Leaving The Pieces Behind

by R. M. Demeester

Soon, the next shift gathered in. The back of the bakery filled with morning noise; chaos, with chit chat in every corner. I preferred the first hour of every shift; the peace and quiet was sweet. Now, I had to navigate in the anarchy. Walking around people, trying to complete tasks without crashing or standing in people’s way. At eight, we’d open for the day, and that was yet another wave of chaos. I didn’t want the confusion today. I wanted peace and quiet. But I needed this job.

  The next two hours flew by as I focused on my work instead of my misery. I put the last of my morning pastries in the display before I worked on a significant afternoon order. Every afternoon at two, the local soup kitchen came and picked up a large order of bread. Luckily, I didn’t work the day shift, and thus didn’t have to deal with them. I just had to make sure everything was prepared.

  We didn’t have our first customer until an hour after opening. Mondays were our slow day, and so we usually didn’t struggle for time to complete everything. On my second day, Zina had said I picked up on the routine quickly. The compliment warmed my heart; I wasn’t used to praise.

  The rest of the shift flew by, and I finished the last of my clean up by one o’clock. Zina and I left for the day. She walked over to the bus stop, and I wandered around the sidewalk outside the front. I half expected to see William show up. He had to have had a good reason for not stopping to chat this morning.

  I paced around for a good while before I said forget it and started to head home. This Friday was payday. I only worked three days this pay period, so I would get around two hundred dollars. What would I spend it on? Crossing the street toward my house, I decided I’d buy some groceries. That’d pretty much take up the whole check, and my next check would go for rent and a bus pass. My phone bill would probably go to collections. But what good was paying the bill if I didn’t have a phone to use? I had to prioritize. Food, rent, and transportation were necessary, at least until I could back on my feet.

  I walked inside, and luckily, no one was home. Finals were around the corner, which meant I’d soon be seeing a whole lot more of those two. I wondered if Crystal would be moving out, since this was her last year of university. I knew Sophia had one more year after that. Maybe we would get a new roommate; one a little more tolerable. I walked into the kitchen and pulled out a jug of milk from the fridge. I’d promised Sophia this morning I’d replace what I ate, but I wasn’t planning on it until the end of the month at best.

  I changed into sweats and laid on the bed, pulling out my laptop. The other night I’d overheard Crystal give the internet password to one of her university friends, which was just the break I needed. Just the luxury of being able to lay on my bed with internet was freeing in a way I couldn’t describe. A small reward for dealing with those two. I scrolled through my emails: random chain and junk mail from the multiple newsletters I’d signed up for. I closed my email and opened messenger. I didn’t see the point of having it. My sister, Harmony, was never on since she was kicked out of her last place. Mom didn’t have a computer, and Dayton was god knows where.

  Just the thought of Dayton made my stomach churn. On a hunch, I typed his name into the search engine. I wonder what he’d been up too. I clicked on the first link, dated last week.

  Police pulled over a red Pontiac Sunfire for a routine traffic stop west of Lars City at approximately 5 PM on Wednesday. The driver, Reece Stevenson, 32, and passenger, Dayton Rupert, 20, were found to be in the possession of a stolen vehicle. They were arrested without incident. Stevenson was charged with grand theft auto, and Rupert was charged with grand theft auto, probation violation, and a failure to appear. Stevenson was released on a $10,000.00 bond, and Rupert was remanded at Lars City Jail.

  I slammed my laptop shut. Fury invaded me on the inside. Would he ever learn? Would he ever stop making bad decision after bad decision? But at least I knew where he ran off to, the little coward. If I had a car, I’d go confront the weasel. Not that it would do any good. He had no money, and he’d likely block my visits anyway. He would be too embarrassed, and on the off chance he were to talk to me, he’d make me feel sorry for him. He always made me feel sorry for him. It was what Dayton did best.

