Yolo

by Lauren Myracle

  SnowAngel:

  ANYway, after the lavalier rant, she told us that she’d gotten complaints from various frat guys about how “boring and lame” we are. wtf????

  SnowAngel:

  I am many things, but I am NOT boring or lame!

  SnowAngel:

  but Tandy was like, “lesson one, bitches: if frats don’t like the fucking boring pledges they invite to parties, then they stop liking the sororities they belong to. y’all are making the rest of us look bad, so stop sucking ass and man up, you twats.”

  SnowAngel:

  she really did use that word. I’m not kidding!

  SnowAngel:

  she also asked if we were fucking brain damaged.

  SnowAngel:

  the only thing that made Tandy’s rant bearable was Anna, my best pledge-buddy. I Anna. she kept making spit bubbles when Tandy wasn’t looking, hee hee hee. and when I say spit bubbles, I mean real, live spit bubbles, not drool.

  SnowAngel:

  I have no idea how she does it, but she can make teeny-tiny little bubbles leave her lips and float thru the air.

  SnowAngel:

  amazebubbles!!!!

  SnowAngel:

  well, yeah, blah blah blah. when we were finally allowed to leave, Anna and I went to Shakes Alive and talked about how cray-cray Tandy is and also about how cray-cray being in a sorority is, period. it’s not all bad, and there are excellent parts as well as sucky parts, but I’m starting to wonder if it’s going to be sorority-ever-after for me after all.

  SnowAngel:

  Anna is too.

  SnowAngel:

  oh, and Anna is super-cute, only I told her how she’d look even cuter if she used a slightly less red shade of lipgloss and swept her bangs to the side. (for the record, I ASKED if she wanted my extremely gentle tips, and she said yes, so stop thinking whatever you’re thinking unless it’s that I’m so awesome.)

  SnowAngel:

  I also taught her the half-tuck, cuz she has a great body and shld show it off. and I’m gonna take her shopping for jeans, cuz the ones she has are fine but cld be so much better.

  SnowAngel:

  so yeah, that’s me. *blows invisible fashion-fairy dust off fingernails* adios, amigas!

  Sun, Oct 13, 11:33 AM E.D.T.

  zoegirl:

  thank you, Angela, for taking a poll on Twitter about whether or not I got out of bed today. that was lovely and heartwarming. it really was.

  SnowAngel:

  hee hee

  SnowAngel:

  you know I was just being funny

  zoegirl:

  well, joke’s on you, cuz I not only got out of bed but also went for a jog. a *jog* jog, as in sneakers and huffing and puffing and making my feet move me from one place to another. it sucked, and I hated it, but now that it’s over, I feel better than I’ve felt in forever.

  SnowAngel:

  dude! dudette! you so beamin’!

  SnowAngel:

  is it like a runner’s high?

  zoegirl:

  I don’t know. maybe. I told myself I would jog the entire trail that loops around the campus (it’s a mile and a half), and I didn’t let myself stop even when I wanted to.

  zoegirl:

  and I really wanted to.

  SnowAngel:

  I’m so proud of you! taking a mile-and-a-half jog sounds terrible and horrible, but yay, you!

  zoegirl:

  I had a mantra that I repeated as I ran. it was “screw Doug. screw Doug. screw Doug.” and maybe it was sort of like therapy, because a) it felt good to get those bad feelings out, and b) I was so spent afterward that I didn’t have enough energy left to be depressed.

  SnowAngel:

  look at you go, girl! you have just earned five gold stars!

  zoegirl:

  I still miss him, though. I’m mad at him and I hate him (and I definitely hate Canyon!), but I miss him too.

  SnowAngel:

  but you don’t miss Canyon.

  zoegirl:

  ha

  zoegirl:

  no, I don’t miss Canyon. that made me snort.

  zoegirl:

  hey—what the hell is a half-tuck?

  SnowAngel:

  like what I taught Anna to do? you tuck in half of your shirt, like from your belly button to your hip, and you leave the rest hanging out. that way it shows that you still have a waist, but you don’t look like the kind of person who tucks her shirts in on purpose.

  SnowAngel:

  casual + sexy, see?

  zoegirl:

  ahhhhh. will keep that in mind.

  zoegirl:

  I’m stinky from my run so I’m going to take a shower.

  SnowAngel:

  kk. and again: you rock, girlfriend!

  Sun, Oct 13, 11:48 AM E.D.T.

  zoegirl:

  hey, A. me again.

  SnowAngel:

  what happened to taking a shower?

  zoegirl:

  waiting in hall. I forgot that there’s always a Sunday morning shower line. *facepalm*

  SnowAngel:

  cuz of all the Saturday night partying. boom!

  zoegirl:

  do you ever wonder if Maddie is as close as she says she is to Zara and her friends from high school?

