The Weeping Masses: A Young Adult Dystopian Survival Saga (Juche - Part 3)

by Adria Carmichael

  And how long are we going to be here? Twenty years?

  I hadn’t thought much about our transition into adulthood before because of everything that had happened. But now, this reality was dawning upon me.

  What if we are sent to mining duty like Young Il? Nari wouldn’t survive a week there… let alone a month or a year! And… is there any work detail at all that she could manage? She’s weaker and more fragile than a flower.

  Miss Ae held me and Mina back after class every day to ask about Nari and to give tips and tricks to prepare us for life after school… even if that would come later for Mina than for us. Among other things, Miss Ae told us that the best way to get benefits from the guards was to become an informant - which was shocking to hear coming from her.

  “I really hate telling you this, but it’s just how things work here in Yodok,” she said with a guilty expression. “And if you don’t do it, others will… and then you’re not protected. You never know when someone might inform on you… or Nari.”

  Even though I was repulsed by the idea of becoming an informant, I promised her I would think about it. For Nari’s sake. I also made a plan to talk to Jun Ha about it once I got the chance. I could always rely on him to give good advice about these things… but it had to be far away from prying eyes and ears.

  Occasionally, I saw Chul by the fields next to the guardhouse, laughing and joking with his new guard friends. It made my blood boil every time, but the distance helped me control my urge to run over and beat him to death on the spot. And fortunately, he never came close to the school anymore. If he did, I knew I would lose it. Sometimes our eyes met by accident and he would flash an expression of guilt before looking away… but that only made my blood boil more furiously.

  I will get you for what you did! You just wait! I will make you pay!

  That Saturday - two days before Nari would return to school and six days before our joint fifteenth birthday - just as I was leaving the School of Juche, I saw Hana approaching me. The sun was hidden by dark clouds and a chilling wind went right through my now completely mud-gray clothes and made me shiver.

  I stopped walking and told Mina, Min Ji, and So Won to go ahead without me.

  Watching Hana coming closer, I held my breath.

  Will she bring more information about Chul? Why did she decide to talk to me directly instead of through Jun Ha this time?

  She stopped in front of me and scanned me from head to toe with an amused smirk on her face.

  “So, you finally realized you can’t look like a Capital hotshot in here.”

  I opened my mouth. Suddenly remembering the way I looked made me feel extremely self-conscious. No words came out, however, so I closed my mouth again, wishing I had continued with Mina and the others.

  Hana nodded in the directions of some trees close to the cornfield where I worked on Sundays, and I followed her there, not sure what to expect. As she faced me, I realized this was the first time I was seeing her up close. She was almost a head taller than me with completely straight bangs cutting off her otherwise long and clean black hair. Under the bangs were large dark brown eyes full of confidence and purpose, and under her long neck, her muscular built was evident even through her baggy clothes, which were surprisingly clean and undamaged.

  How big a ration is she getting every day?

  “I’m Hana,” she said with her big brown eyes intensively fixed on mine.

  “Areum,” I said. “I wanted to thank you for—”

  “Don’t worry about it,” she interrupted me. “Listen… I’ve been observing you… you have something very few people here in the camp have… you have strength and courage. I’ve seen it… you have impressed me.”

  “Y-you have seen me?” I stuttered.

  “Listen… I think we can help each other. I know what happened to you and your sister… and Jun Ha told me what you want to do. I can help you with that… if you first help me with a problem I’m having.”

  Hana’s face was right in front of me, her wild eyes from under her bangs wandered all over my face, observing my every reaction.

  “W-what… what did he tell you?”

  “As you know, I know everything about Chul… about what he did. He told me you want to get even, right? So… I can help you with that.”

  I could hardly believe what I was hearing… or what to make of it…

  “How?” I asked hesitantly.

  “We can get into the details later… I have some ideas… but first, we need to take care of my problem, alright?”

  “Er… okay…” I hesitated. “And… what exactly do you need help with?”

  “You see, I am… or rather… I was… the leader of a gang that my brother and I created several years ago. Maybe you’ve heard about it… we’re called the Dragons.”

  I gasped, remembering Mrs. Choy’s warning from the first night she and Mina came over for dinner.

  “You’re the leader of… the Dragons?” I felt the blood draining from my face.

  I looked at this young girl in front of me… from what I had heard about the Dragons, I would never have imagined someone like this being in charge.

  “Was,” Hana corrected me. “I was the leader… and that’s the problem. I know you saw me the other day, after the… the… the exec—” her voice broke and she couldn’t finish pronouncing the word as her eyes welled up. “You know… when we were in the main road… with Hyuk.”

  “With… Hyuk… who—?”

  “The boy… with the wild hair… the one who pushed me to the ground… remember?”

  “Ah… of course… I remember,” I said, feeling my cheeks blush from embarrassment that I hadn’t tried to help her that day. I remembered it very clearly.

  And how could I forget that boy? He looked like a ferocious black-haired lion standing on two legs in prisoner clothing…

  “I recruited him to the Dragons, it must have been three years ago now… worst mistake I ever made. He has been gunning for my position since the start. But together with Namjoo, we held a firm grip on the power. Namjoo was strong and fierce… nobody dared oppose her… she’d crush you in a blink of an eye.”

  “Namjoo… was that the girl who was… executed?”

  Hana’s eyes became shiny again and she started blinking rapidly. Her face turned dark.

  “Yeah… that was the work of Hyuk… he did that. I don’t know how… Namjoo and I, as well as the rest of the Dragons, had an agreement with the guards… they would never touch any of us… but he must have offered them something… must have been something special… so they set her up… caught her stealing some food, and… and… killed her.” A lone tear escaped from her left eye and she quickly wiped it away with the sleeve of her shirt. “Anyway… with her gone, he could easily grab power… he had no problem convincing the guys who didn’t like me as a leader… you know… because I’m a girl. And the others… they were too afraid so they chose to stay silent.”

  The sadness in her face suddenly transformed into anger.

  “So… what do you—?” I started but was immediately cut off.

  “This is my gang, alright,” she shouted at my face as if responding to an objection I hadn’t uttered. “It’s mine! I created it… from… from NOTHING… together with my brother… and no one is going to take it away from me… NO ONE! You understand me?”

  “Yes… yes, of course,” I rushed to say, worried she would completely lose her temper. “But… how about your brother… doesn’t he—”

  “He’s dead, okay! He’s dead! Has been for years… stupid prick… I will never forgive him for that… but it doesn’t matter… we created this together, and that means that it’s ours. PERIOD!”

  Hana was struggling to keep her voice under control.

  “I’m so sorry—”

  “You want my help, right?” Hana cut me off again. “Well, I can help you… but you must help me take Hyuk down first… those are my terms… so I can reclaim my seat as the head of the Dragons, which
is rightfully mine. I have seen you… I have seen what you can do. I know you’re the only person who can do this for me… and I’m the only person who can help you… and your sister… to get back at that bastard. Do we have a deal?”

  “Well, I… wait… what do you mean by ‘you have seen what I can do’? What have you seen?”

  “Well… I was going to talk to you the other day, by the river… but then they showed up before I had the chance… so… I followed you… up into the mountain… I was going to intervene, but… well… then I saw that I didn’t need to. And that’s when I knew… for sure… that you’re the one.”

  I took a step back and looked into her wild eyes for answers.

  “You… you saw me? You saw me fight with… with Chul and Chang Min?”

  “I did,” she said. “That round kick you did… I’ve never seen anything like it. And on a guard, nonetheless… amazing!”

  “But…” my head was spinning “but… why didn’t you come out and help me… or at least come out after… after they were down?”

  “I was a bit taken aback, to be honest… and then, you ran off, so… I missed the opportunity,” Hana started to look somewhat flustered.

