Cassidy James

by Ashley Wilcox

  Dammit!

  Please don’t do this, Cassidy.

  I wasn’t strong enough to handle it. I didn’t know what more she wanted from this conversation, but this was all that I could give. I was like a ticking time bomb, ready to burst and to throw our friendship to hell by telling her exactly, explicitly, every detailed emotion I felt for her.

  “I’ll uh…” she said quietly, starting to take small step backwards. “I’ll see ya later, I guess.” She threw in a quick, forced smile before turning and walking back over to her house.

  Fuck.

  My head slammed against the side of the door, pissed with myself. I should’ve just told her and got it done and over with. It was only a matter of time before it’d all come spilling out of mouth anyway. It was getting harder and harder to hold it in.

  Wednesday came and went, along with Thursday and Friday. Uneventful, most hated, and master of ignoring people had become the name of the game and my life. I rode the bus to and from school every day, and was in my classroom each period well before the bell rang. I wasn’t a complete loner, though. Abby and I were somewhat back to normal. She knew how guilty I felt about everything, and I filled her in on my visit to Graham’s on Tuesday and how incredibly awkward it was. But I accomplished what I went there to do, even if it was at the bare minimum.

  It was totally done with Connor. We hadn’t spoken all week and it was definitely better that way. He just wasn’t what I thought he was and come to find out—or maybe this was just another rumor circulating to make me feel like crap—word on the street was that everything with me was just a ploy for him to get back at Corinne. Since I was the reason for their breakup, why not use me to get back at her for breaking up with him? I guess it worked, because as of yesterday, according to Facebook and pictures on Instagram, Coco was back in business and more in love than ever.

  Barf!

  Surprisingly though, it really didn’t bother me. I was over it. She could have him. I was by no means interested anymore. I was completely fine with just being me.

  Abby met me at my locker after last period. “What’s on the agenda this weekend?”

  I shrugged my shoulders. I honestly hadn’t thought about it yet. “I don’t know. Probably lay low.”

  “Exciting!” Abby replied, her sarcasm making me snicker.

  “I know. My life is just too much to handle right now,” I played along, throwing a little sarcasm in there myself. “What about you?”

  “We’re off to the lake house this weekend. Closing it up before it starts to snow.”

  “It’s September.”

  “And we live in Cazenovia,” Abby was quick to point out.

  She had a point. The weather here was so unpredictable. I remember once when I was little, Graham and I were trick-or-treating in snowsuits, trucking through a foot of snow. We lived in the higher elevations of Central New York. If it was cold enough, it snowed, regardless of what month it was. On the flip side, we sometimes had eighty degree temps in late October. We had seasons—sometimes more than one in a day—but often they were a crapshoot.

  I tilted my head to the side. “Point taken.”

  Grabbing the rest of the things I needed for homework for the weekend, I shut my locker and threw my bag over my shoulder. “Well, maybe I’ll stop by or something.” We didn’t live very far from where their lake house was located. It was on Lake Road, which circled Cazenovia Lake, but on the south end.

  “Yeah, call me. Maybe your parentals will let me swing by and pick you up.” She smiled.

  “Definitely,” I replied but then noticed the time. I had to scoot. The buses were about to leave and I’d be screwed if I missed mine. “I’ll call you!”

  As soon as I found a spot on the bus, I popped my earbuds in and blasted my music, channeling out the bus noise. Since our district was so small the high school shared buses with both the elementary and middle school kids, which equaled lots of personalities and lots of noise and chatter. I couldn’t wait for next month when I turned eighteen. I swear to God, I will be the first in line at the DMV, signing up for my road test. I wonder if my parents will let me schedule it in advance. I should ask when I get home.

  Before I knew it, the bus was in front of my house and I was walking up my driveway. Per usual, I glanced over at Graham’s house while I checked the mailbox. His car was in the driveway and hadn’t moved all week. According to Abby, his parents took it away until he’s off suspension. I could only imagine how much his dad reamed him after the fight. Mr. Wagner was a super nice guy, but also one that you didn’t want to cross.

  A pang of guilt pinched in my chest as I shook my head, knowing that everything Graham had to go through this week was because of me. Every time I thought about it I wanted to cry. He didn’t deserve it…any of it.

  As I walked up the driveway, looking through all the mail, even though I knew none of it would be for me, I heard a voice calling my name.

  “Hey, Cass…”

  I looked to my side and saw Graham walking quickly in my direction, holding a box.

  I swallowed hard as my heart rate started to increase. The bruise on his face was gone and his hair looked a little longer than normal, but even so and in sweats and a t-shirt, Graham still looked cute.

