[2016] First Comes Love

by Emily Goodwin

  “Hi, sweetie,” Lauren says softly. “I’m your mommy, and this is your daddy. We love you very much already.” She closes her eyes, nuzzling her face against Ella. “Is she okay?” she asks the nurse.

  “She’s perfect.”

  “Told you,” I say with a smile, looking down at our baby. I lean over and kiss Lauren. “Good job, Mama.”

  “Do you want to hold her?” Lauren asks.

  “Yeah. How do I pick her up?”

  The nurse comes over and helps, tucking the blanket around Ella’s little body. She opens her deep-blue eyes and looks around, taking in the new world. She’s so light in my arms, like a feather. It’s crazy how something so little, something I’ve only seen for mere minutes, can make me feel so much love.

  I look down at Ella, then at Lauren. “We did this.”

  I sit in an uncomfortable chair next to a hospital bed, holding a sleeping baby. It’s been four hours since Lauren gave birth. We’re in a different room now, and her parents—and my mother—are all crowded in to see Ella. Everything went as smooth as we could hope, and Ella is perfect.

  “It’s my turn to hold that baby,” Mrs. Winters says. I carefully stand and hand her Ella. I move to the bed, sitting on the edge next to Lauren.

  “Are you doing okay?” I ask.

  “I’m sore,” she says. “The epidural is completely worn off now.”

  “Want me to call the nurse? She said you can have pain medicine.”

  “Yeah. And I have to pee. Help me up?”

  I take her hand and slowly help her to her feet. She winces when she takes a step. She did end up tearing and needing stitches.

  “Can you fill this with warm water?” she asks, sitting on the toilet.

  “Sure, but, why?” I take a squirt bottle from her and move to the sink.

  “I can’t wipe.”

  “Oh.” I turn the water on. “Birth is a lot more, uh, messy than I thought.”

  “Are you glad you watched it or do you wish you hadn’t?”

  “No, I’m glad I did. Yeah, it’s messy but it was kind of amazing.”

  She smiles. “I’m glad you were there. I’m glad we were there.”

  I know what she means. We were there together, as a couple. “We will always be there.”

  “And we just had a moment while I’m on the toilet,” she chuckles.

  I fill up the bottle. “I didn’t even realize that. Spoken like a real couple, right?”

  “Right.”

  I help her back into bed.

  “She looks just like you,” my mom tells me. “I’ll find your baby pictures when I get back home and send them over.”

  Our parents stay for a while longer, then leave so Lauren can sleep. But right after they leave, the nurse comes in to check on Lauren and Ella, then sticks around to help Lauren with breastfeeding. Ella is sleepy and not wanting to latch.

  I thought pushing out the baby was the hard part.

  Twenty minutes later, I’m able to take Ella and Lauren lays down. Not five minutes later, someone knocks on the door, asking about insurance. By the time they leave, the nurse has to come back and take vitals.

  And now I remember why I hate hospitals.

  “You’re never going to get any sleep at this rate,” I say, taking Ella out of Lauren’s arms after a feeding again. “Try to rest now.”

  “I know,” she sighs. “I’ll sleep tonight. Well, probably not.” She looks at Ella and smiles.

  “I’ll stay and hold her.”

  “You don’t have to. That chair looks super uncomfortable.”

  “It is, but I feel like I shouldn’t complain. I didn’t get my nether regions ripped just hours ago.”

  She shudders. “I asked the doctor to stitch me up extra tight.”

  I laugh. “It’ll feel like your first time, baby.”

  “We have at least six weeks until we attempt anything again. That’s probably the longest you’ve gone without sex since we started dating isn’t it?”

  I look down at Ella, heart still so full. “It’s not, actually.”

  She raises an eyebrow. “Really?”

  “There was a time, recently. I haven’t been with anyone else but you since that night.”

  “Since the night we got drunk and made a baby?”

  I nod.

