A Million Little Things--A Novel

by Susan Mallery

  Pam sniffed. “Are you telling me that my son will choose that woman over me?”

  “In a heartbeat, Mom. In a heartbeat.”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Zoe had to admit that watching a good-looking guy do manual labor on a spring afternoon was a great way to spend her time. Steven had already completed two of the raised beds in her garden and was just finishing up the third. Next up would be a simple irrigation system that would allow her to water the beds with a single turn of a handle. Between now and the project being finished, all she had to do was figure out exactly what she wanted to plant.

  “Is Mason going to use this as a giant litter box?” Steven asked as he screwed the last board in place. “Or is that okay in the world of organic produce?”

  Zoe sat on a blanket in the shade, Mason next to her. She stroked her cat. “Mason is a litter box kind of guy. He doesn’t do dirt. I guess no one taught him that the outdoors is basically a giant cat litter box, so we’re safe from him.” She smiled. “My neighbors are mostly dog people, so I think it’s going to be okay.”

  “Good.” He reached for one more screw.

  Not exactly a romantic conversation, but one that was practical. She watched Steven work, grateful he was concerned about her and the garden.

  “I’ve got a friend who owns a pickup,” he told her. “I’ll borrow it to pick up the dirt this week. The guy at the nursery said it would be in Tuesday.”

  “Thank you. I’ll finalize what I want to plant tonight and place my order.”

  “My little farm girl,” he teased.

  “That’s me. I need to buy something in gingham. Maybe a big straw hat.”

  “You need the hat to keep out of the sun.” He stood and surveyed the three raised beds. “All right. There you go.”

  He collected his tools and other supplies, then joined her on the blanket. She handed him a glass of lemonade.

  “I really appreciate you doing this for me,” she told him. “Seriously. It means a lot.”

  “I like working around the house. At the office I’m pretty much stuck behind a desk. Every now and then I get to a job site, but mostly when there’s a crisis, so that’s no fun.”

  “Do you miss being one of the guys?”

  “Sometimes.” He smiled at her. “I remember the first time my dad took me with him to a construction job. I was maybe six. I had my own tiny tool belt and a hard hat. All the guys called me Sport or Buddy. I thought I was so cool.”

  “You never wanted to do anything else?”

  He shook his head. “I knew I would go into my dad’s business. Brandon was never interested, nor was Jen. It worked out.”

  “But you would have liked to wait awhile to take charge.”

  “Yeah. Not just because I miss him but because it was a lot to take on.”

  She thought about all he’d been through. How he could have balked at having to take over such a large company. But he hadn’t. He’d given his all and he’d been successful.

  She shifted so she was sitting cross-legged. “I have to tell you something.”

  “Okay.” His dark gaze settled on her face.

  She drew in a breath. “Chad proposed. I told him no,” she added quickly, then stopped talking to give Steven time to process the information.

  His gaze didn’t waver. “Are you sure?”

  “Yes. I don’t want to be with him. I’ve done a lot of thinking about our relationship. I know why I was interested in him and I know why it didn’t work. I’m as much to blame for all of it as he is. Maybe more. Rather than look at who he was and who I was when I was with him, I played a game of pretend. It was all going to be better someday. I wasn’t realistic.”

  She felt herself flushing, but kept talking. She wanted to tell him everything. She didn’t want any secrets with Steven.

  “I kept telling myself that everything would be okay if he and I got married. What I couldn’t see or didn’t want to see was that the problem wasn’t tying him down. It was that he didn’t want to be that involved with me. I think I was close to figuring it all out when my mom died.”

  He nodded. “That makes sense.”

  Because Steven understood what it was like to lose a parent. In fact, he’d been the one to first bring up the theory of how her mother’s death had impacted her relationship with Chad.

  “You were right before,” she continued. “I felt so vulnerable and alone. Chad was there. What we had was familiar. So I hung on for a couple more years. I wish I hadn’t. I wish I’d been stronger.” She lightly touched her belly. “I want to be clear, Steven. I don’t regret the baby. I regret the how and that it’s Chad’s, but I’m not sorry I’m pregnant. I can’t be. This is my child.”

  “I know that, Zoe. You could have gotten rid of it and no one would have known. But you didn’t. I respect that.”

  “Thank you. I’ve talked to my lawyer. We’re working to have the parenting plan agreed to before the baby’s born.” She hesitated. “I’m going to ask for full custody with Chad only having visitation rights. He has that with his ex-wife, so I don’t think it will be a problem. So I will be the full-time parent.”

  He tilted his head. “You think that’s a surprise? I didn’t expect anything else from you.” He leaned toward her. “Zoe, I get it. You’re having a baby and that baby is going to be around all the time. Are you trying to scare me away?”

  “No. I’m hoping you’ll stay. I just want you to know what you’re in for.”

  “I’m in this for you.” He brushed his mouth against hers. “Now that I know he’s not going to poop in the vegetables, I’m in it for Mason, too.”

  She laughed. “Thank you. You’ve been so great. I really like what we have together.”

  “Me, too.”

  “Your mom still hates me.”

  He straightened and made a noise in the back of his throat. “You and me both.”

