Shatter

by Rachel Van Dyken

  Nat hopped onto my lap and kissed my neck. I watched as Angelica’s face tightened into a murderous rage. She pushed up from her chair and began stomping toward us just as a Frisbee sailed by her face. She cursed and fell onto Jaymeson’s lap, poor guy. I looked up to see Demetri smirking in my direction. I joined in laughter while Angelica, former child star, whined at Jaymeson and gave him bedroom eyes.

  I pitied the guy. He rose from his seat and helped her to her feet, but not before she smacked a giant kiss on his cheek and pinched his butt. Jaymeson grinned and winked in my direction. Angelica’s eyes locked on mine as she caressed Jaymeson’s backside.

  I knew that look. I shivered and looked away.

  Nat began massaging my shoulders from the front sitting position she was in. I closed my eyes and leaned into her.

  “You seem upset,” she murmured against my neck, wrapping her arms around my body.

  I shrugged.

  “Don’t.” She tilted my chin toward her and pointed her finger in my face. “Don’t be an ass and close me out.”

  I smirked.

  “And don’t smirk. It makes you look too attractive and I’m scolding you right now.” She huffed, though her eyes darted to my lips a few times before she finally held her head high and looked away.

  “Sorry?” I offered.

  “Was that a question or an apology?”

  Laughing, I lifted her into the air and threw her over my shoulder. “Apology!”

  “Alec!” She punched my back and her legs kicked in the air. “Put me down!”

  “Nope!” I chuckled. “Hey, everyone, Nat wants to go swimming!”

  “But you’re supposed to be doing a bonfire!” Ruben was yelling and holding up marshmallows and sticks. I snorted. I had a few ideas where he could stick both of those objects but I restrained myself, just barely, and threw up my one spare hand while Nat struggled in my arms.

  “Ain’t reality TV if it isn’t real!” I raced toward the ocean with a squealing Nat in my arms.

  “Alec! Seriously! Put me down! The ocean is freezing!” Nat wiggled against me. I really should have thought twice about the whole ocean idea, considering my lack of restraint at the moment.

  I purposefully set her down, slowly allowing her body to slide over mine, loving how her eyes darkened as she swayed in front of me. “You were saying, sweetheart?”

  “Cheater.” Her eyes narrowed.

  My stomach plummeted to the ground. It felt like I had stopped breathing all together, but I knew I still was because I hadn’t passed out yet. “Come on.” I shook myself out of my dark thoughts and nodded toward the ocean. “Take a swim with me.”

  “Make me.” She glared.

  “You know I’ll win, Nat. Come on… be spontaneous… take your clothes off.” I laughed as she swatted me and took off her shirt revealing a white bikini top.

  “Mm, that’s more like it.” I peeled my shirt off and crooked my finger at her. Nat’s eyes were focused on my abs. Her eyes devoured me until I was almost embarrassed that there were cameras around. What I wouldn’t do for a few seconds alone with the girl.

  I wish I could say we’d been spending the last few weeks in coupled bliss, but with so many cameras around it had been hard to even get the girl alone long enough to kiss her. Which of course made me a desperate starving man — it was like they were torturing me on purpose so I really would do something crazy and freak out.

  Well… it was working.

  “Lost your nerve, hmm?” Nat taunted.

  “No.” I reached out and cupped her chin. “Just taking in the view.”

  I pulled her against me and kissed her, just as Demetri ran by me, flipped us off, and jumped into the ocean. Soon followed by a giggling Alyssa and Jaymeson.

  Angelica stayed by the bonfire with her arms crossed. Pissed. Figured. The last time I’d seen that girl smile was when… I stopped my thoughts and nearly choked on my tongue as Nat crooked her finger in my direction.

  Nat tugged me into the ocean, and we all splashed one another and laughed. If I could have just stayed in that moment forever, with my brother, his adorable girlfriend, and the love of my life…

  I’d be content.

  That’s what’s so damn confusing about life. Things are never as they seem, especially when your first name is Alec and your last name is Daniels.

