Dirty Desires

by Michelle Love

  Julia nodded. “He’s trusting you more than he even trusts them. That’s huge, Nina.”

  Considering what they said, I did think it was pretty huge that he would talk to me about the woman he’d loved and lost. “Do you guys think he told me more about her so that I would know just how much he isn’t over her yet?”

  “What makes you think that he’s not over her?” Julia asked.

  With a shrug, I said, “I just have this feeling deep inside of me that he’s not. And I also think that he’s afraid of losing someone like that again. So much so that he would rather be alone than take the risk of getting hurt the way he did.”

  Lila and Julia exchanged sad looks. Then they both looked at me. Julia was the one to ask, “Are you thinking about giving up on him, Nina?”

  Shaking my head, I said, “How could I? Just a few hours ago, he told me he liked the way it felt to hold me. That’s progress, people.”

  They laughed and nodded in agreement. “Progress it is,” Lila said.

  Julia chimed in, “Especially when you think about how long you guys have known each other.”

  Lila jabbed me in the ribs with her elbow. “It’ll probably take another year before you two actually kiss. But way to hang in there, girl.”

  It was all fun and games until she said that. Even Julia could see that Lila had gone too far.

  My finger began wagging at Lila as if it had a mind of its own. “Now you listen to me, Lila Cofield,” I chided. “That man has suffered things that we can’t even imagine. And I won’t sit idly by and let anyone, not even a very good friend of mine, say anything negative about him.”

  Lila’s blue eyes were as big as saucers as she shook her head. “I didn’t mean anything by it. I swear, Nina. I shouldn’t have said that. I’m so sorry. You’re right. He has lived through a lot. I can’t imagine if that had happened to me. If I’d lost Duke before we even really got started, well, that might’ve just killed me.”

  “You’re damn right, it would’ve,” I let her know. “Okay, apology accepted. Just watch what you say about him from now on.”

  “I will,” she said with her eyes downcast. “I am sorry. You know I would never say anything to hurt him intentionally—he’s my friend too.”

  Julia got up and came to put her hands on my shoulders as she stood behind me. “Seems like you already have Ashton’s back, Nina. I think that’s a good sign that things will work out for you two.”

  I patted her hand that rested on my shoulder. “I wish I had the kind of confidence that you do, Julia. You’re so sure about things.”

  Lila smiled at me, then got up. “I think we should go break up the poker game. Then Julia and I will take our men to bed, and you and Ashton can have some time alone. To talk. Or whatever you want to do.” With a wink, she headed out.

  I got up and followed Julia as we left the room. The men could be heard laughing and teasing each other before we got to the room that Artimus had dubbed the poker room. Artimus called out, “Aces high, boys. Read ’em and weep.”

  I heard Ashton groan, “Aw, man. You win again.”

  Duke said with a chuckle, “And the rich only get richer.”

  Julia led the way, pushing open the door. “Good. Your game is over, I hear.”

  “Over?” Artimus asked with confusion. “Not hardly.”

  “I beg to differ,” Julia said as she went to her husband. “I need your help, hubby.”

  Artimus looked at me then Lila. “Can’t your friends help you, baby?”

  “Not for what I need you for.” She ran her hands over his shoulders seductively before leaning in to whisper some choice words for him alone. But from the glow that began to radiate from Artimus’ face, we all assumed the words she said were rather dirty.

  Duke was quick to get up and grab his wife, gazing deeply into Lila’s eyes. “You have anything you need me to do, honey?”

  “Now that you mention it, yes,” Lila said.

  The couples left Ashton and me alone. I smiled as I took a seat. “I can play you. If you want,” I told him.

  With a deep sexy chuckle, he said, “Only if we use our clothes to bet instead of chips.” He must have been recalling the outcome of the strip poker game the night before.

  There my finger went again, wagging away at the naughty man. “Ashton, you are one naughty boy, aren’t you?”

