Let It Be Me

by Toni Aleo

  Later that afternoon, I glance at the clock to see that I only have thirty minutes before my day is over and it will be time for me to go home. I groan at the thought. I don’t want to go home. I’d rather work but I do need to get the house clean and cook something before getting in my tub and relaxing until my fingers and toes turn to prunes. Rob is on his four nights, so I won’t see him until Monday and that is just fine with me, but I still need to have food waiting for him in the morning. I’ll hear about it later if I don’t. Leaning on my hand, I click through emails but stop when a knock sounds at my door.

  Looking up, I find Tucker entering, his arms full of files. He stops in front of my desk and looks at me with worried eyes.

  “Please tell me you can stay late tonight and help get these insurance forms in the computer.”

  I nod. “Sure, but why? Everything is done for the month, I finished the last of it yesterday morning.”

  He shakes his head, the frantic look in his eyes making me frazzled. “No, my dad had these under his desk, I can’t do it all myself. It’s over two hundred claims.”

  I take in a sharp breath. “There is no way.”

  He drops the files on my desk and runs his hand though his hair before looking at me. “Way. Tomorrow is the beginning of the month. It has to be done tonight. Please tell me you can stay tonight.”

  I look up and down all the files and slowly shake my head in surprise. I can’t believe this. Dr. McCloud is always on top of things, this is so unlike him. “Sure, but I can’t believe he let this happened.”

  “Neither can I, but I guess things were a little crazy with him retiring and all.”

  “Yeah,” I agree as I reach for a file and open it up. “Well, I guess I’ll get started.”

  “Cool, I’ll grab my laptop and we can get started.”

  I should point out that he could take half the files to his office and I’ll do the other half, but before I can even utter the words, he’s across the hall getting his laptop. He sits in the seat in front of my desk and opens his laptop before reaching for the first file. I watch him for a moment but quickly look away when he looks up, hoping he didn’t catch me staring at him.

  I try to engross myself in my work but it’s hard when this beautiful man is distracting me. Every time he makes a move, I notice. When he bites his lower lip, I’m watching and wish I could do the same. When he moves his hands through his hair, I’m tingling I want to touch him so bad, but I know I can’t and it’s starting to weigh on me.

  I know I need to distance myself from this man, but I don’t think I can. I mean, why do I even feel like this? I have never, not once, been attracted to another man until Tucker McCloud walked into the office. Never. I was so obsessed with Rob that I believed his lies, his abuse but now? Now I fucking hate him and I want to leave so bad but I don’t know how. I wish it was easy. I wish it was a simple break with the knowing that I’ll never see Rob again but it never will be.

  I want to be able to say I’m leaving and fuck you. I want to hit him back, and never see him again but I’m scared I never will and I hate that.

  “So does your family live in Colorado?”

  I look up to find Tucker still working, but I know he asked.

  I nod, even though he isn’t watching me. “Yeah, my mom and grandma do.”

  “Is your father not in your life?”

  “No, I never knew him.”

  “That sucks.”

  “Yeah,” I say with a nod.

  “Do you have any siblings?”

  “Nope, only child,” I say and smile when I look up to see him looking at me. “I’m really boring.”

  A grin pulls at the side of his mouth. “I doubt that.”

  A smile is still on my face as I look back down and go back to work. Silence fills the room as we work but it’s a comfortable silence. One that I like. I’m almost halfway through when Tucker clears his throat.

  “I’m starving.”

  I nod. “Me too.”

  “We’ll, let’s order something.”

  “Okay.”

  I need to finish so I can go home and gets things done but I don’t want to. I want to stay here and eat and finish work. Everything else can wait. More than likely, I’m making a horrible mistake staying and spending more time with Tucker. I’ll pay for this later but I can’t stop myself and I don’t know that means. Am I stupid? Do I not care anymore? Have I finally had enough of Rob that I’m going to do what I want? I’m not sure but being with Tucker makes me smile, and I like the way the way that makes me feel, so I’m going to stay right here.

