Self-Care for Empaths

by Tanya Carroll Richardson

  5. Make sure to fully extinguish any instruments of smoke, and close the ritual in your thoughts or aloud with a prayer or blessing.

  CHAPTER 6 Create Balance and Harmony

  Balance is a central theme for grounded empaths. When your sensitive emotional and energetic systems feel well-balanced, life as an empath can be a very enjoyable experience! You shouldn’t expect to be in perfect balance all the time, though—in fact, there’s no perfect anything. When you feel out of balance, think back on a time—it could be two days ago or two years ago—when you felt really balanced. Use that feeling, and maybe the self-care techniques you were emphasizing then, as a guidepost that brings you back to balance. Some days, balance is less about hitting the bull’s-eye and more about just getting your dart to land anywhere on the board. Part of your self-care routine will be harmoniously integrating your empath nature into the other aspects of yourself and your life, as well as trying to more harmoniously interact with the larger world.

  With all the blessings of modern existence come more ways for your energy to become scattered, distracted, and drained. Yet the more you understand the principles and work with exercises in this chapter, the more you’ll get clear on what a balanced life looks and feels like for you as an individual. For empaths, balance is your true home—it’s created inside of you and you can take it with you anywhere.

  Creating communities of other empaths—whether online, in person, or through a book like this one—helps normalize the empath experience but also allows empaths to share resources. If you notice another empath struggling with balance and harmony, offer some wise words or tools that have worked well for you.

  Write Your Empath Heart a Love Letter

  Increasing your self-love, especially around your empath ability, will help you better protect, advocate for, and celebrate this special part of yourself. I’ve long believed that self-love is a magical energetic X factor that can create miracles in your life. Remember to be gentle and kind with yourself as you write your love letter. This exercise can increase balance and harmony within if you’ve been having difficulty accepting or integrating something about your empath nature, you’re just getting in touch with your empath nature for the first time, your empath sensitivity has recently experienced a growth spurt that you are still getting used to (simply working with the exercises in this book should help), or you’ve been dealing with more challenging/shadow aspects of your ability lately (like picking up on intense world energy or feeling overstimulated by the energy of others at work or home). Here are some writing prompts to get you started.

  • This is something I absolutely love about my empath nature:

  • In these ways, being an empath really suits my life, personality, family, or profession:

  • In other ways, being an empath has been a challenge in my life or difficult for me. I’ve grown and improved around these issues, though. For instance:

  • I’m getting clearer about myself and my empath nature in the following ways:

  • I feel powerful as an empath when I:

  • I’m proud of the following ways my empath nature has supported others:

  • I’m grateful for the ways my empath nature has supported me, like:

  • If there was something encouraging my higher self could say to my empath heart, it would be:

  • In the following ways I have been brave about my empath experience:

  • Some things about my empath nature I’m still learning to love or just accept include:

  • My empath heart is resilient in the following ways:

  • My empath heart is compassionate in the following ways:

  • My empath heart is wise in the following ways:

  • My empath heart is hopeful about the following things in my life and in the larger world:

  Keep your love letter someplace special, like in your journal or tucked away where you keep your oracle cards, crystals, or other sacred objects. It might become a loving time capsule or message in a bottle to your future self!

  Use Creative Expression for Retreat-and-Recover Time

  All empaths can benefit from having a creative outlet, even if you’ve never felt particularly artistic—you just might surprise yourself! Creative hobbies can be low-stress, and not only soothing but also energizing. Solo creative pursuits, like the following, are ideal activities for empath retreat-and-recover time.

  • Writing, journaling

  • Drawing, painting

  • Knitting, sewing

  • Photography, design

  • Learning a musical instrument, songwriting

  • Cooking, baking

  • Sculpting, pottery

  • Jewelry-making, woodworking

  I knew a father (and empath) with several small children who was the primary caregiver during the day while his partner worked outside the home. Once his children were in bed at night, he’d go to his desk and work on a novel. Some nights he’d write for 3 or 4 hours. Other nights he wouldn’t write at all. But just knowing his creative project was there, like a self-care bookmark, kept his overall life more balanced. People marveled that he could write a novel with his busy schedule, but that time spent writing (his version of retreat and recovery) was a key part of his empath self-care routine.

  Is there a creative pursuit that makes you feel like time flies by because you’re so engaged, relaxed, and happy? Can you find at least 1 or 2 hours a week to devote to this hobby?

  Schedule a Gratitude Day

  All empaths encounter challenging times once in a while, and these times can throw your energetic balance out of whack. For instance, you might have found out that you lost a job you love, you owe a ton of money in taxes, your partner wants a separation, or a dear friend is moving far away. Working with gratitude can make you feel a little less scared, angry, or sad during the more difficult seasons of your life. That’s because gratitude itself has a lovely balancing quality to it. The energy of gratitude could be described in words as humbling, content, thankful, blessed, present, or even-keeled. Even if you scored one of the biggest wins of your life, injecting your celebrations with heartfelt gratitude will immediately bring your intense energy into a more neutral, peaceful place. When empaths are experiencing intense emotions, gratitude can bring emotional balance to your system if the intensity is becoming overwhelming.

