Self-Care for Empaths

by Tanya Carroll Richardson

  • Do I have options about how to handle this situation? If so, is it time to try a new tactic that might be effective yet involve less drama for me?

  • Would there be a better time for me to engage in this drama that is both safe and beneficial to me?

  Energy is a resource, and energy-sensitive empaths realize that better than anyone! After an empath’s emotional, psychic, or physical energy is expended, it needs time to replenish itself—just like any other natural resource. Practice healthy conservation of your resources by managing the drama in your life.

  Cocoon to Nurture Your Sensitive System

  As an empath, you need to take periodic breaks from absorbing all the energies and emotions of others that you can pick up on so easily. One way to do that is by cocooning—the process of retreating and recovering in comfortable and low-stimulation environments.

  Cocooning gives your sensitive system a chance to catch up with itself and ground. Cocooning can be especially useful after big events (weddings, work conferences) or emotionally triggering interactions (confrontations) where a lot of energy and emotion is flying around. You can also try preparatory cocooning before potentially emotionally stressful events, like the first week back to school. Here’s how to practice cocooning.

  1. Identify how much time you’ll cocoon. (You can always adjust once you start, but make a plan ahead of time. For example, you might plan to cocoon for an hour and then after an hour decide to cocoon for an entire morning—or vice versa.)

  2. Identify the place you’ll cocoon—your apartment, a retreat center, your friend’s beach house, a quiet coffee shop, or anywhere else appropriate.

  3. Identify whom and/or what you’ll avoid, such as avoiding checking work email or avoiding worrying about world events. (You can cocoon while still working, by the way—if needed, you could cocoon while working from home to escape the office.)

  4. Identify what you’ll emphasize: quiet time, creative projects, no-drama zones, or anything else gentle and nurturing.

  5. Check in with yourself during the process. Do you feel isolated and need to wrap this session up sooner than you planned? Or do you need to extend this session, or schedule another one in the future? Remember to connect with yourself for the answers!

  6. After you finish, notice any differences in your system.

  Whether you cocoon for an hour, an evening, a Saturday, or even longer, the low levels of stimulation will help heal your frazzled, drained, or overwhelmed system so you feel ready and eager to engage more actively with the larger world again.

  Create Healthy Energetic Distance from a Certain Person or Situation

  While in the previous exercise you were practicing cocooning in general, you can also go about your normal routine/day and just cocoon from one isolated issue by creating healthy energetic distance. Pulling back from one person or situation for a bit—like taking a small break from trying to solve a stressful financial situation that is safe to step back from temporarily—allows you retreat-and-recover space in a specific area of your life. It’s a temporary measure while you process your emotions so you can come back into balance regarding a single issue. From that place of balance, you’ll have more perspective and clarity on the situation.

  1. Identify the person(s) or situation you want to create healthy energetic distance from. It might be a close, well-meaning friend who is unexpectedly being pursued by your crush (and realizing she has genuine although inconvenient feelings for your crush). Remember: You don’t have to tell people you’re creating healthy energetic distance from them, especially if telling them will cause unnecessary drama or hurt feelings.

  2. Decide how you’ll create healthy distance. In the previous example, you might keep your interactions with your close friend brief for a few days or avoid your crush’s social media posts.

  3. Use this healthy energetic distance time mindfully to process your emotions and think through next steps. Or use this space to move away from the situation entirely for a fresh perspective, like taking a week off from brainstorming and researching where to move. Taking a safe, healthy break from a stressful, emotional issue allows your intuition space to offer guidance.

  Build In Transition Time

  Transition time allows you to tune out of the last task or group of people that occupied your energy and tune back in to yourself before moving to the next task or group of people! Empaths often need mindful time to transition among roles, like parent, friend, coworker, caregiver, artist, spouse, or any other metaphorical hat they wear during the day. Empaths are so sensitive that they may embody roles easily and completely.

  Use the following suggestions as inspiration to build more transition time into your daily schedule, even if it’s just 5 minutes.

  • Arrive 15 minutes early to an appointment or event so you can spend a few quiet moments with yourself.

  • Take mindful breaks between tasks or clients at work.

  • Walk around the neighborhood or sit on the porch for 20 minutes when you finish work.

  • Meditate for 10 minutes after saying hello to pets, partners, roommates, or children when you walk in the door from work.

  • Wake up slowly by spending 5 minutes stretching, or snuggling with a pet or partner, before getting out of bed.

  • Sit down for 5 minutes and check in with your body and emotions after putting children down for a nap.

  • Develop a calming evening self-care ritual before bed, like enjoying a cup of chamomile tea. Stay present and practice quieting your mind as you prepare the tea.

  These types of mindful transitions allow you a moment to ground back in to your energy, instead of being thrown off-center by nonstop interactions or becoming lost in a role.

