A Million Little Things--A Novel

by Susan Mallery

  The sight of the strong, handsome man of the world with the little girl melted her heart. It also gave her hope. Hope she hadn’t realized she’d been wishing for. Not that she was ready to get involved with Miguel romantically. Only she did want to see him and talk to him, and well, if he kissed her again, that might be all right, too.

  She returned to Filia and they went over the various forms. While Filia would submit them online, Pam wanted to make sure she understood everything the credit union was looking for. Thirty minutes later, Pam hugged Filia.

  “I’m with you,” she promised. “However long this takes, I’ll be with you and we’ll make this happen.”

  “Thank you.”

  They went through to the conference room. Pam smiled when she saw that Marta had used some kind of glitter polish on Miguel’s nails.

  “Oh, no!” Filia sounded mortified. “I’m so sorry. You’re going to need nail polish remover to get that off. I don’t have any with me, but I can certainly pay for some.”

  Miguel winked at her. “I like it,” he said, his voice teasing. “Don’t worry. I have a daughter, too. I can handle this.”

  Filia left with her daughter. Pam waited until they were gone before ushering Miguel into her office.

  “I have nail polish remover at home,” she said, trying not to focus on the incongruity of the broad-shouldered man with the pink, glittery nail polish.

  “So do I,” he told her. “Actually I have some acetone in the garage, which is about the same thing. Don’t worry about it.” He glanced toward the door. “Is she all right?”

  While Pam appreciated his concern about Filia, she couldn’t discuss a client. “She’s fine. Um, how are you?” A statement more polite than the “I wasn’t sure I ever expected to see you again,” which was what she was really thinking. Along with, “Wow, I missed you so much more than I thought I would.”

  “I’m good. You had a nice cruise?”

  “Yes. The weather was perfect and my friends and I enjoyed seeing the sights.”

  His dark gaze settled on her face. “Thank you for the text. I’m glad I was on your mind, however briefly, Pamela.”

  The words spoken in his low, velvet voice, made her squirm. She honest to God didn’t know what to say. Or think. Or feel. He confused her on so many levels, plus there was the whole Zoe situation, which was starting to seem less clear that it had been.

  “You have something on your mind,” he told her.

  “I’m not sure why you’re here. You’re the one who walked out.”

  One shoulder raised and lowered. “I did. You were being unreasonable so rather than fight, I left.”

  “Do you always walk away when you’re upset?”

  He smiled. “Men don’t get upset, Pamela.”

  “Fine. Do you always walk away when you’re angry?”

  “No. I stay and fight.”

  “But you didn’t. You left.” A fact that had upset her more than she’d realized at the time. “I’m sure it’s very satisfying to be the one who simply gets to walk away, but it’s not fair to the other person. I thought we were friends.”

  “Did you?”

  She suddenly felt stupid. Had she made a mistake? Was he simply toying with her? “Why are you here, Miguel?”

  “You reached out to me when you were in Europe. I want to do the same, now that you’re home.”

  She thought about her email from Zoe. The one that had made her feel so bad about herself and the situation. Had she been wrong to assume it was best for Steven to break up with Zoe? She wanted him to be the father of any child he was involved with. She wanted him to know what that was like. How was it possible to love Chad’s baby as much as his own?

  “I can hear you thinking from here,” Miguel said.

  “I’m hoping you can’t hear what I’m thinking.”

  “Unfortunately, no.”

  “It’s for the best. Trust me on that. My mind is a confusing place.”

  “Then let me help by clarifying a few things.”

  “All right. Although it’s difficult to take you seriously while you’re wearing glitter nail polish.”

  “I trust you’re up to the task.” He studied her for a second. “Zoe is my daughter and I love her very much. I won’t choose between the two of you, just like you won’t choose between me and Steven.”

  “Of course not.”

  “Then there’s only one solution.”

  She nodded, shocked at how much disappointment she felt. She barely knew Miguel—she shouldn’t care if they ever saw each other again. And yet she was upset to know that she would never have the opportunity—

  “You’ll have to get over your unreasonable stance on what’s happening.”

  She felt her mouth drop open. “Excuse me?”

  He didn’t say anything, leaving her to close her mouth and consider what he’d said. “You want me to change my mind.”

  “I want you to be reasonable. Not just for me, Pamela. For yourself, as well. Steven and Zoe are still together.”

