Yolo
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don’t you already have a pair of tall brown boots?
SnowAngel:
but these are skinny-around-the-calf boots! and if I buy them, I’ll never need another pair of boots again! do you know how many years I’ve spent searching for skinny boots???
mad maddie:
zero?
SnowAngel:
my whole life I’ve been searching! and what if they never make them again? what if this is my only chance?
SnowAngel:
I think I’ll have nightmares if I don’t order them. I really do. if there’s one thing I’ve learned in my business class, it’s that if resources are scarce, demand will be high.
mad maddie:
OMIGOD YR RIGHT ORDER THEM THIS INSTANT U FOOL!
SnowAngel:
*huffs*
SnowAngel:
now you’re just teasing me.
mad maddie:
me? teasing YOU? no way. plus, those words you used—scarce and resources, etc. etc.—make me think you’ve learned more than that one thing in your biz class, girlie.
SnowAngel:
hmmm
SnowAngel:
why yes! I have! quel surprise!
SnowAngel:
quel surprise number deux: YOU ACTUALLY DISCUSSED MY BOOT OBSESSION WITH ME. holy fudge nuts, what is the world coming to?
mad maddie:
cuz I you. and I secretly boots, and discussing boots, and I cld spend my whole day chatting about boots. really.
SnowAngel:
weirdo potato. go to the boots section on Zappos! you will be hooked!
Mon, Oct 21, 6:55 PM E.D.T.
zoegirl:
so. Doug’s Facebook status. did you see?
SnowAngel:
I did. *winces*
SnowAngel:
is that Canyon in the picture?
zoegirl:
the girl he’s got his arm around? that would be Canyon, yes.
zoegirl:
it made my heart literally stop when I first saw it, but then I shut my laptop, put on my running shoes, and went for a run. three miles today, baby!
SnowAngel:
yr awesome.
SnowAngel:
but you know, that picture doesn’t necessarily mean anything. well, it means Doug and Canyon are friends, but it doesn’t mean they’re lovers.
zoegirl:
no, they’re together, because Doug told me. he sent me a message saying he wanted me to hear it from him first, but he sent the message AFTER posting the pic. I know because of the time stamp.
zoegirl:
but who cares, right?
SnowAngel:
not you! hell no!
zoegirl:
except I do, obviously
SnowAngel:
I know. I wld too. anyone wld.
SnowAngel:
ooo—you should send him back a message that says, “oh, no big, I’m a kissing fool these days anyway.”
zoegirl:
yeahhhhh. no.
zoegirl:
but at dinner I told Gannon and Holly about Doug, and that led to them talking about their high school girlfriends/boyfriends, and that led to a whole conversation about sex and relationships and why we’re attracted to certain people and not others.
zoegirl:
for example, Gannon ONLY likes big girls, or so he claims.
SnowAngel:
big as in chubby? big as in fat?
zoegirl:
big as in big. I didn’t press him for specifics.
SnowAngel:
but he kissed you and you are NOT big.
zoegirl:
yes, but our kissing wasn’t real, as I have told you many times. or, real but not romantic in any way.
SnowAngel:
I think it’s good that Gannon likes big girls. we’re brought up to believe that a girl CAN’T BE FAT OR SHE WILL DIE, but that’s not true, so good for Gannon.
zoegirl:
I agree
SnowAngel:
what about Holly? what’s her type?
zoegirl:
guys over girls, but I’ve already told you that. slender, muscular, and preferably taller than she is. a soccer player’s build, basically.
zoegirl:
oh, and smart. not being smart is a deal breaker.
zoegirl:
Holly’s roommate, on the other hand, only dates black guys.
SnowAngel:
why only black guys? is she black? (and am I being racist by asking? I honestly don’t know. I think things ARE different at UGA than at Kenyon!)
zoegirl:
she’s white. her name’s Jessica, and according to Holly, she’s sworn off dating any white guys because the chemistry is never there.
SnowAngel:
but it’s there with black guys?
zoegirl:
apparently
SnowAngel:
huh
SnowAngel:
what did you tell them your type was?
zoegirl:
I told them I didn’t know, which is true.
zoegirl:
I thought my type was Doug, but Doug isn’t a type. he’s just . . . Doug.
SnowAngel:
well, maybe you don’t have to have a “type.” there are lots of in the sea and lots of types of too.
zoegirl:
I agree. I asked Holly if she would consider dating a big hairy football player, and she was like, “no thank you.” but then she thought about it and said, “Unless there was a spark between us. In that case, I might.”
SnowAngel:
hmm. it all comes down to the mysterious spark, doesn’t it?
