Dirty Desires

by Michelle Love

  We stopped for a moment. “Yeah, I’m okay now. My head just got really light right there.” He looked at me, then smiled as he held the ice on his nose. “I’m not entirely sure if it was from the injury or this.” His arm tightened around me even more. “I kind of like this.”

  “The pain?” I asked, thinking he was crazy. I had heard about people liking the euphoria that happened after an injury as the adrenaline rushed to the brain.

  “No, silly girl.” He took another step up. “Holding you. You, holding me.”

  My face heated as I blushed. Ashton had never talked to me that way before. It was so odd, even though I had wanted him to see me as more than just a friend for a long time. It was just a little weird.

  And when I didn’t say anything back as we kept walking, I felt his hold on me loosen. When we got to his bedroom door, he moved his arm off my shoulders.

  “I’m going to shower and change. If you need me to help you back down ...”

  “That’s okay, Nina. I think I can handle it from here.” He went into his room without looking at me at all.

  My silence had been a stupid move on my part. I stood there, looking at his closed door and wondering if I should just go inside and tell him that I was happy holding him too.

  But I didn’t do that. I just stood there for a solid five minutes before turning and going to my bedroom. Stripping the bathing suit away from my body as I walked toward the attached bathroom, I wondered why I had reacted like that.

  It was proving harder for me than I’d thought to go from friends to more than friends after all this time. I had watched what I said to Ashton for so long, keeping my feelings from him was like second nature to me.

  All kinds of silent words of affection had gone through my mind over the years as the two of us had talked. I had kept those words to myself, and it seemed that was a habit I was going to have trouble breaking.

  But I knew I had to, if I ever wanted to hear Ashton say something like that again.

  Turning on the shower, I cranked it so it was steaming hot, then got in and let the water run over me. Moving my hands all over my body, I recalled just how often I had done that and imagined them to be Ashton’s hands instead of my own.

  I couldn’t count all the times I’d pushed my fingers deep into my cunt, fantasizing that they were Ashton’s thick fingers inside of me. I could touch myself, pretending it was him, but I couldn’t find words to say when he told me he liked how it felt for us to hold each other.

  The water pressure eased up for a moment, and I realized that Ashton was naked right on the other side of that wall. He was in the shower in his room, lathering his muscular body with soap and probably internally berating himself for saying anything to me about how he felt.

  I was filled with even more guilt at that thought. Not only had I messed up his gorgeous face, but I had also hurt his pride. I had made him feel like a fool by not saying a word back to him.

  It had felt good to me too, to have his arm around me and mine around him. Sparks had been flying through me with us being that close. My body had heated up, and my mind had already been moving ahead to other things.

  Perhaps that’s why I couldn’t think of anything to say after he’d told me that. Or maybe I was just one dumb chick who didn’t know how to act when someone said something so sweet to them.

  Whatever it was, I was going to fix it. I was going to get dressed, then go find him and tell him that I liked how it felt too and I was just too stupid to know how to put it.

  I leaned my back against the tiled wall, knowing he was right behind me on the other side. “Ashton, I’m sorry I’m such an idiot where you’re concerned. I hope you can understand. I hope what I did didn’t ruin whatever it is that you had planned when you thought about us being here this weekend.”

  Shutting off the water, I got out of the shower and began to dry off. I could hear the water in the next room go off too. And then I heard a weird yelp. “Fuck me!” Ashton’s voice came through the wall. “I look like I’ve been hit with a baseball bat!”

  I wouldn’t say he looked that bad.

  Chapter Six

  Ashton

  I couldn’t stop staring at my face in the mirror. Even with my reflection fogged up from the hot shower I’d just taken, I could see I didn’t look quite as good as I had before.

  Not at all what I wanted for this weekend.

  I wondered if Artimus would see fit to have a masquerade party instead of whatever he had planned. At least then I could hide my face behind a mask.

  The thought that I’d come on to Nina while in this state had me feeling more embarrassed than I had ever been.

