FOREVER SERIES: COMPLETE BOX SET

by Lynn, Sandi

  He took off his glasses and looked at me. “Was that before or after you slept with her?”

  “Before I slept with her. Why the hell does it matter when I told her?”

  “You told Ellery what kind of man you are, and you warned her. You told her about your past, which you’ve never shared with anyone besides me, and she still wanted you. She obviously loved you enough and saw something inside you to continue the relationship.”

  “Damn it, Dr. Peters. This is different. I’m not dying!” I snapped.

  “I’m not defending what she did was right, Connor. She should have told you from the beginning about her illness, but she had her reasons; just like you had your reasons for keeping quiet about your past. Please tell me you told her about Ashlyn.”

  I started to pace back and forth across the room. “No, I didn’t tell her about Ashlyn. She kept asking me, but I kept putting it off. I wasn’t ready to tell her yet.”

  “Interesting,” Dr. Peters said as he rubbed his chin. “You weren’t ready to tell her about Ashlyn, and she wasn’t ready to tell you about her illness. You two have some serious issues to work out.”

  “We have nothing to work out. We’re not together anymore. I just want the pain to stop so I can move on with my life.”

  “Pain is a part of loving someone, and it’s something that just doesn’t go away. I don’t believe you’ve given up on her. I know her secret hurt you, and I know you’re in a lot of pain, but I think the two of you can work through this. My professional opinion is that you and Ellery need each other in more ways than one. This is the first girl since Amanda that you’ve let into your life. Have you stopped to ask yourself why that is? Why Ellery Lane? Of all the women you’ve seen and been with over the past twelve years, you chose her. You saw something rare and special in her, and you couldn’t stay away. Her keeping this secret from you is a big deal, and I’m not condoning it, but I wouldn’t let it completely ruin you. Take some time to think about it. Your emotions will go through different stages. Right now, you’re hurting pretty bad, next, you’ll be angry, but that’s okay. Be angry, Connor, because you’ll never begin to heal if you’re not. Just don’t let it cloud your judgment or consume you.”

  He walked over to me and put his hand on my shoulder. “You’ll be okay. Time heals all wounds, and you need to give it time.”

  I nodded my head and walked out of his office. He was right. I needed time to think, but my head was so clouded that I didn’t want to think about anything besides going to a bar and drinking my troubles away. I looked at my watch, and it was only two o’clock.

  I headed back to the penthouse and grabbed my gym bag. As I was heading towards the door, Claire walked in.

  “Connor? I didn’t expect you back for a few more days,” she said.

  “There was a change of plans, Claire,” I said as I stepped in the elevator.

  “Do you want me to cook for you tonight?!” she yelled from across the hall.

  “No, I’m dining out tonight,” I said as the elevator doors shut.

  * * *

  The gym was crowded more than usual today. I changed into my workout clothes, put my iPod on, and jumped on the treadmill. The treadmill I was on faced the window that looked out onto the streets of New York City. Guns N’ Roses was playing on my iPod as I ran fast. I was doing okay until their song ‘November Rain’ began to play. I should have played the next song, but I couldn’t bring myself to turn it off. The lyrics reminded me of Ellery and our situation. I needed to keep it together for fuck sake; I was in a public place. As I was running and staring at the crowds of people walking down the street, I saw her. She stopped in front of the window and pulled out her phone from her purse. She looked like I did, broken and pained. She was still beautiful, and it hurt to see her. She started walking down the street again, and I wanted to run after her, but I couldn’t. I needed space and time, and so did she.

