Lullaby of Tears

by Becs, Lindsay

  “Kiss me,” I whisper, seeking closure, as a breeze envelopes us, making me break out in goosebumps.

  Mitch pulls on the back of my neck and brings his lips down to meet mine. It’s a soft yet firm kiss, but as soon as his tongue grazes my lips, I feel my whole body relax. I give in to him with my mind, body, and soul. As we stand there, I feel like the world is spinning around us. Reaching my hand up, I pull on his hair while he still has one hand on my neck and the other wrapped around my waist. I feel a warmth spreading throughout my whole body when a moan escapes my mouth. Our tongues are dancing beneath the moon to their own rhythm.

  My moan must have been all he was waiting for because with that, I feel him push my body backward until my back hits a wall and he has my legs wrapped around his waist. He starts pushing into me in every way. In all the right ways, sure to make me come undone in a matter of seconds. My hands are still in his hair as his kisses start to travel down my neck and to my chest. My breath hitches the second I feel him graze my nipple, and then another moan escapes me.

  “If this is breaking up with you... then let’s keep... doing this... every day,” he says between kisses. I can feel his smile against my skin.

  I freeze. “I can’t do this,” I say breathlessly. Oh, fuck, but I want to do this. It feels so good… Stop, Lily! “Stop, Mitch. We can’t do this,” I say again. This time he stops and looks down at me.

  “But you told me to kiss you. I thought…” He trails off while allowing my legs to hit the ground again.

  “You said you were done. Truth is, I was going to end it tomorrow anyway,” I say, looking at the ground, biting my lip, because now I feel bad for leading him on. Lola was right; I am a bitch.

  “What? Then why did you tell me to kiss you?”

  “Guess I wanted one last kiss from you. Closure,” I say with a shrug. “I have fun with you. You’re hot. You kiss amazingly. Clearly,” I say, looking to the side while straightening my shirt and smoothing my hair. “But we just aren’t a good fit.”

  He looks at me with a sideways grin. “I think we fit just right,” he says, reaching for my waist again and pulling me into him.

  I back up and push his hands away. “No. Not like that, pervert,” I say, smiling and shaking my head. “Think about it, Mitch. What do we really do besides make out? I watch your gigs, we kiss, we maybe talk on the phone once a week. Wash, rinse, repeat.”

  He sighs and his shoulders hunch, but I can see it in his face. He knows I’m right. He reaches for me again and I take his hand this time, looking up into his baby blues one last time.

  “Will you still go with me to my cousin’s wedding next week?” I ask. I’m a bridesmaid, and Mitch is supposed to be my date.

  “If you want me to, then yes.”

  “I’d like that. Friends?”

  “Friends,” he replies, leaning down to kiss the top of my head, breathing me in. I close my eyes for a second, remembering this sweet moment.

  We walk back inside to join Lola and the rest of the band. Although we’re still holding hands, everyone can tell something is different as we sit back down. Lola gives me a small smile and squeezes my hand under the table. I know I’m going to need my friend tonight. My friend and a big bowl of ice cream.

  * * *

  Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo. The best “I just got dumped by a super cute rocker guy” movie. It’s already midnight, and I just finished my pint of Ben & Jerry’s Half-Baked ice cream when my phone pings with a text.

  Case: How’d he like the blue hair?

  “Who is it? Is it Mitch?” Lola asks, still laughing at the movie.

  “No, it’s Case. He asked if Mitch liked my hair.”

  Me: We broke up, so probably not.

  Case: Douche.

  I read his comment and smile to myself, trying to hide it from Lola.

  Me: Maybe. But I was going to end it anyways.

  Case: You ok?

  Me: Yep. I got Lo and a Gigolo here tonight.

  Case: Wow. You move on fast.

  Me: With a body like this, I can’t hide it from everyone. That would be cruel.

  Case: :)

  Me: We still on for Friday?

  Case: Yep. I invited the guys too. Is Lo coming?

  Me: No. She’s got something at school.

  Case: You ok with a bunch of dudes for the night?

  Me: Sure, why not? Not like it’s the first time.