  Tune In to Your Energy During Decision-Making

  Empaths might struggle to get clear on what they want if they are picking up on the expectations and desires of others. For better self-care when making a decision, try the following exercise to help you tune in to yourself regarding saying yes, no, or even maybe to something.

  1. Analyze the obvious pros and cons. (Example: You’re an entrepreneur offered a new project. The main pro—the client is a prestigious company, so the project will raise your profile in the marketplace. The main con—turnaround time is incredibly tight, which could be stressful.)

  2. Check in with your body. An empath’s physical body is sensitive and will often provide intuitive information. (Example: Imagine saying yes. Does your body give you green-light sensations, like feeling light or energized, or do you instead feel heaviness and exhaustion? Imagine saying no. Do you feel the relief of your shoulders relaxing, or does your tummy feel anxious at a missed opportunity?)

  3. Discern what your intuition tells you about the deeper why behind this decision. Pay attention to any feelings, pictures, words, or thoughts you experience. (Example: You might get an image of yourself climbing a mountain, tired but smiling, and at the top, people you’ve touched with this project thank you. You have the thought “I was born for this.” Or you might have images of mountains of paperwork piling up. Suddenly, you feel panicked. A gentle voice in your mind whispers, “Not now.”)

  Getting in the habit of consulting your mind, intuition, and body allows decision-making to become a more authentic, empowering process for empaths like you.

  Try a Laughing Meditation

  Some empaths may occasionally struggle with traditional meditation—sitting still in a quiet place for longer periods of time trying to quiet the mind and reduce thoughts. That’s because empaths have more to process at the end of the day, having picked up on more by being hyper-perceptive energy-sensitives.

  Laughter is healing. According to research, laughter has an anti-inflammatory effect on the body and decreases stress hormones. For empaths, laughter can also jolt their systems into ceasing the attempt to process everything they have been sensing all day. Laughter has an amazing ability to ground you in the present moment! Try the following meditation when you’ve had a
busy day with a lot of other people’s energies and emotions coming at you and you’re having trouble letting it all go.

  1. Watch or listen to something you know will make you laugh. Look for a light sitcom, funny movie, or stand-up special by your favorite comedian.

  2. Immerse yourself in this television show, movie, or stand-up routine for 20 minutes.

  3. Embrace any physical sensations that arrive, like shaking from the giggles, laughing out loud, or wiping tears from your eyes.

  4. When you’re done, notice if your mind is now quieter because you experienced fewer thoughts during this laughing meditation. You probably also feel more relaxed.

  Part of why comedy is so popular is because it gives us a lighthearted break from our busy minds—use it intentionally to take care of yourself!

  Clean Up Your Diet

  You already know that a healthy diet can do wonders for your physical body, but it can also improve your sensitive system and your psychic ability. (Every empath is unique and may have special dietary requirements, so consider working with a nutritionist or health coach to help create your ideal diet.) Eating healthfully and regularly helps stabilize blood sugar and energy levels, which can give you more physical stamina for being out in the world as an empath.

  Psychically, you may find your sensitivity improved on a simple, clean diet. You could experience more regular, clear intuitive hits, or a dormant psychic pathway may open up. The following suggestions can help you incorporate empath-friendly dietary practices into your routine slowly so your body can adjust and you can determine which ones work best for you.

  • Drink clean, filtered water.

  • Eat small meals regularly throughout the day.

  • Get enough protein.

  • Eat organic foods if possible.

  • Watch your sugar intake.

  • Emphasize low-glycemic carbs, like brown rice, and low-glycemic fruit, like berries.

  • Watch your caffeine and alcohol intake.

  • Take your time and chew your food.

  • Eat your veggies!

  • Listen to your body and how it feels and responds to different foods. Avoid foods and drinks that don’t agree with you, or try an elimination diet to determine if you feel better avoiding certain foods.

  Another note: Eat to feel healthy, not to look a certain way. Empaths can fall into people-pleasing, so remember that if someone is critical of your natural body type or shape, that’s their problem!

  If you struggle with body image issues or an eating disorder, you are not alone. Empaths might, subconsciously, feel that extra weight gives them a shield or buffer against the harsher energies and emotions in the world, or they might pick up on what culture or their family considers the ideal body type and try to match that in an effort to people-please. Body image issues and eating disorders are complex, real concerns, yet there are many tools and resources to help. Decades ago, I struggled with bulimia in high school—however, these issues can present or continue at any age. Whatever your relationship to food and body image, I’m sending you my love and support.

  Sometimes the most basic self-care techniques, like eating a clean and healthy diet, can have the most profound effects. Subtle shifts and changes are often felt in a big way by sensitive empaths.

  Go from Frazzled Empath to Grounded Empath

  Being frazzled is the opposite of being centered. When frazzled, you may feel your energy is pulled in many different directions. This is a common issue for empaths because they can sense and then be drawn in to so many different types of energy.

