the Ring (1980)

by Steel, Danielle

  But Ruth's mind was turned in an entirely different direction. It occurred to her that having a young girl as pretty as Ariana afoot would distract him, too. Despite the fatigue that continued to pull her, the girl had blossomed in the brief two weeks. She had the most perfect complexion Ruth had ever seen on another living human being it was like a perfect peach velvet, her eyes like heather kissed with dew. Her laughter was bright and sunny, her body lithe and graceful, her mind sharp. She would have been a gift to any mother, and the thought of that did not escape Ruth Liebman whenever she worried about Paul. But she couldn't only think of Paul now; she had to consider Ariana, too, which reminded her that there had been something she wanted to ask her. She narrowed her eyes now as she looked at Ariana, who felt suddenly like a very small child beneath that gaze. Tell me something, young lady, why didn't you tell me that you fainted yesterday morning? I saw you at lunchtime, and you told me you were fine. The servants had told her that afternoon.

  I was fine by then. She smiled at Ruth, but Ruth did not look pleased.

  I want you to tell me when those things happen. Do you understand that, Ariana?

  Yes, Aunt Ruth. It was the name they had decided was most comfortable.

  How often has that happened?

  Only once or twice. I think it just happens when I'm very tired or when I don't eat.

  Which, from what I can see, is all the time. You're not eating enough, young lady.

  Yes, ma'am.

  Never mind that. If you faint again, I want to be told immediately, and by you, not by the servants. Is that clear?

  Yes, I'm sorry. I just didn't want to worry you.

  So worry me a little. It worries me more if I feel I'm not being told. And then her face softened again and Ariana smiled. Please, darling, I really worry about you. And it's important that in these first few months we take especially good care of your health. If you're careful to recover properly now, you won't have ugly reminders of the past forever. But if you don't take care of yourself, you may pay for it for the rest of your life.

  I'm sorry, Aunt Ruth.

  Don't be sorry. Just take care of yourself. And if you continue fainting, I want to take you back to our doctor. All right? He had already seen her at the hospital before she checked out.

  I promise I'll let you know next time. But don't worry about me, you're going to be busy enough next week with Paul. Will he have to be confined to his bed?

  No. I think he ought to be able to manage, as long as he's careful. I'll have to follow around after both of you to make sure you take care of yourselves.

  But Ruth didn't have far to follow after her son when he got home. When they told him the news of Joanie's marriage, he was so overwhelmed that he spent two days locked in his room. He let no one in, not even his sisters, and it was his father who at last prevailed and convinced him to emerge. When he did, he looked ghastly, exhausted, unshaven. But the rest of the family looked almost as bad. After the long years of terror and worry, to have him home at last, and so distraught over the broken engagement, made them ache with frustration at his pain. But in a roar of anger his father had finally accused him of self-indulgence and childish pouting, and his own anger at his father's words had at last brought him out of his shell. He appeared at breakfast the next morning, clean-shaven, pale, and red-eyed, and although he spoke tersely to all present, he was at least there. It wasn't until the end of the meal that he addressed anyone. He had been staring angrily at everyone, except Ariana, whom he didn't seem to see at all. And then suddenly, as though someone had hit him on the shoulder, he looked across the table at her with a look of surprise.

  For a moment she wasn't sure whether to smile at him or just to sit there. She was almost terrified to acknowledge the look in his eyes. It was a piercing stare that went to the very core of her being, questioning her presence in his home, at his table, silently asking her why she was there. Following her instincts, she nodded and then averted her eyes, but she could feel his gaze on her for endless moments, and when she looked up at him again, there seemed to be a thousand questions in his eyes.

  What part of Germany did you come from? He didn't say her name, and the question fell strangely into his parents' conversation as he speared her with his eyes.

  She looked him straight in the eye. Berlin.

  He nodded, his brows suddenly knit together. Did you see it after the fall?

