by Ryan Michele
“Tell me what’s going on babe. I can help you.” She whispers into my neck, her hand glides up and down my body.
“I was pregnant, Low.” I sniffle into her neck, close enough to feel her entire body stiffen.
“Was?”
“I lost her about two weeks ago.” I sob uncontrollably.
“Oh God, Casey. Why didn’t you tell me? I would have been right there by your side.”
“I couldn’t. Everything with Babs happened and Cooper. Then Rocky… Everything was a mess. I couldn’t add to it.” I squeeze tighter not wanting to let go, needing her now more than ever.
“It was G.T.’s baby.” I nod my head in agreement. “And he doesn’t know anything about it.” Her words come out as statements of fact rather than being accusatory. “And you’ve been dealing with this all by yourself. You should have fucking told me.”
“No. I have two friends in Cherry Vale.”
Harlow pulls away from me. “You told them and not me?” She accuses, hurt lacing her eyes.
“No. I didn’t tell anyone. Not until the pain started and I needed help. I called my neighbor Jace who came and took me to the hospital. I had to tell him. There was so much blood, Low.” My voice trails off as thoughts of that day plague me. The ache in my gut rises to my chest, I rub my heart. “I was so scared and when they told me Mia was gone, I couldn’t take it. I still can’t take it.”
Lows arms clutch me tight as I weep into them. “It’s alright. We’ll get through this.” Her hand grabs my head and she coddles me, like an infant. I relish in the embrace. I need it.
“You said Mia. Do you know it was a girl?”
“No, but in my gut she’s a girl and I named her, Mia Low Gavelson.”
“You named her after me?” the shock in her voice would have made me smile at any other time, but not now.
“Of course.”
“Were you going to tell us about the baby?” I hate that she is skeptical of this fact, but part of me knew it would come up.
“Yes. I’d never keep either of you away from her. G.T. may not want me, but I’d hope he’d want to know his kid.”
“He would never have let you leave if he’d have known.”
“I know. That’s why I didn’t tell anyone. I needed to get my life in order. I needed my degree and a job. I wanted to be able to support myself and my baby. And I didn’t want to trap him into something he didn’t want.” I pull away and look down at the floor. “And I didn’t want to be my mother. Now… It just doesn’t matter.”
“Everything matters. You are nothing like your mother. You have to know that.” I shrug not feeling her words. “You have to tell G.T. Now.” She holds me by my shoulders, her eyes bore into mine and the seriousness in her voice is compelling.
I stare into her eyes. “I can’t.”
“Why the hell not?” She barks with anger.
“He can barely freaking stand, Low. What do you think this will do to him? Give me a couple of days and I’ll talk to him, alright?”
“You can’t leave here without telling him, Casey. I mean it. Or I will tell him myself.”
“Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence.” My eyes close and I breathe in deep. This is exactly why I couldn’t tell her in the first place.
“Bullshit. You know I believe in you. I just need your word that you will tell my brother. This is too big, Casey.”
“I know. I will.”
A loud bang rattles the door and walls. “Who is it?” Harlow yells.
“Me.” Cruz’s gruff voice says from the other side of the door. Harlow jumps from the bed opening the door quickly. Cruz wraps his arms around Harlow pulling her up to his awaiting lips. My stomach lurches and I turn away quickly. I’m happy for them. I am. But right now seeing it is too much.
“Casey, G.T.’s callin’ for ya.” I turn to face the man standing with his arms wrapped around my best friend. He hasn’t changed a bit from the last time I was here. Same brown disheveled hair, jeans and rag. Now though, he looks happy, truly happy.
I sigh. “I’ll be there in a minute. Low, go ahead and go.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah.” I whisper needing just a few minutes to get myself together before going back up to face him.
“Alright, you need anything, find me.”
“I will.” I wave softly as they leave the room, shutting the door behind them. Burying my face in the pillow, I let go. Tears, screams and a few blows to the defenseless pillow occur hard and fast. By the time my body stops, my breathing is hard, labored and my face feels raw from the wetness.
