My Serenity

by M. Clarke

  Josie

  What an incredible night, what an incredible date, what an incredible guy. Seeing Seth wear the leather jacket turned me on big time. Before we left the auto shop, Seth had put on the leather jacket without a shirt underneath. His ripped six-pack abs showed through the open jacket, and lord, have mercy, it was the sexiest thing I’d ever seen. He didn’t know I was watching him, but how could any girl not? I thought he was trying it on to see if it would fit. Later, I found out it was his dad’s, and he had let me borrow his. It must have felt strange to wear his father’s jacket. Mine was a little bit big, but it was perfect in my eyes.

  “You don’t have to walk me to my apartment,” I said, smiling like a schoolgirl. Holding hands, our arms swung like a pendulum clock.

  “I know I don’t, but I want to.” He knocked on the door.

  “Seth,” I snorted. “I live here, remember? You just knocked on the door.”

  Just as he opened his mouth to say something, the door opened.

  “Hi, guys,” Lexy greeted. “Lost your key, Josie?”

  “No,” Seth answered for me. “I’m the dork that knocked on the door without thinking.”

  “Looks like someone had too much fun. Maybe your brain is still floating about. Come in.” Lexy opened the door wider. “I’m not going to ask how the date went. From the look in both of your eyes, I don’t think you had fun.” She bit her lip, forming a playful smile.

  “Nah, you’re right. Seth was boring. He only took me to the most amazing—” I stopped, recalling I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone. “I mean—”

  “I gave Josie a ride on my bike. My dad’s bike,” Seth answered for me.

  Lexy gave me a tender expression. “That’s great. Good for you, Seth. Your dad would have wanted you to use it. Looks like you’re wearing your dad’s leather jacket too.”

  Seth looked down. He’d probably forgotten he’d worn it. “Yeah, I did,” he said finally, like it was no big deal. “Josie is wearing—”

  “Yours. I know,” Lexy cut in. “Looks great on you, Josie.”

  “Thanks,” I said, and started to take it off.

  “No.” Seth extended his hand to stop me. “Keep it for the next ride.” He winked.

  “Okay.” I shoved my hands inside the pockets. “Shall we sit? Or are we planning to stand all night?”

  Seth slapped his hands together as if suddenly he realized something. “I…better go.” He reached for me and stopped, then looked at Lexy. He shrugged his shoulders and kissed me on the forehead. “I’ll see you soon.” Before he turned the knob, he looked over his shoulder. “Bye, Lexy. I’ll text you later, Josie.” Then he was out the door.

  CHAPTER 23

  Josie

  I went to work on Tuesday feeling as if a black cloud were following me. Brad kept calling and leaving ugly messages. I thought ignoring him would be the best, but now I wasn’t sure anymore. Maybe I needed to confront him, to let him know that he couldn’t boss me around anymore. Mom would call as well, but she was not a threat like Brad. I had planned to see her next week, to find out if what she was telling me was the truth. But for now, I wanted to forget my past.

  Karina’s was not as big as Seth’s restaurant, but it was charming and cute. Decorated with a homey feel, various teacups lined the shelves and old-fashioned pictures adorned the walls, mostly pictures of Italy. Though they were opened for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, they were famous for their sandwiches and desserts.

  “I’m going on my lunch break. Can you cover for me?” Sally, one of the waitresses, asked, adjusting her white apron and then her hair. She had the thickest black hair I’d ever seen, and the longest fake eyelashes I’d ever seen. Our uniform was simple. We could wear jeans, but we had to wear the pink employees’ T-shirt and a white apron. “Jordan is too busy.” She gestured to the back with her head. “The reason I’m asking you is because I’m working all day today, so I get an hour break. I’ll be back by three.”

  “Sure,” I said, glancing over to her section. It didn’t look busy. “Then I’ll take mine after yours.”

  “Sounds good to me.” She smiled and left.

  Hearing the chime of the front door, I walked across the polished white tile floor and met the customers. After I greeted them politely, I took them to Sally’s section. Then I headed to my section and attended to my customers. I wondered how we would handle the rush when our hours would be cut back to about half.

