Take a Breath (Take 1)

by Jaimie Roberts

  I wash myself off, get dried and eventually dressed. I feel deflated, I wish I could talk to someone about this but I can’t say anything. I think about giving Jessie a call, she would know what to do, but I can’t tell her who it’s all about. I pick up the phone and dial her number anyway, my body seeming to go through the motions. She answers the phone and I say hi.

  “Ana, is that you?” A sob escapes me, I can’t help it. “Ana, what’s wrong, do you want me to come over, Ana, are you hurt, talk to me?”

  “Sorry to trouble you Jessie, I didn’t know what else to do.”

  Jessie sighs, “Ana, you’re my best friend, if there is something bothering you I want it to be me that you come to for help. I know I can be a bit of a handful and joke around and shit, but if you need me I’m here. That’s what friends are for right?”

  I let out another sob as her words settle in. “Thanks Jessie.”

  She takes a deep breath, “Now tell me Missy, how can Auntie Jessie help you today?”

  I laugh down the phone already feeling a little better. “I’m in love Jessie.” The sudden words flying out my mouth feel a huge weight off my shoulders.

  “So what has this asshole done, he’s obviously done something to you as you wouldn’t be ringing me in tears? Give me his address and I’ll go round and rip his throat out, do I know him? Who is he and why have you not told me about him before?”

  Oh no, of course she was going to ask me that. “It’s complicated Jessie, I can’t say.”

  She sighs again, “He’s married isn’t he? Ana, don’t get mixed up with married men, you’ll only get heartache at the end of it and there are so many single men out there you can pick...”

  I have to stop her. “Jessie, it’s ok, he’s not married exactly, it’s just complicated. Please just trust me enough that I can’t tell you who it is but that I need your help, please.”

  I hear her clear her throat, “Ok Ana, I don’t like it but I won’t push you. Can I ask at least what happened?”

  My head spins, where do I start? “I have liked this person for a while and I have just recently found out he likes me too, well at least I think he does, but every time I think we are getting somewhere he pushes me away. I’m exhausted with it and don’t know what else to do.” I feel a bit better knowing I have at least shared some of the burden now.

  “Can I at least ask if this person will be at the party tomorrow?”

  I forgot all about that. Jake is having a barbecue tomorrow afternoon and has invited a lot of the gang over. My stomach ties in knots with the thought of it now. “I believe he is coming, yes.” I hate lying to her about this but I can’t tell her the truth, it’s too much.

  “Well then Miss Thang, I know exactly what you need to do. Tomorrow morning you are going to go out and pamper yourself silly, get a facial, get your hair done, nails, the lot. Then I want you to buy yourself a knockout dress and then at this party you will throw everyone's socks off including this asshole and you will flirt with every man except him until he realises what he’s missing. You got that?”

  I can’t help but laugh. “You said all that without taking a breath Jessie.”

  She snorts, “Well, he’s an asshole, whoever he is.”

  I chuckle again, “You said that three times already.” I’m feeling much better now.

  “Well, he is.”

  I feel sad and thinking out loud I say, “I wish you were coming tomorrow.”

  She sighs again, “Me too, I can’t get out of this, my mom will kill me if I miss my cousin's wedding. I’m sure you will be fine. Are you going to take Auntie Jessie’s advice?”

  I’m thinking that I will. I feel suddenly pissed off with Jake and I would like to teach him a bit of a lesson. I just hope it works. “I think I will Jessie, thanks for that, I feel a lot better. I’ll text you either Saturday night or Sunday morning and let you know how I got on.” I can hear movement in the background. “Ok Ana, as long as it’s not too early Sunday. Look I got to go now; I have to start packing so I can get to Williamsburg by tonight. Speak soon ok and keep your chin up girl.”

  I know what’s coming next so we say in unison, “And don’t let the bastards get you down.” We both laugh together, “See, that’s better, now take care of yourself Ana, you hear me?”

  I roll my eyes, “Yes, Auntie Jessie, now go have fun and be careful on the roads.” Traffic can be terrible on the 495. We say our goodbyes and I think of Jessie’s plan.