  Case: I guess.

  Me: I’m going to get back to my 3 men now.

  Case: 3?

  Me: Yeah… Mr. Bigelow, Ben and Jerry. ;)

  Case: Dork.

  Me: :) See ya tomorrow.

  I put my phone down and go back to my friend, who’s got this “you are crazy” look on her face.

  “What?” I ask, sitting back down next to her.

  “Oh, do not give me the innocent Bambi eyes, Lil.”

  I grab a handful of popcorn, shoving it in my mouth as I start laughing.

  “You slut!” Lola shouts as she shoves my arm.

  “I have no idea what you are talking about,” I try to say with a straight face.

  “It hasn’t even been 3 hours and you are already moving on to the next guy. That’s cold, Lil.”

  “I am not moving on to another. It was Case. Remember we had planned that movie night with the guys? The one you are standing me up for so you can ‘study’ with Nate,” I remind her, making air quotes around the word “study.”

  “You better be careful,” she says, looking pointedly at me.

  “Seriously, Lo, all the guys will be there. Nothing is going to happen. Besides, you know he’s still hung up on that Rachel girl.”

  “Ok, but don’t say I didn’t warn you,” she singsongs while rolling her eyes at me.

  “Eat your ice cream, lady, and leave me alone to cry over my broken heart,” I say overly dramatically with a hand on my heart.

  We finish our movie, and I’m lying here wondering if Lola is right. Am I crushing on Case too much, too soon? I mean, he’s cute and all, but did I become one of his groupies? Besides, he definitely doesn’t think of me like that.

  * * *

  I stayed up way too late analyzing what Case and I are to one another. Thanks a lot, Lola.

  My eyes are so puffy from not sleeping much. Then there’s Lola. Does she ever not look like a million dollars? I put on a simple cotton shirt and short black skirt with tights. We have church today, hence why we’re up early after a late night. If anything is certain, it is that 1. Lola will always look perfect. And 2. If there is church, I will have to go. No matter what.

  Lola and I are sitting in our seats nursing our coffees when Case plops down next to me, nearly making me spill my precious coffee. I look at him like he is Lucifer himself for almost making me lose some of my go-go juice.

  He’s already laughing at me. “Good morning, sunshine!” he says way too chipper.

  “Hey,” Lola and I both respond at the same time in the same monotone voice, neither one of us looking his way.

  “We hanging after?”

  I look at Lola. She, in turn, rolls her eyes at me while giving me the finger that no one but I can see. This makes me almost snort coffee out my nose.

  “Sure. What are we doing?”

  “Lunch at Tommy’s. His mom is cooking and invited us all.”

  “That’s sweet. Isn’t it, Lo?” I ask exaggeratedly.

  She has the fakest smile I’ve ever seen on her face. “Sure is!” she says way too excited and sweet for Lola. I smile into my coffee again because I know I’m going to hear about this one later.

  Once service is done, we all gather and combine into one car to drive to Tommy’s house. There are a few others coming that I don’t really know, but regardless, it’ll be a fun afternoon.

  After we eat, we all head to Tommy’s room to hang out. He is a certified momma’s boy and about as sweet as they come. He’s a bigger guy, the type where you think if they touch you it’ll hurt, but really, he’s a gia
nt teddy bear. He is the polar opposite of Case when it comes to girls too. Tommy doesn’t really date and is really shy around other girls. It took him weeks before he’d say more than “Hi” to Lola and me. Now, he’s just another one of my boys.

  There are about eight of us crammed into Tommy’s room, and we decide that playing ‘Never Have I Ever’ is a good idea. We. Are. Dumb.

  “Never have I ever masturbated,” one of the girls I don’t know says with a smug look on her face, knowing she just took down every guy in the room. However, she just got me too. I try to be nonchalant and put one of my fingers down without drawing attention to myself. I should have known better because I have Case sitting next to me.

  He leans over and through gritted teeth and a wide grin whispers, “Did you just put a finger down?”

  Looking straight ahead— because I sure as shit am not looking at him at this moment in time— I respond with a cool, “Uh huh.”

