The Weeping Masses: A Young Adult Dystopian Survival Saga (Juche - Part 3)

by Adria Carmichael

  Jun Ha came over during the lunch break, interrupting this swirl of thoughts. I cringed as I was certain he would reprimand me for how I had handled the meeting with Hana, but he just gave me an understanding look and then started talking to Nari, saying how glad he was she had recovered from her flu. Min Ji and So Won also came over to welcome her back. Not that they were close friends or anything, but since we came here and started school at the same time, a bond had forged between all of us.

  Nari, Mina, and I stayed behind after class to talk with Miss Ae, who continued with her tips and tricks for camp survival. She started by telling Nari to cut her hair the same way Mina and I had done. Nari only shrugged. Apparently, she didn’t have the same attachment to her life before as I did. Then Miss Ae gave her the same advice she had given me - that the best way to survive after school had finished was to become an informant for the guards. I immediately saw the horror in Nari’s face.

  “I’m sorry, Miss Ae… but I can’t do that,” Nari shook her head, her eyes bulging in panic behind her glasses.

  Miss Ae insisted, however, and made her promise to think it over. Nari nodded, but I knew she wouldn’t. Mina looked more resigned than anything. Having been here two years already, this was nothing new for her. Thinking of all the suffering she must have endured during this time, and how it must have been losing her father, the guilt that had been tormenting me for the past two years resurfaced.

  It’s not only in here that people destroy each other’s lives… but it wasn’t my intention!

  Before letting us go, Miss Ae cautioned us never to forget about the Sacred Rules - outside of her classroom, those might determine whether we live or die. “Yodok is not Choson,” she said. “Choson ended at the gates… never forget that! In here you are the Strayed… and there are plenty of guards who never miss an opportunity to punish you. Don’t give them any excuse!”

  After school, we went to pick up our daily family ration, consisting of one-quarter of a cabbage head and some ground corn - although, given the gray color, you wouldn’t have guessed it was corn. This day, however, to our enormous surprise, the grim silent prisoner with the tattoo around his eye gave us twice our normal ration. I looked in shock at the young guard who stood erect with a clipboard in his hand next to him, and asked if this wasn’t a mistake.

  “You’re the Kims, right?” he asked, annoyed, looking down at his paper. “House 124 in the Orchid Garden?”

  “Yes,” we both answered hesitantly.

  “There’s no mistake… this is your ration.” He then turned to the people behind us and screamed, “NEXT!”

  We took the food and left before he could change his mind.

  “I can’t believe it,” Nari whispered as we sped down the main road. “It must be a mistake… right?”

  “It must be,” I said. “I just hope they won’t barge in tonight and reclaim it… and drag us off to the Center of Truth.” Nari gave me a panicked look, so I rushed to say, “But the guard said there was no mistake… so I don’t think we have to worry.”

  I racked my brain the whole way home. Getting your rations cut was common, but getting more was completely unheard of. At home, we decided to make a feast of it and cooked it all. None of us said it, but I knew both of us were thinking the same thing - if this would turn out to be our last meal, at least we wouldn’t die on an empty stomach.

  As we sat next to each other in front of the cooking pot, watching the slow simmering of the whitish water that spread its usual bitter scent throughout the room, I was no longer thinking about our increased rations. In the end, I couldn’t hold my tongue any longer.

  “Nari…” I hesitated. She looked up at me with her large innocent eyes, magnified by her thick glasses. “I know,” I said. “I know you followed me that night into the mountains… when I was with Chul.” Nari’s face immediately turned red and tense. “And I… I know what happened after… after I left…” I felt a growing lump in my stomach. I observed her in silence, waiting for her to speak, but she didn’t… she just looked down into the mellow flames under the soup pot. “Nari… why did you do it? And… what exactly happened up there?”

  “It doesn’t matter,” Nari mumbled without looking up from the fire.

  “It does matter! Why won’t you tell me?”

  “There’s nothing to tell! It’s over now anyway… just leave it alone.”

  “I can’t—” I started, but at that exact moment, Sun Hee and Young Il entered the room, making me lose my train of thought.

  What’s going on? They have never returned from their work details at the same time before…

  The two of them looked at the unusually full pot over the fire.

  “Today, we’ll eat until we’re full,” Nari smiled.

  I wasn’t sure if she said it because she was eager to share the good news or because she wanted to change the topic.

  Our parents looked at her without understanding, and then back at the pot.

  “We got double rations today. Look! We even asked if it was a mistake, but it wasn’t, so… today we’ll feast.”

  Nari’s smile, however, disappeared quickly when she saw Young Il and Sun Hee looking at the simmering pot with horror on their faces.

  “Nari,” Sun Hee crouched down before her. “Tell me exactly what happened.”

  “Nothing,” Nari’s voice trembled slightly. “We just went to pick up the food as usual… they gave us double… we asked if it was a mistake… they said no, so we went home, and… that’s all… I promise.”

  Sun Hee and Young Il exchanged worried looks.

  “Honey,” Sun Hee whispered to him. “Have you ever heard of such a thing?” Her voice sounded unnaturally tense.

