Self-Care for Empaths

by Tanya Carroll Richardson

  If you already have some self-care activities that you practice, you can continue doing those as well. For example, eating a healthy diet, taking supplements or medication, getting plenty of rest, exercising in moderation, having nourishing relationships, finding emotional support, being of service or giving back, engaging in activities that light you up, and maintaining a good work-life balance are self-care principles that work for anyone.

  THE IMPORTANCE OF STAYING GROUNDED

  “Grounded empath” is a phrase you’ll see throughout the book. But when people talk about being “grounded,” what do they really mean? They might be referring to taking care of practical things, like filing your taxes on time or remembering to take supplements and medication every day. Or they could be referring to a feeling of being secure—feeling calm, confident, safe, and open. Or they could mean grounding yourself by standing with your feet on the earth, connecting you to its energy and power. All of those definitions of being grounded work for the topic of self-care.

  For empaths, being grounded is feeling centered in yourself and your own emotional and energetic systems. Staying grounded is essential for empaths because empaths experience more invitations or excuses to go in to the energy of others because they can so easily pick up on the energy of others. That’s why we’ll talk about it so much in this book, and why there’s a chapter dedicated to keeping yourself grounded (see Chapter 2). Being an empath is truly a magical, mystical path. But what gives you the most access to your empath sensitivity—and an ability to better manage, guide, maximize, and even control that sensitivity—is being very grounded in an earthy, practical way.

  Maintaining a mindful self-care practice is the best way to stay grounded. That includes the practical aspects of staying grounded—keeping your life running in a smooth, orderly, pleasant manner—which is why we even touch on financial health in this book.

  There will be times in your life when, because of certain circumstances (like a health, relationship, or financial challenge), you struggle to feel grounded. Those are the times to lean in even more to a routine of mindful self-care. Taking care of yourself will help you feel like your life has some sort of predictable rhythm you can trust. This book is here to help you find that rhythm.

  Create a Nature Heart Mandala

  Rituals are a mindful way for empaths to reconnect to their own energy! Rituals require presence and focus, and can help you ground yourself. In this ritual, you’ll get clearer on the larger meaning, for you personally, of being an empath. How does being an empath serve you, and how might it also serve others—like in your relationships, activism, or profession?

  In Sanskrit, mandala means “circle,” referring to symbolic art used in Buddhist and Hindu religions for sacred ceremonies, practices, and meditations. Mandalas represent the universe and how everything is connected—as an empath you can feel intimately connected to the larger world. Many empaths feel more centered and calm in nature, and working with nature elements can have a similar effect.

  For this exercise, you’ll need beautiful, interesting nature elements procured in a sustainable way, such as fresh flowers from a farmers’ market, leaves fallen from a tree in your backyard or neighborhood park, or rocks purchased at a local garden center. Collect an assortment of objects of different sizes, shapes, and colors, like shells, twigs, pine cones, and feathers, then follow these steps.

  1. Locate a place in your home where the mandala can sit undisturbed. Avoid high-traffic areas and places pets frequent. If you have small children, explain that this is a special piece of art close to your heart that everyone can enjoy looking at but not touching.

  2. Mandalas are a sacred endeavor, so decide how you can make the experience feel more sacred. For example, you could listen to sacred music during the construction or say a quick prayer or blessing before you begin.

  3. Have fun arranging your objects in the shape of a heart, symbolic of your energetic empath heart. (Search for images of nature mandalas online for inspiration if you like.) Get creative. Become lost in the process.

  4. Notice your state of mind as you construct this mandala. Does your mind quiet and enter a meditative state? Do memories, emotions, and interesting thoughts bubble up? Rituals can be an awakening, healing experience. Keep coming back to gentle questions, like “Why am I an empath?” and “How does this/can this serve me and possibly others?”

  5. Say another blessing as you close the ritual. Stand back and take in your mandala. Put your hand over your heart chakra and take a few deep breaths to ground yourself.

  6. If you feel comfortable, share an image of your mandala on social media with the hashtag #groundedempath or #empathselfcare. Or you might feel more comfortable sharing this creation with only a few trusted loved ones.

  7. Keep your mandala out on display for at least a few days. Add things if you feel inspired. When the insights you wanted have arrived, or the energy of your mandala feels less alive or inspiring and more neutral or even stagnant, lovingly disassemble it. Consider composting the nature elements. Take a moment to thank them for their gifts!

  CHAPTER 2 Stay Grounded

  Feeling your own energies and emotions as well as those of others as if they were your own is a deep emotional experience that most empaths cherish. Yet being an empath also has its challenging aspects: Because you are sensing more, you can more easily become overstimulated, which can lead to more easily feeling frazzled, overwhelmed, or drained. You might have to be more mindful of staying connected to yourself and prioritizing your own energies and emotions since you can so immediately and intimately tune in to others. Your self-care practice, which will include empath-specific self-care techniques, is your best shield against empath burnout.