  “Not normally,” he said with a sexy grin. “But I’m starting to get there.”

  There was a twinkle in his eyes that I hadn’t seen before. And that twinkle sent sparks shooting all through me. It also sent something else through me—a feeling that I needed to let him know that he could trust me implicitly.

  With that in mind, I decided that I wanted to make our relationship a lot deeper with this weekend excursion. And not just sexually, either. I would let that sit in the background for now. What was more important was letting Ashton know that I wanted him for him, and nothing else.

  “You know what?” I asked him.

  “What?”

  Winking at him, I went on, “I’m kind of glad I got to see you with your face messed up.”

  Even with swollen eyes, his brows rose up high. “What?”

  Nodding, I added, “No, really. I’m glad I got to see you this way. It’s helped me learn a lot more about how I really feel.”

  “Feel about what?” he asked, still seeming very confused.

  “You.” I looked into his eyes, which were a lot smaller than normal due to the swelling. I still saw him in those eyes. I still found him as attractive as I always had. “Even with that one black eye, your swollen, red nose, and that other eye that’s puffy, I still think you’re the most handsome man I’ve ever met.”

  I couldn’t believe it when I saw his cheeks flush and his head lower as he grinned like a maniac. “Shut up, Nina. Stop messing with me. I’ve looked in a mirror—I know I’m hideous.”

  “No, I mean it, Ashton,” I went on. “I suppose it’s because you’re handsome—or beautiful, really—inside and out. And no matter the damage, the man you truly are shines through.”

  His eyes came up to meet mine, and he wasn’t smiling anymore. “I think you’re beautiful inside and out too.”

  “Glad to see we’re on the same page then,” I said, to lighten things up. I didn’t want things to lead to kissing just yet. I wanted to really lay everything out for him.

  I wouldn’t have gone this route with anyone I had ever met prior to Ashton Lange. But we needed a firm foundation, or else any relationship we tried for would merely crumble. He needed a little extra time and attention. I could see that.

  For a while, he just stared into my eyes before saying, “You’re a very good person, Nina. I hope you know that about yourself.”

  With a shrug, I said, “I’m no better than the next person, Ashton.”

  He shook his head. “Oh, but you are. I want you to know that. You are much better than most people.”

  If I didn’t know what I did about the man, I would’ve been jumping up and down. Shouting at him and demanding to know why he hadn’t made his move yet, if I was such a great person.

  Since I did know about his past and his loss, I wasn’t about to do a thing like that. What I was about to do was let him see all of me, and I hoped he would let me in deeper too.

  I’d never been one to delve too deeply into a person, but as they say, there’s a first time for everything.

  Chapter Eight

  Artimus

  “There’s a balcony off my bedroom,” Nina said, with a sexy little smile curving her pink lips. “I noticed that your room didn’t have one when I walked out on mine earlier today.”

  I had the idea that she wanted to get me into her bedroom, and that sat pretty well with me. “You noticed that, did ya?”

  “I did,” she nodded, “and I thought you might like to come up to my bedroom and hang out on it with me. The stars are sure to be shining bright tonight.”

  Unsure if I was really ready for what was
about to happen, I got up and reached out for her hand anyway. “Sure, let’s go do a little stargazing, Nina.”

  “Good.” She came along right behind me as I led her up to her room.

  I opened her door, finding the room dark. The thought crossed my mind to pull her inside with me, close the door, and pin her against it. Our breaths would mingle in a warm cloud, then our lips would touch, and it would be one of the most magical things I had ever felt.

  I knew that without a doubt.

  But she foiled my plan when she reached in and pushed the switch to turn on the overhead lights. Silently, I padded toward the balcony doors and thought that I might give the kissing idea a try once we got under the stars.

  Pulling the doors open, I felt her hand leave mine. “Go on out there. I’ve got to use the restroom. I’ll be right back.”

  Foiled again!