  “I don’t know what I would do without Blaine.”

  I look up from my file, a piece of pepperoni on my lips from the pizza that sits in front of me. We haven’t said anything for the last hour. We worked while we waited and then stuffed our faces once the pizza arrived, so it’s easy to say I’m confused. “Huh?”

  He laughs. “Sorry, I mean from earlier, you saying you have no siblings.”

  I smile. “Oh, okay, yeah, I always wanted a sibling but I had my mom and grandma. I was okay.”

  “That’s good. I bet they miss you and you miss them.”

  I nod as the tingling of tears hit my eyes. “Yeah, I never expected to leave but Rob wanted to come here. His family is here.”

  “Did you want to come here?”

  I shake my head. “Nope, but I had-” I stop myself and look away. I can’t believe I almost told him I had no choice. Clearing my throat, I say, “But I don’t mind it now.”

  I glance up and can tell that he knows that’s not what I was going to say but he doesn’t pry. Instead, he says, “That’s good. I’ve lived here my whole life.”

  “I don’t believe you,” I tease, “Everyone who grew up in this town dresses like a cowboy and you don’t.”

  He laughs and I smile as I look back at my computer. “Not everyone does, but I do, just not to work. I even wear Wranglers. I’m a country boy at heart.”

  I slap a hand over my mouth to stop the bite of pizza trying to force its way out through the laughter spilling from me. I have never seen him in anything but slacks and dress shoes. The vision of Dr. Tucker McCloud in tight Wranglers and boots has me gasping for breath. I picture him in his jeans and boots, shirtless, of course, sitting on a horse, and asking me if I want to take a ride. I would say yes, but I wouldn’t be talking about riding the horse.

  “Don’t you think so?”

  I blink before looking back over to Tucker. Shit, he’s talking to me.

  “Sorry what?” I ask.

  He smiles. “I was thinking we should have a casual Friday. Then I can wear my boots to show you I have real country roots.”

  “Yeah,” I say, even though I know that’s a bad idea. I’ll pass out when I set eyes on him. The nurses would go crazy, too and, more than likely, no work would get done. I laugh and he looks at me questionably.

  “What?” he ask, a smile pulling at his lips.

  “Nothing,” I say but then I can’t help it. “Just don’t expect work to get done on Fridays.”

  His brows go up in confusion. “Why?”

  I giggle. “Because all the girls will be checking you out in your jeans and boots.”

  He smiles and his cheeks flush crimson. “No, they won’t.”

  “Yes, they will. Everyone crushes on you.”

  He eyes meet mine and I know my face is bright red. I can’t believe I said that! He probably thinks I crush on him! I do, but he doesn’t need to know that.

  “Everyone?” he asked, wagging his brows at me.

  “You did not just wag your eyebrows at me.”

  That has us both laughing and I shake my head, reaching for my soda as my laughter subsides.

  “You know you like it,” he teases as I take a drink.

  I look over to find him smiling at me, his brows going up and down and with that, soda promptly shoots out of my nose. Tucker dissolves into a fit of laughter and one would think that soda coming out
of my nose is the funniest thing in the world, but I beg to differ. Wiping my nose, I send him a dirty look as he continues to laugh.

  “I do not like your wagging eyebrows, Dr. T,” I snap at him playfully but even I can’t help but laugh, too. His laugh is contagious.

  “You do,” he says as his laughter finally slows down. “God, that was funny.”

  “I’m glad I amuse you,” I say with a roll of my eyes before picking up another file.

  I’m well into entering the data for the next file when Tucker asks, “you’re not mad are you?”

  I look up n surprise at his question. “No, not at all.”

  “Oh good, I thought I pissed you off,” he says with a smirk.

  I grin back. “No way, just trying to get done.”

  “Tired of me?”

  I laugh. “No, just need to get home and get stuff done.”

  His mouth forms a straight line. “Your husband is waiting for you?”

  I shake my head. “No, he’s on his four nights at the hospital.”

  “Oh, he’s a doctor?”

  “No, a nurse.”