  “Oh. My. Gosh,” he says as he sits back up, smiling even wider.

  It’s Case’s turn. “Never have I ever dyed my hair for someone.” He says it looking straight at me, and I’m pretty sure I turn bright red. I give him a sarcastic grin while putting another finger down, leaving me with an open hand, which I smack him with. Laughter erupts around us.

  “You are such an ass!” I yell, still pushing him over and smacking him. He is laughing hysterically, along with everyone around us. “Why am I your friend again?” I ask, sitting back up with my, now, one hand up.

  My turn. “Never have I ever…” I’m thinking long and hard so I can get him good with one. “Never have I ever given oral before.” My eyes open wide and look right at Case.

  “Not. Nice,” he says as he puts his head down along with another finger.

  “Sucker!” I yell. “No pun intended,” I add, feeling pretty triumphant. Take that!

  We finish the game and Case loses, which we all bet would happen. We spend the rest of the afternoon goofing off and laughing. At one point, I think I might have peed my pants a little when Lola let out one of her classic huge burps, making the whole room go quiet. “What?” was all she said afterward with a look of innocence, hands out to the side. Then when the guys tried to top her burp with their own, no one came close. My best friend, ladies and gentlemen, the burping champion.

  3

  Lily

  It’s Friday night, and I’m hanging with my boys. It always makes me happy, plus I know I’m going to laugh a lot with this bunch of idiots. Lola said she couldn’t come because she had to “study,” but I know there is something going on that she isn’t telling me. I’ll get it out of her, but for now, I’m going to enjoy my night.

  I’m leaning into Case as we sit on the couch sharing a blanket while we watch American Pie. Tommy and Jordan are lounging in the two recliners that make up a little living room in Case’s basement. Since we’re all staying the night, we all showed up in sweats and T-shirts.

  We’re at the part in the movie where Michelle is talking about playing her flute at band camp, and I don’t mean to make music. (I’ll let you ponder the meaning behind that in case you haven’t seen it yet.) Anyways, we’re all laughing when Case leans in close and whispers in my ear, “I can’t stop thinking about last week when we played Never Have I Ever.”

  I turn slightly with a confused look. “Why?” Case has this look on his face I have never seen before. It’s mischievous mixed with sexy, and the look in his eyes has my stomach doing flips.

  “Because when you put your finger down owning up to having touched yourself, all I could think was ‘Is that the finger you use?’”

  I feel my face burn red with embarrassment. I don’t even know how to respond to something like that. What the hell?

  Closing my eyes for a second to get my bearings, I open them and reply, “Sometimes,” trying to seem like it didn’t just unravel every nerve to my core. It must have been the right thing to say and I must have hidden my unease well because Case wraps his arms around me tighter, lightly laughing in my ear. Not laughing at me, but more in an ‘I’m proud of you’ way.

  What comes next, I’m not expecting. I begin to feel him softly kiss my neck under my ear. What’s even more unexpected is that it feels so good. The butterflies in my stomach won’t stop fluttering from his lips against my skin.

  He moves his hand under the blanket, around my stomach, and lightly trails down to my inner thigh. His other hand is pushing my head to the side so he has better access to my neck, moving my hair away.

  Impulse is taking over me as I begin to rock my hips back to be closer to him, making me rub against him. Without thinking, I reach back, knowing that he is tenting his pants, and run my hand up and down his dick. Remembering that we have two other friends sitting in the same room, I don’t want to get too carried away, so I stop. When I pull my hand away, he gives me a look that tells me he’s not happy that I did.

  Instead, I take his hand in mine and begin to softly kiss his palm, nibbling my way to his wrist. He places his hand against my cheek, and when I feel his finger against my lips, I open my mouth and begin to suck it. I do this one at a time with each finger until I feel like I have assaulted each one evenly, placing one last kiss on his palm before resting his hand down on my lap. I intertwine our fingers, and we sit that way, holding hands for the first time.