  No wonder she had nothing to say back to me when I told her I liked holding her. I look like a beast!

  How could I face her now? How could I fix this whole situation?

  On top of looking like I’d been in a fight with Mike Tyson, I had a raging headache too. When I looked through the drawers of the vanity I found all kinds of things, but no pain reliever of any kind.

  Going back out to the bedroom, I spied something on the floor by the door. When I walked over, I saw that it was a little note and a sleeve of some pills. Nina had slid them to me. The note said to take two and come down to the patio out back, as Artimus was barbecuing.

  Wasting no time, I punched two of the little blue pills out of their aluminum pouches before going to the mini fridge to grab a bottle of water to wash them down with. I decided that lying down on the bed for a little while might help. It would definitely give the pills some time to kick in. And with the bag of ice placed back on my face, I would hopefully get back to feeling and looking kind of human soon.

  I hoped.

  I must’ve dozed off because the sound of knocking woke me up. “Ashton, are you okay in there?” came Nina’s voice.

  Blinking a few times, I finally woke completely up. “Yeah. I’ll be down soon.”

  “Okay,” she said. “Just checking on you. It’s been over an hour.”

  I had no idea it had been so long. “I fell asleep. I’ll get ready and be right down.”

  “Did you get the pills I put under the door?” she asked. “They should help with the pain.”

  “I got them and took them, thanks.” I had laid down without a stitch of clothing on and sat up a bit too fast in my effort to put something on and join them. “Whoa!”

  “Whoa, what, Ashton?” She tapped the door once more. “Do you need my help?”

  In more ways than you know.

  “I’ll be okay. I just moved too fast is all. I’ll be right down, Nina.”

  “Okay, then.” I heard her leaving and finally got out of bed.

  When I looked in the mirror, I was still unhappy with my appearance. A bruise had begun to form underneath my right eye, which seemed to have gotten the brunt of the ball.

  “So, stay on her right. Then all she’ll see is your left side.” I turned to see how that would look in the mirror and thought it wasn’t the worst idea I’d ever had.

  With a plan in mind, I put on some shorts and a T-shirt, then padded out of the room in my bare feet. Shoving my hands through my hair, I felt like I was as presentable as I could manage to get myself, given the circumstances.

  The sound of laughter and clinking glasses easily led me to my friends on the back patio. The smell of the pit helped me find my way too. “There he is,” Duke said as he came to me. He stopped to grab a beer out of the cooler and brought it to me. “Here ya go. I bet you could use a nice cold one, Ashton.”

  “I could.” I opened it and took a long drink as I scanned the area for Nina. But she wasn’t there. “Do you happen to know where Nina is?”

  He jerked his head toward the right. “She went to check out the flower garden. It’s that way.”

  So that’s the way I went. “I’ll be back.”

  Duke called out after me, “No need to rush back. The food won’t be ready for quite a while.”

  Rounding the corner, I caught Nina
running her hand over the petals of a white rose. I stood there for a moment, just looking at her. She’d put on a white sundress, her hair pulled back into a high ponytail, and she didn’t have any makeup on at all.

  And she’d never looked more beautiful to me.

  When her eyes left the rose, they moved to me. “I see you’ve decided to join us.” She came straight to me, her hand gently running over my cheek.

  “I know, it’s horrible.” I shoved one hand into my pocket as I looked away. “I’m a wreck.”

  “I wasn’t going to say that at all.” She ran her hand down my arm, leaving a trail of tingles in her wake. “I was going to say that you’re already looking much better.”

  “Ah, so you’ve decided to lie to me about it, then. I see the route you’re taking. Classy, Nina. Very classy.” I took a drink of the beer as I eyed her.

  “I wouldn’t call it lying, Ashton.” She blinked her long, thick lashes at me.

  “Being polite is probably what you would call it.” I recalled what I had said to her and thought it might be the right time to bring that up. “I’m sorry I said that to you when we were heading up the stairs. I put you on the spot, and I wanted you to know that I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable or anything.”