  I stretched out on the bed and stared at the ceiling. Despite what he had done, he wasn’t in a good place right now. Those were some serious charges and, no matter what, he couldn’t stay out of trouble. He and Mom didn’t have a relationship as far as I knew. He blamed her for all his problems. The one time I managed to get all three of us kids and Mom together, it was awkward. Dayton was on his phone, ignoring most of what Mom had to say. Harmony sat cumbersomely, chewing her nails, and I had to keep the conversation going. Otherwise, we’d just be sitting there looking like dummies at lunch.

  After I got tired of lying on the bed, I got up and headed into the kitchen. Crystal had returned, sitting at the small table next to the counter. I groaned.

  Crystal looked up at me. “Hey.”

  “Hello.”

  Crystal turned the page in her textbook. “Sophia said you went out with some guy on Friday night.”

  “Yeah, William,” I said. “He’s just a friend.”

  “She said it looked pretty serious. It’s okay. I won’t judge.”

  I swallowed hard and sat down beside her. “He is just a friend, for right now, at least.”

  Crystal twirled her hair around her fingers tightly. “So how did you and this William meet?”

  A knot formed in my throat. I didn’t really want to retell the tale of how I ran into him while I was feeling sorry for myself. “He was a customer at George’s. He happened to help me find this new job.” It wasn’t a lie; he did help me land a job at the bakery. It just wasn’t the whole truth, either.

  “Sounds like a nice guy; should bring him by sometime.” She turned back to her textbook.

  I stood. “Maybe.” I hadn’t seen a lot of her this weekend, but I thought for sure Sophia would have brought up how shitty I looked when I came home Friday.

  I walked to the fridge to grab something to drink. At least Crystal was in a better mood today. For a moment, inviting William over seemed like a good idea. But I wasn’t sure what was up with us; our friendship was complicated. We were complicated. I didn’t even know if Friday night was a date or not. We hadn’t kissed yet, so maybe he just friend-zoned me. I coughed, nearly choking on my water. I needed to stop torturing myself with all these thoughts.

  In the living room, I turned on the television to help drown out all the unwanted feelings. I flipped through the few channels we had and stopped on a cooking show. Maybe I could pick up some new recipe to add to the list of things I’d love to try someday.

  The chef was making cheesesteak sandwiches. It made my stomach growl. I wanted a big juicy steak, with a thin layer of fat and a homemade barbeque sauce. I hadn’t had one since I went on a date with an ex a few years back. I shook my head, trying to forget all about him. Our break up was something I had erased from my mind and didn’t wish to remember.

  I was lost in my thoughts when the doorbell rang. Crystal walked past me to the front door.

  “Hello, can I help you?”

  “I’m looking for Serenity.”

  I jumped up. It was William.

  “And here she is. It’s nice to meet you.” She turned to face me, winked, then walked back toward the kitchen.

  I stood a few feet from the door. He managed a meek smile.

  “Can we talk?” he asked.

  “Sure, would you like to come in?”

  He looked away, nervously.

  “Or we could go out somewhere. I just don’t have any money or really anything to offer you.”

  “How about a drive?”

  I raised an eyebrow. “All right.” I sensed something off in the tone of his voice. He had been there for me so many times since we met; maybe he just needed the favor returned.

  In his car, he sat there, his shoulder slumped.

  “Is everything all right?’

  He cleared his thro
at; his gaze flitted around the vehicle for a moment. "Yeah. I just needed to apologize for Friday night."

  "Why?" I said. I did sense something off when he took me home, but I didn't think the night was bad, except for being robbed and all.

  "I just can't get what happened to you out of my mind. I feel responsible."

  I placed my hand on his shoulder. He jumped, and I pulled away, murmuring, "Sorry."

  Dots of sweat formed on his forehead. "Don't be," he replied. "The thing is, Serenity, I really do like spending time with you. I think we get along really well, but I feel like I'm giving you mixed signals."

  My mind went into overdrive. Maybe I would get answers to the questions I had been asking myself since we met. Maybe I'd learn his true intentions.

  I rubbed the back of my neck. "What do you mean?"