  “That’s a problem.”

  “No, it’s not.”

  “You say that now, but she’s your Mom. You love her. You don’t want to make her unhappy.”

  “Are you saying I have to choose?”

  “I’m not, but she might.” She held up a hand. “Steven, I really don’t want to lose you, but I also don’t want to make trouble.”

  He put down his lemonade and shifted on the blanket so he could lower her to the ground. As he bent over her, he smiled. “Zoe, you’re sweet. Thank you for that. Let me be clear. I’m in love with you.”

  Her mind went totally blank. She couldn’t speak, could barely breathe. He loved her? He loved her!

  One corner of his mouth turned up. “Yeah, it shocked the hell out of me, too.”

  When she opened her mouth, he touched his fingers to her lips. “Don’t say anything back. I want you to think about it. I want you to think about us and what we could be together. I love you. I want to be with you. I want to be a part of this baby’s life and all the other babies you have. I have a lot of plans for us. But first you have to be sure. So take all the time you need.”

  She wanted to tell him that she loved him, too, but understood what he was saying. They both had to be sure she wasn’t just reacting to his wonderful declaration.

  She kissed him. “This probably means I could get some right now.”

  He started to laugh. “It probably does. Is that what you want?”

  “Always.”

  * * *

  “This is Desire.”

  Jen smiled at the young woman standing beside Lucas. Seriously? Desire? “Nice to meet you.”

  Desire, a platinum blonde who was maybe twenty-two, dimpled. “Lucas had told me so much about you and your little boy. We’re very excited to babysit tonight.”

  Knowing how well Lucas and Jack got along, Jen thought that mi
ght actually be true. But she was surprised that her husband’s partner wanted to include babysitting a twenty-one-month-old in his dating repertoire. Still, Kirk’s last-minute suggestion they go out to dinner had left her scrambling for child care. She’d been about to talk to Rose at the day care place to see if one of the child care providers could fill in when Kirk had offered Lucas.

  Jen knew that a short three months ago, she would have thrown herself off a cliff before letting Lucas anywhere near her son. Now she knew better.

  Lucas followed Desire into the house. As he passed Jen, he leaned in and whispered, “I promise we won’t have sex in front of him.”

  She laughed. “I actually believe you on that. I don’t care if you drink, but no cigars in the house.”

  “Agreed. What about TV?”

  “No porn.”

  Lucas chuckled. “Not my style, but thank you for the clarification.” He studied her for a second. “You’re looking good.”

  She brushed the front of her dress. “Thank you. I haven’t worn this in a while.”

  “No, I meant you. Not the dress. How are you feeling?”

  “Good. Better. Thank you for all your—”

  He shook his head. “Don’t go there, Jen. Don’t thank me. We’re family. This is what we do for each other, okay?”

  “Then I won’t thank you but can I at least set you up with a woman in her thirties? Just once? You could try it.”

  He winked. “Maybe in a few years. When I’m older.”

  She groaned. “Fine. I’m going to go finish getting ready. Kirk’s in the shower. We should be out of here in about twenty minutes.”

  She turned as Jack came running into the living room. He took one look at Lucas and shrieked happily, then held out his arms. Lucas picked him up and swung him around.

  “Hey, look at you, my man. You’re so big.” He drew Jack against his chest. “Jack, this is Desire. Can you say hi?”

  “Hi,” Jack said with a smile. “Pretty.”

  Desire smiled. “Thank you. You’re very charming.”

  Jen did her best to enjoy the moment. She occasionally heard Jack talking. He still wouldn’t talk directly to her, but that was okay. Annoying but okay.

  “Give us a few minutes,” she called as she went down the hall toward the master.

  She’d done her makeup earlier and curled her hair. All she had to do was put on lipstick and her shoes. Kirk should be out of the shower by now and—

  She’d barely stepped into the bedroom when her husband grabbed her and pulled her close. With one hand he closed and locked the door, with the other he reached for her breasts. At the same time he claimed her with a deep kiss that had her bones melting.

  “What are you—” she managed between kisses.

  “God, I’ve missed you. Missed us.”

  It was only then that she realized he was completely naked. And aroused.

  Still kissing her, he backed her up toward the bed. She went willingly, grateful she hadn’t put on dressy jeans for their night out. She only had to unzip her dress for it to fall to the floor. He immediately had her bra off and she pushed her panties to the floor. Then they were on the bed and he was touching her everywhere.

  Hunger burned. She stroked his back and tangled her legs with his while he rubbed her breasts, before easing his hand between her legs. His fingers found her clit and in seconds, she was breathing hard.

  They continued to kiss, tongues rubbing, arousing. She supposed she should care that Lucas and Desire were out in the living room. That Jack was still awake. But screw it, she thought, then giggled at the double entendre.

  “What?” Kirk asked.

  “I love you,” she told him, and pushed him onto his back.

  He sucked in a breath. “You on top?”

  It was his favorite position—one she rarely wanted to do for an assortment of reasons that all seemed really stupid right now. He liked it, she came faster and who cared if she bounced around like a fool? Sex wasn’t supposed to be dignified, right?