  I wanted to do some laps around the pool by myself, so I paid the manager a great deal of money to close the pool for a couple of hours. I did a few laps and sat in the water while I tried to catch my breath. I loved to swim. The water was a place of escape for me. I felt like I could put myself in a different place when I was in the water. The last time I played with Collin was in the water at the beach. That was one week before he died. I thought about him almost every day. I’d sit and wonder what it would be like if we ran Black Enterprises together. I knew my life would be different with him around. When I was down or got in trouble for something, he’d always say, “Chin up, Connor. Tomorrow’s another day.” I didn’t think about it that night I was with Ellery at the beach, but being near the water made me feel closer to Collin because it was the one thing he loved so much. I decided to do just one last lap around the pool as it was almost time to meet Denny for dinner.

  Chapter 15

  Denny was already sitting at the table waiting for me when I arrived at the restaurant. I sat down as the waitress came over and smiled at me.

  “May I get you something to drink?”

  “I’ll have a double scotch.” I said without as much as a grin.

  Denny was glancing over the menu when he said, “A double scotch, huh?”

  I picked up the menu from the table and opened it. “It’s not like it’s too early or anything.”

  “I didn’t mean anything by it, Connor,” he said.

  “I know you didn’t, Denny,” I said still looking down at the menu.

  “Do you want to talk about what happened?” Denny asked as he closed his menu.

  The waitress came over and set down my double scotch in front of me. Denny and I ordered our meals, and then she took our menus and walked away.

  “Not really.”

  “She loves you, Connor, and I’ve known you long enough to know you’re in love with her as well.”

  I picked up my glass and lightly swirled the liquid around.

  “If she truly loved me, she would have told me that she was sick.”

  “And if you truly loved her, you would have told her about Ashlyn, because I damn well know that you haven’t.”

  I sighed as I took a drink. “You sound like my therapist. I saw Ellery today,” I said as I looked up at him. “I was on the treadmill at the gym, and she stopped in front of the window.”

  “Did she see you?”

  “No. She stopped to pull out her phone to look at it. She looked frail and sad.”

  “Of course she did, Connor. She loves you, but you walked out on her. You left her all alone in a hotel room in Michigan,” he spat.

  I leaned across the table. “I know what I did, and I regret it. I was in shock and very angry by what I had just found out. The only thing I saw was my future dying, and I couldn’t deal with it, so I left. Do you think it was easy for me just to leave her there? Do you know how many times I almost turned around to get her?”

  “I understand how hurt you are, but it’s time to be a man, Connor, because she needs you. Regardless of what she did or didn’t do, she’s sick, and she’s alone,” Denny spoke.

  “I know that, but I need time as well. I’m not that much of a heartless bastard.”

  “That has yet to be decided.” he smiled.

  I glared at him as we ate dinner and continued to talk about Ellery. I looked at him seriously as I needed him to do something for me.

  “I need you to keep an eye on Ellery for me. I want you to follow her and report back everything you find out.”

  “Connor, that’s just not right,” he said.

  “If you don’t do it, then I’ll hire someone else. I trust you, Denny. I know she means something to you, and I know you’re just as worried about her. I want to know where she goes, who she’s with, and what she’s doing. Most importantly, how she’s doing.”

  “Fine, Connor. If that’s what you really want, then I’ll do it. But I don’t think it’s right. I think you need to talk to her yourself.”

  “I will in due time. I appreciate you doing this for
me. You know you’re like a father to me, Denny,” I said.

  He smiled as he looked at me. “I know, and you’re like the son I never had.”

  I smiled at him as we got up from our seats and left the restaurant.

  As I was driving back to the penthouse, my sister Cassidy called.

  “Hey, Cass. What’s up?”

  “I just wanted to talk to my big brother. We haven’t heard from you in a while, and mom was starting to get worried.”

  “I’m fine, Cassidy. Please tell mom that I’ve been busy with the Chicago purchase, and I haven’t had a chance to call her.”

  “You know how she gets when you don’t keep in touch,” she said.

  “Tell her I’ll be over Sunday for dinner, and kiss Camden for me.”

  “I will. He misses you, Connor,” she spoke softly.

  “I miss him as well and tell him I’ll see him on Sunday. I’ll come early, and we can take him for a walk along the trail.”