  1. Pick your gratitude day on the calendar. Give yourself a few days, a week, or even a few weeks to absorb the initial shock and process some of your emotions if you’re experiencing something intense, then circle a day on the calendar in the near future with a big heart. Give yourself something to look forward to.

  2. Figure out what you can do on the gratitude day to encourage feeling thankful. It might be taking yourself out to lunch at your favorite café, getting a spa treatment, having a romantic dinner at home with your partner, taking a day trip with a friend, visiting your favorite park or bookstore or museum, or doing anything else that typically makes you feel glad to be alive.

  3. The evening before your gratitude day begins, let people around you know what you’re up to. If you live with children, a partner, or a roommate, let them know tomorrow will be a day when you’re focusing on gratitude. Have a coworker who is also a friend? Let them know too. Tell pets what’s up! Somehow they really will understand. Getting a few others on board can increase the good vibes, especially for sensitive empaths who are so in tune with the energy around them.

  4. Think of something basic that you’re grateful for when you wake up. Upon waking, you might be hit by a bunch of worrisome thoughts or heavy emotions about the challenging situation you’re in (or if something really big and really good happened, you might wake up feeling intense and ungrounded). Just remind yourself that today is a bit of a break, and gently turn your mind to something small and manageable you’re grateful for. You might be grateful to wake up in clean, soft sheets, grateful to wake up next to a snuggling person or pet, or grateful for that morning juice or tea.


  5. Keep this pattern going throughout the day. When the worry thoughts and heavy or intense emotions come, don’t try to fight them or stuff them down. Just remind yourself you’re giving your energy a refresh day, like rebooting a computer, and gently find something small in the moment to be grateful for and focus on. Emphasize gratitude in your conversations with others. Focusing on how you’re blessed today will help train your brain to look for more reasons to be grateful every day.

  If you enjoy this exercise, you might try scheduling a gratitude afternoon one day a week, or a whole gratitude day regularly each month. While you face difficult situations and process through painful emotions—or even while you try to find stability and peace during big, positive changes—gratitude is a great way for empaths to keep their energy balanced. I believe this balanced energy that gratitude naturally invokes is partly why gratitude has become such a popular practice!

  Work Effectively with Healthcare Professionals

  Some empaths may find that their psychic sensitivity comes in the package of a sensitive physical body. Finding healthcare professionals to work with is an important part of staying balanced as an empath. You might need to find a counselor to enhance your emotional and mental health; ask a naturopath or nurse practitioner about your vitamin and mineral levels, hormones, or thyroid function; or work with a specialist physician to help you manage a chronic condition. Empaths might also like to partner with massage therapists or energy healers.

  The following is a checklist for empaths to look over when considering their health.

  • Don’t go it alone. Experts are there for a reason. If you’re scared to face a health concern or you have anxiety about doctors in general (like getting panicky when seeing the dentist), talk to a loved one or get support so you can give yourself the gift of better health. Sometimes sensitive people suffer from anticipatory stress, so the anxiety leading up to an appointment, procedure, or test can be the worst part for empaths. Refer to other ideas in this book to help you de-stress beforehand.

  • Remember that a caring bedside manner can be a big plus for empaths. Because empaths are so sensitive to the energies and emotions of others and their surroundings, details like what a doctor’s office looks like or how warmly they greet you when you arrive can mean a lot. Still, it’s just as important to work with experienced people who can help you and get results. Sometimes a brilliant, dedicated doctor could come off as cold yet be the perfect person to partner with, so assess healthcare providers holistically.

  • Don’t assume it’s just your energy that’s off. Empaths could chalk up a period of sadness or exhaustion to challenging energy at the office or home, for example, or think they just need an energy clearing, when they really may be suffering from a physical imbalance like a mineral or hormone deficiency. Healthcare professionals can help you rule things out and get an accurate picture of all the factors affecting you.

  • Prioritize your health. Empaths can be very compassionate and find themselves in the role of caregiver to others. While these caregiving roles can be very nourishing and fulfilling, watch out for burnout. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself as well, and not downplaying your own health needs and concerns to your loved ones, clients and coworkers, or to your healthcare professionals.

  • Get more emotional support. Whether it’s letting a good friend know you need more support, or getting support from a trusted counselor or other healthcare professional, let people know when you’re stressed, hurting, or emotionally drained. Find people who are good at staying grounded and being supportive when you need help. This will minimize an empath’s fears of opening up and then having to feel all the difficult emotions their reveal could create in others. This is why counselors or coaches can sometimes help in ways loved ones will struggle to.

