You’re Everything I Need: A Forbidden Romance

by Ford, Mia

  “Yes,” I rasp back. “A lot of time has passed. “A lot of time has passed. Lexi has moved on now.”

  “She left the job with you, am I right?”

  “She did. And she hasn’t been in contact since.”

  “Have you tried to speak to her?”

  My chest tightens. This is a weird topic of conversation with anyone, never mind this person. Nora’s mother can’t honestly want to know for any other reason than to check it’s over and done with.

  “I haven’t. No, she’s moved on and…”

  “You haven’t, so you don’t even need to pretend.”

  “Yeah, okay, I haven’t,” I confess. “But I’m happy that she’s doing so well.”

  “Do you know that she’s doing well?”

  “I… I don’t know anything really. But I assume.”

  “Cooper.” Bessie turns to face me head on so I do the same. “Cooper. I know for a fact that you wouldn’t have gone anywhere near Lexi if she didn’t mean a lot to you. The potential fallout with the family isn’t something that you would chase, it is? You aren’t the sort of man who likes drama.”

  “Right…” I don’t know what she expects me to say to that.

  “So, I have to assume that this is something you really want in your life.”

  “It was…”

  “It is. So, what I don’t understand is why you aren’t fighting harder.”

  “Lexi doesn’t want the drama, she doesn’t need it. She chose to walk away from us because it’s hard.”

  “Right, and you’re willing to just accept that, are you?”

  “I… I don’t know what to say. This is a bit strange.”

  “I know, it is. It’s hard for me to think about Nora’s husband moving on with anyone because then she really is gone. But she’s gone anyway and she’s been gone for a while now. There’s no point in standing still, is there? My vivacious daughter wouldn’t have wanted that for you. You know that as well as I do. She would want you to move on and be happy, and if that’s with Lexi, then so be it.”

  I almost want to weep. That’s yet another major obstacle gone but it doesn’t make any difference. Lexi is out of touch anyway, she’s gone, she doesn’t want to know.

  “Well, I do appreciate that, Bessie, but she’s made up her mind…”

  “You think that’s what’s going on here? You think she doesn’t want you back?”

  “I don’t… no, because she would have gotten in touch with me.”

  “Sometimes, things change in people’s lives which makes it very hard for them to take action.”

  “Huh?” That doesn’t make any sense. I don’t get it. “What do you mean?”

  “I mean you shouldn’t give up fighting. I think you and Lexi have what it takes.”

  “It isn’t up to me…”

  “No, maybe not, but will you be able to forgive yourself if you walk away from this without even trying? Do you want to be asking yourself ‘what if’ forever? Surely, it will be better to find out for sure.”

  “I suppose, but what should I do?”

  “You should go and see her for a while. Speak to her, stop avoiding the difficult conversation.”

  “Just go to her? Just speak to her?”

  “I’ve just spoken to her. She’s at home now, you have some free time. Why not?”

  Then she turns and she walks away, leaving me alone in the bedroom that she’s set up for Aubrey with all of that confusion swimming around inside of me. Bessie actually wants me to be with Lexi which is a turn of events I don’t think any of us were expecting. It’s information that I want to do something with, but I can’t.

  I walk towards the window and watch Aubrey playing on her new swing set, with Bessie slowly walking towards her. She looks so happy here, so content with these people, I know I can leave her overnight if I want to. I wouldn’t have anything to worry about in the world. And I’m going now, it’s all arranged and sorted, I guess I just need to figure out where I’m going. I thought it would be home to get some stuff done, but Bessie now has my head spinning. Maybe Lexi and I do need to just have a conversation. It might not go the way that I want it to, but closure could be good to help me move on. Speaking calmer without all the yelling would be good.

  Oh, I don’t know. I told myself so many times that I need to just leave her alone to move on that it’s hard to shake that concept from my mind. It’s very difficult to move past any of it. I need some advice.

  I spin as I hear foot steps coming up the stairs, half wondering if Bessie was wrong and actually, Lexi is here. Maybe she’s turned up by surprise and Bessie has sent her right up to me. What will I say?

  “Oh, Cassie.” I’m relieved to find her wandering up the stairs, staring intently at a piece of paper in her hands. “It’s you. Do you have a moment? Do you mind if we have a quick chat?”

  She snatches the piece of paper away and hides it behind her back, her face paling as if she’s been caught doing something naughty. That immediately pulls my defenses high, I want to know what’s going on. My immediate reaction is that it’s something to do with me.

  “What do you have there, Cassie? Is something going on?”

  She reaches the top of the stairs and gives me a regretful smile. “So, what did you want to talk about?”

  “Erm…?” All of a sudden, all of that feels much less pressing. “She wants me to get back with Lexi.”

  “What? She said that?” Cassie claps her hand to her mouth, so shocked that the piece of paper flutters to the ground. I can’t help it, I dive to the ground to grab it, needing to know what it is. “No, don’t!”

  “An ultrasound.” I feel bad now. “I didn’t know that you were having a baby.”

  “Erm, right, no.” She grabs it back from me. “No one does, so keep it to yourself.”

  “But, this is a happy thing, isn’t it? I’m sure your family would love to know.”

  “I don’t want anyone to know anything yet. It isn’t like that.”

  “Cassie, is there something going on? You know that you can trust me, right?”

  “I know I can this is just… well, it’s tricky, that’s all.”

  I pull her in to Aubrey’s room and sit her on the bed. “Why is it tricky? Has something happened?”

  “Can we just not talk about it? Tell me what Mom said instead. She wants you to be with Lexi?”

  I huff loudly, knowing this isn’t where I want the conversation to go now, but if it’s what Cassie wants to discuss then so be it. We don’t have a choice. I can’t push her.

  “She basically told me that I need to find her, now if possible, and see what’s really going on with her. I think she’s over me, I’ve seen her and she looked over me, but Bessie suggested otherwise. Doesn’t it seem weird that she said that now? After everything that we’ve been through, it just feels odd.

  “I… I don’t know what to say to you, Cooper.”

  “You don’t have any idea why she would suddenly change her mind?”

  “Maybe she just sees how miserable you are now and she knows you could be happier. That makes sense, right? She might have seen it in Lexi as well and she’s just trying to change it.”

  “I don’t know. It feels like more than that. I can’t explain it.”

  Cassie pushes off the bed and she paces the room, looking like she has the weight of the world on her shoulders. Then she pauses by the window watching Aubrey like I was only moments before.

  “You’re a good father to that girl, you know that. Right?”

  “I try…” Strange change of subject. “And you will be a good mom too when the time comes.”

  “I’m not going to be a mom.”

  “Huh? Oh, is the ultrasound picture not yours? Sorry about that, I didn’t realize.”

  “No. It isn’t mine.”

  A thick silence clings to the air, one that I’m desperate to fill. “So, who’s is it? Someone who doesn’t want your family to know? Or anyone to know? Is there some big scan
dal?”

  She doesn’t say anything, she continues to stare out the window, watching the world go by. I gaze at the back of her head wondering what I’m missing. There clearly must be something. People don’t keep pregnancies a secret unless there’s some very serious reason why they wouldn’t want anyone to know…

  Oh my God.

  The mystery argument that made no sense, the abrupt leaving of work, the fact that she won’t now be anywhere around me, the mystery ultrasound picture, everything that Cassie just said…

  Oh my God.

  Everything stills. The whole world stops around me, I don’t know what to think. My mind races, my whole body trembles and shakes, I almost fall to the ground in shock.

  “I have to go, Cassie,” I cry out to her as I run from the room. “I will be back for Aubrey later on.”

  I don’t stop to think, I just tear from the house at the speed of light, the urge to see Lexi now overshadowing everything else.

  46

  Lexi

  Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.