I somehow pry myself out of the bed and to the bathroom, quickly washing my face and press a cool cloth to my eyes. My breathing is now calm, but the ache is ever present.
“Casey?” I look in the mirror quickly seeing the red puffs around my eyes; there is nothing I can do to hide it. I blow out a long deep breath. What the hell is this, Grand Central Station?
“Hey Tug. Be out in a minute.” I open the door and give Tug a small smile.
“Hey. What’s up?”
“Heard you were down here. Wanted to come see you.” He says in the doorway.
He steps further inside the room making his way to the bed. The room is incredibly small just a bed, dresser and small bath off the corner. But it is much better than the bunks with all the others. With him inside, it suddenly feels even smaller. With not having anywhere else to sit, I motion to the bed. “Have a seat.”
“How have you been?”
Looking into his brown eyes, I feel warmth and comfort. Trust. “Good. School’s going good. Some classes are a bit rough, but for the most part good.”
“Wanna tell me why your eyes are red?”
“No. How have things been here?” I look away not wanting him to see inside. Back when everything went to hell in a hand basket with G.T., Tug was there, talking, laughing and being the shoulder I desperately needed.
“Fucking shitty… What do you think?” He shakes his head. “You like it up there?”
“It’s alright.” Before I loved it up there, now it just reminds me of Mia and the sadness is too raw.
“Just alright. What’s going on? You need to tell me now.” His voice becomes forceful but still very caring. He only wants to help, but I cannot tell him before G.T. That just feels all kinds of wrong.
Before I can speak, I am saved by another pounding on the door. Jumping up quickly, I pull the door open wide.
I am surprised to see a very disheveled G.T. standing there, his smile instantly falls when his eyes look inside the room and lock on Tug. I close my eyes, sighing. I’m not G.T.’s but the predatory look on his face is indicating a confrontation.
“What the fuck are you doing in here?” He growls loudly at Tug, making me jump.
“Just talking.” Tug says standing up and walking behind me. Not the best move.
“Get out!” G.T. booms his face so menacing the vein in the side of his neck twitches. This is going to go bad quick.
I place my hand on G.T.’s chest causing his body to tremble. As his eyes meet mine, they soften a touch. “He was just saying hi. I was just getting ready to come up and see you.” I smile sweetly. Knowing the fire that is about to be set ablaze, I do not see it as a lie because I am going back up to see him, eventually. “Bye Tug. I’ll see ya later.” I say my eyes not leaving G.T.’s.
“Later.” Tug says moving to the door. G.T. barely moves an inch as Tug’s large body squeezes through. Damn men.
“You’re not supposed to be out of bed.” I say my hand still on G.T.’s chest. I can feel the strength under his t-shirt.
“You’re supposed to be with me. I came to find you.” He rumbles unapologetically.
“I’m here.” I want to move my eyes away from his, but they captivate mine into submission and suck me in.
His hand rests on mine squeezing gently. G.T. bends down slowly giving me a chaste kiss on the lips. My heart jumps. “I’ll have a Prospect move your stuff to
my room.”
I freeze and think quickly. “Nah. That’s okay. I’ll bring what I need for the twenty-four hours.” I try to pull away from him, but he grips me tighter. I think I can break away with him only having one arm on me, but I don’t want to hurt him.
“You think after our time is up, I’m gonna give you up?” He shakes his head. “Angel, you know me better than that.” That I do.
“G.T. I…” my words are cut off by his.
“We’ll talk. Get your stuff. I need to lie down.” He pulls my hand up to his lips kissing me softly; my stomach falls to my knees at the sweetness of his gesture. He releases me and I grab a small bag I brought, throwing extra clothes, pajamas and my toothbrush inside along with my laptop and phone.
“Ready?” I ask, but as I turn around G.T. is opening and closing his eyes rapidly, his body leans to the side and he struggles to get his balance. “Oh no you don’t big guy.” Dropping my bag, I race around him and grab a chair from the game room. Just as I place it behind him, he falls with a thunk into it. Damn it. But as soon as he goes out he comes to again. “G.T?”