  His eyes light up and the corner of his mouth twitches. “That’s how y’all met?”

  I don’t want to talk about Rob. Not at all.

  “Y’all?” I tease. “The more time I spend with you, the more your country roots shine.”

  “Yeah, I love sweet tea and sitting on my front porch playing my banjo.”

  I stop what I’m doing. “You play the banjo?”

  He laughs again. “No, I’m kidding.”

  “Crap, I was so going to ask you to teach me,” I joke before looking back down at my file. His laughter continues and I just love the sound of it: loud, hearty, from the gut. I like that I make him laugh. Rob never laughs. Well, I take that back, he laughs at me but never with me. Not like he used to.

  Sad thought, huh?

  Hours pass and I swear my eyes are going cross eyed staring at this damn screen. I squeeze my eyes shut and run my hands down my face. I have about thirty files left but I swear it feels like three hundred. Looking over at Tucker, I find him with his face on the desk beside his computer.

  “You okay?”

  “I want to kill my father,” he mutters against the desk.

  I smile. “I’ve killed Dr. McCloud at least twice in my head in the last hour.”

  Tucker sits up and grins. His eyes are the bright whiskey color that causes butterflies to go nuts in my stomach.

  “We’re almost done.”

  “We are,” I agree.

  “We can do it!” he says throwing a fist in the air.

  I laugh and throw my own fist in the air. “Yes, we can!”

  Through his laughter, he says, “We sound like Bob the Builder.”

  “Who’s that?” I ask with a smile on my face.

  “Nicky, my nephew, watches this show called Bob the Builder and when he’s about to take on a task, he says, ‘Can we do it? Yes we can!’”

  “Sounds like a great show.”

  Tucker laughs. “It’s horrible, but Nicky loves it.”

  I smile. “I didn’t know you had a nephew.”

  “Yup, he’s four and the coolest kid I know. We don’t get to see him much. Blaine and his ex don’t get along.”

  “That sucks.”

  “Yeah. Thankfully, she loves me so I get to steal Nicky away sometimes but it’s tough on Blaine.”

  “I bet,” I say. I don’t know Blaine but my heart hurts for him. I know what it’s like to grow up without a father.

  “Which reminds me, the conference we’re going to is in Georgia. We can take him to get ice cream or something.”

  Huh? “Conference?”

  “Yeah, I sent you an email. I already paid for it. You are free that weekend right?”

  “I thought that email was junk,” I say embarrassed. “I deleted it.”

  I thought that he would be mad, but I’m starting to think he’s a laid back person because all he ever does is laugh off situations where Rob would blow a gasket.

  “Good thing I mention it then, but yeah, we’re going to see about the benefits to going completely digital for the office. My dad would never do it, but I think it would be best for us.”

  I nod while my insides cringe. Rob won’t let me go; he’ll freak. “You need me to go?”

  “Uh yeah, you’re my manager. You need to be there.”

  “Oh, okay, I’ll figure something out,” I say and I wish I hadn’t.

  “Can you not go?”

  I shrug. “I’m not sure.”

  “Oh, okay, well let me know, it’ll be fun.”

  “Yeah,” I say before reaching for another file.

  Neither of us say anything else and get back to work. I try to pay attention to what I’m doing but it’s hard when all I can think about is how I’m going to go to this conference. Rob is going to flip the fuck out, no matter if I lie or if I tell him the truth. It’s frustrating but I know I need to go.

  I want to go.

  It’s another hour or so before I’m finally done. Glancing at the clock, I see that it’s almost ten. I’m so tired but I still have to get stuff done and I know I should be mad that I had to stay late but I’m not. I enjoyed my time with Tucker. More than I probably should have. When I look over at him, Tucker still has a few files by his laptop. I reach over and grab some and start his. He smiles at me, and I smile back before getting to work.

  The next time I look at the clock, its eleven fifteen and I groan. I’m going to be a zombie tomorrow.