  SnowAngel:

  the Esbees? um . . . no.

  SnowAngel:

  do u?

  zoegirl:

  check out Maddie’s Instagram if you haven’t lately. I went to her profile and clicked to see who she was following, and one of the people was “themarkofzara.”

  SnowAngel:

  I don’t get it

  zoegirl:

  the mark of Zara. like the “Mark of Zorro”?

  SnowAngel:

  still don’t get it

  zoegirl:

  doesn’t matter. so I started following Zara, and guess what? she’s posted TONS of pictures, but Maddie doesn’t show up in a single one.

  SnowAngel:

  hmm

  SnowAngel:

  is that weird? I’m thinking about it, and I can’t decide. I mean, I post tons of pics, but they’re not all of my new UGA buds.

  zoegirl:

  Angela, yes they are. omigod. the ONLY pictures you post are sorority pics and party pics and drunkish party-outfit-posing pics.

  SnowAngel:

  not true!

  SnowAngel:

  maybe true.

  SnowAngel:

  ok, true, except don’t forget my derpy puppies in a basket picture.

  zoegirl:

  I asked Maddie about it, and she said she just doesn’t like having her picture taken.

  SnowAngel:

  she doesn’t. remember her whole curl-up-in-a-ball/ hide-her-face-with-her-hands phase when either of us tried to take her pic?

  zoegirl:

  but she grew out of that phase

  SnowAngel:

  well, I don’t know, then. I guess she grew back in.

  Mon, Oct 14, 7:55 PM E.D.T.

  zoegirl:

  there is a pumpkin in our dining hall that weighs 1,400 pounds and is named Gourdzilla!

  zoegirl:

  it is so cool!

  mad maddie:

  that is one big pumpkin.

  mad maddie:

  how do u know it weighs that much?

  zoegirl:

  there’s a sign. also I just now lifted it up, and by my guesstimate, that sounded about right.

  mad maddie:

  such a brute! I like!

  zoegirl:

  Holly and Gannon and I held hands and tried to wrap our arms around her, but we didn’t come close.

  mad maddie:

  her? the pumpkin has a vagina?

  zoegirl:

  no.

  zoegirl:

  well, not to my knowledge.

  zoegirl:

  but it’s a tradition at Kenyon to have a gigantic pumpkin in the cafeteria to celebrate fall, and I guess the pumpkin is a
lways a “she.” that’s how everyone refers to her.

  zoegirl:

  she’s huge, Maddie. seriously, you would love her.

  mad maddie:

  snapchat?

  zoegirl:

  yes, ma’am . . .

  mad maddie:

  omfg, I LOVE THAT PUMPKIN. I want to eat that pumpkin and have that pumpkin’s babies!

  zoegirl:

  the second pic is of Holly and Gannon. they both say hi.

  mad maddie:

  hi back

  mad maddie:

  why is Holly’s belly button green?

  zoegirl:

  she got bored in one of her classes and colored it.

  mad maddie:

  why is her belly button visible?

  zoegirl:

  because she has her shirt tied back, silly!

  zoegirl:

  kidding. I mean, it IS, but the “why” is because she wanted to show off her green belly button. she’s hoping people will think it’s mold.

  mad maddie:

  well, she and Gannon both look nice.

  zoegirl:

  they are. they were worried about me during my time in the Bad Lands too, as it turns out.

  mad maddie:

  but yr better now?

  zoegirl:

  yup. I went for a run again this morning, and I’m going to try to make myself do that three times a week. I’m not going to skip class anymore, and today I met with all my profs and asked if I could make up the work I missed.

  zoegirl:

  my heart is still secretly hurting . . . but too bad.

  mad maddie:

  fake it till ya make it?

  zoegirl:

  yes. exactly.

  zoegirl:

  and I’m not TOTALLY faking it. alone in my dorm room, I’m a pathetic self-pitying mess, but when I’m with other people, it’s so much better.

  mad maddie:

  which—ahem—I told you five million years ago

  zoegirl:

  I know, I know.

  zoegirl:

  so what’d you do over the weekend?

  mad maddie:

  you have to ask? I sat alone in my dorm room like a pathetic self-pitying mess, obviously.

  zoegirl:

  Maddie . . .

  zoegirl:

  zoegirl:

  that was kind of mean. did you intend it to be?

  mad maddie:

  I didn’t. I’m sorry. the second I hit “send,” I realized it wasn’t a good joke.

  zoegirl:

  it wasn’t even a bad joke.

  mad maddie:

  yr right, and I really am sorry.

  mad maddie:

  what I really did over the weekend—hold on to yer hat—was go ghost hunting!