  "I just feel like I'm leading you on." He paused and took a deep breath. "I just got out of a long-term relationship, and it ended badly. Not to dump all my baggage on you, but I kind of swore off women until we met. Until I recognized you from George's. This might sound really, really stupid, and you might think I'm crazy, but I felt this connection to you. Like I could trust you." He stopped and looked around. "I'm sorry." Then he pulled something out of his pocket and sat it on my lap. A cell phone.

  "I-I can't accept it."

  I tried giving it back to him, but he pushed my hand away.

  "It's my old phone, and I want you to have it. How else am I supposed to get a hold of you?"

  I shrugged my shoulders. "You know where I live and where I work."

  He chuckled. "I’d rather not become a stalker. So, will you accept it, from me?"

  I looked at the phone. I really did need one, but I couldn't take it, not after everything he had done for me.

  "If it makes you feel any better, it'll make me feel better,” he offered. “I’d rather you have it then have it sit around collecting dust. And if you don't accept it, I'll just mail it to your house."

  I bit my lip. He wasn't going to take no for an answer. "I really do appreciate it." I reached over to hug him but stopped.

  He opened his arms wide and then hesitated for a moment before we hugged awkwardly. When he released my grasp, he looked at his watch. "I hate to cut our meeting short, but I have paperwork to finish."

  "Sounds good, and thanks so much. I'll text you when I get it hooked up."

  "Have a good day, Serenity."

  I got out of the car and waited until he pulled away. I held the phone to my chest, mentally reconsidering my bill plan. I guess the bus pass would have to wait. Now I had a working phone again, thanks to William. After I paid my bill, I would need to figure out a way to make it up to William. To show him my appreciation.

  Inside the house, I headed to my bedroom when Crystal came out of the bathroom and stopped me. "He's good looking."

  "Yup." I looked away.

  Crystal placed her hands on her hips. "If you don't snatch that babe up, someone else will, Serenity. Hot guys don't stay single long. Take my word for it."

  I rolled my eyes. "We're just friends."

  She began to walk past me. "If you say so."

  In my bedroom, I sank into my bed to think. William liked me, and I liked him, but what could I do with that realization?

  Chapter 4

  The following day I was back to texting William. The “new” phone worked much better than the refurbished one I had bought online, the one that was stolen.

  Any problems with the phone? William texted.

  No! You don’t know how much helping me out with this means to me, I replied. I sat up on my bed and crossed my legs, eagerly waiting for his response.

  It’s nothing. It was collecting dust in my drawer at work. You needed it, so I obliged. It lessened the guilt too.

  I rocked back and forth, trying to formulate a response in my mind. Giving me the phone may have eased his guilt, but receiving the gift made me feel like a user. Not a good feeling in the least. Maybe it was best to change the subject. But what could we talk about? I asked myself. I drummed my fingers across the top of my thigh as I searched for a safe subject. I decided to stick with work.

  We had a weird customer at work today, I texted. Took him twenty minutes to order three donuts. Kept changing his mind.

  I felt extremely lame. As if he’d care about the daily goings-on at the bakery.

  Did he at least pick something you made?

  No!

  Damn! He’s really missing out, ya know.

  As I went to reply, Harmony’s phone number flashed across my screen.

  My throat burned. It had been six months since we last spoke and over a year since I had seen her in person. Last I heard, she hadn’t paid her rent and was evicted. Lord knew where she was living now if she even had a place to stay. The phone rang a few more times before I answered it. I knew how the conversation was likely to go and was half-expecting her to want something.

  I exhaled. “Hello?”

  Other than the ambient drone of being on the phone, all I could hear were drawn-out, labored breaths.

  “What do you want, Harmony?” I asked. A moment ago, I was in a great mood, but she had hit a nerve. “I don’t have all day.”

  “I need your help,” Harmony whispered so quietly that I almost couldn’t make out what she’d said.

  The hair on the back of my neck shot up. I knew it. She needed something from me. Typical.

  “What do you want?” The tone of my voice betrayed my exasperation.