  She smiles, but looks confused. “I’m glad to hear that, but you didn’t know I was pregnant—hell, I didn’t know—for like two months after that. It just seems out of character for you. The former you, I mean.”

  “I wanted to be with you for so long. Then I finally was and couldn’t remember anything. It was worse than putting food out of a starving man’s reach. It was letting him taste it but not eat it. I had you, had what I wanted, but blew it. I would have given anything to have that chance again and remember it. Because I knew being with you would be different.”

  “Noah,” she says softly, looking at me with so much love in her eyes.

  “I love you, Lauren. I always have, and I always will.”

  Chapter 27

  LAUREN

  “AM I HURTING her? I’m hurting her!”

  “You’re not hurting her,” Noah says, somehow calm.

  “Then why is she crying?” I scoop Ella up out of the carseat, feeling like I’m fumbling with the world’s most precious football.

  “Because she’s a baby?”

  “Shhh,” I soothe, gently swaying Ella. It takes a few seconds, but she stops crying. “See? I don’t think she likes the carseat.”

  Noah puts his hand on my shoulder, steps in, and kisses me. “Want to wait until the nurse comes back?”

  “Yeah.” I cradle Ella to my chest and sit, cringing when my ass hits the mattress.

  “Are you hurting?” Noah sits next to me and slips his arm around my waist. I’m still in my pajamas. The cute going-home outfit I had packed for myself—leggings and a sweater—isn’t working. I can’t breastfeed in the sweater, and feel dumb for not thinking about that when I picked it out. And the leggings are too revealing for the mesh undies and giant pads needed after pushing out a seven-pound babe.

  Live and learn?

  “Yeah. I think this is worse than labor.”

  “You’ll heal and forget all about the pain.”

  “Hah, maybe.” I bend my head down and kiss Ella. She’s in her cute going-home outfit at least. She looks like a little wrinkled peanut, but she’s the cutest little wrinkled peanut that ever existed.

  Noah’s mom said she looks like him as a baby, and texted over pictures from his baby book. There is no denying this is his child.

  The nurse comes back in with our discharge papers, and helps up get Ella into the carseat. She cries for her too, which is a little reassuring. At least it’s not just me. The nurse is young and pretty and it’s probably the huge hormone shift and lack of sleep that makes me think she’s hitting on Noah. Not that I can blame her.

  Everything is loaded and ready to go home. I’m excited to leave the hospital and get back to my own house, but scared not to have help at the call of a button.

  Noah clicks the carseat in place and helps me into the back. Ella’s fast asleep, looking peaceful and adorable in a little pink dress with striped leggings and a matching bow.

  “Are you warm enough?” Noah asks, slowly pulling out of the parking lot. It’s misting and cold out today, typical for the end of November.

  “We’re good.” I look up and meet his eyes in the rearview mirror. We are good. Noah, Ella, and myself. Good. Right now, life is pretty damn good.

  “Lay down, Lauren,” Noah tells me. “I got her.”

  We’ve been home as a family of three for approximately two hours and I’m already having a panic attack. I grind my teeth together and nod, but don’t even attempt to move out of the living room.

  “Lauren,” Noah repeats, a little stern. “You need sleep.”

  “I know. I’m just … anxious.”

  “Everything is fine. You just fed her; she’ll be good f
or two hours and if she wakes up I’ll bring her to you.”

  I nod, staring at the wonderful man across from me. His sky-blue eyes light up when he looks down at our daughter, smiling without even thinking about it. Ella, so small in his tattooed muscular arms, is wrapped in a soft purple blanket, snuggled and sound asleep.

  “Go rest,” he orders again. “Your parents will be over in three hours with dinner. Sleep until then.”

  I blink, and some sense comes to me. “Okay. Thanks, Noah.”

  “No need to thank me. I want some daddy-daughter time.” He flicks his eyes to me, still smiling. “She’ll be okay, I promise.”