  “He’ll love that. I’ll see you Sunday, Connor.”

  “Bye, Cass. Take care.”

  I missed my family. I didn’t see them as much as I should have, and it was my fault. They would love Ellery. It was too bad they wouldn’t get to meet her anytime soon. The emptiness in my heart and the silence of my soul was too much to bear. I decided to stop by Ellery’s apartment before going home just to----hell, I didn’t know why, but before I knew it, I was parked across the street from her place. Her curtains were closed, but I could see a small stream of light coming from the sides. I could see a shadow of someone sitting in the corner. I knew that’s where she kept her easel. I would bet she was painting. I slowly pulled away and headed home.

  I arrived at the penthouse and headed straight to the bar. I poured myself a scotch and sat down with my laptop on the couch. I opened up my email, and the first one I saw, sitting on top, was one from Ellery. I took in a deep breath and prepared myself for the hate words she probably wrote. I wouldn’t blame her after what I did to her.

  Dear Connor,

  I hope you’re reading this and didn’t delete it before you opened it when you saw my name. If you are, then you’ll see this is my heartfelt apology to you. Words cannot explain how sorry I am for not telling you about my illness from the start. I never meant for us to get as close as we did for that very reason. The night I took you home, I had every intention of leaving and never looking back. If I had, we wouldn’t have met, and you wouldn’t be hurting right now. I will never forgive myself for not telling you the truth. I believe in fate, and it was fate that brought us together. I told you I was saved for a reason, and I think it was to save you. You have a beautiful heart and soul, and you don’t deserve to never love someone. You will never know what you’ve done for me, and how you’ve changed my life. I never would have experienced love the way I have with you, because what you showed me, and how you made me feel, was a first for me in my lifetime. I never loved Kyle. I was with him because he was there, and I was afraid of being alone. Loneliness is what my whole life was made of. My decision to not receive treatment at the time was out of pure selfishness on my part, and I’ve come to understand that now. I want to thank you for your love and kindness. If I had one last breath left, I would use it to tell you how much I love you, because I do, and I always will.

  Love forever,

  Ellery

  I closed my eyes, and my heart shattered even more than it already was. My eyes started to sting with tears as I got up and threw my glass at the wall. I paced back and forth across the room, running my hands through my hair. I was so angry, and that email made it worse. Because after everything I did and said to her, she still loved me. All she had to do was tell me from the start. Why the fuck didn’t she tell me?! I screamed. She said not getting treatment was selfish on her part. I wondered if she was going to start treatments. I looked at my watch, and it was too late to call Peyton, so I sent her a text message.

  “Peyton, has Ellery decided to start treatments?”

  “I don’t want to get in the middle of this between the two of you, but yes, she has an appointment with the doctor tomorrow morning.”

  “Thank you, Peyton.”

  “No problem, Connor.”

  I poured myself another scotch and headed upstairs to bed. I laid there and scrolled through the pictures of Ellery that I took at the seafood restaurant. We were so happy that day. As I was scrolling through the pictures, I came across one that Ellery took of the two us in the Range Rover. The only thing I could see in that picture was her dancing blue eyes and that smile. I reached over to the nightstand and grabbed the bottle of sleeping pills. I took one and laid back. The only thing in my head at the moment was the email she sent me. I couldn’t stop thinking about her words, and how much pain was in them. She was hurting just as bad as I was, and I want so badly to talk to her and forgive her, but it was too soon. I need time to process everything and figure out what to do. If I didn’t take time and just rushed back to her, things weren’t going to work out. I closed my eyes and tried to shut down my brain. Eventually, I fell asleep.