“I’m alright. Just tired.” He tries to open his eyes to me, but from the pained look on his face, it’s not working.
“Rest for a minute. Let me see if I can find Cruz.” He nods, which surprises me. He must really feel like shit to take help so damn willingly. Racing through the clubhouse, people are everywhere, but I ignore all of them searching for Cruz. I finally find him over at the table, coloring with Cooper. “Cruz! I need your help, please.” I call over to him. He stands instantly striding towards me.
“What’s wrong?” His eyebrows pull together in concern.
“G.T. got out of bed to come find me. Now he’s downstairs almost passed out in a chair. I need your help bringing him up to his room, please.” I beg and have no shame in that at all.
“Buzz, Breaker, follow me.” He calls out as he heads to the stairs with me on their heels. “He’d be alright if he would just fucking rest.”
After the guys lug G.T back to bed, Harlow pumps him full of more drugs and he’s out like a light.
“Angel?” G.T. calls from the bed. My eyes instantly lift to the man lying on the bed. I move quickly to his side. My insides turn at his name for me. He started calling me Angel a few years ago and I never questioned it.
“Right here. How ya feeling?” He smiles a devilish grin, the color back in his face.
“Better that I know you’re here. What are ya doing?” He questions and I sit next to him on the bed facing him.
“Homework. I don’t want to get too far behind.” I don’t know if he really wanted to know about school. Nowadays, I don’t feel like I know much of anything.
“Tell me about it.” He says, as I look into his crystal eyes. I can see in them that he genuinely wants to know. And so I tell him about the entire thing from start to finish and he listens attentively to every word coming out of my mouth, leaving out everything to do with Mia. I do not know how long I spoke, but he continues listening till the very end. “Wow. Sounds like a lot of work.”
“It is.” I smile, lifting my shoulder knowing if I don’t get my shit together soon, everything will be much harder.
“I’m proud of you.”
I am taken aback a bit by his statement. Of all people, I didn’t know if he would care one way or the other. “Thanks.” I look down at my hands, not embarrassed but almost shy.
“Come here.” He calls from the bed. I quickly get up needing distance.
“I need to get your meds. Harlow said as soon as you get up.” I scurry over to the table where Harlow laid everything out for me with notes. My eyes search for the needed meds.
“You trying to avoid me?” He chuckles.
“Nope. I’m here aren’t I?” I respond not looking up. Damn he’s got several bottles. I find the one I need and take two capsules out placing them on a napkin.
“I missed you, Angel.” My hands stop what they are doing. I close my eyes and breathe in deep taking a moment to love the words he just spoke.
“I missed you too, G.T.” I grab a bottle of water and the pills quickly bringing them to him. His eyes focus on me, eating away at what resolve I have with this man. I hand him the bottle and pills, he takes them his eyes never wavering from mine.
He hands the bottle back, I quickly turn and put everything away. Great! Now what the hell am I going to do for the next twenty hours? My stomach tenses and I instantly feel very thirsty. With G.T.’s water bottle in hand, I twist the cap and gulp down the water, but it does little to quench my thirst. I want to tell him about Mia, but I need to wait until this twenty-four hour thing is over, when he’s stronger. I can do that. I can hold it in. I can. I must.
“You gonna come lay with me?” He grumbles expectantly.
“No. I’m gonna do some work. You just lay in bed and rest.”
“That wasn’t the deal.”
“The deal was to stay with you, not that I was going to lay in bed with you. Now get some rest.” I say moving back towards the desk and sitting in the chair. I can feel his eyes peering through me, trying to coerce me to look at him, but I do my damnedest to resist. Shivers rack my body and I desperately try to turn them off.
“Angel.” His words come out a caress over my skin. “Why don’t you put a movie on and come lay with me.”
“I really need to get this done.”
“Angel.” The sweetness from his voice evaporates and is replaced with his demanding one. I turn and eye him. His lower body is covered with a thin white sheet, arm splayed on the bed while the other is wrapped up in his brace. His heated eyes are solely focused on mine causing my body to quiver. I need to not give in, but my body does not listen.