  I have been saving money for a while now so I can get my own place. I would like to own my own home rather than rent so I have been trying like mad to get a deposit gathered. On the other hand I haven’t treated myself for a while and it has been a long time since I got a hair cut or went shopping. I look across to the floor at my ripped bikini bottoms. I suppose I will need to get a new swimsuit now too. My heart sinks again.

  I spend most of the day sulking in my room, but around five I start to feel hungry. I don’t want to go downstairs but I need to eat. This is ridiculous! I take a step out of my room and creep along the landing. The house is beautiful; a huge arch window greets me as I gaze out a few seconds at the beautiful day I’m missing. I sigh to myself. I head down the stairs quickly passing through the empty living room and into the kitchen. I don’t think Jake is in the house. I let out a huge sigh of relief and get on with making myself a ham and Philadelphia sandwich. I grab a few lays crisps to snack on after and pour myself an orange juice. I sit down at the breakfast bar and get on devouring my sandwich. I didn’t realise how hungry I was. Once I’m finished I wash up and put everything away. I grab myself an apple and head upstairs again. Wherever Jake is I don’t want to be around when he gets back.

  I searched the internet for a while looking for some dresses and shoes and I book my hair appointment at Tyson’s Corner for 12.30pm, conscious that the party starts at 4pm. I gaze outside and only realise that night is upon us and its 9pm. I’m wired up and exhausted at the same time. I need to clear my head. A run is probably the best solution. I grab my kit and get ready. It is muggy outside but at least the sun is down and the more I think about it the more I feel I need this. I get dressed and put my hair up in a high ponytail to keep the sweat away from my hair. I run downstairs and see Jake is on the sofa. I quickly move to the door and open it.

  “Ana, where are you going?”

  I don’t look around; I can’t believe he wants to know where I’m going. Isn’t it obvious what I’m doing? I quickly run out the door and shut it behind me starting a steady pace.

  I hear the door open behind me, “Ana, come back you can’t go out. ANA.”

  How dare he talk to me like that, who does he think he is? I quickly get out of earshot and make my way around the main roads so I am not on my own too often. There are plenty of people walking their dogs so I feel safe. I put my iPod on and start listening to music to keep me going. My adrenaline is pumping and in my own little world trying desperately not to think about Jake’s every touch. I quickly snap out of it wondering how long I’ve been out. I look at my watch and see its 10pm, shit I must head back now as it’s getting late. I’m only a mile away from home now so it will not take me long. I turn around the last corner before heading home and I see a group of young boys. I instantly tense as I get nearer to them. They all look up and see me which is the last thing I wanted.

  “Hey pretty lady are you having a nice run?”

  I study him a moment, he doesn’t look very old about 19 with short cropped brown hair. There’s another two with blonde hair, possibly brothers, but I don’t want to stay any longer to notice. I try and pass the guy who spoke to me but he blocks my path.

  “So what is a girl like you doing out so late on your own? There are some terrible people about you know.”

  I look into his soulless brown eyes, “Do you mind moving out of the way please? I can’t get home and be safe away from the terrible people if you’re blocking my path now, can I?” He laughs obviously finding my statement amusing.

/>   “Pretty and witty guys and with a British accent, you know we were just off to a party, would you like to come?”

  The other two are getting closer to me now and I’m starting to panic. I’m about to speak when I see that their eyes are no longer on me any longer. I jump at the sound of his voice.

  “I think you boys better be running along don’t you?”

  They all step back but the brown haired boy tries to regain some of his cockiness.

  “Look Mr, it ain’t none of your business ok, we were just chatting to the pretty lady here that’s all.”

  He storms past me and grabs the boy by his neck and lifts him up like he was made of straw, causing him to choke. The other two steps back in horror watching the scene unfold.

  “I won’t ask you again young man; take a hike before I really lose my temper. Do you hear me?”

  I eventually find my voice, “Jake for god’s sake, put the boy down.” The boy is starting to turn a funny colour and I was a little uncertain of how much of a hold he has on the situation. Luckily Jake puts him down and the lad starts choking trying to catch his breath.

  “Look, I’m sorry Mr ok, I didn’t realise she was your girl and all, we just wanted to ask her out to a party. We didn’t mean any harm.”

  He looks over to me and pants, “Sorry lady ok, we’ll be on our way.”

  I nod my approval and quickly turn to walk back home. Jake grabs my arm and spins me around. He’s mad Jake again and it’s becoming a bit of a habit. “I told you not to go out Ana, if I hadn’t of turned up…”

  I pull my arm away, “Nothing would have happened; now I’m going home.”

  He lets out a heavy sigh, “Ana, there is a mad man going around killing girls with blonde hair and blue eyes, you’re practically advertising yourself out here running on your own at this time of night. You can’t be out here, it’s too dangerous.”

  I open my mouth in shock; I can’t believe he is ordering me about. He is right about the killer, but I just can’t believe the gall of the man. “Being a protective father again are we Jake?” He winces at my words and I’m feeling the tears sting again. “I’m going home now.” I take off and run towards the house, feeling Jake’s eyes watching me as I go.

  I get back in and run upstairs. I’m sweaty and exhausted. I jump in the shower and have a quick wash and get into my comfy pyjamas. Right now I need the comfort. I lie in bed and get out a book to read but I’m so pumped. I feel anger and sorrow, emotions I’m having a hard time coping with. Why do I feel so hard for this man? I need to get away, but it’s like I’m fixed to this house and I can’t move. I don’t feel strong, I’m not Ana anymore, I’m like a stranger and I don’t like it. When is this pain ever going to disappear?

  Chapter 10

  I don’t know what time I nodded off in the end, but I wake up and the sun is once again shining through the window, daring me to get up. I look at my alarm clock and spot that it’s after 11am. What’s wrong with me lately, I keep getting up late? I jump out of bed and head straight for the shower. I dry myself off and get dressed. Its then I decide to pick up my phone and text Jessie.

  I decided to take your advice.

  Heading to my hair appointment

  and to buy my new dress. Take care and

  have a great time at the wedding.xx

  It is not long before I hear the dulcet tones of a text message.

  Great! Remember to knock his socks off

  and flirt with every guy in the room.

  Off to get my hair done now and

  fit in to this lemon dress my

  cousin is making me wear!

  Take care, have fun. Love u.xx

  After five minutes of trying to find my car keys I quickly grab my bag and head out. I walk down the stairs and all is quiet again. I turn towards the garage door to get my car.

  It’s a normal busy Saturday, lots of cars around with people doing their shopping. I manage to find a space after a while of searching and once out of the car I’m longing for some release from the heat of the day already. I get to the door and a lovely gentleman with dark olive skin, cropped brown hair and light brown eyes opens the door for me. He gives me a wide grin and I say thank you, to which he replies, ‘You’re welcome Senorita.’

  I pass through and feel his gaze on my back, but I carry on. I have a mission to accomplish. I get to the salon by 12.20pm and breathe a sigh of relief that stage one is complete.

  Jamal my hairdresser comes bounding over. He’s black, tall and skinny and as gay as they come. He is a brilliant guy and always sends me into hysterics when I am here.

  “Hey girl, where have you been? I haven’t seen you in months. Has some sweet hunk of a man been hiding you away from me?”

  I laugh and give him a hug. “I wish Jamal. Why do you think I’m here? I need to show him what I got; do you think you could help me?” Jamal frowns then shows me the biggest grin.

  “Hey girl, whoever he is first of all he needs a good slap. Second of all, could he be gay cos you could send his mighty fine ass over to me whoever he is?”

  I laugh, “Jamal, how on earth do you know whether he is fine or not?”

  He looks at me and frowns, “Girl, have you seen you? If it wasn’t for the fact I’m a total man’s man, I would be in your panties quicker than a policeman on a Dunkin’ donut.”

  I gasp in shock, “Jamal, stop it!”

  “I’m sorry girl but it’s true. He must be damn fine, anyway who is he so I can go and kick his straight ass some sense?”

  I slump and heave out a big sigh, “It’s complicated, but he will be at a party later this afternoon and I want to look my best.”

  “Well, you have come to the right place sweet cheeks. Marissa, get my girl here made up and then I’ll do her hair.”

  “Jamal, it’s ok, I can do my makeup later.”

  He waves his finger at me, “Ana, do not argue with Jamal. By the time we get done with you, he’ll be begging you to take him back.”

  I give him a sweet smile. “Thanks Jamal, I appreciate it.”

  “No worries Ana and it’s on me.”

  I gasp, “No, I couldn’t.”

  He looks affronted, “Shh, now hush yourself girl, I insist. Now go to Marissa, she’s the best in Virginia.”

  I smile at him relenting and turn to see a beaming Marissa staring at me.

  “Well, aren’t you a pretty girl, looks like you will make my job very easy for me today.”

  Marissa was great, very bubbly blonde haired lady with brown eyes. Her hair and makeup were as pristine as you would imagine and she had a beauty spot on her right cheek. Wasn’t sure if it were real, but didn’t want to get too close to confirm my suspicions.

  I was impressed with the way Marissa had done my makeup, I was a transformed woman. Thank goodness she didn’t plaster too much on. I hate it when women wear too much face paint; I never think it looks right. My face looked fresh with a touch of red on the cheeks. My eyes were very lightly coloured brown and my lips had a lovely rosy tinted shine. I must admit, she was good. “Marissa, I’m so grateful, thank you. It looks great.”

  She beams at me, “Just remember me when this guy you’re trying to impress asks you to marry him and you’re trying to find someone to do your makeup for your special day.”

  I turn from the mirror about to contradict her when Jamal pipes up, “Marissa, she looks wonderful, well done girl now Ana, come with me.”

  I look around to Marissa and thank her before I get plopped down in my seat to have my hair washed. A young girl called Betsy washed my hair; she was only 17 and did this every Saturday to give her some pocket money. She didn’t like to rely on her parents to provide for her and I admired her independence. After she was done I tipped her $5 and she was ecstatic. I walked over to Jamal’s station and sat down.

  “Curls, lots of luscious curls, how does that sound?”

  I nod my agreement. “Sounds fantastic Jamal, bring it on. I trust you.” He went to work on my
hair and half an hour later I was transformed from fairly straight hair into lots of luscious curls just like he said. “Wow Jamal, thank you. I would never to be able to do this myself.” He blushes and I get up to give him a hug.

  “Now, you go get him tiger.”

  I say my thanks and pay at the till. I insisted on paying for the Makeup but Jamal wouldn’t have any of it so I tipped him generously. I say my goodbyes and head out the door. Stage two complete, now stage three, the dress. I look around a few stores and eventually head into Bloomingdales where I try on a few things. In the end I settle for a lovely figure hugging Geranium coloured dress and to my surprise, I also find a nice black and white striped bikini to replace my old one. I check the time and it’s now 2.30pm so better be getting back. With stage three complete I now move on to stage four, to get home with plenty of time.

  Chapter 11

  I came back from the mall feeling refreshed. I feel a little nervous about what to expect but I know I must do this. It is now or never. I get to the door bags in tow hoping and praying that Jake won’t be in the living room when I walk in. I put the key in tentatively and hold my breath. I push the door gently and peek into a vast space. He’s not here. My shoulders sag as I breathe a sigh of relief. He must be outside getting the barbeque ready. I quietly shut the door behind me and rush upstairs. It is now 3:20pm, so guests will be arriving soon. I get into my room and shut the door. Mission five is now complete. Now for the hardest part, mission six. The butterflies are getting stronger now. I’m starting to wonder if I can even do this. Who am I kidding, he doesn’t want me and the more he’s fighting me off the more I just seem to be behaving like a spoilt child that’s stamping her foot because she’s not getting her own way. Is this really hopeless? I’ve spent all this time and energy today on all this and people will be expecting me to be there so I can’t back down now.