  Whatever type of healthcare professional you’re looking for, find the care you need and deserve!

  Channel Someone Else’s Energy for Inspiration

  Empaths have a unique ability to feel someone else’s experience intimately, and you can use this to your advantage to inspire yourself. If you’re an entrepreneur, you might channel Oprah Winfrey’s energy (confident, relaxed, expansive, and authentic). Need to psych yourself up for a big challenge that involves a long-haul commitment? Watch videos of athletes training or read about the construction of a historic landmark. Want to push yourself to perform even better than you have in the past? Listen to one of your favorite musical artists nail a live concert, or even watch an amateur singer or dancer nail a televised competition. As an empath, you can allow part of this person’s healthy, inspirational energy to alchemize with your own. Here’s how.

  1. Pick a person whose energy is inspirational and relatable. Pick someone you not only admire as an artist, for example, but also as a human (like an artist who supports a charity you love). Or pick a neighbor whose parenting skills you admire.

  2. Immerse yourself in their energy. Read interviews with this person or read their biography. If it’s a friend who is a master at acceptance and taking disappointments in stride, set up a time to hang. If you want to channel your grandmother’s energy of strength and resiliency, put a picture of her out where you can see it every day.

  3. Let yourself “try on” their energy. If you’re recovering from an injury or illness, remind yourself of someone in the news or in your life who healed from or learned to manage something similar. This could inspire your action steps.

  Rebalance with this exercise anytime you notice your inspiration tank is a little low.

  Prioritize Gut Health

  Gut health plays a large role in your overall health. Having good digestion and a balance of friendly flora in your system can even positively affect your emotional balance—a priority for sensitive empaths. I personally spent many years managing a chronic illness and finally healed my own gut, so I understand how complex and unique each body is. I’ve seen the dramatic effect that gut health can have on energy levels, mood, and overall health—it’s worth the time and effort to improve or maintain yours.

  Here are some general gut-friendly tips.

  • Watch out for unnecessary sugar in your diet or practice moderation. Remember that sugar doesn’t just come from desserts, but also from wine, high-glycemic carbs, and fruit.

  • Eat mindfully. Make time to prepare healthy meals and get to the store for healthy snacks/ingredients. Slow down when you eat and chew your food.

  • Notice how your body responds to certain foods, especially if you suspect you have a sensitivity or intolerance. Also notice how your body responds to medication or supplements designed to improve gut health.

  • Consider incorporating supplements, foods, and beverages—like prebiotics and probiotics—that discourage unhealthy bacteria and infections in the gut. Do your own research and then ask your doctor before changing your diet or trying any new supplement or medication.

  Talk to your healthcare providers or well-informed loved ones about ways they recommend caring for the gut.

  Create Space to Feel Your Feelings

  Making open space in your life and your schedule is one of the most powerful mindfulness and balancing tools to reach for in your self-care toolbox. It’s easy for your life to become very busy and cluttered—sometimes this is circumstantial, other times it’s habitual, and it can also be a way to avoid your feelings. Allowing open space in your schedule is a generous gift to bestow on that empath part of yourself. When you’re perceiving more, there’s simply more to process. Open space also allows you to ground back in to your own energy to touch base with your emotions—a big part of your natural GPS system.

  This exercise will help you identify any blocks you have to creating more open space in your life:

  1. Ask yourself: “What’s the busywork occupying my time?” Busywork is work that keeps you occupied but doesn’t have significant value. Use your intuition to arrive at the answer. Did you suddenly get an image of yourself at the office filing paperwork or archiving digital
files that no one will ever need and that no one even asked you to keep? Maybe you immediately thought of how often you’re the person picking up after the kids, realizing you need more support from your partner or even the children. Did you hear the word cleaning in your mind, knowing that you sometimes clean a little obsessively to the point of overkill? Perhaps you suddenly got the feeling that your beauty routine, like the way you prepare your hair every morning, has become way more time and trouble than it’s worth. Look for ways to prioritize and streamline.

  2. Ask yourself if there’s anything in your life you’re avoiding feeling. Sometimes when you have challenging, inconvenient, or confusing emotions, you can throw yourself into busywork or caring for others to avoid facing or exploring those feelings.

  3. Ask yourself if there are people in your life you might enlist for help, opening up more space in your schedule. This could be a coworker, assistant, housekeeper, childcare provider, anyone you live with, or someone in your neighborhood.

  4. Ask yourself if you’re struggling with control issues. Are there things you’re afraid to let go of because you believe only you can handle them? Analyze each responsibility, and objectively ask yourself if that’s true or not. In some cases, it might be true—but in other cases it’s probably not true.

  If this exercise brought up a lot of feelings for you, talk to a counselor or trusted friend to work through these issues and create more open space in your life. The amount of space you can create might look different at different times in your life as circumstances shift—and that’s okay. Your goal is simply to make creating open space a consistent part of your empath self-care routine.