  Only briefly. Ruth and Samuel exchanged uncomfortable glances but Ariana didn't waver. Only her hands trembled slightly as she buttered a small piece of toast.

  How was it? He eyed her with increasing interest. In the Pacific, they had only heard distant rumors of what the fall of Berlin had been like.

  But for Ariana the question conjured up a sudden vision of Manfred in the stack of bodies outside the Reichstag, and involuntarily she closed her eyes, as though that gesture could banish the memory, as though anything ever could. For a moment there was a terrible silence at the table, and then Ruth stepped rapidly into the gap.

  I don't think any of us needs to discuss things like that. At least not now, and not at breakfast. She looked worriedly at Ariana, who had once again opened her eyes, but they were heavily veiled with tears.

  Ariana shook her head gently and without thinking stretched a hand across the table to Paul. I'm sorry ' it's just ' it's so ' There was a little catch in her throat. .' it is very ' difficult ' for me to remember ' The tears were rolling openly down her face now. I lost ' so much. ' And then suddenly there were tears in Paul's eyes and his hands reached across the table and took hers lightly in their grasp.

  I'm the one who's sorry. I was very stupid. I won't ever ask you anything like that again. She nodded with a small grateful smile, and then carefully he stood up, walked to her side, and with his linen napkin he wiped the tears from her face. There was total silence in the dining room as he did it, and then quietly the rest of the family collected themselves and went on as before. But a bond seemed to form rapidly between them and she sensed him a friend.

  He was as tall as his father but he still had the narrow frame of a very young man. He had the rich dark brown eyes of his mother, and almost raven black hair like the girls', but she knew from photographs that his smile was different from all the others'. It broke across his face with a great splash of excitement, cutting an ivory path of radiance across his otherwise serious face. It was the most serious side Ariana had seen that morning, when he seemed almost sultry, with the black brows knit, the dark eyes angry, like a hurricane gathering and waiting to empty the ire of the heavens on cue. One almost expected thunder and lightning when he looked like that. Thinking of it made her smile as she slipped into a white cotton dress and the cork-soled Wedgie sandals that she and Julia had both bought a few days before. Ruth had insisted that she go shopping and buy a few more things. But Ariana still didn't know what to do about this constant generosity they showered on her. The only solution she could come up with was to keep an elaborate record, and later when she felt well enough to get a job, she would repay them for the hats, the coats, the dresses, the underwear, the shoes. The armoire in her bedroom was rapidly filling with lovely clothes.

  As for the rings she still kept hidden, she couldn't think of selling them. Not now. They were the only security she had left. She fingered her mother's rings now and then, and once she had been tempted to show Ruth, but she was afraid that it would seem as though she were showing off. And the rings from Manfred were still much too big for her with all the weight she'd lost. She would like to wear Manfred's rings. In a different way than her mother's, she felt that Manfred's rings were part of her soul, just as Manfred was, and always would be. She would have liked to tell the Liebmans about him, but it was too late. And anyway, to explain to them that she had been married and that her husband had died, too, was more than she could bear to tell them, more than she could stand to think of, and perhaps also more than they cared to hear.

  What are you looking so serious about, Ariana? Julia ha
d slipped into her room with a small smile. She was wearing the twin pair of sandals, and Ariana looked at the young girl's feet and smiled.

  Nothing special. I like our new shoes.

  So do I. Do you want to come out with my brother?

  Wouldn't the three of you rather be alone?

  No, he's not like Simon was. Paul and I always get into fights, and then he picks on Debbie, and then we all start yelling' She grinned at Ariana invitingly, half woman, half girl. Doesn't that sound appealing? Come on, you'll have a ball.

  You know, maybe you're just assuming that's how he'll behave. He's been at war for two years since you last saw him, Julia. He may have changed a lot She had already glimpsed that herself at the table that morning.

  But Julia only raised her eyebrows. Not judging from the performance over Joanie. Gee, Ariana, she wasn't even all that nice. He was just mad that she went off with someone else. And Julia giggled unkindly you should see her she stuck her arms way out front "she looks like an elephant since she got pregnant. Mother and I saw her last week.

  Did you? The voice in the doorway was frigid. Well, I'll thank you not to discuss it. With me or anyone else in this house. Paul strolled into the room, looking livid. Julia turned scarlet in embarrassment at being caught gossiping about his affairs.

  I'm sorry. I didn't know you were standing right there.

  Apparently. But as he gazed at her haughtily, Ariana suddenly realized the part he was playing. He was only a boy after all, pretending to be a man. And he had been hurt. Perhaps that was why he had attempted to comfort her pain. He looked in an odd way much like Gerhard. And as she watched him then, she couldn't help smiling softly, and when Paul saw her, he looked at her for a long moment, and then he smiled, too. I'm sorry if I was rude, Ariana. And then after a moment, I'm afraid I've been rude to everyone since I came home. He was indeed much like Gerhard, and she felt more kindly to him now because of it. Their eyes met warmly and held.

  You had good reason to. I'm sure it must be very difficult to come home after so long. A lot of things have changed.

  But he only smiled at her in answer, and then he spoke softly. Some things even change for the good.

  They drove to Sheepshead Bay out in Brooklyn to eat oysters, down to the tip of Manhattan to glimpse the Statue of Liberty Ariana had been too sick to see a few weeks before; they drove slowly up Fifth Avenue, and then Paul took them over to Third Avenue so he could race along beneath the elevated train. But as they raced across the cobblestones of Third Avenue, Ariana became noticeably green.

  Sorry, old girl.

  It's nothing. She looked embarrassed.

  Paul was grinning at her good-naturedly. It would have been something if you'd got sick in my mother's new car. Even Ariana had to laugh at that, and the group continued on to Central Park, where they picnicked happily by the boat pond and eventually wandered down to laugh at the animals at the zoo. The monkeys were all cavorting in their cages, the sun was high and warm, it was a perfect June afternoon, and they were all young together. And for the first time since she had lost Manfred, Ariana thought that she felt truly happy again.

  Hey, what are we doing this summer? Paul broached the subject at dinner that night. Are we staying in town?

  The parents glanced at each other quickly. Paul always was the one to get things moving. It took some adjusting to get used to his being at home. Well, we weren't sure what your plans would be, darling. Ruth smiled at him as she served herself some roast beef from the large silver tray being held by one of the maids. I had thought about renting something in Connecticut or out on Long Island, but your father and I hadn't made any decisions yet. After Simon's death they had sold their old country house in upstate New York. The memories there had been far too painful.

  Which brings to mind, his father tossed at him casually, that you have a few other decisions to make first. But there's no hurry, Paul. You just got home. He was referring to the office in his own firm, which was being redecorated for his son.

  I think we have a lot to talk about, Father. He looked directly at the elder Liebman and the old man smiled.

  Do you? Then why don't you come downtown and have lunch with me tomorrow? He would have his secretary have special trays sent in from their kitchens just below the boardrooms.

  I'd like that.

  What Sam Liebman wasn't prepared for was that his son wanted to negotiate a Cadillac roadster, and he wanted to have one last idle summer before he went to work for his father in the fall. But even Sam had to admit that it made sense for the boy to do that. He was only twenty-two, and if he had been finishing college, the same rules would have applied. He had a right to one last fling, one summer, and the car wasn't so much to ask. They were grateful to have him home now ' grateful that he had come home at all' .

  At four o'clock that afternoon Paul stood in Ariana's open bedroom doorway; he was surprised to find her alone. Well, I did it. He looked quiet but victorious, and for an instant he looked more man than boy.

  What did you do, Paul? She smiled at him and waved a hand toward a chair. Come in and sit down and tell me what you did.

  I got my father to give me a summer holiday before I go to work for him in the fall. And he beamed at her, once more a boy "he's giving me a Cadillac roadster. How does that sound?