  “Me on top.”

  She straddled him, then lowered herself onto him. He filled her so deeply, she groaned. He reached for her breasts and squeezed her tight, sensitive nipples. She lowered her hand so she could rub between her legs even as she raised and lowered herself on his erection.

  It didn’t take long, she thought, barely able to breathe as she went from take me to I’m coming in less than a minute. The combination of his hands and hers, his dick and her circling herself pushed her right to the edge. She opened her eyes and saw him watching her.

  “Do it,” he growled. “Come on, Jen. Let me see you come. All of it.”

  She moved faster and faster, rode him up and down then gave in to the inevitable. She cried out as she came, her muscles contracting around him. She kept her eyes open the whole time, letting him see what he’d asked. All of her. All of them.

  She stopped touching herself and leaned forward, bracing herself on her hands. He moved to grip her hips. Her climax continued, lighter now, with only the internal stimulation. He moved faster, harder. Their eyes locked until he, too, lost himself in the pleasure.

  When they were done, he rolled her onto her side.

  “You’re so sexy,” he whispered. “I’ve missed you.”

  “I’ve missed you, too.” She smiled and kissed him, then looked at the clock. “Four minutes. I’m not sure that’s a personal best for us, but it’s close.”

  He chuckled and hugged her. She held on to him.

  “I want to do this more,” she whispered into his chest, listening to the rapid beating of his heart. “A lot more.”

  “Me, too. I love you.”

  “I love you, too.”

  He smiled at her. “I’m starving. Ready for dinner?”

  “Yes, but we should probably get dressed first.”

  Kirk laughed. “You might be right.”

  * * *

  Pam arrived ten minutes early for her meeting with Filia, but the other woman was already there. Pam took one look at Filia’s anguished face and knew the news wasn’t good. Before she could say anything, she noticed Filia’s ten-year-old daughter sitting next to her.

  Filia rose. “I’m sorry. Marta asked to come with me and I didn’t want to refuse her. I like that she’s interested in my business. She won’t be any trouble. I hope that’s all right.”

  “Of course it is,” Pam told her gently. “There’s a conference room next to my office. She can sit in there and be perfectly safe while we’re talking.”

  It only took a few minutes to get Marta settled. Pam led Filia next door and positioned her chair so Filia could see her daughter through the glass walls of the conference room. Pam sat at her desk.

  “Tell me,” she said, knowing Filia had set up meetings while Pam was gone.

  “The banks turned me down. The second one wouldn’t even make an appointment with me. They said I didn’t qualify.” Color stained her cheeks. “I work hard. Sometimes I work seven days a week. I know what I’m doing. I’m a good risk. I started with nothing and I built my business into what it is today. I don’t understand. Is it because I’m a woman? That I wasn’t born in this country? What is it?”

  “I don’t know,” Pam said honestly. “I’m sorry you went through this and I’m really sorry I wasn’t here.” Not every client got every loan they applied for, but they usually got a meeting and some consideration. “I’m not giving up. I hope you feel the same way.”

  “I’m not. I’m determined. I—”

  “Good morning, Pamela.”

  Pam looked up and saw Miguel in the open doorway to her office. He was so unexpected and he looked so good. Her heart fluttered, her mouth went dry. She knew she couldn’t speak, so it was for the best that he glanced from her to Filia and shook
his head.

  “My apologies. I didn’t know you were with someone. I’ll come back.”

  She hadn’t seen him since before the cruise. She didn’t know why he was here now, but she wanted to make sure she had a chance to talk to him.

  “Should I leave?” Filia asked.

  “No,” Pam and Miguel said together.

  Miguel nodded. “I’ll wait, if that’s all right?”

  “It is.” Pam waited until he was gone before turning back to Filia. She gave herself a single heartbeat to hope that his appearance meant he hadn’t completely given up on her, then pushed him from her mind so that she could focus on her meeting. “I’m so sorry for the interruption.”

  Filia smiled. “Your friend is a very handsome man. I feel as if I’ve seen him before.”

  “He gets that a lot. Now about your determination.”

  “I’m very determined. I’m worried about getting a loan, but I’m not giving up. So many people have told me I can’t over and over again. That I couldn’t come to America. That I couldn’t start a business. That I couldn’t make it successful. All my life I was told I dream too big. But I was raised to be strong and to believe in myself. I’m going to make this happen.”

  “I know you are,” Pam told her, impressed by Filia’s resolve. “Those banks were just the first round. We have many more options. I want to try the Mischief Bay Credit Union next. They like to make loans in the community.” There were also grants and the angel funds, but Pam had to make sure that conventional funding had been attempted first.

  “Now that I’m back, I’ll come with you to your meetings.”

  “I’d appreciate having you there,” Filia told her. “Thank you so much. As soon as you get me the information, I’ll set up the appointment.”

  “Give me two minutes. I’ll go pull the forms right now.”

  She walked back to the file room where they kept the information on banks and credit unions. Pam found the files on the one she wanted. As she walked back to her office, she saw Miguel talking to Filia’s daughter. No, not talking, she realized with a start. He was letting the girl paint his fingernails.