  Something she would know if she and Steven were currently speaking. They’d never not been close, she thought regretfully. She didn’t like that Miguel knew more than she did about what was happening with her son.

  He rose. “Think about it. I believe you have the heart of a lioness. You will protect your children with all you have. But sometimes the right thing to do is nothing. We have to let them grow and make their own mistakes. Perhaps they are meant to be together, perhaps not. Only time will tell. What I do know is that giving ultimatums helps no one. I hope you’ll agree with me on that.”

  She gave the tiniest of nods.

  “Good. Then I hope I will see you soon.”

  Before she could ask him what he meant, he walked out of her office. She glared at the place he had been, then deliberately turned away.

  “Annoying man. I don’t need you in my life.”

  Only the words didn’t ring true and Pam was left with a sense that something very important was missing—if only she could figure out what.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  “Meerkats,” Jen said firmly as they passed through the entrance of the Los Angeles Zoo. “I love the meerkats.”

  “They’re lazy,” Lucas told her. “They’ve gone Hollywood. What happened to standing at attention to protect each other in the...” He frowned. “What are they? A herd?”

  Kirk laughed. “That’s grazing animals, my friend.”

  “Yeah? If you’re so smart what are a group of meerkats called?”

  Kirk looked at Jen. She laughed as she pushed Jack’s stroller. “I didn’t start this,” she protested with a grin. “I just want to see them.”

  “They’re a mob or a gang,” Desire told them. “The babies are called pups. So they’re not cats at all.” She dimpled. “I used to watch Meerkat Manor when I was little.”

  Jen moved close to Lucas. “Uh-oh. She’s smart. How on earth did that happen? You must be horrified. And here I thought the two of you might last a month.”

  “You are such a smart-ass,” he whispered back, then sighed. “Damn. I hate it when they’re secretly smart.”

  “Imagine the nightmare if she was also secretly old.”

  “Not a chance of that. I make sure to check their driver’s license early on.”

  “Now you’re going to also have to ask for SAT scores. Or maybe just their high school GPA.”

  “Dating is such a pain.”

  “But necessary if you want to get laid. You could start using call girls.”

  He pressed a hand to his chest. “I don’t pay.”

  “Oh, honey, you’re so paying for what you’re getting. It’s your own personal underground economy.”

  He chuckled and moved back t
o Desire’s side.

  “My point being,” he said as he took her hand, “the meerkats used to do their on-guard thing. Now they just lie in the sun and wait for audition calls. The zoo should fly raptors over the enclosure and put the fear of God into them.”

  “I believe that would be the fear of death,” Jen corrected. “Unless you think God is a raptor.”

  Kirk put his arm around her. “She got you, bro.” He kissed her cheek.

  “And here I thought today was going to be a good day,” Lucas grumbled.

  They made their way up the wide path toward the meerkats. The morning was sunny and warm, the zoo relatively quiet on a Thursday. Jen was happy to spend time with her husband and son on a rare day off for Kirk. Having Lucas and Desire along was fun, too.

  “You’re getting along better with Lucas,” Kirk said quietly. “I’m glad.”

  “He’s grown on me,” she admitted. “He’s like the big brother I never had.” She rolled her eyes. “He has hideous taste in women, but that’s okay. One day he’ll wake up and see the light.”

  Kirk dropped his hand to her butt and patted it. “Or find himself alone. We’ll have to build an apartment for him over the garage.”

  “He’ll need one of those automatic chair lift thingies,” she said with a laugh. “So he can get up the stairs.”

  They reached the meerkat exhibit. Jen took Jack out of the stroller and held him in her arms.

  “Oh, can I?” Desire asked.

  “Sure.” Jen passed him over.

  Desire and Lucas walked closer to the exhibit. Jen could hear the twentysomething talking to Jack. Her son chatted back.

  “He still won’t talk to me,” she said, trying not to take it personally. “I know, I know. It will happen eventually. I created the problem and I have to fix it by being patient.”

  Kirk shifted her so she was facing him, then put his hands on her hips and drew her close. “You didn’t create the problem. It just happened.”

  “You’re sweet. A liar, but sweet.” She stared into her husband’s eyes and felt the love swelling inside of her. “You’re a really good guy. I’m lucky to have married you.”