  Anytime you’re feeling frazzled, refer to the following list of issues that can typically create a frazzled or hectic, scattered, and emotionally reactive state in empaths. Get clarity on the reasons why you’re frazzled, then consider the following solutions as ways to ground yourself. If none of these issues seem like the culprit, sit down with your journal and do a loving self-inventory.

  Before you read through each Frazzled Empath Trigger, ask your intuition to give you a number between one and thirteen in words, pictures, thoughts, or feelings. This might represent your top trigger now.

  Frazzled Empath Trigger

  Grounded Empath Solution

  1 Not having enough free or unscheduled time.

  Take some things off your plate and open up your schedule.

  2 Existing in a chaotic living or work space.

  Keep spaces clean, tidy, and uncluttered.

  3 Overworking.

  Set sensible office hours with clear, defined boundaries so you can come home to yourself daily.

  4 Bottling up your emotions.

  Find methods to express and process your own emotions with yourself and others.

  5 Experiencing extreme financial pressure.

  Keep unnecessary debt low to avoid its energy drain of worry and fight-or-flight-or-freeze financial fears.

  6 Ignoring physical health.

  Prioritize physical health with healthy food, medicine and supplements as needed, rest, gentle exercise, and staying on top of chronic health concerns.

  7 Ignoring mental health issues, like anxiety and depression.

  Reach out to loved ones and professionals to get help when you need it.

  8 Overindulging in stimulants and depressants, like caffeine, sugar, and alcohol.

  Find your own personal limits and honor them, knowing that empaths can be more sensitive to the effects of these substances.

  9 Supporting a loved one—a small child, elderly parent, or struggling friend—without any breaks.

  Take time to retreat and recover and ground back in to your own system regularly.

  10 Chronically downplaying, hiding, or masking your own emotional experience to protect someone else’s emotions.

  Get honest with yourself and others about your own emotional experience in ways that feel safe and healthy.

  11 Not admitting when your emotional system is overwhelmed and your nervous system is overstimulated.

  Course-correct when you need to nurture yourself and regain balance.

  12 Being exposed to lots of chemicals and additives in your air, food, water, makeup, or cleaning products.

  Take the filtered, organic, or natural route when possible.

  13 Having expectations of perfection from yourself or imposed on you by others.

  Be gentle and compassionate with yourself and surround yourself with people who have realistic expectations.

  Think of these solutions as loving self-care methods that can gently steer you away from feeling frazzled and toward feeling grounded.

  Adopt Routines to Calm Your Sensitive System

  Routine is calming to the human nervous system, which partly is why small children can become cranky when their routines—like naptimes or mealtimes—are disrupted. Because empaths’ hyper-perceptive nervous and energetic systems are easily overstimulated, routines are especially calming and stabilizing.

  For this exercise, adopt daily morning, afternoon, and evening routines that make you feel grounded. Develop at least one routine—like the activities you do when you wake or right before bed—that you follow faithfully for a week. Switch up the details of some of your established routines to prevent boredom. Experiment and use these suggestions for inspiration!

  MORNING ROUTINE SUGGESTIONS:

  • If you struggle to find time for breakfast in the morning, make/have easy-to-prepare and healthy go-to breakfasts, like a smoothie or grain/nut bar.

  • Take any necessary supplements or medication.

  • Do something meditative alone to ground in to your own energy: walk; hit the gym; meditate; journal; draw an oracle card; or savor your morning coffee, tea, or kombucha on the porch.

  • Allow yourself time to get ready so you don’t feel rushed getting out the door.

  • Choose an affirmation for the day to set the energetic tone, like “Life is supporting me in unexpected ways today” or “I’ll show myself unconditional love today.” Find da
ily affirmations in my calendar, A Year of Self-Love.

  • Listen to upbeat, fun music if you’re excited about the day or soothing music if you’re stressed.

  • Make your bed.

  • Quickly straighten up the house so you’ll be in, or return home to, a calmer environment.

  AFTERNOON ROUTINE SUGGESTIONS:

  • Avoid overscheduling and allow for transition time between activities.

  • Eat something healthy that will boost your energy in the afternoon slump.

  • Drink water or a noncaffeinated beverage without sugar.

  • Get outside if you’ve been inside all day.

  • Do something fun to uplift your energy and de-stress, like watching a silly video online, checking a social media feed that’s generally positive or connecting, taking a pet or child for a walk, or chatting with a favorite coworker about something outside of work.

  • Take a real lunch break for at least 20 to 30 minutes and don’t check work email, pick up after children, or answer your work phone.

  • Complete any tasks that must be done by the end of the day with time to spare so you don’t feel rushed wrapping up.

  EVENING ROUTINE SUGGESTIONS: