You’re Everything I Need: A Forbidden Romance

by Ford, Mia

  “It’s too much drama,” I remind myself. “Too much fucking drama.”

  The Trent thing, her family, all of it is too much. Although some of those obstacles are gone now, we’re further and further apart. I suppose that’s just a sign that nothing is ever going to happen. It wasn’t mean to be.

  “Did you find out what it was?” Sally leans against the door and smiles sadly at me.

  “Erm, yeah.” I rub my forehead hard. “She can’t work here any longer.”

  “Oh no, is that because something happened with you?”

  “Erm… I don’t know what it is. But she’s done. She isn’t coming back.”

  “Okay.” Sally seems to sense that I can’t talk about it any longer. “So, what next? Obviously, I don’t mind helping out but I can’t keep it up forever. You will need a personal assistant.”

  “Yep, I know. Put a job ad now. Let’s just see who we can get in.”

  Sally doesn’t leave for a moment, she continues to look at me. “Well, if there’s anything that you need to talk about, just know I’m here. Just so you know, I’m also going to try and get hold of Lexi so I can see her.”

  “Of course. I understand that. She’s a friend to you. I think she needs a friend right now.”

  Sally nods and walks away, leaving me alone and crushed. I want to scream out and cry, but of course I can’t. Whatever happens, I need to keep going. I have been through worse and survived. I can cope with more.

  * * *

  “So, the new girl will start properly tomorrow. Is that okay?” Sally shrugs her jacket on. “I have trained her a bit for now and I think she’s going to be good, okay?”

  “Yep, all good.” I smile thinly at Sally. I guess I kept thinking that Lexi would come back but she hasn’t spoken to me at all. She’s done all that she can to avoid me actually, which is annoying. Even on the times where I’ve taken Aubrey to Bessie’s house she hasn’t been there. That left me making the decision to leave Aubrey there alone for a few hours, during which time she does see Lexi. She comes home full of stories about her. “You off somewhere nice tonight? Friday night and all that?”

  “I’m actually going to see Lexi. She’s agreed to meet me.”

  My heart leaps up into my throat. I know where Sally and the girls drink. I could casually just be there. I could hang around and just see her for a moment. Maybe even ask her if she wants to talk to me…

  No, don’t be so pathetic, I remind myself. Lexi has made her decision. Don’t change her mind.

  “Oh right, well that’s nice. I hope you have a good time.” I nod slowly. “It’ll be good to see her, I’m sure.”

  “Do you have any messages that you want me to pass on?” The sympathy rolls off her tongue.

  Yes, tell her that I love her! Tell her that I want her back in my life. That I never should have let her go.

  “No, thank you. Just let me know how she is.”

  “Okay, well I will see you on Monday. Hope you have a nice weekend, Cooper.”

  “I hope you do too, Sally. Have a nice night tonight.”

  Sally leaves and I force myself to remain in my chair for a little while. I can’t get up until I’m sure that I won’t do anything rash. But it doesn’t last long. Soon I bolt up and I follow behind. My head is racing, I don’t know what my plan is but I can’t be this close to Lexi and not just see her. I just want to know that she’s okay.

  I race down the stairs two at a time and race across to the bar. I push up by a window and peer through, trying to get a good view. I know for a fact that I’m acting like a crazed stalker which will only put Lexi off me more but I cannot help it. I need to see her; I’m like a madman possessed by need.

  I lean up onto my tiptoes and scan my eyes everywhere, bursting my eyes through the crowd to find the one person that I’m looking for. I’m already a complete and utter mess, I don’t know what to do with myself.

  There she is… my heart stops beating when I see her, sitting at a table with Sally and Jenny laughing. There’s a tall glass of drink in front of her which she keeps rubbing her fingers up and down. She looks okay, not distressed like me. I’m fucking falling apart, almost a weeping mess just because I can see her, and she’s overjoyed.

  Okay, I tell myself reassuringly. She’s okay. That’s all I wanted to know. It’s fine.