  Of course, now I’m completely freaking out, not knowing what to do next. This just turned awkward as fuck real fast. I’m so stupid. What was I thinking? I mean, I do like Case and he’s one of my best friends, but we just, no, I just crossed a line. Holy fuckballs.

  The movie finishes, and Tommy and Jordan get up and stretch before announcing, “Well, see you guys later.”

  What? Weren’t we all sleeping over? “You guys aren’t staying?” I ask, panicking a little but trying not to sound like I’m about to freak out. My throat feels really dry all of a sudden.

  They both look at Case, who is standing behind me because apparently, I stood up at some point in which I don’t remember. I feel so nervous and don’t know what is happening. Did Case know this was going to happen? Did he plan it? Shit. Calm down, Lily. You are way overthinking this.

  Case just glances at them and rubs the back of his neck, then looks at me and smiles, a sweet smile, the sweetest smile actually. Our eyes meet, and for a second, it’s like we have an entire conversation between us. I smile back. This is good. I think…

  Tommy is the first to break the weird silence that I now realize is in the air around us. He clears his throat. “See you guys later,” he repeats. He looks at me and waves as he heads upstairs to leave.

  Jordan mimics him and follows behind, while I just stand there watching them ascend the stairs until I can’t see or hear them anymore. Letting out a slow exhale, I seem to relax a little bit now that they’re gone.

  “Did you know they weren’t staying?” I finally turn and ask Case.

  “Yes.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Because I wanted you to still stay and I was afraid you wouldn’t if they didn’t.” He’s looking at the ground, pushing the shaggy carpet around with his sock-covered toes.

  “I would have stayed,” I admit. At this revelation, Case’s eyes shoot up to meet mine.

  “Really?” he asks, sounding genuinely surprised.

  I take a step toward him and wrap my arms around him for a hug, looking up into his face. “Really.”

  Placing his hands on both sides of my face, he leans down and places our first kiss on my lips. When he pulls away, my eyes stay closed and I lean into him more, turning my head to the side and resting it on his bare chest. My short stature has my lips at the bottom of his pec muscles, while he rests his chin on the top of my head and lets out a sigh.

  I don’t know how long we stand there just holding each other as the menu to the movie in the DVD player repeats over and over.

  “Okay,” Case says, breaking our hold and reaching over to turn off the TV while still holding
my hand. I look at our joined hands, and it brings a sense of security to me, making me smile at the sight.

  As if this moment couldn’t get any better, he pulls my hand that’s joined with his up to his lips and kisses our laced fingers. His other hand goes to the side of my face as he pushes a piece of my hair behind my ear. I’m standing here watching as this guy before me—who I’ve crushed on for forever—is being so tender and sweet. I’ve never seen this side of Case before. And I really like it.

  He leans down to kiss me again, more urgent this time, but not hard. His lips are so soft, and I want them to stay on mine forever. I take my hand out of his and place it on his bare chest as he moves his to the side of my face. With both of his big hands on me, his fingers on my neck, his palms resting on the sides of my chin, his thumbs softly rub my cheeks. I could melt into a puddle right here.

  Our kissing increases and I open my mouth a little, wanting to taste his tongue on mine. When they meet, I think sparks ignite. When he pulls away, I grunt from the loss of him. He must have heard it, or at least sees the disappointment on my face, because he chuckles under his breath as he reaches for a blanket and lays it on the floor.

  Grabbing my hand in his, he pulls me down on the blanket with him. I’m on my knees while we’re kissing again. Reaching down, I grab the hem of my shirt and pull it up and over my head, tossing it on the couch behind me. When I look up into his face, I see a hunger in his eyes, making me smirk with satisfaction for putting that look there. I bring his face back down to mine, sucking his bottom lip into my mouth.

  Moving my lips to the outside of his ear, I whisper, “I don’t know what to do now.”

  I hear almost a growl come out of him as he grabs my hips, pushing me to lie down flat on my back. He starts kissing me from my neck down my chest. Lingering there, he reaches around to unhook my bra, throwing it to join my discarded shirt. My nipples are already hard, and when he takes one in his mouth, I almost reach my limit in that first moment.