  I should be used to covering others’ shifts and going back and forth, but I was tired today. Just when I thought I could relax a bit, more customers entered. I wished I’d asked Sally if I could take my break before she did.

  Icy prickling chills hit me like lightning as Brad walked in with his friends, or maybe hostages for all I knew. He had probably threatened to kill them if they ever left him. They both portrayed the tough guy persona, but at the same time, they looked too young to be hanging out with Brad.

  Brad was five years older than me. I’d met him at a nightclub when my roommate had begged me to go. Thinking he was good-looking with a steady job, I dated him. Low and behold, I found out he had been fired from the construction site. He had decked another employee because the poor guy looked at him the wrong way. Who in the hell did that? The longer we dated, the more I got to know the real Brad, the possessive Brad with anger issues. That Brad became a thorn in my side.

  I felt sorry for him though. Just like me, he had a terrible childhood. Instead of his mother beating him up like mine did, his father was the abusive parent. Maybe it was the reason why we understood each other at first, and maybe it was the reason why he was the way he was. I’d told myself—promised myself—that I would never let anyone change me. I wasn’t going to be the victim. I was going to be a survivor. And I would never let anyone get in the way of my happiness ever again. When Mom hit me, I would escape into my books and try to forget. It was the only way I could move forward, and I would remember not to do with my children what she had done. Most children learned from their parents, so they could be a better adult. For me, I learned what not to do. I knew one day I would leave, and that reason alone gave me the strength to keep living.

  “Hello, doll,” Brad cooed, but it sounded more like the devil’s voice in my ears. “I knew you were working today. Thought I’d stop by to give you a few reminders.” He winked. I grimaced, wishing I could claw out his eyes. “Why don’t you do your job and take me to my table?”

  My eyes darted from him to his loser friends. Anyone who hung out with Brad was a loser in my eyes. I grabbed three menus out of the holder and took them to a booth seat. Instead of taking them to my section, I took them to Jordan’s. Thank goodness she had gone to the kitchen to check on a few orders.

  When she came out, her brunette hair bounced with her steps, and her hazel eyes looked occupied by her thoughts. Guilt swept over me at the notion of sending her to serve Satan. Hopefully, Brad would be on his best behavior—hopefully.

  “Hey, Jordan. Three customers walked in and since the other four walked out, I set them in your section. I hope you don’t mind. I’m full.” I looked over my shoulder, hoping I was right. I prayed no one had left the table yet.

  “Sure,” she chirped.

  Since she was cool about it, I didn’t feel so bad. I didn’t bother to watch Brad’s reaction when Jordan went to his table. He was quiet at first until he realized I wasn’t paying attention to him.

  Feeling a tap on my shoulder, I turned to see Jordan’s lip in a thin line. I had just finished ringing up a customer. “Josie. That guy is asking for you.” She looked upset. “You know, the one you seated.”

  I rolled my eyes, but it wasn’t toward her. “What did he want?”

  “He said if you didn’t serve him, he would cause trouble. I think you better go to him.”

  I inhaled a deep breath. “Cover my tables for me while I go take care of that.”

  Wiping my hands on my apron as if I could wipe Brad away, I headed to his table. It was more ou
t of nervousness than anything. “What can I get for you, boys?” I tried to act professional, pretending they were regular customers.

  Brad kept his eyes on the menu when he spoke. I was utterly surprised by his calm tone, but it was full of malice. “You ditch me like that again and I’m going to make you pay for it.”

  “You can’t hurt me,” I said matter-of-factly. “There’s nothing you can do. I don’t give a shit about anything or anyone. You want to hurt my mother, go right ahead.”

  Brad slowly turned to me and rested his elbows on the table. His eyes pierced through me with danger and anger. “You daring me? I’m watching your every move. My eyes are always on you, and apparently it’s not just me. Your mom looks like a mess, by the way.”