  Her expression turned awkward. “Oh, that. No problem. I mean, I should apologize for my lack of words. I just didn’t know what to say.”

  I chuckled. “I bet you wanted to say that I was a hideous beast at that moment and it wasn’t the right time to be making any moves on anyone. I don’t want you to worry. I’ve put myself in check, now that I’m disfigured.”

  She laced her arm through mine and began to walk through the garden. “You’re much more than just a pretty face, Ashton. You’ve got a sparkling personality too, you know.”

  “Sparkling?” I laughed. “I had no idea.” I was thankful she’d moved to my left side.

  She took a deep sniff of a yellow flower. “Oh, that one smells nice.” Then she looked up at me with her cheeks going red. “God, I’m sorry, Ashton.”

  “Why?” I had to ask her, as I had no idea why she would be sorry.

  “Because you probably can’t smell anything since I smashed you in the nose with that ball and here I am talking about how things smell. It’s rude of me.” She looked around at all the flowers as I laughed at her. “Come on, let’s go see what’s going on with everyone else.”

  But I didn’t want to go be around everyone else. I liked being with her and just her. So I found something else we could do alone. Pointing to the path I saw leading into the woods, I asked, “Want to see where that trail leads?”

  Her narrow shoulders moved with a shrug. “Why not?”

  We headed in that direction, and I was happy to have her to myself for a little while longer.

  Nina and I went to lunch together a lot, but there were usually other people with us. As much time as we’d spent together in the past couple years, we hadn’t spent much of it alone. And suddenly, all I wanted was for us to be alone.

  I pulled a tree branch back at the beginning of the trail and let her go in front of me. “Ladies first.”

  She stepped ahead. “Good. I’ve always heard that if there’s a snake on a trail, it’ll bite the second person, not the first.” She looked back at me with a grin. “So, watch out.” When she turned back around, I noticed that she shivered. “It’s dark in here.”

  “It is.” I looked around at the thick foliage surrounding us. “Do you think there’re bats in here?”

  She stopped and turned to look at me. “Are you kidding? Do they even have bats in the Hamptons, Ashton?”

  “I was kidding, Nina.” I was just trying to scare her, but I didn’t think that would really do the trick. “Are you a big chicken?”

  “No,” came her quick reply. “Just cautious is all.” She stopped abruptly and pointed at a black stick on the ground ahead of us. “Is that a snake?” She moved back until her back hit my front—and my front was suddenly very happy about her skittishness.

  I put my arms around her, holding her. “I’m not sure.” The smell of her hair was intoxicating—honey and lemons would forever be etched into my brain with her image. “Should I take the lead?”

  She scrambled around behind me, then pushed at my lower back. “Yes. Please do.”

  I loved the way she held onto my waist, peeking around me. “I’m pretty sure it’s just a stick, Nina. Nothing to be afraid of.”

  “It looked like it moved to me.” Her hands clamped my sides harder. “Just be careful, okay?”

  When we got to the stick, I stopped, leaned over to pick it up, and showed it to her. “See, just a stick.”

  For some reason, she still looked concerned about it. “Yeah, that’s a stick, but look what’s on it, Ashton. Drop it!” She backed away from me as she stared at it.

  “For Pete’s sake, Nina.” I turned the stick around and found a spider was crawling up it, making its way to my fingers. “Shit!” I chucked the thing—spider and all—as far away from us as my arm could manage.

  Nina laughed as she came back to me. “See, I told you that stick was something to be concerned about. That spider almost bit you. Adding a spider bite to your other injuries wouldn’t be a good idea.”

  “Maybe this hike through the jungle isn’t a good idea either.” I looked ahead at the path as she moved past me to forge ahead.

  “Come on. I want to see where we end up.” Taking the lead once more, Nina was set on seeing this through.