  Amazing. She had only seen one Cadillac in Germany before the war, and she could barely remember it. She was sure it hadn't been a roadster. This was a whole new world. What does it look like, this Cadillac roadster?

  A perfect beauty of a car. Can you drive, Ariana? He looked at her with a curious smile, and her brow clouded.

  Yes, I can.

  He didn't know what had happened, but he knew that he had revived some old pain. Gently he reached out and took her hand then, and he reminded her more than ever of Gerhard as she fought back tears. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked you. It's just that sometimes I forget I shouldn't ask you questions about your past.

  Don't be silly. She held on to his hand more tightly. She wanted him to know that he had done no harm, You can't always treat me like a fragile package. You can't be afraid to ask me things. And in time I will stop hurting' . It's just that now ' some things still hurt very much, Paul ' it's all very fresh. He nodded, thinking of both Joanie and his brother they were the only losses he had known. One so real and so forever, the other different but painful nonetheless. As Ariana watched him with his head bowed, she smiled again. Sometimes you remind me of my brother. His eyes reached up to hers then it was the first time that she had willingly told him of her past.

  What was he like?

  Outrageous sometimes. He once blew up his room with his chemistry set. For a moment she smiled, but it was easy to see that her eyes were rapidly filling with tears. And once he took my father's new Rolls when the chauffeur wasn't looking and drove it into a tree. By then he could hear the tears in her voice. I used to ' She closed her eyes for a moment, as though she couldn't bear the pain of what she was about to say. I used to tell myself that a boy like him ' like Gerhard ' couldn't be dead. That he would find a way to stay alive ' to ' survive. ' She opened her eyes and the tears poured down her face silently, sorrowfully, and when she turned her eyes to Paul, there was more anguish there than he had ever seen in two years of war. But now, for months I have told myself that I have to believe what they told me, that I must give up hope. Her voice was a fragile whisper. I have to believe now that he is dead ' no matter how much he laughed ' or how beautiful and young and strong he was ' no matter how much the sobs were jagged in her throat as she whispered the words I loved him. In spite of all that ' he is dead. There was an endless silence between them, and then quietly he took her in his arms and held her as she cried.

  It was a long time before he spoke again, and when he did, he dabbed gently at her eyes with his white linen handkerchief. But though his words were lighthearted and teasing, his eyes told her that he cared a great deal about her pain. There was nothing flip in what he felt for this gi
rl.

  Were you as rich as that, then? Rich enough to have a Rolls?

  I don't know how rich we were, Paul. She smiled softly, My father was a banker. Europeans don't talk much of things like that. And then, with a deep sigh, she attempted to speak of the past without crying. My mother had an American car when I was very young. I think it was a Ford.

  A coupe?

  I don't know. She shrugged her ignorance. I suppose so. You would have liked it. It sat in the garage afterward for years. But thinking of that made her think of Max then, and then somehow Manfred and the Volkswagen she had used in the first lap of her escape ' every memory led to another for Ariana. It was still a dangerous game. She felt the weight of loss settle down on her again as she sat there. It was as though she had lived in a universe that was no more.

  Ariana, what were you just thinking?

  She eyed him honestly. He was her friend now. As best she could, she would be honest with him. I was thinking how strange it is that it's all gone now, that none of it exists anymore ' none of the people ' none of the places ' everyone is dead, everything has been bombed' .

  But you aren't. He eyed her gently. Now you're here. He held tightly to her hand and their eyes held for a long moment. And I want you to know how glad I am that you are.

  Thank you. There was a long silence between them and then Julia bounded into the room.

  Chapter 35

  Paul brought home his dark green Cadillac roadster a week later and gave Ariana the first ride. After that he had to give Julia and Debbie each a turn in it, then his mother, and then at last Ariana again. They took a ride around Central Park. The leather upholstery was soft and creamy and the whole car had a brand-new smell to it that Ariana liked.