  “Never,” Young Il replied in a hollow voice, shaking his head.

  They both looked over at the door like they were expecting a group of armed guards to storm in and shoot all of us on the spot at this very moment.

  “Do you think it’s… General Roh?” Sun Hee’s voice was now trembling. “Do you think he has set some kind of trap for you?”

  Young Il didn’t answer.

  I suddenly froze.

  What if this is the doing of the Demon of Yodok? Or what if this is all a trap set for me by Colonel Wan? Because I got away from him…

  After about a minute of intense staring at the door, there was still no one barging in and shooting us. But that didn’t help any of us to calm down. Sun Hee and Young Il looked at each other again with an equal level of fear and then sat down next to Nari, facing the door. Nari served them the soup, adding rice from another pot on the floor. They looked at it, and I could see their mouths watering. They threw another worried glance at the door, and then back at Nari, who was observing them almost in a panic. Finally, Sun Hee sighed.

  “It’s okay, Nari… you didn’t do anything wrong,” she said softly, trying to mask her fear with a feeble smile. “I don’t know what happened here… if the guards are up to something, or if something bad will come of this, but… you didn’t do anything wrong.”

  My head was becoming hot.

  Of course, we didn’t do anything wrong… what is she talking about?

  Sun Hee then looked down at her almost full soup bowl. Her face again displayed an internal struggle.

  “Just one thing, Nari… you know, this was probably a once in a lifetime thing… to get this much food… and you know, our food storage is decreasing. It needs to last us through the long winter as well. I just need you to think, okay? It was unnecessary to cook the rice as well, Nari… we need to save… in the winter, we will need our strength more than ever…”

  Nari broke down in tears. I, on the other hand, was furious.

  Where does she come off reprimanding her like that…? Couldn’t we just celebrate this once? After everything Nari has been through…

  I hoped Nari would stand up for herself, but she just sobbed, “I’m sorry, Mom! It won’t happen again.”

  “It’s okay, honey… and it probably
never will happen again,” Sun Hee’s face now displayed guilt. She threw another scared glance at the door before raising the bowl to her mouth.

  Young Il also started eating. He had been silent this whole time, waiting for the storm to blow over, as he always did when his wife got worked up about something.

  It was a restless night, but when the morning came, we were all still there. No guards had come to drag us off to the Center of Truth, and we were lying on our quilts on the hard wooden floor of our house… not in a mass grave up on Cemetery Hill.

  I was, however, still not at ease. Sun Hee had shaken me up too much, so I spent the whole day in Miss Ae’s classroom staring at the door and the whole lunch break throwing worried glances at the guardhouse and the Oversight on the other side of the road.

  When school finished, Nari and I nervously walked over to get our family’s ration, and once again, we received double the normal amount. This time, however, we didn’t ask any questions. We just took it and left. At home, we again cooked all of it, but we didn’t make any rice, not to risk another scolding by Sun Hee.

  That night also passed without any unwanted visitors, and the next day passed uneventfully as well. After school, we could once again return home with an extra-large bundle of ground corn and cabbage, which by now had started drawing hungry and jealous glares from our fellow prisoners, who impatiently awaited their smaller rations behind us in the food line.

  “I hope they don’t know where we live,” I whispered to Nari as we hurried down the main road.

  The days passed. I still had no idea what was going on or if the danger had passed - if there ever had been any to begin with - but for some reason, I didn’t feel that scared anymore. Nari looked calmer as well. This was, of course, partially due to her body and face healing and turning back to a more normal color.

  At first, we did as Sun Hee had instructed and saved some of the cabbage and corn sludge, but soon, the food started to pile up, and we were afraid it would go bad in the summer heat, so she allowed us to continue cooking all of it… at least for the time being. It was a wonderful feeling not to spend the days with constant hunger pains. It was even enough to share with Mina and Mrs. Choy when they came over to see how Nari was doing. Even though Sun Hee still became a bit tense whenever Mrs. Choy was there, with our stomachs full, our life and future suddenly didn’t feel bleak beyond salvation. And with Nari feeling better, we could surprisingly enough spend some nice time together as a family, even though I could never completely shake my father’s crimes and my mother blaming me for what had happened to Nari from the back of my mind.

  Even though things were looking up, I noticed Sun Hee’s face turning more and more puzzled and preoccupied as the days progressed.

  “I just don’t understand it,” she finally said one night as we all lay on our quilts with our shrunken stomachs filled to the brim. “If it’s a trap… why drag it out for so long? Why not get it over with right away? Why waste the food?”

  Young Il said nothing, looking more tired and worn out than concerned. I also didn’t have any intention of getting involved in pointless speculations, so I closed my eyes and waited for the much-needed sleep to temporarily liberate me from this place.

  As my breaths grew slower and deeper, and the horrible aftertaste of the corn soup finally seemed to be receding, Sun Hee suddenly sat up with a jolt, scaring all of us half to death.

  “Get up! I have an idea,” she pushed her husband and daughter, who remained groaning on the floor. “I don’t know if this situation will continue or not, but we need to be smart,” she continued, scanning the room with frantic eyes. “Young Il… we need to make a pit to store the food… here is too hot during the day, and anyone could just open the door and grab it when we’re not at home.”