  * * *

  I spent the next week doing nothing but working. I’d go into the office at six am and not leave until eleven pm. The acquisition of the Chicago building was getting close, and there was still a lot of work and negotiating to be done. As promised, I spent the day with my family. Cassidy and I took Camden for a walk down the nature trail. The leaves were starting to change and fall from the trees. It was beautiful at this time of the year, and it felt good to spend some time at the place I grew up. However, even being surrounded by family couldn’t ease the pain in my heart. Cassidy could tell something was wrong, and she wouldn’t stop asking. I told her it was work related and not to worry. She told me I needed to find myself a great girl who would take me away from all the stresses of Black Enterprises. I smiled because I wanted to tell her about the time I spent with Ellery, but then I would have had to explain the horrific details of what happened, and I wasn’t about to go there. After a good family dinner, a good football game, and some great conversation, it was time for me to head home.

  The next morning, I decided to leave the office and go to lunch at a deli that was down a couple of blocks. I pulled out my phone to check the time of my afternoon meeting as I collided with someone. We both looked at each other at the same time, and I gasped when I saw it was Ellery. My heart started racing as I lightly grabbed her arm because she almost fell over.

  “Connor, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…” she softly spoke as she wouldn’t even look at me.

  “No, it’s my fault. I should have been paying more attention,” I said.

  We stood in front of each other awkwardly and then she pulled away and said she had to go. I stood there and watched her turn the corner as fast as she could. My heart felt like it was in my throat, and the pain I felt intensified even more. I missed her so much and running into her and touching her only made it worse. I spent the rest of the day reliving our little collision and the look on her face when she saw it was me.

  I was sitting in my office, scrolling through pictures, when Denny called.

  “What’s up, Denny?”

  “I thought you’d want to know that Ellery will be starting chemotherapy in a couple of days.”

  “What time?” I asked.

  “Nine a.m.,” Denny replied.

  “Thank you, Denny. I’ll need you to drive me. I’ll see you later.”

  I wasn’t about to let Ellery go through chemo alone. I was still angry at her for not telling me about the cancer coming back, but I loved her, and I couldn’t forget about her. She needed someone to help her and to be there for her, so I made a promise to myself that I would be the one, no matter the consequences. I was in deep thought when Ashlyn messaged me.

  “Connor, Howie wants me to stay for another two weeks. Please tell him no. I want to come back to New York.”

  “Sorry, Ashlyn, but if that’s what Howie wants, then you have to do it. It’s part o
f the job, and if you refuse, then I’m afraid you won’t be able to work for Black Enterprises anymore.”

  “I hate you, Connor Black.”

  I didn’t even respond to that because I was hoping she meant it. But I knew she didn’t, because it wasn’t the first time she’d said it. I put my phone down on the desk and moved some stuff around so I could be with Ellery during her treatment. It’s going to be hard on both of us.

  I called the hospital and got the name and number of a good homecare nurse. After speaking with her for about thirty minutes, I decided she was good enough for Ellery. She came highly recommended, and I offered her a great deal of money to become Ellery’s private nurse. I arranged for her to pay daily visits to her and take care of her. I also made arrangements to be available on the days of her chemo treatments so I could take her to and from the hospital. I looked at my watch, and it was already after ten pm. I shut down my computer, locked up my office, and headed home.

  Chapter 16

  Today was Ellery’s first chemotherapy treatment. I got up, showered, dressed, and headed to the kitchen for coffee. Denny was already sitting at the table eating the breakfast Claire had made.

  “Good morning, Connor. Can I make you some breakfast?” Claire asked.

  “Good morning, Claire. I’m just going to have some coffee,” I replied.

  I sat down at the table across from Denny as Claire brought me a cup of coffee and a plate with banana bread on it. I looked up at her and smiled.

  “I made it at home last night, and I know how much you love it.” She smiled.

  I got up and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “Thank you, Claire. As always, I appreciate you taking care of me.”

  “Are you ready to see her?” Denny asked.

  “I don’t know,” I answered as I took a sip of coffee. “I don’t know how she’s going to react when she sees me.”

  “Well it’s going to be a bit awkward since the two of you haven’t spoken since the day you left her.”