  “Hey,” I said, excited to see him. I really missed having him around. Life was kind of boring without his quirkiness, though that wasn’t something I would openly admit.

  “The UPS guy brought this to our house today. It needed to be signed for.”

  I looked at the package in his hands; it was addressed to my dad, and when Graham handed it over to me, I found it ridiculously heavy. Probably a bunch of books for school. My dad was such a super nerd!

  “You want me to carry it for you?” Graham asked, kind of chuckling at my complete underestimation of the box’s weight.

  “Nope.” I adjusted my hands so I had a better grip. “I think I got it,” I said, but Graham took the box out of my hands.

  “Here, I’ll carry it for you, muscles,” he joked, already walking towards my house.

  I followed and smiled. If I didn’t know any better, I’d believe that we were back to normal.

  “Thanks,” I said as he set the package down in the foyer.

  “Anytime,” Graham said with a smile.

  He started to walk away, but I stopped him, yelling, “Hey, Graham?”

  “Yeah?” He turned on his heels, his big brown eyes sparkling and his face so innocently adorable.

  I stared at him for a second before I asked, “We’re good, right?”

  I really needed him to say yes. With all the bad that was going on in my life, I really needed everything between us to be good.

  The side of his mouth curled up into a grin, revealing one of his dimples as he looked at me in such a way that caused my heart to flutter uncontrollably.

  “Yeah, sweetcheeks, we’re good.”

  For the first time in a while, I walked home with a smile on my face. I squashed it. The girl was just too damn addicting to keep a grudge going or to be an idiot and try to lie to myself. I wouldn’t be able to stay away. I wouldn’t be able to act like I didn’t care. Cassidy James had always been my weakness and today wasn’t any different.

  I went through the motions for the rest of the day and into the evening. I did my homework, ate, and then disappeared to my room to play video games until bed. At eleven o’clock I looked over to Cassidy’s window and saw her light go out like it did every other night at that time. I sighed as I stared at her empty, curtained window and thought about all that she and I had been through over the years. As I did, I looked up to the sky. It was colder than balls outside, the sky dark but clear, with thousands of sparkling stars. A memory popped in my head, along with an idea.

  Grabbing a sweatshirt from my dresser, I went downstairs, slipped on my sneakers, then walked towards the back door.

  “Graham. Where are you going?” Mom called from the living room where she and Dad were still watching
television. Actually, she was watching television; Dad was passed out, snoring with the remote resting on his chest.

  “For a walk,” I said, then walked out the sliding glass door that led to our backyard and the woods behind us.

  I don’t think she replied. If she did I didn’t hear it. My feet shuffled through the leaves that had already started to fall. A few minutes later, I found myself standing at the bottom of the overgrown trail that Cassidy and I made back in the day.

  Pushing back loose branches, I walked down the old beaten path until I approached the clearing. It was funny how short the walk was. When we were younger the trail seemed to go on forever.

  I sat right up, frightened, hearing the trees, branches, and debris rustling from behind me. It had been years since I was back here, but for some reason I felt a pull to look at the stars tonight. Stargazing had always been something I loved to do, but what if someone else occupied this space now? Maybe the kids down the street found our old hideout and made it their own. The thought only crossed my mind for a second before tears started filling my eyes. The person causing the noise came into view.

  He stood at the opening of the trail. “Hey,” he said, shocked to see me.

  “Do you still come here?” I asked him. Maybe he did and I had no clue, but he shook his head slowly.

  “No, first time in awhile.”

  I smiled. “Me too.”

  With his eyes on mine, Graham walked towards me. With every step closer, the butterflies in my stomach moved, flapping their wings faster and faster. I didn’t know what he was going to do, but I waited, watched, and anxiously let the moment play out.

  When Graham was finally standing in front of me, he leaned over and gently touched my lips with his. I felt it everywhere. In my toes, in my blood…in my heart. I kept my eyes still shut for a moment when his lips left mine, taking in the warmness of his kiss.

  Graham took a seat on the overgrown grass, then lay down. I turned and looked at him. He was completely at ease, staring at the sky. It was then that I realized what Abby meant about me lying to myself. All this time I’d been fighting, ignoring, and not letting myself feel what I wanted to feel. All this time what I really wanted was sitting right next to me, because all of this time…

  I’ve been in love with Graham Wagner.

  I knew she was staring at me. I loved that she was. She was thinking. She was feeling. She was reacting just like I wanted her to react, because as soon as I saw Cassidy sitting in our spot, I knew what I was feeling wasn’t one-sided.

