Self-Care for Empaths

by Tanya Carroll Richardson

  • Increase your sensitivity in a healthy way, as your sensitive system is holistic. Mindfully tuning in to suffering helps you tune in to the blessings of the larger world too.

  • Hone your techniques for managing challenging times in your own life by helping you master the balancing act of engaging witnessing energy and opening up to feel in to issues in the larger world.

  • Give you the chance to make a difference. When you’re informed, you can volunteer, donate, or make preventative lifestyle and political choices. Sometimes we take action only when moved emotionally.

  • Assist you in getting clear on your boundaries. There will be times when—because of your life circumstances or mental and emotional states—you’ll pull back significantly from the news cycle. Find balance in your engagement with the news.

  Where can you practice mindful heartache with the news cycle? Or is this a time to pull back from the news? What stories can trigger your past wounds and require you to have clear boundaries?

  Try Positive-Energy Speaking

  While words and thoughts are powerful, they do not create or control your reality—though they can positively influence it. Empaths feel the energetic power of words. When we address important issues with hope—like in Martin Luther King Jr.’s “I Have a Dream” speech—without downplaying reality, positive speaking changes the world.

  Have you offered a heartfelt apology or thank-you to someone and the positive energy behind your words made all the difference? Or have you started speaking with hope around an issue and your words positively influenced your actions, the actions of others, or the energy drawn to you?

  The following exercise helps you practice positive-energy speaking.

  1. Pick a day when you’re feeling emotionally balanced and your energy feels neutral to engage mindfully in positive speaking.

  2. Think before you speak today, checking that your positive-speaking filter is on. Strive for authenticity. If someone asks how you’re feeling, and you’re frustrated, share that. Add hopeful words too.

  3. At the end of the day, observe any changes in your energy, emotions, actions, or outlook. Did your positive language have any effects on others?

  Energy-sensitive empaths can have the gift of positive-energy gab!

  When you talk about others, balance honesty with positive-energy speaking. Let’s be real—at times, you need to vent. But even in those moments, remember that everyone has a soul, and in some magical way we’re all connected. Any positive energy you are able to send another with your words may not be heard by their physical ears or seen by their eyes, yet may be felt by their soul.

  Engage with the Survivor Archetype for Resiliency

  Everyone reading these words is a survivor in one way or another, but have you ever mindfully thought of yourself as such? In my own life, I’ve leaned on the survivor archetype (or model) many times—as a child when my parents divorced, in middle school when I was bullied, as a teenager when my mother died from an AIDS-related illness, as an eighteen-year-old when I found myself out in the world on my own getting an apartment and working full-time, as a young woman when I navigated a series of illnesses in my late twenties through my mid-thirties, as a support system for loved ones battling addictions, and as an entrepreneur when I experienced financial hardships. On many of those occasions, I acted out of instinct, subconsciously employing the survivor archetype. There is a survivor inside of you who can take over at a moment’s notice when necessary. Yet when you don’t work with this archetype mindfully and consciously, it can be quite self-sabotaging.

  Many of my sensitive empath clients are actually very tough. They are not hard or cold—they are resilient. For energy-sensitives who can easily pick up on other people’s energies and emotions—and even the collective energies of the larger world—developing a tough resiliency is a valuable self-care tool. Being both sensitive and tough might sound contradictory, but these two character traits, or soul traits, are actually a harmonious partnership, balancing each other and helping to support empaths. Anything that an empath survives can further deepen their compassion for others.

  Tips for empaths mindfully working with the survivor archetype:

  • Remember that the survivor archetype is a natural part of you—you’re sensitive yet also tough.

  • Anything you can journey through and come out the other side of will change you. Know there will be gifts waiting for you on the other side of whatever you’re surviving.

  • Even experiences that are harrowing involve unexpected blessings and opportunities for you to grow, heal, and help others in powerful ways.

  • People who have survived extremely difficult circumstances are hugely inspiring, especially when you need to activate your own inner survivor. Find documentaries or news articles or books about these people. Look around at the ordinary people in your life and ask yourself what they have survived and how they did it.

  • A healthy way to engage with the survivor archetype is to ask for help. Trying to handle things on your own is unnecessary and unproductive. As you work with the survivor archetype, remind yourself that you want to make the journey as kind to yourself as possible.

  • Always practice radical self-love when life asks you to survive something challenging or traumatic.

  Sit with a journal and think back to some of the difficult events you have survived. Let this exercise empower you! If emotions come up, let that happen too. Write down some of the biggest lessons you learned along the way (so you can work with this archetype in an even more balanced way in the future), or how these experiences enabled you to grow, change, heal, or help others.