  Watching her walk away from me, I admired her round backside as I leaned on the doorframe. “Not bad at all,” I whispered.

  She closed the door behind her, and I turned to check out the balcony. Two chairs were on either side of a small table. Glancing over my shoulder to make sure she wasn’t out yet, I hurried to move the chairs away from the table. Placing them side by side, I took a seat and waited for her to join me.

  The stars were bright, the night air was cool, and I was up for something different tonight. It was time to make some changes in my life, and this would be the turning point.

  Pepping myself up, I told myself that Nina was perfect for me. She had all the qualities I admired in people. She was honest, nice, polite, and it didn’t hurt that she was one of the most beautiful young woman I’d ever met.

  Knowing that there was no such thing as a perfect person, I tried to think of anything I didn’t like about Nina.

  Leaning back in my chair, I tapped my chin with my forefinger and thought as hard as I could. “Nope, nothing.”

  “Who are you talking to, Ashton?” Nina came out and took the seat next to me with a silly grin on her face.

  “Um ... Uh ...” I’d been caught. “No one.”

  With a sweet light laugh that sent me into a daze, she said, “They say only highly intelligent people talk to themselves. Did you know that?”

  “I must have. Since I must be highly intelligent.” With a chuckle, I put my hands behind my head and leaned back to look up at the night sky. “It’s a beautiful night. You were right; sitting out here is a good idea.”

  Leaning back in her chair, she agreed, “I think so too.” She took in a deep breath of the fresh air then turned her head to look at me. “Ashton, what kind of future do you see for yourself?”

  So, right to the hard questions, I see.

  “Oh, I don’t know, Nina.” I really didn’t. I hadn’t thought about my future—well, since the accident. I cut my eyes off to the side as that thought filled my head, the images coming back to the forefront of my mind.

  Flames, screams, sirens.

  Her hand touched mine, bringing me back to reality. “Ashton. I know you probably haven’t let yourself think about the future for a while. Before that terrible thing happened, what kind of future did you see for yourself?”

  Looking into her green eyes, I had to ask, “Can you read my mind? I know I’ve asked you that before, but you’re just so spot on, Nina.”

  “It’s in your eyes, Ashton.” The pad of her thumb ran back and forth over the top of my hand, making me feel comfortable and relaxed. “And your body language too. So, what were your ideas for the future?”

  “A nice home, a wife, and a family.” I turned the question back on her. “And what about you, Nina?”

  The way she smiled at me made my heart speed up. It was so open and honest. “I’ve always wanted kids. And who doesn’t want a nice home? To be honest, though, I have never given much thought to having a husband.”

  “I know this isn’t a question you’re supposed to ask a woman,” I was treading into deep water with her, “but how many boyfriends are in your past?”

  “You want to know how many men I’ve had sex with? That’s what you’re really asking me, right?” She laughed a little awkwardly before continuing. “And that’s okay. Understandable, even.” She held up one hand. “Less than the fingers on this one hand, if you must know.”

  Relief filled me with her answer, no matter how illogical I knew that to be. I wasn’t a prude, but I couldn’t help feeling jealous at the thought of Nina with many other men. “That’s not bad at all.”

  Her brows raised. “And now it’s your turn, Ashton.”

  Oh, no!

  Explaining my past hadn’t been easy when I’d had to tell Natalia about it. And it wasn’t any easier now to tell Nina. “Okay, first of all, you need to know that I am not the same man I was when I was in high school and college. That’s the first thing you have to keep in mind when I tell you my answer.”

  She looked a little stunned. “Dear God. How many women have you been with?”

  Now I really don’t want to come clean with her. “Maybe we shouldn’t talk about this right now. Maybe now is a bad time to be doing this.” I did have some intention of trying to get her into bed, after all. Sometime in the near future, even—if things all worked out.

  But then she reached out and took my hand again, giving me a reassuring look. “Ashton, you can be honest with me. I won’t judge you for anything you tell me.”