  I swallowed the building anxiety and told myself no amount of drugs or alcohol would rid me of the guilt I felt. Nope. Only death. And if I was going to burn in Hell, I was going to take the evil witch responsible for everything with me.

  Chapter Two

  Alec

  Later, watching Nat play in the ocean brought me back to that moment. The first time I saw her. My world had tilted on its axis — and to this day, it has yet to return to normal.

  I was always cautious with our relationship — fearful that I would scare the shit out of her with my lifestyle, my past, basically everything that made me the guy that I was. I should have realized she would take it like a champ. Not every girl can deal with the baggage I brought to our relationship — or continue to bring, for that matter.

  Nat laughed and splashed Demetri before diving under the water again. I took a long slow sip of water and sat on the hot sand. She threw her head back and laughed, exposing her neck and making my heart lurch in my chest. I loved that neck. I swear, every time that girl looked vulnerable I couldn’t help but think of a few months ago.

  “Alec… I love you.” Nat’s lips were urgent against mine. It was taking all of the self-control I possessed to be a gentleman, to literally keep my clothes on when all I really wanted was to lose myself in her over and over again until I passed out from exertion.

  “You’re young, Nat.” I pushed her gently away from me. “It’s okay to wait. You know I love you regardless, right?”

  She glared.

  I fought to keep from laughing my ass off. “Nat! How is me being a gentleman earning me a nasty look? I’m the good guy!”

  “I want you to be the bad guy. Be the bad guy, Alec.”

  I backed away slowly from my bed and went to the window. The cool night breeze did wonders for my blurred vision and inability to think about anything other than the fact that I knew Nat wasn’t wearing a bra underneath her white tank top.

  Damn it.

  I should be sainted for my self-restraint.

  “Alec?” Her breathless voice may as well have been my drug. I closed my eyes, memorizing the way my name sounded on her lips. Trust, love, lust — it was all evident in the way she just said my name.

  I was losing it.

  “Alec?” she repeated. This time her arms wrapped around me from behind.

  I froze in panic.

  Skin.

  Her top was off.

  Self control, self control. I hadn’t planned for it to happen this way.

  “Nat.” The gravelly tone of my hoarse voice totally gave me away. I took a deep breath, which was a terrible idea since it smelled exactly like her hot skin.

  “Shit.” I took another breath. “Flowers.”

  “What?”

  “Flowers.” I said it without sounding like the word flower was painful or erotic. “You deserve flowers. Rose petals to be exact.” Calming down, I turned to face her but refused to look down, instead I looked deep into her large brown eyes. Tucking a piece of hair behind her ear, I kissed her nose softly. “Chocolate, champagne, a beautiful dress, the perfect night… Nat, I want you to have it all for your first time. I don’t want it to be in my room at the beach house. It’s too… normal for you.”

  “I’m normal.” She smiled shyly. “Besides, I’m not taking the rock star to bed.”

  “You aren’t?” My mouth went dry as she reached up and kissed me firmly on the mouth only to pull away and moan. Did she have any idea what her little sounds did to me? Or to parts of my anatomy?

  “Nope.” Damn, but she had wicked hands as she slowly unzipped my jeans. I wasn’t going to last long if she was going to
seduce me. I was already there and she had barely grazed my skin with hers. “I’m taking Alec Daniels… normal guy… love of my life, the man I want to be with forever. I’m taking him to bed.”

  Nat chewed on her lower lip, her eyes hooded briefly as she looked down and with one jerk, had my jeans on the floor. Slowly, she raised her eyes to meet mine and winked.

  “You’re seducing me.”

  “I am.”

  “You’re making me nervous.”

  “I’m the one that’s never done this before.”

  “Not helping.” I cursed. “Nat, I just—”

  And shit, there went her jean shorts. I tried to look away. I really did, but my eyes seemed to have problems following directions. Hypnotized, I watched her step out of her shorts and face me in nothing but the sexiest black panties I’d ever seen.

