A Million Little Things--A Novel

by Susan Mallery

  Steven swallowed and stood. “Yes, ma’am.”

  He disappeared at a pace just fast enough to let Pam know the message had been received. Honestly, what was with young people today?

  Miguel returned with a full glass of iced tea. He put it down on the small table next to her. “Everything all right?”

  She smiled at him. “Things are pretty great right now.”

  Chapter Six

  The party started to wind down some time around seven. By seven-thirty, nearly everyone had left. Pam carried serving dishes into the kitchen and set them on the counter.

  “That was a lot of fun,” she said cheerfully. “Thanks for inviting me.”

  “My pleasure.” Zoe looked at the last of her guests, still talking in her backyard. “I should do this more often. I had such a good time.”

  Pam leaned against the counter. “Did you talk to Jen at all?”

  “A little. Why?”

  “I don’t know. I worry about her. She’s so caught up with Jack. It’s one thing to be a good mother, but another to stop having a life outside of your child.”

  Zoe didn’t want to step on any toes, but Pam had started the conversation. “She’s different,” she admitted. “Since having Jack. I love her and would do anything for her, but I sometimes wonder how interested she is in our friendship.”

  “That makes me sad.” Pam pressed her lips together. “If she was happy spending every second with her baby, I would be fine with it. But she’s so stressed, all the time. I just...” She looked at Zoe. “Maybe we should talk to her. The two of us. Tell her that we’re worried.”

  Zoe took a step back. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. Jen isn’t going to take it well. She’s going to assume we’re ganging up on her.”

  “Not if we start by telling her we love her. She needs to hear the truth from people who care about her. I’ll text you some dates and times. We’ll figure out when we’re both available and Jen is home. While Jack is napping would probably be best. I don’t want her distracted.”

  Pam hugged her, then waved as she left the kitchen. “I’ll be in touch. Bye.”

  Zoe held in a groan. She had a bad feeling about confronting Jen. Interventions went well when they were in a movie or on TV but she doubted real life was that tidy. She was running low on friends—she didn’t want to lose one of the few she had left. But she also didn’t want to offend Pam.

  “You’re looking serious about something,” Steven said as he came into the kitchen and set a pitcher of iced tea on the counter. “Everything okay?”

  “Just deep thoughts.” No way she was going to drag him into this, she thought. Getting caught between his sister and his mother was the definition of a rock and a hard place.

  “That’s the last of the drinks from outside,” he told her. “What else can I do to help?”

  “You’ve done enough.”

  Not only had he been attentive to her friends, he’d kept serving bowls filled and drinks topped up.

  She smiled. “You’re an excellent kind of guest to have.”

  “My mom taught me to be handy.” He started to say something, then seemed to change his mind. “Mason survive Mariposa?”

  “He actually likes her. He always has, which is good. I would hate for my dad’s dog to see my cat as a living chew toy.”

  “I’m pretty sure Mason could take care of himself. He’s a smart guy.” He picked up a half-full bottle of chardonnay. “One more glass?”

  “Sure.”

  She pulled two glasses out of the cupboard and he poured, then they both went into the living room and sat on her sofa. There was a single lamp on in the corner, but otherwise the room was dim. Zoe briefly thought about turning on more lights, but decided against it. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been in the semidark with a handsome, charming man. Chad didn’t count because he’d turned out to be a total mistake. Which meant it had been years and years. She was due for some handsome-man-in-the-dark time.

  “Your dad’s nice,” Steven said.

  His tone was completely neutral, but she had a feeling he wasn’t as calm as he acted. She decided to test the waters.

  “He spent a lot of time with your mom today.”

  “I noticed. I hope she didn’t...” He set his glass on the coffee table. “I tried to talk to her about him.”

  Zoe felt her eyes widen. “Wow. How did that go?”

  “Not well. She told me—” He cleared his throat. “That doesn’t matter. I hope he doesn’t hurt her.”

  “Wouldn’t they have to get involved for that to happen?” she asked gently. “Steven, you’re sweet to worry, but there are a million steps between tonight and that. Yes, my dad was a bit of a player when he was younger. But less so now. And he’s not a bad guy. When my parents got divorced, it was the most civil, friendly marriage dissolution ever. He and my mom stayed friends. The three of us were together when she died and he was as sad as I was.”

  “I’m sorry about your mom, but I’m glad you’re telling me good things about your dad.” He hesitated. “My mom and dad were together a long time. I worry about her being out of her element.”

  “That’s really sweet and you have to let it go. Wait until something happens before you get crazy. And for what it’s worth, I kind of warned her off, too.”

  “You did?”

  “Yes, but I have a feeling I was a lot more subtle than you.”

  “Probably.” One shoulder rose. “I’m a guy. Subtle is hard for me. I just say what I think.”

  “That’s not a bad quality,” she told him. In fact, it was an excellent one. A man who said what was on his mind. How refreshing, and unlike Chad.

  He angled toward her. “I’m glad you think so, because I’d like to see you again. Is that okay?”