  Following her, I liked the view as her plump ass moved beneath the soft fabric of her dress. Neither of us was wearing shoes, and the cool grass felt like heaven on my bare feet. “This is nice, being out here, communing with nature.”

  She turned to look at me as she walked backward. “It does feel nice out here. I haven’t done anything like this in forever. It feels freeing, in a way.”

  And just like that, she tripped on something and fell flat on her ass. “Nina!” I rushed to help her up as she sat there, looking stunned. “Are you okay?”

  I pulled her up and dusted her off, my hand moving back and forth over her butt. Then I saw her cheeks turning red, and she moved back a few steps. “I’m fine. It just startled me, is all.”

  “Your white dress has green grass stains across the back of it now. I guess we should head back so you can change and get that thing soaking before the stain sets in. Grass stains are one of the hardest ones to get out.” I took her hand, leading her back in the direction of the house.

  I caught her smiling. “You do your own laundry?”

  “I do.” I smiled right back at her. “And if you give me that dress after you take it off, then I can make sure to get that stain out, so it doesn’t get ruined.”

  After all these years, I was finally getting Nina out her dress—albeit for a much less satisfying reason than I’d been dreaming about.

  Chapter Seven

  Nina

  The sound of a grandfather clock chiming the hour later that night had the girls and me settling into a game of Scrabble as the guys played their beloved poker. They’d taught us how to play the night before, but it was apparent our constant questions were getting in the way of their fun. We thought we’d give them some free time and entertain ourselves for a while.

  Lila laid down the word ‘zebra.’ “And that gives me 16 points,” she said.

  I laughed as I used her ‘z’ to make a new word, worth even more points. “’Zephyr.’ And that’s 23 points for me. Ha!”

  Julia looked at her tiles, pulling her lips to one side as she tried to beat us. “Okay, let me see here. I’m going to use the ‘y’ in zephyr to make the word ‘why.’ And that will give me twelve points.”

  I had to give her kudos. “Not bad for only using three letters, Julia.”

  “I thought so too.” She patted herself on the back. “So, how’re things progressing between you and Ashton?”

  With a sigh, I wondered the same thing myself. “I don’
t know. He did say something that led me to believe that he would like things to go in a more romantic direction. But then I just went completely blank on him.”

  Lila plopped down some tiles under the ‘p’ in zephyr. “‘Phrase.’ And that’ll give me 11 points.” Her eyes turned to mine. “You went blank on him? What does that mean?”

  “It means that he told me he liked the way it felt, us holding each other.” I decided I needed to clarify that. “I was helping him up the stairs. He had his arm around my shoulders, and I had mine around his waist, to support him.”

  Julia frowned at me. “And you went blank on him?”

  “Yeah.” I shook my head as I looked at the floor. “I just didn’t know what to say.”

  Lila laughed. “That’s easy, Nina. You say, ‘I like this too.’ And then you guys kiss, and it’s all smooth sailing from there.” She threw her arms up in the air. “Why do you two make this so hard? It’s as easy as pie, really.”

  “That’s where you’re wrong,” I told her. “It’s not easy. You see, he told me about his fiancée. He told me how she’d been the only woman he’d ever loved. And I think he still loves her.”

  Julia, who was always much more spiritual than either of us, chimed in, “I’m sure he does still love her. But she’s incapable of being there for him now. You are very capable, and you need to show him that.”

  I put two tiles down, using the existing ‘w’ to make the word, ‘wow.’ “Nine points for ‘wow.’” Then I looked at Julia with a stoic expression. “Julia, what if I told you that I don’t like competing for a man?”

  Nodding, she said, “I would say that’s fine. But who is it that you think you’re competing with?”

  “His dead fiancée, Natalia Reddy.”

  Julia and Lila both gasped, then Julia asked, “Did he tell you her name?”

  “Of course. How else would I know it?” I couldn’t understand why they were looking at me with such surprised expressions.

  Lila was the first to let me in on things. “Nina, he’s never told anyone her name. Not even Duke and Artimus, and they’re his best friends.”