  My head then went in a different direction. My heart pounded hard against my chest.

  “And then… then what did you do? Did you… did you… see anything?”

  Hana looked at me for a while, fighting a battle with herself behind her eyes. The wind was picking up, swooshing through the cornfield around us, making waves on it like it was an enormous yellow and green ocean.

  “I did,” she finally said.

  “W-what… what did you see?”

  “Well… after you left, I was just about to go after you, hoping to catch you before you got home… but just then… your sister appeared. Well… I didn’t know she was your sister at the time… so I stayed hidden and watched…”

  “You WATCHED?”

  I started to lose control of the rage building up inside me as the adrenaline pumped ferociously through my veins.

  “As I said… I didn’t know she was your sister… I just saw she went over to Chul on the ground and shook him until he woke up—”

  “She did WHAT?”

  By now, I was almost screaming, completely forgetting about the world around me.

  “Shhh!” Hana whispered. “Yes… she was all agitated, saying please don’t be dead or something like that. Then, when Chul woke up, she seemed relieved. Chang Min also got up. Then they started talking… for a long while, it was really weird… and then all of a sudden Chang Min started ripping her clothes off… and she started screaming, but she didn’t really fight back… and Chang Min and Chul started to… well, that part was just… insanely weird… and then, Chang Min stepped away and lit a cigarette, and Chul… he… er…”

  I looked at Hana in shock with my mouth wide open.

  “It only lasted a couple of minutes. When it was over, she was crying… and he was crying as well… such a weird boy… Chang Min just stood there watching with his cigarette… then he went over and hugged Chul like he was comforting him or something. As I said… it was all really weird. After a while, they all got dressed and went back down together—”

  “Together? What do you—?”

  Nothing Hana was saying made any sense to me.

  “Yeah… I followed them until they reached the road, then they parted… she went home to you, and they went back to the Lotus Garden… you know, the guards’ village. That’s all I know. I went home… I was just stunned by that whole weird scene… and I wasn’t sure what I had seen until the next day when I heard she was your sister.”

  I was seeing red. All the hatred I felt for Chul instantly transferred to this tall girl with round staring eyes standing in front of me. She was big and strong, and neither Chul nor Chang Min would have been any match for her… especially in their condition.

  “So you… you… you just watched my sister get raped? You watched… and you did NOTHING? You just stood there and let it happen?”

  Hana’s face was now turning red.

  “Hey… calm down!” she retorted, slightly backing away from me. “As I told you… I didn’t know she was your sister—”

  “How does that matter? You saw a girl get raped… you could have stopped it… you should have done something… and instead, you did NOTHING?”

  “HEY!” she yelled, this time taking a step toward me, her intense eyes locked on mine. “This is Yodok… not your cozy little Capital where you’re all best buddies and go around helping old ladies to cross the street. This is a life or death prison camp, and the first rule of survival here is not one of those stupid Sacred Camp rules they indoctrinate you with… the first rule of survival is to look out for yourself! If you get involved in other people’s problems, you’re done for. It’s nothing personal… it’s just what you need to do to survive.”

  Hana’s face became redder and redder, and my face felt like it would catch fire at any moment as well.

  “You’re no better than them,” I squeezed through my gritted teeth. “You’re just like them…”

  “I’m nothing like them!” Hana glared at me furiously. “And you’re missing the point… I will help you—”

  “I don’t want your help!” This time, I cut her off. “You could have saved my sister… and you did nothing. But you’re right… you’re not like them. You’re worse! You’re a COWARD!” I could see the spit flying from my mouth as I yelled at her, but I didn’t care. “You stay away from me, you hear? Stay away from me… AND STAY AWAY FROM MY SISTER!”

  I turned around and rushed back to the main road before I’d do something I would regret.

  “YOU’RE MAKING A HUGE MISTAKE!” I heard Hana screaming after me.