  “Remember.” Nat wrapped her arms around my neck, points of her body touched mine, rubbed against my bare chest, driving me insane. “You said black was your favorite.”

  “I—” The words died on my lips as she dipped her thumbs into her underwear and then paused.

  Nat reached for my hands and brought them to her hips, laughing she hooked my thumbs into her underwear and moved my hands down, sliding the last bit of material with them.

  “You can’t go back now,” she stated, bold and very naked in front of me.

  “Hell if I want to.” I jerked her toward my body and promised myself I’d go slow, I’d be tender — who knew I was dating someone who had less self control than me?

  Nat clenched my hair between her fingers. “I want this, Alec. I want you.”

  “I want you too.” I sighed against her mouth. “I want you so damn bad, Nat. I just… this is irreversible. You know that right? Once you’re mine, you’re mine forever. Not just for this moment or for this night. But for the rest of our lives.”

  “That’s what I want.”

  “It’s what I’ve always wanted.” What I’d never dared to hope. Someone as beautiful on the inside as out — willing to share the good and bad with me. Someone willing to take a chance on someone like me.

  “Alec…” Nat grinned.

  “What?”

  “Stop stalling. I’m yours. All yours.”

  “Forever?”

  “For always.” Nat pulled away from me and sat on the bed crooking her finger in my direction.

  I wasn’t an idiot. I didn’t need to be told twice. I almost tripped as I moved to hover over her. I easily scooted her further back on the bed and began kissing the bottom of her feet, slowly making my way up her perfect body. She moaned when I reached her inner thighs, and gasped when I licked my way further up. Cupping her breasts, I closed my eyes and relished the moment. The moment that she was giving everything to me — and only me.

  “Alec!” Nat ran toward me arms flailing. “Tell your brother to stop pushing me into the waves!”

  Jolted out of my erotic daydream, I laughed as Demetri chased her, arguing his case. “I didn’t push you! She fell, Alec, we both know how clumsy she is!”

  “Am not!” This from Nat, as she literally tripped into my arms.

  “Right,” Demetri and I said in unison.

  Nat flipped Demetri the bird.

  “She’s just so damn classy.” Demetri laughed. “Alright, I’m off to find a jellyfish to put in Angelica’s bed.”

  “Good luck!” I yelled.

  “What’s wrong?” Nat squeezed the water from her hair.

  I shrugged. “What do you mean?”

  “You seem…” She grabbed a bottled water and sat down in the chair next to mine. “Elsewhere. Like preoccupied or something. You just don’t seem like yourself. Is everything okay?”

  “It’s…” I watched in a trance as she lifted the water to her lips, some of it spilled over her mouth, making me think about sex all over again. “I miss you.”

  “Me?”

  “Yeah.” I reached for her hand. “Let’s go… inside.”

  “And do what? There are cameras everywhere!” She swatted me on the chest.

  “Not everywhere.” I grabbed her hand. “Don’t you trust me?”

  “Always.”

  “Forever.” I kissed her forehead and jogged with her back to the house, knowing full well that what I was asking she give me was very different than the first time we’d had sex. I already had her heart… and for the last few weeks all I’d wanted from her… had been her body. All I wanted now was her body, because at least in those moments I could numb myself to the guilt I felt every single time I looked at her.

  She had trusted me to keep her heart safe.

  And I had failed.

  Chapter Three

  Demetri

  If my brother didn’t lay off the drama soon I was going to put my fist through a wall. Everything seemed off. Either that or I was developing diabetes or something. Or possibly it was too much estrogen, considering I’d been surrounded by so many chicks lately, Alyssa being one of them, but still. My spider senses were off. I knew when something was up, and something was up with Alec. I mean, he was walking around smiling.

  That should have been my first clue. He never tried to be anything. He just was. So when he tried in the emotions department, it literally meant he didn’t have his shit together.

  I knocked on his door and waited for him to answer. His impromptu idea with the late night swim interrupted what was supposed to be our man talk. I was going to take him aside, pretend to get in a fight with him, punch him in the face, and then ask what the hell was wrong with him. Then he had conveniently left with Nat, and I didn’t see him until later that night. By then everyone was lurking around so I couldn’t very well call him out on his shit.