  “Man, I’m beat,” he says reaching up in the air to stretch. I try not to watch him, but it’s hard. His long, lean arms reach above his head, accentuating the rippling torso beneath his button-down shirt.

  “Me too,” I say as I shut down my computer.

  He stands up and gets his computer before heading to his office. After shutting everything down and deciding I can give those file to one of the girls tomorrow to put away, I lock my office up and wait for Tucker as he finishes what he’s doing. Once he’s done, we head for the door and then to our cars after everything is locked up.

  “Thanks so much for staying, Violet.”

  I smile up at him. “No problem. It went quick.”

  “That’s ‘cause we’re a great team,” he says with a wink.

  I nod before looking down so he doesn’t see the flush of crimson spreading across my cheeks. “I agree.” When I glance back up to say more, I see that his hand is coming toward my face and I jerk back away from him. Was he about to hit me? Heat fills my face, my neck and my chest hurts from my heart banging against it. Tucker is frozen, his hand still reaching for me while his eyes widen in confusion. I take in a quick breath and I cannot believe that I just did that.

  Without a word, not even a second glance, I’m making my way to my car, quickly.

  “Violet? Violet, what’s wrong?” Tucker calls after me, but I have to get out of here.

  Now.

  Reaching for my car, still ignoring him, I get in and slam the door. Quickly, I suck in a deep breath and clench my shaking hands. What the hell is wrong with me? Tucker is not Rob. I have no clue why I thought he was going to hit me, but I did. I don’t know what he was doing or what he was reaching for but it looked like he was about to hit me. Am I really that fucked up? Is this the way my life will always be? Any kind of quick movement will make me think I’m going to be harmed? Why am I doing this to myself?

  I slam my hand into the steering wheel and I have no clue how the hell I’m going to face him tomorrow.

  Fuck.

  “Where is my dinner?”

  I roll my eyes, moving my hand down my face. I’m so tired, I can’t even keep my eyes open and dealing with Rob is not what I want to do right now. After rushing away from Tucker last night, I went straight home and to bed, where I cried most of the night from embarrassment. I don’t know what my deal was last night but I’ve been in my office with my door shut, ignoring Tucker all day. I can�
�t face him. I know he’ll have questions and I don’t know how I’m going to answer them.

  “I had to work late and I went to bed.”

  “Work late? Why?”

  “I had files that had to be done last night, last minute stuff.”

  “So when did you eat?”

  “I ordered pizza.”

  “Couldn’t bring me any?” he asks and I let out a breath.

  “I ate it all.”

  He scoffs. “Better watch out. You’ll get chubbier than you already are, eating like that.”

  “Thanks,” I scoff back as I look over at my computer.

  “What’s wrong with you? You’ve been really mouthy lately, it’s pissing me off.”

  “Sorry,” I say but I don’t mean it and I think he knows I don’t.

  He pauses and I’m sure he is trying to decide if he wants to yell at me or not.

  “Whatever. Next time don’t hog all the pizza. Have a little consideration for your husband.”

  The line goes dead and I drop my phone to the desk. God, he drives me insane. He wants me to have consideration for him when he has none for me. How is that fair? And why does he always hang up on me? I should start screaming and then hang up on him. He wouldn’t know what to do with himself. He’d know what to do to me, but it would stun him, that’s for sure. I won’t do it, though. I only think it and then I’m mad at myself for not saying it. It’s a sad, ugly thing, my life has become.

  Moving to my computer, I open my email because it is blinking but before I can click on the first email, a message comes up.

  Dr. T: I think we need to talk about what happened last night.

  I drop my head to the desk. Of course, he wants to talk and that’s the last thing I want to do. I know I can’t ignore him though and I do owe him some kind of explanation.

  Violet M: Sorry about that, I don’t know what was going on. I freaked out for no reason. No big deal.

  I wait for him to write me back, but then my door opens and he’s coming through it, shutting it softly before turning to look at me. He looks worried, stricken and I hate that I’m the reason he’s so concerned. I’m the fucked up one and I can’t understand why he’s worried about me. I’m not worth his time.