  I step away, trying not to feel like I’m dying inside. She’s good without me, that’s the happiest that I’ve seen her in a very long time. I don’t even know what to do with that information. I suppose it only means that I need to continue on with getting over her. I haven’t exactly been doing the greatest job, so far.

  I stagger back towards the office and I grab my stuff to leave. My head is spinning, my stomach churning, but I decide to take this as the first day of the rest of my life. It’s time for me to finally find that inner strength I need to move on. It’s time to get back to just being me.

  44

  Lexi

  “Are you sure that you’re okay with this?” Flora grabs my hand and gives me a sympathetic smile. “I know that we’re here for you, but we totally understand if you want someone else here? This is your baby’s ultrasound. It might be better if you have… you know, the father of said baby here?”

  “Yeah, what she’s trying to say in her usual roundabout way is that we’re not sure this is the right thing for you to do,” Krysten interjects, being much blunter than Flora. “You should tell Cooper.”

  I shake my hand and wrap my hands protectively around my stomach. “No, I can’t.”

  “I know you’ve already explained it, but tell us again why not?”

  “Because he doesn’t want to know. He walked away from me, he would walk away from us.”

  “He walked away because you pushed him away.”

  “It wasn’t like that.” I shake my head hard. “I just told him that I need some space.”

  “Because you don’t know how you feel about what he did?”

  I sigh loudly. “I get it’s good that he got rid of Trent, but he refused to listen to me.”

  “Yeah, I know, but he was being a caveman, wasn’t he? Protecting you and all that.”

  “It was the way he went about it. It wasn’t right. I felt really wrong about it and I’m sick of that feeling.”

  “But he’s a good dad,” Flora pipes up once more. “He’s good with Aubrey. He would be good with your child as well. I don’t understand why you aren’t even giving him a chance.”

  “I know you don’t. But I’ve spent enough time with a guy who didn’t make me happy. I haven’t exactly been happy when I’ve been with Cooper, have I? There have been more tears than anything else.”

  “Not because of him though. It’s been life surrounding you causing the issues.”

  “No, I suppose not, but if the whole world is against us there has to be a reason for that.”

  “Not necessarily… Oh, I don’t know, I just don’t like it. I prefer it when you’re together.”

  “I do too. But it wasn’t meant to be. I can’t change what’s happened. It’s too late now.”

  “What I don’t understand is what you’ll do when he finds out.”

  “How will he find out?” I shrug and smile. “It’s not going to happen, it’s fine.”

  “You live in the same place as him. Plus, he’s very intertwined with your family. There’s no escaping that.”

  “They know not to tell him anything about me. It’s fine, I’m not worried about them blowing it.”

  “But you don’t think that you’re going to get away with it forever, do you?”

  “I’m trying my hardest not to worry forever. One step at a time is plenty for me.”

  “Flora, tell her,” Krysten demands. “I can’t stand this, it isn’t right.”

  “It isn’t up to us,” Flora replies. “I don’t like it either, but it isn’t our business.”

  I shoot Flora a grateful glance. I know that no one understands my choice, I barely do either, but for
now this is what’s right. My gut has always had the right answers for me, I’ve just spent my entire existence ignoring it. Now though, I want to hear what it has to say. I want to listen. I think it might be right.

  There are a lot of issues that I’m going to have to face when it comes to me and this baby, issues I haven’t even begin to figure out, such as money, I don’t know how we’re going to live, but I’m a strong as fuck independent woman, I can do anything. For my baby, who I already love more than anything in the world, I will do anything. The more I get used to the idea of being a mom, the more I’m okay with this idea.

  “Anyway, I have some gossip of my own…” Flora blushes brightly. “If that’s okay?”

  “Gossip?” I jump on this like it’s my saving grace. Sitting in a doctor’s waiting room isn’t the best place in the world to be anyway, especially not with all this anxiety circling through me. I need something else to focus on. “What’s going on with you, Flora? Ooh, I can tell by your expression this will be juicy.”

  “I’ve… met someone.” Her whole body turns a funny shade of red. “Someone I like a lot.”