  Pleasure flooded her from her head to her toes. She smiled. “I’d like that a lot.”

  “Good.” He rose. “Now I’m going to get out of here before I do something I shouldn’t.” He drew her to her feet. “Well, maybe just one thing.”

  He kissed her. Softly, gently. Just lips lightly touching hers. More promise than passion, Zoe thought, leaning into him. Which was exactly what she was looking for.

  * * *

  “Jen, you have to relax.”

  Until this minute, Jen had always liked Dr. Miller. Jack’s pediatrician was intelligent, caring and good with both parents and children. Her staff was always so cheerful. Jen felt safe and cared for in the office. Or she had.

  Dr. Miller, a gray-haired woman in her fifties, offered a sympathetic smile. “There aren’t any more tests. Nothing else to be done. Jack is healthy and smart and affectionate. He’ll talk when he’s ready.”

  “But—”

  “Medically, there’s nothing else to be done.” Dr. Miller’s tone was firm. “Get him into a playgroup. Have him interact with other children. Once he hears them talking, he may get inspired. If nothing else, you’ll have some other new moms to spend time with. That will help.”

  “Is this your polite way of telling me I’m losing it?” Jen asked, not sure if she was more hurt or angry.

  “You’re anxious. It’s natural. You love your son and you’re a good mom.”

  Jen noticed there was no firm “No” in those few sentences.

  She wanted to stand up and start screaming—something that wouldn’t help her cause. But she knew she wasn’t the problem. There was something wrong with her son. Why couldn’t other people see it? Why was she the only one?

  “I don’t want him in a playgroup,” she said instead. “There are too many germs and sick kids.”

  “He needs to be exposed to a few viruses. Fighting them will strengthen his immune system.”

  Or kill him. But Jen didn’t say that.

 
“Do you have help with day care?” the doctor asked.

  “My mom looks after him sometimes. She’s the only one I trust. I’m afraid of what would happen if he was in a day care situation or with a babysitter.”

  “Start with a playgroup. See how that goes. And think about finding some outside help with Jack. You need to get out more, Jen. Having a baby is wonderful, but it doesn’t mean you have to give up being you.”

  Which all sounded really good, Jen thought bitterly, but wasn’t the least bit helpful.

  She collected Jack and walked out of the office, then down the hall to the waiting area. Frustration built inside of her. Why wouldn’t anyone listen? Not that there was an answer. Jack’s own doctor had given up on him. There was nowhere else to turn.

  She felt the familiar combination of panic and tears building up inside of her. In a few minutes she wasn’t going to be able to breathe and if she started sobbing, she wouldn’t stop for several minutes. She had to get out of here. To the safety of being alone.

  Just then her phone chirped. She checked the screen and saw that her mother had texted, asking if she could stop by later. Relief overrode panic.

  Yes. Please do.

  Jen drew in a breath. Having her mom around for an hour or so would help, she told herself. Even if Pam didn’t believe there was a problem with Jack, she was a friendly face. She would listen and offer comfort and hugs. Exactly what Jen needed today.

  * * *

  “This is not a good idea,” Zoe said, trying not to clutch her stomach and rock. She felt a little light-headed and sick. “Jen is going to be mad.”

  “No, she won’t,” Pam said firmly. “She’ll appreciate our support. You agree that she needs to take a step back from her ridiculous helicopter parenting and start being a person again, don’t you?”

  “I wouldn’t put it like that, exactly,” Zoe said as she wondered how badly she would get hurt if she jumped out of the moving SUV.

  “We agreed this was the right thing to do. We’re being honest.”

  Zoe was starting to think honesty was far from the best policy, but before she could say that, they were pulling up in front of Jen’s house.

  For a second she thought about simply telling Pam no. That this wasn’t a good idea. At the same time, she wondered if hearing from both of them was exactly what Jen needed. Wouldn’t it be great if she could get her friend back?

  Together she and Pam walked to the front door. Jen had her hand-painted, baby-sleeping sign out. Pam knocked softly, then opened the front door and stepped inside.

  “We’re here,” she called softly.

  “Who’s we?” Jen asked as she stepped out of the kitchen. She spotted Zoe and looked confused. “Oh, hi. Did I know you were coming by today, too?”

  “Not exactly,” Zoe admitted. Before she could say anything else, Pam took charge.

  “Zoe and I want to talk to you.”

  Jen’s expression turned wary. “Why is there a Zoe and you to begin with? What’s going on?”

  They were not getting off to a good start, Zoe thought anxiously. If this went badly, Pam would still be Jen’s mother. That couldn’t be changed. But friendship was much more fragile than a family bond.

  “We’ve been talking,” Pam said. “Let’s go into the family room.”

  Jen looked like she was going to bolt. Zoe understood the reaction completely. Not only wasn’t this going to go well, but she could tell that Pam was going to do all the talking. Which was probably for the best—Pam knew her daughter. But it also left Zoe agreeing through silence. Which meant being blamed for everything, too. She was going to have to speak up and soon.