  “I haven’t heard from Mom. Could you maybe call her? She was supposed to call me after Bingo, but of course, she didn’t. Maybe she forgot.”

  I rolled my eyes. “And say what?”

  “Tell her to call me, all right?”

  Mom probably forgot to call Harmony back and wandered off to go do some shopping or something. She could have been busy rearranging the dishes in her cabinet or maybe she was baking.

  “Well, will you?” she prodded when I didn’t answer.

  “Fine, okay.”

  Harmony mumbled a weak goodbye and hung up. Not even a “please” or a “thank you.” Like Dayton, she only ever called me when she needed something. Serenity, can you do this? Serenity, [insert problem here]. Serenity, I need you. I threw my cell on my pillow. Maybe I wouldn’t call Mom. My arms tightened. Where were they when I needed them? Whenever I needed a ride or cash or a favor? Of course, they were too busy. Or they had no money. Or they invented lame excuse after lame excuse.

  Tears streamed down my face. I was so tired of this. Was this what my relationship with my family had been reduced to? We all used one another. Take, take, take. A part of me was guilty of that too, and I often seized what I could get. Maybe not money, but any scrap of attention, any ounce of love; if any of them paid attention to me, I soaked it all up like a sponge.

  I picked up the phone again and dialed Mom’s number. Whatever Harmony needed from Mom, it must have been important. Those two had an unstable relationship; one minute they acted so damn close, and the next they were strained, awkward. Was it their way of coping maybe? I didn’t know.

  The number went to voicemail, so I let the phone fall from my mind and switched back to my conversation with William.

  When are you off work? Do you still want to hang out? I texted him. Last night, we had made plans to hang out, but we hadn’t really confirmed anything.

  I’m off at five. Mostly done with everything, but just sitting around until then. I’ll pick you up when I’m done.

  Okay, I replied.

  What would you like to do? William responded.

  Maybe he’d invite me to his place. Surely, he had his own space with no annoying roommates. Some alone time in the comforts of wherever he was living may be what was needed to figure out where we really wanted to go with our budding relationship.

  I’m not sure. I was hoping you’d have an idea.

  I bit my lip. Should I suggest his place? Or would that be too intrusive? I wondered. />
  Mom’s number came across my screen, interrupting any response I was going to type to William. I guess it would have to wait.

  I answered the phone. “Hello?”

  “Hey, sweetie. Sorry I missed your call.”

  “It’s no problem. Were you busy?”

  “I just finished rearranging the furniture in the living room,” she said.

  “Oh?” I guessed moving couches was close enough to rearranging dishes like she did every week. “So, did you hear from Harmony?”

  Mom’s tone changed. “Yeah, I told her I’d call her after Bingo. But you know how it is. I got busy, and I lost track of time. I’ll call her after I get off the phone with you. Thanks for the reminder, sweetie.”

  I smiled weakly despite being alone. “No problem, Mom.” I rocked back and forth on the bed, anxiously wanting to end the call and respond to William’s text. But I had promised myself I’d call Mom when I got a new phone, so I had to fulfill that promise to myself. “So, what are your plans for the rest of the day, Mom?”

  “Oh.” She paused. “Uh, I may bake another batch of cookies.”

  Okay, something I could build a conversation on. “Oh, what kind?”

  “Chocolate chip,” she said quickly. “Hey, did you ever find another job?”

  “Yes, at another bakery.”

  “That’s so wonderful.” Mom’s voice was cheerful and upbeat. It warmed my heart that I at least I could make her happy. “You learned from the best, you know—”

  “I know.” I cut Mom off before she could go any further. I knew where this was going. Mom was the best cook I knew back when we had money for food. She taught me how to cook, and she always thought I should have gone to culinary school.

  “Things are starting to look up for me, Mom.”

  “That’s good to hear, sweetie. I wish I could help you out more.”

  “I know, Mom. I love you.” I knew she wished things could have turned out differently, but dwelling on the past wouldn’t change what happened. At the end of the day, we were taken from her. And then she got us back only to lose us again. She tried. She really did, but it didn’t change anything.