  “You went to see my mom?” I spat, a little bit louder than I wanted to. Some of the customers turned to our table.

  “What are you looking at?” Brad huffed, turning the customers back to whatever they were doing.

  “You’ve been a bad daughter, Josie,” he continued. “You made your mom hire a private detective to find you. You’re a terrible daughter. She’s all alone, you know.”

  He tried to sound sympathetic for my mom, but it only made me feel sick to my stomach. Poor Mom? He didn’t even know a fraction of what I had endured being raised by her. But all that rang in my head was that my mom had hired a private detective.

  “How do you know that?”

  “She told me. I went to talk to your mom, hoping she would know where you had run off to. Are you going to be a good girl and go home to see your mom? Better yet, are you going to be a good girl and come with me?”

  His friends buried their heads in their menus. I could tell they were afraid of him. And they should be. They should have gotten as far as they could from Brad. He was no good for them. He was no good for anyone. Leaning closer, I whispered so only he could hear, “I’m going to tell you for the last time, there is no way I’m ever getting back with you, ever again. Now order something to eat or leave before I have you thrown out.” I wanted to say every curse word to him, but I had to restrain myself because it would piss him off even more. But he had a bad temper anyway, so I prepared for the worst.

  Brad slammed his fist down on the table so hard that the glasses and utensils on the table jumped. Standing up from his seat, his body towered over me, quivering in anger. His broad shoulders, threatening and powerful, made me feel so small. Gasps and whispers from customers caused him to glance around. When he threw daggered eyes at them, everyone turned back around.

  “I’m warning you,” he gritted through his teeth. “Your boyfriend is next.”

  “I don’t have a boyfriend,” I threw in. How did he know? Though Seth wasn’t my boyfriend. Then I assumed he had been following me, like he said he had, but I held my ground because I didn’t know for sure. I started imagining Brad punching Seth, or worse.

  Brad got out of his booth. “Let’s go,” he snapped at his friends.

  “I’m hungry. I thought we were eating lunch,” the guy across from him said.

  Brad gave him an evil stare. The look alone made his friends get up. When he turned to me, his expression didn’t change. “The guy at the restaurant. He better not be your boyfriend.” Brad poked his finger in the middle of my chest. His brows arched, making them form into a curve. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m going to make your life and every guy you date miserable. You’ll eventually give up and come back to me.”

  I stumbled several steps back when he bumped his shoulder into mine to walk toward the door. At that moment, I realized that I wasn’t scared of him. His threats didn’t bother me the way they used to. In fact, I felt sorry for him. I had moved on and wanted better things in my life, but he was living in the past with no hopes or dreams for the future.

  A soft touch broke me out of my daze. “Are you okay? Who was he?” Jordan asked.

  I looked into Jordan’s concerned eyes, and wondered if I had made a mistake thinking everything was going to be fine. I had to believe in something, even if it was a lie. “Don’t worry. It wasn’t anyone.”

  CHAPTER 24

  Seth

  Mom seemed to be doing a lot better, and I was getting the hang of running the restaurant and the auto shop, alternating the days. Though Mom hadn’t gone back to work yet, I was glad she was getting out of the house and about with Sara.

  “Where are you going today?” I asked Sara.

  Sara’s shorts, which weren’t too short, and her T-shirt made me think she’d actually listened to me complaining about her attire. She was scrolling through her cell when I stepped into the kitchen.

  “We’re going to go to the mall. Do you need any help at the restaurant today?”

  I poured milk into a glass and put the container back in the fridge. “I think we’re going to be okay. I’m going to hire a couple more waitresses and a manager.”

  “That’s good. Hire competent ones. Don’t hire the college students. They never stay that long.”

  I gripped the glass, waiting for her to finish so I could enjoy my milk. “I know,” I sighed, not appreciating her two cents’ worth.

  Leaning her stomach against the island, she clicked her tongue as if ready to say something I might not want to hear. “Simon called last night.”

  I shrugged my shoulders. “Great.” I was just about to take a sip when she spoke again, answering the question I wanted to ask but already knew the answer,

  “He can’t take off work.”