I rise from the chair grabbing the remotes off of the table and handing them to him. “What do you want to watch?” I ask tentatively, my hands beginning to sweat.
“Action.” I smirk; he’s always loved action movies. Even as a kid, he loved to watch them.
I head over to the bookshelf filled with all of his favorites and settle for a Vin Diesel flick, no reason why I can’t have some eye candy. I place the movie in and walk over to the chair by the desk, pulling it to the side of the bed.
“So that’s how you’re gonna play this, huh?” G.T. says from the bed.
“I’m not playing anything. I’m going to sit here and watch a movie with you. That’s what you wanted.” He smirks and turns his head to the movie.
Vin Diesel is hot and all, but after about an hour, my eyes begin to get heavy. It’s been a hell of a few weeks, and my body is giving out on me. I rest my head on the back of the chair and my eyes droop heavily, lulling me into sleep.
“Angel?” My name being called wakes me from sleep, but the grogginess is pulling me back under. “Come here, babe.” My arm is being tugged. I open my eyes slightly to see G.T. pulling me towards his body. I have no will to fight, sleep is all I need. I climb into bed and rest my head on his arm. He places a cover over my body and pulls me tight to him. I instantly fall back to sleep.
I’m hot, really really hot. My body is on fire and I need reprieve now. My eyes open to see the source of the heat melting my body into the bed. G.T.’s arm is pulling me too tight to his side and his body heat radiates off of him. Looking up at his face, his face has lost all the tension in it making him look younger and relaxed, more like the boy that I fell in love with all those years ago.
I wish things were different between us. I wish this could work. It kills me that I’m not enough for him and it kills me more that I lost the only part of him that I had left. Tears spring to my eyes. My hand reaches for my stomach and rubs gently remembering the day I found out about her and I smile. I’d never been so happy in my life as the day I got that positive pregnancy result and that day is tarnished because of G.T.’s actions. I shake my head and pull G.T.’s tight grip off of my waist.
He mumbles and grunts but his eyes don’t open. I slide out of bed and look at the clock. 1
0:17pm, damn I slept a long time. My stomach growls and I realize I haven’t eaten since early morning. Looking back over at a peaceful G.T., I head out of the room in search of food.
The music blares through the clubhouse and I’m surprised I didn’t hear it back in G.T.’s room. Entering the main room, brothers, ol’ ladies and women are scattered around, most with drinks in their hands and dancing to the beat. On top of a couple of tables are women with barely there clothes dancing their asses off. Since the club is on lockdown, I know it’s a club party and not a brother one.
A club party is all the members of the club, their ol’ ladies and the entertainment of strippers. A brother party is a no holds barred party that ol’ ladies and significant others are banned from.
Cruz sits on a stool at the bar nursing a beer as I walk up to him. “Hey.” He turns on the stool.
“Hey Case. How’s the patient?” He smirks like he knows something I don’t.
I eye him. “Stubborn and sleeping.”
He chuckles which makes me smirk seeing a big guy like him chuckle. “You did good, girl.”
“I haven’t done much Cruz. Pretty much just slept the day away.” I shrug my shoulder.
“Woman. That man wouldn’t sit still for five minutes. You come along and he’s sleeping like a baby.”
“Cruz. He just likes a warm body to keep him company, and I’m just the closest thing he’s got right now. I’m sure the next one will come along in a day or so and I’ll be long forgotten.”
“You need to talk to Princess about this shit. And for the record, you’re full of shit.” He grabs his beer and leaves me at the bar.
Looking around, Becs nods his head to me and I nod back. I search for Harlow, but see her nowhere. She must be with Cooper. The thought is a double edged sword. I want to see him, but I know it will hurt to see the little guy running around, when my little one didn’t have a chance.
Shaking my head, I move to the kitchen where Ma is standing preparing food with Legs and Bubbles. “Hi.” I give a slight wave as all eyes turn to me. Ma rushes to me wrapping her arms tight around my body as I do the same.