  Without saying a word, Cassidy lay down in the grass beside me. Visions of us as kids flashed in my head, and I sighed remembering how beautiful I thought she was then. Just like I did today.

  Cassidy’s hand grabbed mine, making me turn to look at her. She was already watching me, tears falling from her eyes and landing in the grass.

  “Don’t cry, beautiful,” I said softly, even though I think my words made them fall even quicker.

  A smile spread across her face. I couldn’t stop staring, taking her in. Cassidy had never looked more amazing than she did right then.

  “I love you,” fell from her mouth, making a knot of emotions instantly form in my throat.

  My tongue pressed against my teeth as I looked at her with admiration in my eyes. I didn’t know what to say. Scratch that, I knew exactly what I wanted to say; I’ve wanted to say these words to her for a while now. I needed to find the right words to accompany them first. For so long I’ve waited for this moment with Cassidy. It needed to be perfect.

  My left hand reached for her cheek, palming it in my hand. Cassidy’s face naturally nuzzled into it. I stared into her eyes a moment longer. I needed to take it all in.

  “Cass,” I started, finding my words. “I…”

  Instead of continuing, I leaned forward and pushed my lips to hers. No words could justify my feelings for Cassidy. She meant more to me than any word could properly explain.

  Cassidy’s tongue slipped inside my mouth, swirling with mine. It was delicate and soft, not at all aggressive or needy. Everything about it felt natural, appropriate. My body gently shifted over hers, but not completely. This wasn’t about how far I could get with her. It was about enjoying everything I hadn’t been able to enjoy with Cassidy up until this point.

  I wanted to feel her closeness. I wanted to focus on the softness of her skin as I caressed her cheek. I wanted to praise every damn second of this moment and her.

  After a few seconds, our mouths separated, but our foreheads remained touching. With our eyes locked, smiles crept from our wet lips.

  “Cass,” I said, ready to say it. She didn’t reply, just waited for me to continue. “I’m so in love with you. Please, for the love of God, be mine.”

  A soft giggle escaped her mouth before she pecked me again. I loved how natural kissing her felt.

  “Graham.” She paused. “I’ve been yours all along.”

  Continue the journey of Cassidy and Graham in the next installment, Graham Wagner, coming soon.

  I want to give a huge thank you to every single person that made this book possible. Many know, I took two years off from the writing industry. I had a beautiful baby girl that I wanted to give all my attention (and her brothers) to. But, I also was in a rut. The words weren’t coming to me and the whole industry was getting overwhelming.

  Problem was, I couldn’t not be a writer. Stories and plots and ideas kept consuming my brain. I literally have a zillion books started, but not finished on my computer. But Cassidy James…

  I wrote Cassidy James before my rut. Yes, I wrote this book two years ago. I loved it then just as much as I love it now. I just wasn’t in a great place to release it. I even had a professionally made cover created by the AMAZING Makeready Designs. But, I just wasn’t feeling it. So, I sat on it. I sat on Cassidy James for two years.

  Just a few months ago something lit back up inside of me. I wanted to get back out there again. I was refreshed and missing the writing community. I didn’t know if after taking two years off that I would be able to get back out there, but I tried anyway. I love books and I love writing them. I knew that if I was going to make any comeback it was going to be with Cassidy James. I didn’t care which genre was in at the time. I didn’t know what everyone was buying and reading. I just knew that I love young adult books, and I loved Cassidy James.

  My return has been nothing short of amazing. Even before releasing Cassidy James, the messages, emails, posts… they’ve all been so positive and uplifting. I feel like I’m back in my happy place and more inspired than ever.

  So, I want to thank everyone who contributed to this. My editor, Erin Roth, my cover designer, Allie from Makeready Designs, my amazing ladies from my A-team that help me so much with getting my books ready and the word spread about them. Champagne Formats for helping me last minute, my beta readers for filling in the blanks where more story was needed or needed to be taken out….

  I had so much help and support with this book that I really couldn’t come close to thanking you all individually. Please know though, I really, really love you all. It’s because of you that I have this happy place and because of you that I get to make these crazy, yet amazing stories. But most of all, thank you to my readers. The fact that you’re still here, after two years, waiting for my next release, regardless of the wait, is…I’m speechless. You’re all so amazing! I appreciate you all sooooooo much.

  THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU!!!

  Ashley Wilcox is a mother to three, a soccer mom to two of the three, and a wife to one. She likes to spend her free time getting lost in love stories, creating her own, and searching for hours on Pinterest for the latest DIYs and recipes.

  To find out more about Ashley and to see what she’s been up to, follow her on:

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