  “Okay, okay, I’m coming.” I rub the wetness of my hair wondering who needs to see me so urgently. I grab the door and swing it open, about ready to let loose. “Whoa, what the hell are you doing here?”

  “I need to talk to you.” Cooper pushes past me without being invited inside. “Urgently.”

  “Erm…” I don’t know what to say to him, it’s been such a long time since we’ve even seen one another, never mind spoken. I’ve kept up to date with him through other people, Sally and my family, but that’s it. “What’s going on, Cooper? Why are you here all of a sudden? I don’t understand what’s going on.”

  “I need to talk to you, like I said, I’m very worried. I have some things that we really need to discuss.”

  “Like what? Haven’t we covered everything already? We don’t have anything left to say.”

  “Why did you leave me?” He turns to give me a glare. “Why did you cut me out?”

  “I thought it would be easier. I assumed we needed that space.”

  “Yeah, I suppose so, but why? Why couldn’t you let go of all what happened?”

  I fall into silence, unable to answer him. After everything that’s come since it does seem petty to focus on that. I don’t want to be that person any more. If it wasn’t for the while secret baby thing I might even consider letting him back in. But of course, that decision has been taken from me.

  “It just happened, Cooper,” I fight back. “We both knew it wasn’t going to work.”

  “We didn’t. You pushed me away. I keep trying to tell myself that but it isn’t right and you know it.”

  “I… we kept fighting. It wasn’t fun and you know it.”

  “We were fine. It was everything else.”

  “I suppose so, but if the whole world is against us then why keep fighting it?”

  “Your auntie sent me here today. Bessie wants us to be together.”

  I bite down on my bottom lip, knowing that’s the truth. She’s told me as much but I’ve had to push it down because I’ve had so much else to worry about. I can’t do everything at once.

  “So, what now, huh? What’s keeping you away from me now? If you don’t want me anymore just tell me. I need you to hear me say it because I can’t move on if I think we should be together and it’s just circumstance.”

  “I…” I need to say it, to set him free, but somehow, I can’t make myself do it. “I don’t know…”

  “You don’t know, which means you do know and you just don’t want to say it.”

  “I’m so scared. I’m scared to say anything, you know? I don’t know anymore.”

  “Don’t keep fighting it, Lexi. If you want to be with me then do it.”

  “It isn’t that simple. It isn’t ever that simple. That’s why it can’t happen.”

  “No, I know it isn’t. I know for a fact that there’s something you’re keeping from me.”

  “You… you know what?”

  “I don’t know for sure. I just suspect. I think it might…”

  “Cooper.” There’s a warning to my tone. “You need to go now. I need you to leave.”

  “Oh, I’m not going. You aren’t going to get rid of me that easily. Not when I know that you want me.”

  “Okay fine, I don’t want you. Is that what you need to hear? I don’t want you.”

  He grabs onto my wrists and stares into my eyes. “Just tell me the truth, Lexi. I need to hear the truth.”

  I could. The truth is right there, bubbling on my lips. I know that I could quite easily get it out in the open and just be done with all of this. The secrecy doesn’t feel quite right anyway, I don’t like it too much, Krysten and Flora, plus everyone else, they are all right. He does deserve to know, there’s no reason to keep him in the dark.

  So, why can’t I get the words out?

  “You… you rejected me.” I push him off and step back, creating a chasm. “You didn’t want me.”

  “What the fuck are you talking about? You rejected me.”

  Yeah, he’s right I did. Over and over again. “So, why are you here then?”

  “Because I don’t buy it. I don’t. I know that you’re lying and you know it too. Tell me the truth.”

  “What do you want to hear, Cooper? Tell me what to say?”

  “I can’t fucking stand this. Why do you keep lying? It doesn’t make any sense. What have I done to deserve it? Why can’t you just stop this bullshit and just tell me? Talk to me, you used to talk to me.”