  “We love you, Jen,” she said as soon as they were seated. “You’re my best friend and you mean everything to me.”

  Jen didn’t look reassured. “Then what is this about?”

  “You’re obsessed with Jack,” Pam said bluntly. “You have too many rules. You’re smothering him with your attentiveness. I get that you want to be a good mother, but you’ve gone way too far with it. It’s one thing to have a schedule, but this household is run with NASA-like precision. Kids are tough, Jen. Lighten up.”

  Zoe held in a groan. That was not the right approach to take, she thought, searching for a way to mitigate what had just been said.

  “Lighten up?” Jen asked, her voice low and controlled. “Lighten up? What exactly is your complaint? That I care too much? That I worry? What kind of mother would I be if I didn’t? You worried plenty, but I suppose that’s okay?” Her voice rose. “My son won’t talk. That’s not normal. But all you can see is I worry too much? I’m his mother. I know him better than anyone. I’m with him every second of every day.”

  “That’s the problem,” Pam told her. “You need to get out and have a life of your own. You can’t be defined by your children. You’re constantly worrying about what might never happen, which means you don’t get to enjoy all the good stuff right in front of you.”

  “You don’t know what I’m going through,” Jen told her.

  “I had three kids. I think I know something. You’re neglecting your marriage. That’s not a good idea, Jen. One day Kirk isn’t going to be so understanding.”

  Oh, God! Zoe wanted to cover her ears with her hands and start humming. She so didn’t want to be hearing this, only she couldn’t figure out how to quietly escape.

  “You’re a part of this?” Jen asked Zoe. “You think I’m stunting my son through my ridiculous concerns?”

  “That isn’t what I said,” Zoe told her. “Jen, you’re my friend.”

  “Not really. Not like this. I can’t believe you ganged up on me with my mother. Who else have you been talking to? I thought I could trust you. I thought you were on my side.” Tears filled her eyes. “You two had better get out. Just leave.”

  Zoe’s stomach turned over. “I’m sorry. Jen, please understand. We just wanted...”

  “You wanted what? To make me feel like shit? Well, you did. Congratulations.” Tears spilled down her cheeks. “Get out now!”

  Pam rose. “You’re making a mistake, Jennifer. We only want to help you. I hope, with time, you can come to see that.”

  Jen pointed to the front door.

  Zoe and Pam walked out to the car. “I’m going to throw up,” Zoe said. “That was horrible. She’s really upset.”

  “She’ll get over it.”

  “You sound very casual.”

  They got in the SUV.

  “Jen has always had a dramatic streak. You should have seen her in high school. Sometimes I get a little impatient with her. I know I shouldn’t but she frustrates me.” She started the engine. “I meant what I said. She’s missing out on wonderful days, coloring them with her incessant fear that something bad is going to happen. Sure, it might, but what if it never does? She will have suffered for nothing. Worse, she will have missed out, and that makes me sad. I want more for her and for her relationship with Jack.” Pam offered a smile. “Don’t worry. She’ll come around.”

  “I hope so.”

  “Thanks again for inviting me to your barbecue. It was fun.”

  “I’m glad you could come.”

  Pam glanced at her. “What do you think of Steven?”

  “He’s nice. Very—” Zoe felt her eyes widen. “You set us up? Is that why you had him call me about my attic stairs?”

  “You’re single. He’s single. I gave a little push. If it works out, great. If not, no harm done.”

  Pam’s smile was friendly enough, and on the surface, her sentiment was perfectly fine, but Zoe had a feeling that there was more to Pam than she’d realized. A determination and view of the world that were unique to her. She supposed everyone was like that. What was the old saying? That everyone was the star of their own life.

  Pam was a powerful
, self-confident woman who took control of most situations. Zoe hadn’t expected that. Now she was caught up in Jen-drama in a way that might not end well. She also had to consider that if things went badly with Steven, there would be ramifications with Pam. Her seemingly sad, empty life had just taken a turn for the complicated.

  * * *

  Pam sat at her small kitchen table and stared out at the ever-changing ocean, phone in hand. Lulu was stretched out in a patch of sun, while Pam chatted with her friend Olimpia.

  “The day trip to Moscow is going to be long,” Olimpia was saying. “We’ll have to make sure we take protein bars with us.”

  “They’ll have food in Moscow,” Pam teased, shifting her phone to the other ear. “I’m confident Russians eat just like we do.”

  “You know how the tours go. Rush, rush, rush.”

  Pam laughed. This always happened. About six weeks before their trip, Olimpia got crazy. In a couple of days she would calm down and be up for anything on the trip, but the pretravel jitters were always powerful.

  Pam had met Olimpia, Laura and Eugenia two years ago on a Caribbean cruise. Pam had been recently widowed and was by herself. Olimpia and her friends had taken her under their collective wing and gotten her through a very rough time. As the three of them were also widows, they had understood what she was going through.

  The three friends had become four friends. Now they traveled together a few times a year. Mostly cruises—like their upcoming Northern European jaunt in June—or weekends to hang out. They would all be in Phoenix in a couple of weeks.