  “That’s fine. I never asked him to. I know he’s very busy.”

  Sara turned around and leaned her back against the island with her arms crossed. “Don’t be mad at him, and don’t judge him. He’s going through rough times too. A smart brother told me people heal differently. He’s healing by keeping busy. I know he’s swamped at work, but I also know he’s grieving. He’s trying to outrun the pain.”

  While I soaked up Sara’s words, I arched my brows in surprise. I knew these simple words, but for some reason I couldn’t apply them to my brother. Maybe because he was older, I expected him to be in charge. A nagging notion reminded me that we were on equal ground. It didn’t matter who was older or younger, we were mature adults. It was a matter of who was available to help. Before she could say anything more, I drank my milk.

  Milk never tasted so good. I took in the cold and the liquid streaming over my throat. After gulping it down to the last drop, I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. I placed the glass on the counter and Sara looked at me like she had just discovered I was an alien.

  “What? You’ve never seen anyone drink milk before?” I frowned.

  “Not like that.” She shook her head.

  “Like what?” Mom stepped into the kitchen, all smiles. “Is that your breakfast?” Mom sounded like she was scolding.

  I kissed the tip of her forehead. “I overslept. I need to get to work. Since I’m going to the restaurant today, I’ll be fed really well. So, don’t worry. Gotta go. Have fun with Sara.”

  I looked over my shoulder to wave at my sister. Sometimes I forgot how grown-up she was. She waved back and opened the cabinet.

  “Wait.” I felt the weight of Mom’s grip. Her straight face alarmed me.

  “What is it, Mom?”

  “Thank you for everything, Son. Thank you for being here and taking care of things I couldn’t. I’m going to try to snap out of this…funk, to get back to myself again. It isn’t fair for you. I certainly don’t want to be a burden.”

  “Mom. You’re not—”

  “Yes, I am. I’m your mother, not a person you need to babysit.” Mom’s eyes darted from side to side, looking ashamed if I was reading her correctly.

  “That’s not true….” My voice trailed off. I tried to sound convincing, but I was sure my tone betrayed me.

  Mom released a long, heavy sigh. “It is.” She brushed my cheek with the palm of her hand and held it there for a second, the way she’d done many times before when I was a child. Her eyes twink
led with tears, but they were full of love.

  I had no words after that. I was just thankful she had realized what was happening. Instead of sinking into a hole and burying herself deeper, she was going to stay on top. For that, I was beyond grateful. I had heard and read about what people went through in the grieving process, though there were different degrees of it. And Mom was at the borderline, wavering. Thank God she had realized what was happening.

  “I love you, Seth.” She pressed her head on my chest.

  Immediately my arms swung around her, holding her tightly, recalling the thousands of times I had done this, especially when I needed her comfort. But now, the tables had turned. I was giving her comfort. I had become her rock. No matter how many times I might have complained to myself, knowing she appreciated me, knowing I was there for her, was enough for me to know I had done the right thing.

  “I love you too, Mom.” I kissed her forehead, rubbing her back and holding on to the moment…until she was ready to let go. I gave Sara a knowing smile as her eyes welled up with tears, though she tried to hide it, and then I walked out the door.

  Debbie was holding down the fort. It wasn’t busy when I got there, but the look on her face told me we had been swamped. There were a couple of lingering breakfast customers, but others had cleared out.

  “That bad?” I asked, and smiled at the customers as I walked by.

  Debbie straightened her shirt and ran her fingers through her hair, as if she could make her tired expression go away. “Have you hired anyone yet?” she whispered to me.

  I leaned lower to hear her better and so I could keep my voice low. “I hired two. The first one graduated from college, so we don’t have to worry about her only staying short term. Her name is Bailey. She’ll start tomorrow. Guess who gets to train her?”

  Debbie’s thick line in her forehead deepened when she arched her brows. “Geez, I wonder. You know I’m the best.” She snorted, leaning to one side of her hip. Was she blushing? “And the second waitress?”