  “You have?” I grip on to her arm, thrilled at the news. “Are you serious? That’s amazing! How?”

  “I… well, I’ve been talking to him only for a while now, even since before… well, you know, but then that all happened and I figured life was too short. I almost died, so if I want to do something, I do it.”

  I feel warm and cold all at once. This is good news, but at the same time it came from something bad. Soemthing that I will always blame myself for. “Oh, Flora, that’s amazing news. What is he like?”

  “He’s amazing. His name is Jay and he’s great. Really nice, I think you’ll like him.”

  “And how is he in the bedroom?” Krysten raises her eyebrow playfully. “Are you there yet?”

  “I can’t talk about that,” she squirms. “It’s embarrassing.”

  “Oh, please,” I chuckle. “We hear all about Krysten and Nick all the time. Every gory detail, and we’ve done nothing but talk about me and my love life for ages now. You can tell us.”

  “Well, there isn’t anything to tell anyway. It hasn’t happened yet, I’m keeping my body under wraps, I’m still trying to get used to it with the scar.” I gulp, agony radiating through me. “Oh, you don’t have to look at me like that, it’s Trent’s fault, not yours, and it’s fine anyway. It’s led me to making some bold choices. I really like Jay, and I honestly don’t think I would have got the courage up to meet him if it hadn’t happened.

  “Well, we’re really happy for you Flora. You deserve to be happy.”

  Actually, that’s so true. I would put Flora’s happiness before anything else. She is such a good friend and she’s been awesome with me through all of it. She hasn’t blamed me even once. I adore her. If I can’t have my happy-ever-after then that’s fine. As long as Flora can have it, that’s awesome.

  “Yeah, we should have a dinner or something all together at some point so we can meet him.”

  “You want to?” She looks so pleased. “I think that would be good.”

  “Of course! We need to check that he’s good enough for you. You’re a special chick who needs a decent guy.”

  “Lexi Headley?”

  “Oh, that’s me.” I glance down at my girls. “I’ll be back in a moment.”

  “Oh hell no.” Krysten jumps up. “We’re coming with you. We want to see your baby too.”

  “Yes, please, Lexi? If that’s okay with you.” Flora smiles. “I don’t want you to be alone.”

  I hold out my arms and allow them to link them. They walk with me into the ultrasound room and take chairs on the side of the ultrasound bed. I hope they both behave because I’m nervous as it is.

  “Right, Lexi, my name is Doctor Parker and I’m going to do your ultrasound today. If you wouldn’t mind taking a seat over here…” I does as she commands. “Now, do you have any questions for me?”

  I part my lips, but Krysten gets in first. “Yeah, can we find out the baby’s gender today?”

  “I don’t know if I want to know yet! I might make it a surprise.”

  “You can’t do that. How will we know what gifts to buy you?”

  “That really isn’t the point here, is it? This is about more than just buying stuff. There are neutral colors.”

  “I can’t tell you today anyway. That’s your five months’ ultrasound. Everything is far too small right now to tell. This is a dating scan and to check that everything is okay.” I nod and lie back. “Okay, so I’m going to lift your top up. Then I will put this gel on you. I just want to warn you that it’s very cold…”

  She squirts it on me and it makes me squirm and squeal. It’s colder than I thought it would be.

  “Yeah, sorry, I did warn you.” She smiles reassuringly at me. “Now I’m going to use this device to look.”

  She presses it to me and scans it across my belly. The black and white grainy image pops up onto the screen, looking like… well, I don’t really know what yet. Certainly not a baby. I try to prop myself up onto my elbows to take a better look but the doctor gently pushes me back down on the chair.

  “Where is the baby? I can’t see it yet.” Thank goodness, Krysten says it for me.

  “Hold on a moment, I just need to…” She wiggles the machine. “I need to find the picture…”

  “Is that the heartbeat?” Panic darts through me. “Why is it so fast? Is there something wrong here?”

  “That’s normal. A baby’s heartbeat is always double the speed in utero. They are all like that.”