  But now I was out of time. He and Nat were going to hang out since it was Sunday, the one day we got off from filming. It was the only way Alec and I agreed to do it. We needed our privacy for one day. I mean, I could swallow a whale and bribe Jaymeson to hump a mermaid and we’d still be camera-free.

  I knocked again, this time harder. We needed to have a chat before he disappeared again.

  Dude, the guy needed hearing aids.

  I swear he was turning senile.

  “Alec! Hurry up, Nat’s going to be here…” I pushed open the door to his room in the Seaside Beach House expecting to see him pacing the room trying to get ready.

  Instead the shower was still on.

  I walked over to the door with every intention of pulling out my camera and getting some good stuff for bribery purposes, when I heard his voice.

  “No, that doesn’t make me feel better!” He cursed violently. “Are you kidding me? Two million? For what? For her to maybe keep her mouth shut? For her to possibly back down? You’ve got to be shitting me. I’m not handing out a penny until you get it in writing. Do you hear me? In writing. She can’t say a word. Not one damn word. If she does, I’ll sue her. She will never work in Hollywood again.”

  Whoa. Someone’s been watching way too much daytime television and clearly needs to lay off the caffeine. I slowly backed up and walked over to the bed.

  I knew in our business it was typical to get blackmailed, and I knew that Alec had his own share of crap this last month with some groupie claiming he got her pregnant. I wondered if that was what the conversation was about.

  At any rate, brothers stick together, and I needed to help him out. It was the least I could do after everything he’d done for me.

  Wait. When I thought about it, he didn’t really do much except for steal my girlfriend, get me addicted to drugs… On second thought…

  “I don’t care if she has him on her side! It’s ridiculous and you know it! You know how screwed up this is. And it’s not my fault that the details are blurred!”

  What happened? I told myself not to jump to conclusions. I knew Alec. He was even-tempered, calculated, and sometimes indifferent. He thought before he acted. He was always in control. He was way, way more mature than me.

  Out of the corner of my e
ye I saw a prescription bottle. Shit, not this again. I picked it up and read the label, exhaling as I looked over the familiar brand.

  He was back on antidepressants.

  Bad sign.

  The minute the bathroom door opened I held up the incriminating pill bottle and threw it at his chest. “What the hell?”

  “Hi to you too,” Alec said in a hoarse voice. “Snooping I see.”

  He moved to the desk where he had strategically laid out his reading glasses, guitar picks — all in color-coded order starting with date of use — and lastly, his pills. To say that he was a control freak would be putting it mildly. He was addicted to order the way I was addicted to… well, used to be addicted to getting high, so let’s just go with taffy for now, or Alyssa, maybe sex. I knew he was in a bad place if he was strategically counting each pill in the bottle to make sure he had taken one.

  I waited for him to stop counting before saying, “It’s not snooping when it’s out for everyone to see, including your super-paranoid girlfriend who just happens to be the daughter of a shrink. If she sees that many milligrams she’s going to flip her shit, and you know it.”

  Alec set the pill bottles in his nightstand and cursed. “I just. I—”

  “What? What did you do?”

  Bitter laughter bubbled out of him. “What didn’t I do? That should be the question.”

  “Not following.”

  “I didn’t do a damn thing. Not technically.”

  “What’s technically?” I asked, not sure I wanted to know the answer. “And when did this happen… technically?”

  “You don’t even know what we’re discussing.” Alec cursed and jerked open his dresser. Again color coded. He pulled a shirt over his head and tugged on some jeans.

  I shrugged. “Sure I do. Someone’s blackmailing you. You threatened to kick them out of Hollywood which sounded super cheesey, FYI, and you’re back on your pills, all because you technically didn’t do something.”

  Alec swallowed and looked away. “Right.”

  “Dude.”

  “It’s not a big deal.”

  “Since when is two million dollars and enough antidepressants to kill an elephant not a big deal?”