  I didn’t look back until I had reached the road, and by that time, Hana was gone. I continued running until I reached our house in the Orchid Garden. The wind was still chilly, but with my body burning in my veins, I didn’t notice it.

  I panted and my head spun as I leaned against the outside wall of our house, unable to halter the thoughts rampantly racing through my head.

  Hana saw my sister get raped! She saw it… and she could have stopped it. BUT SHE DID NOTHING! She’s just as much to blame as all the rest!

  As I opened the door to our house, I was astonished by how much intense hatred my heart could room. Suddenly, I became terrified.

  What if my heart becomes overfilled with hatred? If that happens… will it ever have room for anything else?

  I rushed inside, scaring poor Nari half to death, jumped down to my bed, and grabbed the Great General pin from under my rag pillow. I squeezed it hard in my hand and pressed my eyes tightly shut.

  I felt nothing.

  With trembling hands, I tried to rub its cold rugged surface. I rubbed it frantically, but nothing happened. Finally, I put it over my heart, under my shirt.

  I noticed I was crying, but I still felt nothing…

  … nothing but the endless hatred filling my heart.

  CHAPTER 6

  The following Monday, it was time for Nari to return to school. The days leading up to it, I had been in a turmoil of emotions, shifting from relief to worry and back again. It affected me to such an extent I even blanked out during the self-criticism session the night before, earning me another fifteen minutes of shame time in front of the group. I didn’t explain to Nari why I had come back late from the session. There was no need to make her more anxious than she already was. Nari may have been endowed with a near-photographic memory, but she had not gotten any of our mother’s acting skills and didn’t fool anyone, no matter how many times she repeated she was fine and that we should stop pampering her.

  After breakfast, I waited patiently for her to get ready, and then we walked together along the never-ending main road toward the School of Juche. We walked hand in hand… like sisters. The strong July sun had just started peaking over the watchtowers and electric fences up on the mountain ridg
e to the east. The sun felt good on my face, and my sister’s hand felt warm and comforting in mine. Her face was still bruised and swollen - now more black and purple than red - which drew the attention of some of the guards and prisoners passing by. Some of the guards laughed and pointed at Nari when they saw her, making comments to each other like they were all in on some sort of sick private joke. I didn’t recognize them, but they were no doubt friends of Chul who had heard his boasting numerous times already. It made me beyond furious, but I knew I needed to control myself for Nari. I bit my lip and held my head down.

  Back in class, Miss Ae only beamed her normal radiant smile and said it was good to have Nari back, even if it was only for a couple of days until our birthday that Friday.

  Seeing Nari responding to hard questions and reciting inspirational quotes of the Great General with the greatest of ease, it was hard to believe this was the same wounded little girl, who had just been through a horrible traumatizing nightmare, and whom we had just spent the past week nursing back to health. Normally, I would have felt jealous listening to her extracting difficult words and passages from the infinite library that was her brain, but right now, her mental acuity didn’t bother me in the slightest. It was just a relief to see her back as her old self.

  At first, I followed the class attentively, but my attention declined at the same pace as the temperature rose. By midday, our classroom was steaming. Apart from the horrid stench attacking me from all sides, it kind of reminded me of the aromatic steam rooms of the spas our parents sometimes brought us to in the Capital. But there you were naked and could lean back, close your eyes, and relax… not sit on a hard bench and listen to endless lectures about who knows what. I couldn’t help tuning out from time to time, thinking about my encounter with Hana the day before. I couldn’t understand how somebody could witness a defenseless girl being assaulted without intervening and vowed never to do that if I ever ended up in her situation. I was glad she was kicked out of the Dragons, although it was not nearly a high enough price to pay for what she had done to Nari… or rather what she hadn’t done. I did however feel somewhat sorry for her for losing her brother… and her best friend. Maybe that’s why she had become so callous. Her mortal enemy, Hyuk, was no doubt just as bad as her - probably even worse - but I had never met him and had no bone to pick with him.