  zoegirl:

  no way

  mad maddie:

  way! there’s a building on campus that’s supposedly haunted, and my suitemates and I snuck in thru the window and went down to the basement, which is the most haunted part of the entire haunted building.

  zoegirl:

  eek, I would have been worried about the campus police.

  zoegirl:

  was it creepy?

  mad maddie:

  so creepy I can’t even tell you. human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together . . . mass hysteria!

  zoegirl:

  haha

  mad maddie:

  ok, but there WAS a spine-tingliness to it all. it was dark and my flashlight went out, and at one point we heard this loud BUMP. we all froze in our tracks and Nekkid Neesa’s eyes got huge and she put her finger to her lips.

  mad maddie:

  then, and this part’s hilarious, she whispered, “Listen! I smell something!”

  zoegirl:

  ???

  zoegirl:

  why hilarious?

  mad maddie:

  really? I have to explain it to you?

  mad maddie:

  the reason it’s funny is cuz you can’t hear a *smell*.

  zoegirl:

  ohhhhh

  mad maddie:

  everyone cracked up, but I dunno, maybe you had to be there.

  zoegirl:

  did you actually smell anything?

  mad maddie:

  mildew. cold rock. normal basement smells. except . . .

  zoegirl:

  what?

  mad maddie:

  I did catch a whiff of something hard to describe. like snot mixed with a wet springer spaniel?

  zoegirl:

  ah. yum. ghost dog?

  mad maddie:

  that’s really the only explanation, right? woof!

  Tues, Oct 15, 3:00 PM E.D.T.

  SnowAngel:

  peeps! I get my owwie foot checked today, and if it’s healed enough, I get to say adios to my crutches. cross yr fingers for me—and yr toes!

  Wed, Oct 16, 9:33 AM P.D.T.

  mad maddie:

  good morning, sunshine!

  mad maddie:

  u still wearing yr hospital socks?

  SnowAngel:

  health clinic socks, not hospital socks. get it right, geez!

  SnowAngel:

  but I can wiggle my toes! and I don’t have to wrap my foot anymore!

  SnowAngel:

  I have graduated to two large Band-Aids, one on the top of my foot and one on the bottom.

  mad maddie:

  does it hurt?

  SnowAngel:

  a little. sometimes a lot. it’s worth it to be almost back to normal—except for the VERY sad part, which is that the doc said no s. boo!!!!

  mad maddie:

  poor Angela. will the agony ever end?

  SnowAngel:

  I know, right?

  SnowAngel:

  I have a scar, tho. it’s pretty awesome.

  mad maddie:

  is there a scab? will you save it for me? nom nom nom.

  SnowAngel:

  ermagawd, eating scabs is SO second grade.

  SnowAngel:

  the cook at the Zeta house got fired, tho

  mad maddie:

  scabs . . . second grade . . . sorority house cook . . .

  mad maddie:

  ok, I’ll bite. (HA!)

  mad maddie:

  why?

  SnowAngel:

  cuz the food was TOO GOOD, which sucks for those of us who actually like to eat. the next cook will serve only carrots and watercress if the bulimia sisters have anything to do with it.

  mad maddie:

  I really hope you’re kidding

  SnowAngel:

  I really wish I were

  SnowAngel:

  do you think there’s a difference b/w real bulimia and skinny girl mob mentality? there’s this one girl who thinks she’s fat because she wears size 23 jeans. size 23! that is TINY!

  mad maddie:

  that’s fucked up, bro

  SnowAngel:

  don’t even get me started, BRO

  SnowAngel:

  and here’s another story for ya. Victoria, a Zeta whose Louis Vuitton clutch I covet, asked my friend Anna and me to give some high school girls a tour of the campus.

  SnowAngel:

  (they were daughters of Zeta alums who are considering coming to UGA, that’s why)

  SnowAngel:

  we showed them around, blabbity blah, and along the way, we walked down fraternity row. and guys from different houses started calling out things like “fresh meat” and “looking good, girls” and “come shake your moneymakers for us.” stuff like that.

  mad maddie:

  ugh

  SnowAngel:

  I told the high school girls to ignore them, cuz if we responded, it would just encourage them.

  mad maddie:

  SO not my world (thank god)

  SnowAngel:

  then, two seconds after I gave that speech, a Delta Sig called out, “Yo! Angela! Where’s my kiss, bitch?” and totally on autopilot,
I said, “Brian! Hi!” and ran over to chat with him.

  mad maddie:

  headbang headbang headbang

  mad maddie:

  did you kiss him?

  SnowAngel:

  no!

  SnowAngel:

  but Anna *totally* gave me hell for going against my own advice. it was funny.

  mad maddie:

  good for Anna. I like Anna.