Tues, Oct 22, 12:00 PM E.D.T.
SnowAngel:
o.m.g.
SnowAngel:
I have two HUGELY shocking things to tell y’all. which do you want to hear first?
mad maddie:
is that a rhetorical question?
SnowAngel:
is what a rhetorical question?
SnowAngel:
no, nvm. I don’t even know what a rhetorical question is. I never have, and when ppl use that phrase, I just nod and look wise.
mad maddie:
in that case, I choose Thing One. Zo?
zoegirl:
zoegirl:
but I’m supposed to be doing a makeup lab, so if I suddenly disappear, that’s why.
SnowAngel:
Thing One it is. I made the foolish decision to step on a scale in the Zeta house . . .
mad maddie:
scales r for wimps
SnowAngel:
AND I HAVE GAINED THE FRESHMAN FIFTEEN. AAAAGHHHHH.
SnowAngel:
I shld have known, cuz all my jeans have gotten tight, but I thought, ya know . . . well, I don’t know what I thought.
mad maddie:
does that mean u have a muffin top? muffin tops are smexy.
SnowAngel:
heyyyyy! you told me to never use that word!
mad maddie:
muffin? oh, sorry.
SnowAngel:
*gives Maddie evil eye*
zoegirl:
I am sure you look fabulous and lush and curvy, Angela. and now you’re my friend Gannon’s type! which is awesome, because Gannon rocks!
SnowAngel:
which is NOT awesome, cuz Gannon is in Ohio and I am in Athens, and are you saying I’m now a “big girl”??!
zoegirl:
I’ve actually lost weight since starting college, probably because of running.
zoegirl:
I’m down to 109 lbs. I haven’t weighed 109 lbs since sophomore year of high school.
SnowAngel:
*glowers*
SnowAngel:
thx. so helpful.
zoegirl:
it means I can’t donate blood anymore, because you have to be 110 lbs or more to donate blood.
mad maddie:
well that must cramp your style.
mad maddie:
does somebody want your blood? is this actually a problem?
zoegirl:
IF the opportunity came up, that’s all I’m saying.
mad maddie:
109 lbs is measly, and Angela, I’ve ballooned up to 200 pounds, so don’t even worry.
SnowAngel:
you do not weigh 200 lbs, you big liar.
mad maddie:
big is right. *pats tummy* I’m proud of my tub!
SnowAngel:
I am NOT proud of my tub, and I want it to go away, but the thought of making it go away is horribly depressing. I DO NOT DO WELL WITH SELF-DEPRIVATION!
mad maddie:
which is why *I* say . . . if ya want it, eat it. or wear it as a hat.
zoegirl:
Maddie, you are so random.
zoegirl:
Angela. if you gained any weight, it’s because you’ve been on crutches, you goof. now that you’re not, you’ll go back to being more active and everything will even out. don’t worry.
SnowAngel:
will it, tho? will it?
SnowAngel:
cuz I’ve also been drinking a ton more than I ever have. a cup of beer is 150 calories! lots of beer = lots of calories!!!
mad maddie:
so stop drinking beer
SnowAngel:
but then I will be BORING ANGELA, and the mean girl in my sorority will yell at me for being lame!
mad maddie:
and I quote from the Bible: thou shalt not let a sorority girl named Candy dictate anything about your personal lifestyle, or thou shalt turn into a pillar of salt.
SnowAngel:
TANDY. not candy.
mad maddie:
mmm . . . candy . . .
SnowAngel:
all right, we are moving on to Thing Two, cuz y’all are SO not helping.
mad maddie:
whatever. we love u the way you are. right, Zo?
zoegirl:
yes . . . shhh . . . I have to text quietly because TA is here. I am supposed to be doing important science things!
mad maddie:
*exaggerated whisper*
mad maddie:
OK, WE WON’T TELL IF U DON’T
SnowAngel:
Thing Two is that a senior Zeta just sent out an email blast saying that she’s fricking getting married.
SnowAngel:
MARRIED! SHE IS 21!
mad maddie:
whoa. is that what sorority girls do, get married their senior year? isn’t it called the “M.R.S.” degree or something?
SnowAngel:
I am NOT getting married my senior year, I promise you that.
mad maddie:
if you do, can I be a bridesmaid? will you be embarrassed to have a 200 lb bridesmaid in your entourage?
SnowAngel:
SnowAngel:
my inner critic is very loud today, so I wld appreciate a little kindness.
mad maddie:
hey, I’m making fun of ME, not you. I’ve seen the pics you’ve posted, and if you really have put on 15 lbs, which I doubt, it sure doesn’t show. right, Zo?
mad maddie:
Zo???