  “Oh right, okay.” It doesn’t sound right though, I’m pretty freaked-out. “It’s normal. That’s good. Normal.”

  “If you just wait a moment… ah look. Here is your baby. Can you see much better now?”

  I see it. The outline. A head, a body, limbs; this is my baby right there in front of me. My heart stops dead in my chest, I completely freeze over. It’s real now, even more so than before. That right there is my baby looking back at me. My child. The one who in about six months’ time will be in my arms. I can almost feel it, the maternal side of me that I didn’t even know was there blooms to life, and actually I think it might be okay.

  I’m sure the endless sleepless nights will be hard, but I’ll cope. For my baby, I will cope. It will be fucking amazing, actually. I will throw everything into my child and raise him or her right.

  God, Mom is going to freak out, I think with a small smile. She will lose her shit.

  Right now, she knows that there’s something going on with me, but she doesn’t know what. Only Cassie is aware of what is going on with me, so at least she’ll be on my side when the time comes. She wants me to tell Cooper too, but thankfully she hasn’t pushed it at all. She’s respected me massively.

  “Oh wow.” I turn my head quickly to see my girls weeping like fucking babies themselves. I reach my hand to my cheek to feel it absolutely soaking. “That’s my baby, girls. Can you believe it?”

  They jump up and hug me as they much as they can. It’s awkward because of the position that I’m in but it feels nice all the same. I might be alone in this, but I won’t ever be totally by myself.

  Does it feel weird that I’m here without Cooper? Yes, of course it does. This moment could be totally different. Maybe if it had been a completely different circumstance it would be fine, but that’s not the case. I’m here, this is how it is. It could be so much worse, so I’m just grateful for what I have.

  “I’m going to ask you two to step back for a moment so I can complete the examination.”

  The girls step away from me but they don’t let go of my hand. It’s nice to have them here. It feels good.

  “Once I’ve finished I can get you some photographs if you like?”

  “A picture of my baby? Hell yeah, I would like that. Thank you so much! I would love that.”

  45

  Cooper

  “Aubrey loves that new slide set you
got her,” I tell Bessie with a smile. “Thank you for that.”

  “Oh, well she’s around so much more now. It makes sense to have a lot for her.”

  It feels good, I’m glad that I’ve managed to make more of an effort with the family. It isn’t something that I didn’t want to do anyway, I just never found the time. Now, I’m finding it so much easier to sort.

  “I have something else for her too, if you want to come and look…”

  Bessie heads towards the stairs so I follow behind her wondering what’s going on. She takes me right up to a small little bedroom that’s decorated beautifully, complete with a gorgeous pink bed and a massive toy box.

  “I don’t ever want to put the pressure on, Cooper, I know that it will be a huge step for you to do this after you’ve done so much by yourself, but if you ever want a night off, now you know that there is a place for Aubrey to stay. I haven’t shown her yet because I don’t want her to get carried away when she sees it…”

  “Oh, I’m so touched. I can’t believe it. This is beautiful. It’s so nice. I don’t know what to say.”

  “Oh well, you know how much we love Aubrey and you too.”

  “That’s so kind of you. I’m sure she would love to stay.”

  “That wardrobe is filled with clothing as well, so she can even stay in an emergency. It just makes sense now, doesn’t it? After what happened with Lexi before, I want to be prepared.”

  At the mere mention of Lexi’s name, a weird noise flies out of my mouth. I can’t help it. I keep trying to hold everything in but I don’t think I’m doing the best job of it. Even seeing Lexi happy wasn’t enough to cheer me up. It’s left me feeling like utter shit. I’m glad she’s alright, but I’m still crushed.

  “Speaking of which…” I drag my eyes to look at Bessie to see what she’s trying to say. “What’s going on?”

  “Erm… with what?” I have to avert my gaze again.

  “I know that we haven’t talked about it since the day she went missing and Cassie told me not to talk about it because things all went very wrong, but a lot of time has passed now, hasn’t it?”