  A part of me wanted to fudge the numbers at least a little. But that purely honest expression she wore would make me feel like a jackass if I lied to her.

  So I went for the whole truth and nothing but the truth. “I was a player in high school and college. I never had one single relationship. I stayed away from commitments at all costs. That’s why what I felt for Natalia took me by complete surprise. My number is—get ready for it.” I closed my eyes, so I wouldn’t have to see her reaction and have that etched in my memory bank forever. “Thirty-seven.”

  The silence had me opening my eyes to look at her. What I found was her smiling face. “Thank you, Ashton.”

  There wasn’t a clue in my mind as to why she would thank me for telling her that number. “Thank you?”

  Nodding, she said, “Yes. Thank you. I’m not going to judge you for something that’s so natural—and I remember being in high school too. All the hormones raging around, needing an outlet—I found my outlet in volleyball and physical activity. But I know a lot of people—especially males—who found a much more intimate outlet.”

  “So you’re saying you think I was just a normal male then?” I had kind of thought—later on in life, of course—that I was a horn-dog who would stick my cock into any chick that would let me.

  “Completely,” she assured me. “You were one of the males who wanted to feel it all, not merely your own palm. And may I be so bold as to go even further?”

  “Sure.” I was dying to know what else she had to add to that bit of information.

  She winked at me with a sly grin. “You probably learned a lot from all those women. Each one taught you a little something that you didn’t know before. You catalogued all of this information for future use. For a time when it would be just you and one woman for the rest of your life. You wanted knowledge that would keep things spicy in the bedroom for years and years.”

  I was shocked and amazed. “Come on! You can read my mind, can’t you?”

  She shook her head as she laughed. “It’s just psychology, really.” With a slap on my shoulder, she went on, “Young men who become sexual extroverts usually start off just trying to get it into someone, anyone really.”

  I nodded. “Yep. You’re right about that.” I had never told a single soul what I was about to tell Nina. “I’ve never told anyone about my first time.”

  Her hand flew to her mouth. “God! She was hideous, wasn’t she?”

  I shook my head. “Nope.”

  “Very young?” she asked, and now she did wear a judgmental expression.

  “Not at all.” I had to tell
her before she came up with any more bad ideas. “She was my sophomore English teacher.”

  She gasped, “No!”

  “Yes. And I never told a single soul about that.” It felt freeing to admit that after all these years. “I found her crying in the parking lot of one of the local grocery stores. I had just gotten my driver’s license and was driving the family car to the store to pick up a few things for my mother. I saw Mrs. Kingston with her head on the steering wheel of her car.”

  Nina looked thoroughly puzzled. “And that got you the invitation to have sex with her?”

  “She had just caught her husband with another woman.” I leaned in as if it was some big secret and whispered the rest, “She asked me to follow her home after she told me about everything. She told me that all she could think about was getting back at him for what he’d done. And she told me I could help her do that. Only I couldn’t ever tell a soul about it.”

  “That was very wrong of her, Ashton.” Nina shook her head as her eyes went big. “So not right.”

  “Right or wrong, I didn’t care. Without even trying, I’d scored my first piece of ass. Once I had that initial sexual act over with, I was ready to move on to better things. Things like picking up my game to score more tail.” Suddenly I felt like that little jackass I was back then, and I didn’t like it at all. “I was an ass. I know I was. After I met Natalia, all that went away. That attitude disappeared like magic. And it has never returned.”

  And as I looked at Nina, I was positive that it never would.

  Chapter Nine

  Nina

  I woke up early the next morning. Julia had given each couple one meal a day to cook. It was Sunday, and Ashton and I had been assigned breakfast duty.

  The night had ended on a great note. He’d confided in me about something he had never told a single person. I thought that was great progress. And the fact that he seemed kind of surprised when I walked him to my door, kissed him on the cheek, then told him goodnight was just the icing on the cake.