SnowAngel:
see? she doesn’t agree!
mad maddie:
no, she’s just off doing Important Science Things.
mad maddie:
believe what you want, Angela, but you are one sexy tamale.
Tues, Oct 22, 3:34 PM E.D.T.
SnowAngel:
oh! meant to tell y’all: I’ve been checking Jana’s Twitter feed every so often, and her FB, and, dudes . . .
SnowAngel:
this is going to sound mean, and maybe it is, but she’s put on *more* than fifteen pounds, and from the looks of it, the extra weight all ended up on her face.
SnowAngel:
she’s like . . . round. like she got stung by a bee. LOTS of bees.
SnowAngel:
I can’t even make fun of her cuz I feel sorry for her. remember in high school how we said that one day she’d have no friends cuz she’s so awful and treats ppl so badly?
SnowAngel:
I wonder if that’s happened now that she’s at college without her posse. like, maybe she’s eating out of loneliness?
SnowAngel:
her tweets are weird too.
SnowAngel:
like one was “bring out your dead.” what the . . . ?
SnowAngel:
another was “I almost cut myself today,” with a pic of the underside of her arm.
SnowAngel:
I guess it’s a Halloween thing, but it’s dumb and creepy and . . . and NEEDY. like she wants everyone to feel sorry for her cuz she “almost” cut herself.
SnowAngel:
I mean, maybe she was saying, “oops, I was slicing a bagel and I almost cut myself by accident,” but it didn’t seem like it, cuz she attached a pic of the underside of her arm.
SnowAngel:
*shakes it off*
SnowAngel:
anyway . . . I’m so glad I have both of you. that’s all.
Wed, Oct 23, 4:15 PM E.D.T.
zoegirl:
we’re having our last Special Olympics walk-through before the competition on Saturday. the kids are soooo cute.
mad maddie:
walk-through or wheel-through? as in WHEELchairs. get it? get it?
zoegirl:
*disapproving stare*
mad maddie:
oh, plz. was funny.
mad maddie:
if I were in a wheelchair, I’d want ppl to make jokes (if they were funny). I’d wanna be treated the same as anyone else, not as if I were some fragile flower.
zoegirl:
but they’re not all in wheelchairs. some are on crutches, some are amputees, some have prostheses.
mad maddie:
when you say “amputee,” does that mean that some of them are missing a leg? yikes. on the day of the competition, I sure hope they don’t get off on the wrong foot!
zoegirl:
Maddie!
mad maddie:
if you can’t laugh, you might as well be dead.
zoegirl:
why are we talking about this? how did this happen?
mad maddie:
because you want to feel sorry for mopey ppl. I want to tell mopers to STOP being sad, cuz what good does it do?
mad maddie:
if I’m feeling depressed, I say, “oh, shut up, self. it’s not like you lost a leg, so quit yer whining and grow up, loser.”
zoegirl:
but you’re not a loser
zoegirl:
and Mads, are you feeling depressed?
mad maddie:
no
zoegirl:
then why did you say that?
mad maddie:
dude, I say all sorts of things. and yes, I sometimes wonder if life has any meaning. don’t you?
zoegirl:
all right, rewind.
zoegirl:
but I know what it feels like to be depressed. you can tell me if you are, Mads.
mad maddie:
I’m not depressed. I’m just a nihilist. I’m in a what’s-the-point mode.
zoegirl:
the point is . . .
zoegirl:
the point is that life is so beautiful, even with the depressing parts thrown in. if you were here, if you saw these kids zooming around the gym, laughing and grinning and throwing balls at each other, no way would you say you’re a nihilist.
mad maddie:
all right, I’m not a nihilist. healed!
zoegirl:
you’re not telling me something. what are you not telling me?
zoegirl:
ok, no answer.
zoegirl:
do Zara and the Esbees know how you’re feeling?
mad maddie:
what? no.
mad maddie:
they don’t even know what the word “nihilist” means.
mad maddie:
well, actually I’m pretty sure they do. but they’re into DOING stuff, you know? and they’re fine with me hanging out with them, but holding my hand and patting my back wldn’t exactly be their thing.
zoegirl:
but they’re your friends! if you’re depressed, wouldn’t they want to know?
mad maddie:
to which I say: SINCE they’re my friends, I refuse to bug them with it.
mad maddie:
everything is golden, Zoe. seriously. just last night we came THIS CLOSE to flying to Vegas for a midweek let’s-be-crazy fling.