  “A pit? What are you talking about?” Young Il sat up on his elbows with deeply furrowed brows.

  “There,” she said and pointed at the corner. “We can loosen those floorboards and dig the pit right underneath it.”

  Young Il and I looked at her dumbfounded, but Nari said, “That sounds like a really good idea, Mom.”

  “But… what if they catch us?” Young Il said.

  “What if, what if, what if!” Sun Hee repeated, annoyed. “How about what if they steal our food? Or what if we try to save food for later and it gets ruined? There are a whole bunch of what-ifs to be afraid of… let’s just do what gives us the best chances of staying alive! Are you with me?”

  Is she out of her mind? I thought, opening my mouth. Young Il, on the other hand, stood up, walked over to her, and started feeling the floorboards.

  “They certainly didn’t waste money on nails… I could probably get them out fairly easily,” he forced a smile at his content wife. “Let’s do it.”

  “Thank you, Dear,” she sighed with relief and crouched down next to him in the corner.

  I lay down on my quilt and faced the wall with the cold metal of my Great General pin firmly pressed against the palm of my hand to distract me from my crazy parents as the work started behind me. Holding the pin like this had become a habit, even if it no longer provided me with the reassurance and comfort I so greatly yearned for. I certainly hadn’t expected this turn of events just a couple of minutes ago as I was slowly drifting off to sleep. It wasn’t that the idea didn’t make sense to me, but…

  … is now the right time to bring this kind of extra risk into our family?

  Either way, I didn’t want to argue with them. I didn’t want to get involved. Instead, I surrendered to my exhaustion.

  As I woke up the next morning, there was already a significant hole in the ground under the removed floorboards. I exchange a glance with Nari, who was just as surprised as I was.

  How long did they work last night?

  I didn’t ask. I still didn’t want to be involved in this.

  After breakfast, our parents put the floorboards carefully back in their place before we left the house for another excruciating day in Penal Labor Camp No. 15.

  CHAPTER 7

  By the end of the first week back at school, Nari had almost completely returned to her old self. Her face had healed, apart from some small dry scabs here and there. This was largely due to the bigger portions we could allow ourselves, despite saving part of the extra cabbage we got in our rations in our new cold storage pit under the floor, which now was big enough to also fit our rice bags. We were, of course, often tempted to eat all of it right away, but we didn’t know how long these mysterious extra rations would continue, so mom stood firm on spreading it out as much as possible. The storage pit was also secured now. We had used part of the mud we dug up to create walls around it reaching all the way up to the floorboards so it wouldn’t become flooded during the next rainstorm.

  I was happy to see Nari feeling better, and I had stopped asking her about that night. I had learned to accept it was pointless. Instead, we spent our time together talking about what would happen in just a few days, when our birthday would come, and we would start working like the rest of the adults.

  “Where do you think they will put us?” Nari asked me worriedly. “Do you think it will be out in the fields? On the animal farm? In the sewing factory with mom, or…”

  “In the mines… with Young Il?” I completed her sentence. That was my greatest fear as well. “No, Nari… that won’t happen… I won’t let it happen…”

  In the end, we had, of course, no idea where they would put us, and even if some options were worse than others, no work detail put my mind at ease. Nari tried to act like it was fine, that she would manage it, but we both knew it would be much more difficult for her… not to say impossible. Even now when we worked only on Sundays, Nari was unable to fill her quota by herself. Mina had always helped her, and since the assault, I had also started supporting her. So we were three people working to fill Nari’s quota… on top of our own. After this Friday, that would no longer be possible. Mina would stay in school until her fifteenth birthday, which wasn�
�t until October, so she would only be able to help on Sundays. And that was only if she by chance ended up in the same cornfield… which was highly unlikely. Our biggest fear, however, was that Nari and I would get different work assignments altogether.

  How will she be able to do all the work on her own…?

  Thoughts like that kept me up every night, and my anxiety grew rapidly since we wouldn’t have our verdict until our very last school day.

  Together with my worries concerning our looming adulthood in Yodok, I was also kept awake at night by the growing realization that our eternal Father - the Great General indeed had abandoned me.

  But why has he abandoned me? Was it because of what I did to Kyung Sook during the tryouts? Or was it because of what I did to Mina two years ago? Or am I really paying for the sins of my father?

  The day before we would leave our safe haven forever progressed slowly and extremely fast at the same time. When Miss Ae announced that the class had finished for the day, my body refused to stand up from the bench. My benchmates had to push me off it. Miss Ae gave me a long, compassionate look, but in the end, there was nothing she could do about it.

  I exited the School of Juche like in a haze. The strong sun blinded my eyes and made me feel even more disoriented. I put my hand up to shield my squinting eyes from the sun and searched for Nari. It took a while for my eyes to become accustomed to the light, and when I finally spotted her, I froze in absolute horror. At first, I didn’t believe what I was seeing, so I rubbed my eyes with my knuckles. It didn’t help. With my heart hammering against my ribcage, I observed Nari standing under some trees by the road and talking with… Chul.