  I know that he’s right, and I know that I should just do what he commands, but somehow, I can’t make it happen. There’s something blocking me, something telling me this isn’t the right thing to do. It’s my gut again, freaking out, telling me that this isn’t the right way to steer and I have to keep listening to it.

  “You need to accept that this is all done. There isn’t anything you can do.”

  “No, fuck that, Lexi, that’s not the truth.”

  “It’s as true as you’re going to get if you don’t leave. I mean it, Cooper. I have had enough.”

  “Fine.” He takes a seat on my couch. “Then I guess we aren’t going anywhere.”

  “I will go if you don’t,” I warn him. “I’m seriously done right now.”

  “You go then, because I’m not. I refuse. I can’t do this anymore.”

  I storm towards the door, hoping that the warning will be enough, but it isn’t. He doesn’t even move a muscle. I grab my cell phone, swing the door open so loudly it bangs against the wall, then I storm away. As I go, I put in a call to Cassie, the one person who might be able to make sense of this.

  “Are you okay?” she demands the moment she picks up. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…”

  “Didn’t mean what? What the fuck is going on, Cassie?”

  “Have you not seen Cooper yet?”

  She knows… the fact that she knows means this runs much deeper than it should. “Yes, why?”

  “What did he say? I didn’t mean for him to see?”

  “To see what? What the hell is going on here? He stormed up to my apartment after I haven’t seen him for ages, sprouting all this wild stuff that doesn’t make any sense at all.”

  “He… he saw me looking at the ultrasound picture.”

  “He did?” Fuck. I tug on the ends of my hair in distress. “What did you tell him?”

  “I didn’t tell him anything but I guess since he came straight to you he figured it out.”

  I glance down, glad that I have a giant smock on today, covering up my small bump. At the moment, I just look like I had a big lunch, which is okay, but I can’t hide it forever. Especially now he seems suspicious.

  “Oh God, Cassie, what am I going to do?” I groan loudly. “This is too much. I hate it.”

  “Just get it out in the open, Lexi. Hiding away isn’t the right option and you know it.”

  I glance up the length of my apartment building knowing that he’s inside. I need to
brave it. I have to go upstairs to face the truth, even if it kills me.

  “I’m scared, Cassie, so scared that he’s going to walk away.”

  “But you’ve already walked away.”

  “Exactly, so I was in control. I made the choice. I don’t want him to do it.”

  “What’s the difference? The end result is the same.”

  “Maybe on the surface, but it’ll be different to me, won’t it? I don’t think I can handle it.”

  “Honestly, Lexi, I don’t want to be a massive bitch about it, but I don’t think you have a choice.”

  I sigh loudly. “I know you’re right. I know it, it’s just hard to accept.”

  “It’s harder to keep pushing it down and avoiding it forever. The longer you leave this, the harder it will be.”

  “I know.” I grab my forehead, willing the brand new headache away. “I know. I just wish that I could have more control over the situation. I don’t want it to be thrown upon me.”

  “Yeah, but we don’t always get what we want, do we?”

  “No, I know.” I pout out my bottom lip. “Okay, thanks, Cassie.”

  “You’re welcome, Lexi. I love you and I’m here for you.”

  “I love you too.”

  I hang up the phone and stare at it for a while, needing a couple more minutes to process this. I want to stall for just a couple more moments, so I fire off a message in the group text to my friends.

  Lexi: Help! Cooper knows, what do I do?

  Krysten: What do you mean? How did he find out? Is he there now? How did he take it?

  Lexi: He hasn’t admitted that he knows yet, he wants me to tell him.

  Flora: I think it’s time for you to just tell him.

  Lexi: I’m so scared. I don’t know what to do. Can you come here?

  Krysten: You need to face this alone, babe, but we’re here for you afterwards.

  Krysten: Just think, it can’t be worse than telling your mother.

  Lexi: Don’t remind me. I still haven’t told her yet. Now I have something else to worry about…

  Flora: He’s a good guy, Lexi, please don’t forget that about him.