  In this chapter, we’ll explore how to avoid (or at least minimize) some of the more distracting or destabilizing aspects of being an empath so you can savor all the good stuff. And there is so much good stuff! When an empath is feeling grounded—stable, calm, confident, and centered in their own energies and emotions—life can truly be a magical, miraculous journey.

  Identify Your Top Empath Energy Drains

  As an energy-sensitive person, you have to protect your own energy against situations that drain you. I’ve listed eighteen common empath energy drains. And here are three ways to use this list to identify what could currently be draining in your life.

  OPTION 1: Use your intuition.

  Instead of reading through the following items, use your intuition to arrive at a number between one and eighteen. Feel in to each number, see a number in your mind, hear a number in your mind, or experience a deep knowing about a number as a thought. That number (or numbers) corresponds to your top drain.

  OPTION 2: Focus on the present.

  Read through the following list and, after reading each entry, determine the top, or top three or four, empath energy drains active in your life right now.

  OPTION 3: Reflect on your past.

  Read through the following list and identify the top drains you’ve struggled with in the past. The following situations can be particularly draining for empaths:

  • Procrastinating or letting important tasks pile up.

  • Overcommitting yourself.

  • Overexposing yourself to violence on television, in the movies, or in the news.

  • Trying to change someone’s opinion of you by actively winning them over.

  • Attempting to contain, change, or otherwise control someone else’s emotional experience so you don’t have to feel their challenging emotions secondhand.

  • Gossiping about others or getting emotionally and mentally caught up in their lives to avoid facing your own issues.

  • Worrying about what other people think of you.

  • Avoiding potentially emotional confrontations that might be healthy or serve you because you fear absorbing someone else’s emotional reaction.

  • Not getting enough personal space in an intimate relationship.

  • Trying to
talk yourself out of an emotion because the emotion might be challenging, inconvenient, or even devastating.

  • Keeping the emotional peace at home or in the office at all costs.

  • Being continually cast as the emotional buffer between people at home or at work.

  • Being micromanaged.

  • Finding yourself in tight physical quarters where you don’t have much space between you and other people’s bodies, or being alone in a physical space that is brand-new or very large.

  • Not feeling physically comfortable: in your chair, in your clothes, and the like.

  • Disliking the aesthetics of your surroundings.

  • Having to be “on” around groups of people for extended periods, like at conferences or large family gatherings.

  • Having someone you love or interact with daily not respect your energetic and emotional boundaries.

  Once you identify your top energy drains, look for ways to minimize them. For example, if a coworker is always putting you in the middle of his conflict with his manager, offer your coworker some advice on handling this manager and then encourage his healthy personal growth by suggesting he navigate this situation on his own. You could also find a way to get support for this drain, like talking to a therapist or reading books by psychology experts.

  Create Your Recipe for a Delicious Energy Day

  Empaths should be especially mindful of the habits, activities, people, and places that make them feel uplifted, grounded, and peaceful. Think of these positive elements like ingredients in a recipe for a delicious energy day. Whip up one of these delicious energy days—or part of one—on a regular basis. The following prompts will help you better identify which ingredients create delicious energy in you.

  • What people do you love hearing from and being around?

  • Where does your energy body breathe a sigh of relief and you’re so happy or relaxed that you lose track of time? (Examples: your favorite store or market, a special yoga studio, your back porch, a friend’s kitchen, or a place of spiritual worship.)

  • What activities help you decompress or what activities do you miss when you don’t engage in them? (Examples: writing; walking; baking; knitting; reading; having a heart-to-heart chat with a close friend; hiking in nature; blowing off steam with a group of friends; dancing; playing an instrument; attending a live concert; receiving a healing service, like a massage; talking to a coach or intuitive; or cuddling with your partner or a pet before bed.)

  • Which grounding routines help you feel centered and able to focus on and harness your energy? (Examples: meditating, doing a nighttime skincare routine, praying, engaging in full- or new-moon rituals, journaling, spring cleaning, practicing gratitude, or getting out of the office at lunch to take a walk.)

  Make your answers to these prompts your go-tos whenever your energy feels off, but don’t wait until then. Add the ingredients of delicious energy to your life every day!

  Pull an Oracle Card Each Morning

  Oracle decks are a divination tool that can enhance intuition (similar to tarot cards) and come with all types of themes—everything from mermaids to self-love. Selecting, or “pulling,” an oracle card each morning allows you to focus your energy on something inspirational throughout the day.

  When your energy is focused, you are less likely to be distracted by other people’s energies and emotions. For this exercise, use a deck whose energy is soft and encouraging, like Tosha Silver’s The Wild Offering Oracle.

