin’ else we can’t do at home anymore.”

  “Please, tell me you’re thinking what I’m thinking,” I prayed.

  “Yeah, babe, let’s sleep.”

  I thought I might ha
ve passed out before he got to the P in sleep.

  Chapter Thirty-four

  Leila

  Lillian was eight weeks old and last week I hired a nanny, Sierra, to stay with her once I returned to work. Jane offered to come to the house twice a week so we didn’t have a stranger, as she put it, with Lil all of the time. Today was Tuesday, Sierra’s second day. I would be working two twelve-hour night shifts at the hospital. Jaxon was thrilled I decided to go back part-time. Sierra would be here during the day while I slept. I wanted to have one week of us being here together so Lillian and Ruger would have a chance to get to know Sierra.

  “You sure you’re okay with me goin’ in today? I could stay home,” Jaxon said between cooing at the baby. “Help my little princess here get used to her new nanny.”

  “Nah, we’ll be okay, honey, promise. We all had a great day yesterday. I think you might be looking for an excuse to skip the meeting with Drew, Brody, and Kai.”

  “Nope, not me.”

  Jaxon had been working tirelessly on getting everything in place for Viper Security. Kai and Drew had been working on recruiting more people for protection detail and Brody had even chipped in more than being a silent partner. He had a friend who had a friend who was an information systems analyst. She preferred that term to hacker. Previously she had free-lanced for the NSA and FBI. Thankfully, they had Brody as a partner and could afford to hire her outright.

  By the way, I’m totally in the wrong field. She makes a killing.

  Jaxon had been working on finding a space, other than our garage, to be their base of operations. Over the last week, he had traveled to New York, Philadelphia, and Chicago to speak with potential clients. As of yesterday, he had six jobs lined up for the next two months with the promise of more if the details went off without a hitch.

  “Well, Mister CEO, you should probably get a move on if you are going to make it to Brody’s office by nine o’clock.”

  “Shit.” He looked down at his watch. “I didn’t realize it was almost eight thirty. Here, take the baby so I can get outta here. Bye, my sweet Lilly girl.” He kissed her head before handing her over.

  “Be careful and have a good day. Love ya.” I took the sleeping angel from him and got a kiss of my own. “Holy hell. You can’t kiss me like that when I have the baby in my arms and you are walking out the door.”

  With a wink, he smacked my ass and headed for the back door. “Have a good day, babe.”

  Twenty minutes later, there was a soft knock at the front door. Gently, I laid the baby down in the Pack N Play, trying not to wake her, and went to the front door. “Good morning, Sierra.”

  “Hi, Miss Matthews.” She smiled as she walked in.

  “Please, I told you, call me Leila.”

  Sierra was a college student studying early childhood development at the College of Charleston. She was twenty-six, smart, cute and as sweet as a honeysuckle. Originally, I had the hope that she and I would get along, but if things continued to go as they did yesterday, we’d end up being great friends too.

  “Lillian is napping right now. Do you want a cup of coffee, water or soda?”

  “I’m not much for coffee, but I’d love a soda.” She followed me into the kitchen while Ruger stayed close to the baby. I swear, since we brought Lil home he had taken on the new job of baby protector.

  “I have Pepsi, Dr Pepper, and Mountain Dew.” I held the fridge open, awaiting her answer.

  “Dr Pepper would be great.”

  “So you’re going to be here a couple of days a week, I want you to feel comfortable here. If you want something to drink or eat, please help yourself. And like we discussed I will leave a list of things that you can do throughout the week.”

  “Okay, great.” She opened the can of soda and took a sip.

  We spent the rest of the day getting to know each other. We decided around lunchtime, after I nursed, to take the baby and walk down to East Bay Deli. Sierra and I had a lot in common. She was raised by her mother here in the Charleston area and never knew her father. She wasn’t really sure her mother knew who her father was. The longer we talked, the more comfortable I felt with her. As we walked home, I noticed a familiar sports car sitting in front of the house.

  She shrieked and smacked my arm as we got closer. “Holy crap, look at that car.”

  “Yup,” I said nonchalantly.

  “That is the hottest car I have ever seen.”

  “Ehh, it’s okay.” I jokingly turned up my nose as we walked the stroller onto the driveway. I didn’t see Brody by the house, but a split second later I heard the car door close.

  “It’s okay, huh?” He strutted up the driveway toward us.

  “Yeah, just okay. Brody Davis, this is Sierra Morgan. She’s our daughter’s nanny.”

  “Nice to meet you, Mr. Davis.” Sierra offered her hand.

  “Please call me Brody. It’s nice to meet you too. I just finished up with a meeting down the street and wanted to stop by and see my little Lillybear.” He stepped around us and picked Lillian up from the bassinet stroller he’d bought her. “There’s daddy’s girl,” he cooed to her. “Did you have a good walk with Mommy?”