  Build More Self-Confidence

  After working with thousands of empath clients from all over the world and all walks of life, I’ve noticed that some empaths don’t have as much confidence as they should. Whether it’s in their professional or personal lives, empaths can underestimate themselves or be very cautious when assessing their value in the world—despite being wise, warm, giving, hardworking, conscientious people. The empath talent of sensing the energies and emotions of others could quickly set you up to feel real humility as an individual.

  An empath friend told me about a memory from childhood, riding in the back of his parents’ station wagon, heading into Kansas City one evening. Having grown up in a rural area, he was awed by all the lights on the horizon. “I remember thinking how many people must live in that city—all with their own hopes, dreams, and fears—and it struck me that I was no more important than any of them.” Humility is an admirable characteristic, but it shouldn’t exist in place of self-confidence—rather, they can balance each other. Build your confidence by asking others for evidence! The following are questions you can ask trusted, caring loved ones and colleagues.

  1. What are my greatest natural strengths?

  2. What positive character traits or skills have you watched me develop and master over time?

  3. Do you recall an occasion I did something really impressive?

  4. In what ways do I stand out from the pack?

  5. Why would someone be lucky to work with me or be in a relationship with me?

  Explain to others that this is an exercise you read about somewhere, and that you’d love to answer these same questions about them too.

  Avoid Overexposure to Violence in Entertainment

  Overexposure to violence is the norm in our society, but watching violence can have an especially detrimental effect on empaths. Because empaths can easily put themselves in someone else’s emotional shoes, watching fictional characters fight for their lives is incredibly emotionally overstimulating for some empaths. And since empaths pick up on more and take longer to process stimuli than other people might, the violent video game an empath played on their lunch break could still be playing out in mental images as they close their eyes at night to try and sleep.

  The following are general tips for avoiding overexposure to violence in entertainment.

  1. Look aw
ay and mute the sound during a violent scene. Often an audience is given a few seconds’ warning before something violent happens in a show. You could also switch the channel for a few minutes, take a bathroom break, or get up and stretch.

  2. Find video games and movie genres that hardly ever involve violence, which will give your sensitive system a break.

  3. Be choosy and deliberate about how many violent shows you watch. I might watch a historical drama that depicts violence related to another time period, for instance (so it’s not just gratuitous).

  If you’d like to take a more drastic step, take a sabbatical for three weeks for balance, avoiding games, movies, and shows with violent plotlines. Notice if you feel calmer, sleep easier, or have fewer nightmares. Your sensitivity may increase in healthy ways, as overexposure to violence has a numbing effect.

  Activate Your Palm Chakras

  Anyone can connect with the incredible energy present in the palm chakras. Often when I’m speaking to a client on the phone, walking in the woods, or holding an oracle deck, my palms will begin to feel warm—even talking about or thinking of these chakras can have a physical effect.

  Practice feeling how real and alive your energy body is by mindfully engaging your palm chakras.

  1. Hold your hands, palms facing each other, about 4 to 6 inches apart.

  2. Think of the energy centers in your palms, or picture them in your mind as having a visible color or shape. It could be anything—like picturing two beautiful flowers opening up where your palms are or imagining a golden light there.

  3. Hold your hands in this position for 2 minutes, and notice any physical or energetic changes. The open space between your palms will fill with energy, which might feel like a gentle weight or pressure.

  4. Try this exercise with an empath friend: Have them place their hand in the open space between yours and ask them to describe what they feel.

  Energy healing has many modalities and schools of thought. If you’re interested in learning more about energy work, be sure to find an experienced and knowledgeable mentor.

  Avoid Enabling Narcissistic Tendencies in Others

  Clinical narcissism, as defined by the Mayo Clinic, is “a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others.” Yet any human could, at certain times in certain situations, display narcissistic tendencies or act selfishly in a toxic way. We can all probably pinpoint, in hindsight, instances and relationships when we took advantage of others or disregarded the needs or feelings of others. Thanks to their keen sense of others’ energies, empaths might accidentally at times foster narcissistic tendencies in others.

  When someone is displaying this narcissistic behavior, it might be because they are really hurting inside, whether they are aware of it or not. A sensitive empath might pick up on that hidden wound and want to help. Or an empath might feel that this person is vital to them, or be very enmeshed in a codependent way, and not want to rock the boat and risk the relationship. Enabling could look like knowing someone’s behavior is selfish, insensitive, and harmful to others and themselves to a toxic degree, yet allowing that behavior to continue unchecked and unchallenged—or even encouraging it.

  The following are some possible steps to take as an empath if someone in your life is going through a narcissistic phase.

  1. Acknowledge it to yourself. Don’t just try to laugh off this behavior, blame it on eccentricity or circumstances, downplay it, or bury your hurt feelings.