  1. Hold the entire deck between your palms for a few moments. Clear your mind and take a few deep breaths. Silently set the intention to pull a card that will resonate in a supportive way for you today.

  2. Find your shuffling technique by experimenting with different options: • Gently begin mixing up the cards. When you sense it’s a good time to stop, pick the card on the top or the bottom.

  • Mix up the cards, then fan them out. When a certain card grabs your attention, pick that card.

  • Mix up the cards, keeping your hold on the cards loose enough and shuffling quickly enough that a card will eventually stick out 1 to 2 inches above the others. Pick that card. A card might even fly or jump out dramatically, which is called a jumper card.

  3. Read the words and look at the images on the card. Ask yourself how this card relates to your life specifically right now. Don’t forget to consult your intuition!

  4. Put the cards away and go about your day.

  If you find yourself absorbed in someone else’s energies and emotions, revisit the words and imagery on your card—and your curiosity about its meaning for you—as a way to ground yourself in your own energy.

  Where your thoughts go, your energy flows. When you’re frazzled, drained, or overwhelmed, try to focus on something calming, healing, or inspirational to re-center yourself.

  Develop a Personalized Method to Process Your Emotions

  Because empaths have so much emotional information coming in (from themselves and others), it can become more challenging, at times, for an empath to identify their own emotions. Emotions have important messages behind them, so it’s important to recognize and process your own.

  The following are several techniques, especially useful to empaths, for processing emotions. You might find different techniques more useful at certain times or for certain situations. If you ever feel out of control with an emotion, seek out the help of loved ones and professionals. You deserve all the support you need.

  • Listening to music: Is there an artist who makes you feel all the feels? Put their music on while you clean the house or make dinner. This music will be an emotional catalyst, helping you unearth what you’re feeling lately. Already know you’re really happy or really angry? Put on music to dance around to, or listen to music that expresses a sense of injustice—if enhancing the feeling proves too intense, transition to chill music that calms your sensitive system.

  • Moving: Take a walk, hit the gym, or attend your favorite yoga class. If you’re recovering from an injury or illness, honor the pace your body needs now. If you’re restricted in your physical movement, move what you can: your hands while working on a creative project (like crafting), or any part of your body through gentle stretching. As you move, ask your body about your recent emotional experiences. The body can store emotions until you’re ready to process them. Allow your mind to enter the meditative state that repetitive physical activity naturally encourages.

  • Sharing: Connect with a trusted friend, loved one, or counselor. Let them know you’d like to talk through recent experiences to process your emotions and mindfully create space for yourself. Mention that all you require is a compassionate person who knows you well to listen. As you talk through your experiences and express feelings, notice how new insights emerge. Sharing can be an emotional release and energetic relief.

  • Journaling: Create some empath-friendly ambiance—gentle sounds (like nature sounds), soft lighting, a clean and calm place—to write. Journal about the bigger events and emotions you’ve been experiencing. Resist the urge to write about what other people are doing, thinking, or feeling. Get at the messages underneath your emotions, messages like “I’ve been working too hard lately” or “I like this person more than I realized,” by simply feeling your emotions. You might laugh or cry. An empath’s life is always enhanced when they’re feeling deeply and in a balanced way.

  • Connecting: Your ability to feel the emotions of others can be a path leading back to yourself. Identify a person, either someone you know or someone in the news, going through a similar situation to your own, such as someone else also rebuilding after a financial loss, or someone else also balancing children and a career. This could even be a fictional character from a novel. As you observe this individual in circumstances similar to your own or experiencing emotions similar to yours, tap in to yourself even further.

  Emotions want to be felt—and share information. Try not to label them as right or wrong. When processed, emotions can
inspire you to make healthy changes in your life. Taking time to connect with yourself is key for emotional health.

  Identify Unnecessary Drama

  Not all drama is the same. Unnecessary drama is draining and offers little reward. Necessary drama might be draining, but the rewards can be huge—like a practical change to your circumstances or simply being true to yourself. Determining which type of drama you’re facing can help you understand how to best approach it with your own self-care in mind.

  Choose a frustrating situation in your life that is causing drama. Then ask yourself:

  • Will this battle cost me more in the long run if I don’t have it now?

  • Am I backing down or backing away from drama simply because I don’t want to feel the uncomfortable emotions it might create in me or someone else?

  • Does this issue directly affect my well-being or the well-being of someone I love?

  • Is this drama distracting me from issues that are more pressing or important?

  • Will walking away or ignoring things create even more drama for me?

  • Is this drama attractive or exciting to me because I’m either bored or avoiding something else I’m afraid to face?

  • Is the person in the middle of this drama someone I know to be a drama king or queen, or someone who has a high tolerance for dramatic situations?

  • Am I trying to protect or manage someone else’s emotions by being involved, especially if this situation doesn’t have much to do with me personally?