  He walked away from us toward the house, babbling away to Lil as if she would answer him any second. It overwhelmed my heart to see him with her like this. It was everything I had ever wanted. He was the perfect, doting father. So far, we had not fought over him seeing her. I prayed things would always be like this.

  From the butt pocket of my jean shorts, my cell started blaring “Shut Up and Dance With Me” by Walk The Moon. “Excuse me.” I stepped away from Sierra and answered the phone. “Hey, hooker, what’s up? Callin’ in for your next john?” I had to laugh when I looked back and saw Sierra’s face.

  “Not this time, pimp. I’m callin’ to say tell Jaxon or Brody or Jane or whoever that they got babysitting duties tonight. Your ass is mine and we are hittin’ the town. Sushi at Shi Ki’s, then Wet Willie’s for drinks and Kaminsky’s for dessert. You have to get out of that house at least one time before you go back to work, and tonight is that night. No if, ands, or buts about it.”

  “Sushi does sound good…but there is no way I can go more than three hours without pumping or nursing.”

  “So nurse the little leach right before we leave at eight and then we will be home by eleven.” Barb really was not going to take no for an answer.

  “Brody is here now, let me talk to him. Maybe it would be a good night for him to take her home with him since Jane watches her on Wednesday and they need to get into a routine.” I was thinking out loud.

  “Work it out and call me back,” she blurted then hung up.

  Walking back toward a clearly confused Sierra, I explained, “That was my best friend Barb, you’ll meet her eventually. Oh and FYI, she will barge right in the house so don’t be surprised.”

  “Oh,” was the only thing Sierra said as she giggled quietly.

  Once in the house, we found Brody in the nursery rocking Lillian as she slept peacefully. “Hey B, you wanna take her for the night?”

  His eyes shot to mine as he looked like he might explode. “Of course I do, but what about feedings?”

  “I have enough frozen breast milk, you’ll be fine on feedings. And she’s been sleeping from eleven p.m. to almost five a.m. so if you come by to pick her up around seven thirty or eight she should only need the bedtime and morning bottles.” I stood in the doorway for a second before walking to her dresser. “I’ll send her blanket that she likes, but I don’t think you will need any clothes or bottles.”

  “Yeah, we have everything else at the house.” He had made sure we bought damn near half of Babies R’Us the last time we were there for diapers and breast milk bags. He looked down at this watch. “Damn, er uh, dang. I have to go. I have a meeting with an investor at four out in West Ashley. I’ll see you later, princess.” He leaned down and kissed her soft chubby cheek.

  “You can just put her in the crib since she is asleep. If sh
e smells me she will wake up and want to nurse and it’s not time yet. How was everything in New York? I mean it was a funeral it couldn’t have been great but… Never mind.”

  “Okay.” He cradled her close, nuzzling her head then laid her down. As he stood over her watching her sleep, he asked, “Do you ever want to just hide her away forever so no one can ever hurt her?”

  “Every time I look at her, Poppa Bear.” I tilted my head into his strong arm.

  “Okay, I will see you in a few hours.” Brody exited the room quickly. In moments like that, I was reminded of how much I’d hurt him. He did a good job of hiding it, but every once in a while it would surface. When it did, he ran.

  A few hours later Sierra left and I heard Jaxon pulling up on the Harley. I had yet to speak to him about my little outing with Barb, but I was sure it would be fine.

  Lillian and I were in the living room when he came in the back door. He took his boots off with a thud, and then tossed his keys on the granite with a ringing clink. “Yo, babe,” he softly called out.

  “We’re in here, Jax.” Rocking in place on the couch, I watched as Lillian stared at the spinning ceiling fan. She had become so observant in the last week.

  “Hey, honey, how are my girls?” He stood behind the couch, leaned forward, and kissed the top of my head.

  “We’re great. How was your day? Have a good meeting?”

  “My day was good, meeting was fine. How did things go with Sierra today?” He came around and took Lil from me.

  “Really good, I really like her. She’s so attentive to Lillian, and Ruger didn’t try to maul her when she picked Lillian up this morning. I was able to get a lot of stuff done around the house and we walked to the deli. Tell me about the meeting. Which place did y’all decide on?”

  For the next ten minutes Jaxon told me about the meeting and the old warehouse they decided on. Of course, Brody disagreed on the location, stating they needed to be in a professional building, not a run-down warehouse. Both Drew and Jax were able to explain the virtue of having a space they could make into anything they wanted, including a training facility for employees, including a state-of-the-art gym. Finally conceding, Brody agreed to broker the deal and have his contractors put bids in on the renovations. Jaxon divided the jobs up amongst Drew, Kai, and himself.