  I nod again, and slowly turn and go into my bedroom. The dogs follow me, and I close them in with me. Just one less thing to worry about. Though they’ve been fine. Vader got a little pushy wanting to sniff everything, but after both him and Sasha did their initial investigating, they lost interest in the little crying thing in Mommy’s arms.

  Noah has been surprisingly calm. Well, maybe it’s only a surprise compared to me freaking out. I assumed I’d be nervous, but I didn’t expect to feel so much panic and have every possible bad situation run through my head at a million miles per hour.

  I tuck myself in bed, irrationally thinking of ways Ella could drown and worrying about it. Vader jumps up next to me, and I carefully snuggle up next to him. It still hurts to move and I’m terrified of ripping out my stitches. I worry away an hour of sleep, then finally pass out from sheer exhaustion.

  When I wake, it’s dark outside. I sit up in a panic, listening for signs of life. I hear nothing, then realize the dogs aren’t with me anymore yet the bedroom door is shut. I check my phone; I’ve been asleep for about three-and-a-half hours. I feel a world better, but panic rises in my chest and I get out of bed quickly.

  Too quickly and I feel a painful pull in my vag. Wincing, I limp my way into the living room. Noah is sitting in the recliner holding Ella. Both dogs are at his feet, chewing on bones, and my parents are sitting on the couch. The TV is on, and my dad and Noah are discussing football in low voices. My heart settles back into my chest.

  “Hey,” Noah says, looking up at me. His eyes sparkle and something passes through me, something that tells me things will be okay. For real. “I was just about to get you.”

  “How’s Ella?” I cross the room and Noah stands.

  “She’s been a sound sleeper this whole time. She woke up when I changed her diaper about an hour ago then she fell back asleep.” He carefully hands me our little girl. I try to keep her awake to nurse while my mom heats up dinner.

  After we eat, my parents order Noah and me to shower and nap. Noah falls asleep right away and I get another hour and a half of shut-eye in before my parents leave, and then it’s just us.

  We sit up in bed until we’re both too tired to stay awake any longer. Then comes the moment of truth: trying to sleep while Ella sleeps. I lay her in the bassinet next to the bed, checking to make sure her swaddler is tight enough three times before putting my head on the pillow. We get four hours before Ella wakes up fussing. Not too bad for our first night home.

  “We kept her alive for a week,” Noah says, sitting down at the table. “I say we’re doing this parenting thing right.”

  “I think so.” I brush my hair back and fix my dress after nursing Ella. I’ve worn nothing but pajamas up until tonight. My stitches aren’t healed yet, and I’m still sore when I walk, move, think about it … pretty much all the time. But after being cooped up for days, Noah suggested we go out, and I have to admit it feels good to put makeup and join the real world.

  “I’m still trying to figure out how to do anything productive though.” I smile down at our one-week-old. “It’s hard to put her down. She’s growing too fast.”

  “Fast enough to make you want to have another,” Noah jokes. Or maybe he’s not joking.

  “Oh, I’ll definitely be wanting another.”

  “With me?”

  I look up, expecting to see a smile on his face. His genuine concern makes me laugh. “Of course, dummy. Well, unless I decide to get drunk and have a one-night stand again.”

  “Just checking. Sometimes none of this seems real. Me and you, together.” He looks down and shakes his head. Emotional Noah doesn’t come around too often, but I like it when he does. “And now add the perfect baby. Almost seems too good to be true.”

  I’m smiling as big as I can, looking from our daughter to Noah and back again.

  “It does. But it’s not.” I cradle Ella against me, kissing the top of her head. The story of my life had some major plot twists thrown in, some so big and gnarly I didn’t think they’d ever straighten out. And though this story is far from over, I know it will end with a happily ever after.

  Epilogue

  LAUREN

  Four years later…

  I YAWN, QUIETLY getting out of bed as not to wake Noah. Early-morning light sneaks through the curtains and I’d do anything to get back under the covers and go to sleep. At least today is the last day of my work week. I shuffle downstairs and into the kitchen, firing up the coffee pot.