  2. If possible, diplomatically and kindly let this person know—through words or actions—that they have been behaving inappropriately. Remember that they are probably hurting, but alerting them to their toxic behavior is in their best interests. It might help to start off the conversation by showing genuine concern for them, like saying, “I’m worried about you. You’re usually so kind and compassionate, and lately you’ve been acting differently.” It can help to read articles online from informed sites like PsychologyToday.com about confronting loved ones or dealing with someone in the throes of narcissism.

  3. If the behavior continues with no sign of improvement, the person is unwilling to get help, you don’t feel comfortable confronting this person, or this person gaslights you, you might need to distance yourself. Sometimes you can have little power in these situations if, for example, your boss is going through a narcissistic phase and it’s causing you emotional distress at work. You might consider looking around for a new position, speaking confidentially to someone in your HR department, or just laying low to see if the phase passes.

  Protect yourself, but also try to find a balance by giving others the awareness and grace you would want to receive. I’ve had relationships in the past where people let me know I’d crossed boundaries with them and held me accountable, yet still gave me space to change and stay in relationship to them. Relationships and people can and do heal—other times it’s best to move on. There’s a lot of information out there about narcissistic behavior and empaths. Articles or books written by healthcare professionals and experts can help you navigate this dynamic and your role in it.

  Identify the Magical and Challenging Aspects of Being an Empath

  Learn the cardinal traits of empaths and how they manifest in sparkly and not-so-sparkly ways. Emphasizing the magical and managing the challenging aspects will allow life as an empath to flow more harmoniously.

  EMPATH CARDINAL TRAIT:

  Can adapt to new environments easily by sensing the culture, energy, and emotional needs around them.

  • Magical Aspect: Can fit in quickly in new work environments or new families.

  • Challenging Aspect: Can lose track of their own needs or preferences.

  • Coping Skill: When joining a new group, check in with yourself daily to see if there’s anything about this new culture that you don’t want to adopt, or to discern how the new group might adapt to you.

  EMPATH CARDINAL TRAIT:

  Compassion for other people’s emotional experience.

  • Magical Aspect: Have the capacity to be very caring because of their ability to feel someone else’s emotions intimately.

  • Challenging Aspect: Might struggle to express their own emotional experience to others honestly, sensing it may be inconvenient or upsetting to others.

  • Coping Skill: Practice sharing your emotional experience, which gets easier with repetition.

  EMPATH CARDINAL TRAIT:

  Being deeply moved by music—perhaps the most emotional art form.

  • Magical Aspect: Can use music to quickly transform their energy or mood.

  • Challenging Aspect: Music infused with themes of heartbreak or rage, or any intense energy, can overwhelm and frazzle an empath.

  • Coping Skill: Listen to a wide range of musical genres, artists, themes, and energy signatures (intense, neutral, and mild).

  These are just a few of the cardinal traits of empaths—identify more that you’ve experienced. List them, along with their magical and challenging aspects. What are your coping skills?

  Set Intentions with Full- and New-Moon Energy

  The new moon (when it appears dark in the night sky) and the full moon (when this heavenly orb is fully visible and glowing) are considered powerful energy portals. Energy-sensitive empaths may notice an energy shift in themselves and in the larger world around the moon phases. Empaths are uniquely aware of the lives of others, so it’s a good idea to use the new and full moon as a time to sit mindfully with your own life twice a month. One way to do that is by developing intentions. An intention is a means of focusing your mind, heart, and energy upon a purpose or goal. You might have the intention to be more considerate to friends and family, or you could set the intention to publish a book. Getting clear with yourself on what you want is the first step to experiencing it, and also enlists the universe’s assistance in your manifestation efforts.

  There are endles
s ways to approach moon rituals. After you try this exercise, look around for other methods. As you conduct this ritual, you might use candles, crystals, gentle mood music, oracle or tarot cards, or any sacred objects from your altar. You’ll also want a journal and something to write with. Performing rituals timed around the cycles of nature is a wonderful way to stay in harmony with nature. This can deepen your connection to the earth and your awareness of its energy, which will bring more balance to your own energy.

  1. In the two days leading up to a new or full moon, start asking yourself what your top three intentions are right now.

  2. On the evening of the new or full moon, find a safe place to step outside and look into the sky for a few minutes. If the moon is dark, notice its absence. If the moon is full, bask in its brilliance.

  3. If you have a private backyard or balcony and the weather is comfortable, you might stay outside for the ritual. Wherever you are, sit somewhere comfortable with anything nearby that helps you create a sacred vibe.

  4. Sit still and take some deep breaths, letting your mind go blank. Anchor into yourself and the moment for 60 seconds or as long as it takes to feel centered. If there are certain spirit guides, angels, or ascended masters—like Mary and Buddha—you like to work with, acknowledge or call them in now in your thoughts or aloud. Remember that the energy of the moon will be harnessed and helpful too, so acknowledge it as well.