  “Hey, old man,” I say to Vader. He wags his tail and slowly gets up, old bones creaking and cracking with every step. We go together outside; he needs help getting up and down the stairs now.

  It’s late in April and actually warm out already. I fill a Cinderella mug with coffee and sit on the back deck, waiting for Vader to get done so I can help him inside. I start to doze off and groan when I force myself to stand. I’m really not wanting to go to work today.

  “Hey,” I say softly, seeing Noah in the kitchen. “What are you doing up?”

  He runs a hand over his face, wiping the sleep away. He’s still just as tatted and muscular as he was when we first got together, and actually he’s added a few more tattoos since then.

  “Was gonna help you with the dog,” he mumbles, still half asleep. “You shouldn’t be lifting him.”

  I put my empty coffee mug in the sink. “He helps. It’s not like I’m carrying him completely. But thanks. That’s sweet of you.”

  Noah steps behind me and wraps his arms around my waist, hands landing on my belly. “You’re already carrying enough.”

  I put my hands on top of his, leaning back against him. “Charlotte is a chunk. She’s going to be bigger than her sister, I’m sure.”

  Noah kisses my neck and I’m hit with desire. My libido has been crazy high this whole pregnancy. Even now, at thirty-two weeks, I’m jumping Noah’s bones every chance I get.

  He doesn’t mind one bit.

  It’s crazy how different the two pregnancies have been. I threw up every day for thirteen weeks this time around, but was able to drink all the coffee I wanted. I’ve been sore pretty much since conception this time, but haven’t had any blood pressure issues.

  Noah worries, of course, and has gone above and beyond to make sure I’m not stressed, which is hard to do considering this is my last year of vet school. These last four years have been fucking hard, and I worked my ass off to get to where I am now. But this time, I wasn’t just doing it for myself. I was doing it for my family.

  I didn’t go to Purdue like I wanted. Noah tried coming up with every solution he could think of, including moving down to central Indiana with me.

  But that took Ella away from her grandparents, and took the extra help away from us. And we needed the help to get me through school. Instead, I took a chance and applied at MSU and, by some miracle, got in. It took a lot of time, energy, and tears to get to this point, but we made it, and my last semester is an externship at the clinic I worked at before.

  Looking back, I don’t know how I survived. I was getting used to having a young kid my first year. Noah proposed my second year, and between classes and raising Ella, I planned our wedding. We got married the third year of school, and conceived our second child at the beginning of this last year.

  This time around, the timing is perfect. I’ll graduate a few weeks before my due
date, take some time off, then go back to work at the clinic as an official doctor of veterinary medicine. I’ll be working part time, just two days a week, until the new baby is older.

  “I don’t want to go to work,” I groan. “I have a paper to write this weekend too.”

  “You’re almost done,” Noah says. “Then I can start saying I’m married to a doctor.”

  I laugh. “I’m making everyone call me Dr. Wilson. I think I’ve earned it, right?”

  “More than earned it.” He kisses my neck again. I whirl around in his arms, big belly pushing against him, and hook my hands around his neck. “Do you still want to go to dinner with Colin and Jenny? We can stay home instead.”

  “No, we can go. Ella is looking forward to playing with her cousin tonight at my parents.”

  Three months after Ella was born, Jenny finally got pregnant. She and Colin had a baby girl as well, named Hannah. She and Ella get along great.

  “As long as you’re okay with it,” Noah says. “You’ve been working so hard lately. You know I’m proud of you, right?”

  My lips meet his. “I’m proud of you too. For taking such good care of us.”

  “You’re my girls.” He smiles and shakes his head. “I’m seriously outnumbered here.” We kiss again. “But I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

  Part 1

  Then Comes Marriage

  Then Comes Marriage

  Copyright © 2016 by Emily Goodwin

  Editing by Lindsay of Contagious Edits

  Proofreading by Jessica Meigs

  Photography by Kelsey Keeton

  All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events or places is purely coincidental.