  “Yes, you are and I’m lucky right back.”

  She smiled and they kissed. When they drew apart, she turned to look at Desire and Jack. So much had changed in the past few months.

  “I need to go back to work,” she said, returning her attention to Kirk. “I’ve talked to my old principal and there should be a spot for me in September. One of her teachers is going to have a baby this fall and wants a year off.”

  “Are you sure? You’ve really liked staying home.”

  “I have, but it’s been hard on me, too. I’m making progress. I want to keep it that way. I think working for the year will be good for me. We can save money and we have a great day care place for Jack.” She raised her eyebrows. “We can work on getting me pregnant around the end of the year. I think it’s time for that second baby, don’t you?”

  He smiled. “I do. Very much. I want a girl.”

  “That would be between you and your sperm. I’m simply the vessel.”

  He chuckled. “We should probably keep practicing on the whole baby-making front. Just to make sure we’re doing it right.”

  “I would love that.”

  “Me, too.”

  She stepped toward Jack. He was trying to say the word meerkat fairly unsuccessfully. When he saw her, he reached for her.

  “Are you having fun?” she asked. “Do you like the meerkats?”

  Rather than say yes, he waved his arms in his happy way, communicating the message without words. Jen drew in a breath and refused to give in to frustration or guilt. Jack could talk. That was what was important.

  “The kids’ section next,” she said. “We’re going to Muriel’s Ranch. It’s a petting zoo. We can brush the Nigerian Dwarf goats.”

  “Someone’s been on the internet,” Lucas said.

  “Yes, I have. Because it’s okay that I’m smart.”

  “I love little goats.” Desire clutched her hands in front of her. “The way they jump all around and their little tiny hooves. It’s magical. If I had to come back as an animal in my next life, I’d want to be a little goat. Or a kitten. Or a walrus, because nobody cares if a walrus gets fat. Or a dancing horse. That would be great.”

  Jen leaned close to Lucas. “Maybe less smart than we thought?”

  “I can only hope.”

  He moved next to Desire and continued the animal reincarnation discussion with her. Jen thought about all he’d done for her and for Kirk. She knew her husband had been kidding about his partner moving into an apartment above the garage, but she hoped whatever happened, they would always be close. Over the past few months, Lucas had become a part of their family. He had been there for both of them and she knew they would always be there for him.

  She had a feeling that when Jack reached his “I hate my parents” stage of being a teenager, Lucas would be someone he could turn to. And even then, she would still worry about Lucas being the wild one in the relationship.

  A quality kind of problem, she thought happily as they crossed into Muriel’s Ranch.

  “I see goats,” Desire cried out.

  “At least it’s not dead people,” Kirk murmured, and Jen laughed.

  * * *

  Zoe stretched out on a chaise in her father’s backyard, Mariposa on her lap. She played with the little dog’s silky ears and let the sun warm her body.

  She was in a good place, she thought with more than a little surprise. Yes, she was pregnant and who could have seen that coming? She was also still up in the air about her future. But she was making progress and, well, there was Steven, who said he loved her.

  She still hadn’t said the words back. She’d tried after they’d made love, the last time she’d seen him, but he’d told her to wait. To be sure. With everything going on, he didn’t want her to feel pressured. Which only made her love him more.

  Her dad walked out with a pitcher and two glasses, then settled on the chaise next to hers.

  “Herbal tea,” he told her. “Organic. For what this costs, I could have bought a steak.”

  “I’m allowed to eat steak,” she said with a grin.

  “Very funny. You need to appreciate the fact that I’m not drinking coffee in front of you.”

  “I do. Very much.” She smiled at him. “You’re very good to me. In fact, everyone is being really nice to me. This getting pregnant thing has an upside.”

  “Very funny. I’m always good to you.”

  “Yes, you are.”

  She took the glass he offered her. Mariposa raised her head, as if expressing interest. Zoe laughed. “You would so not like this, little girl.”

  She held out the glass. Mariposa took one sniff, then visibly recoiled and eyed her. The message was clear: “How on earth could you drink that stuff?”

  “She would have liked the steak, as well,” Zoe teased.

  “I’m sure that’s true.” Miguel stretched out on the chair next to her. “What have you decided?”

  “I’m keeping my job and I’m signing up for grad school. I should be able to take at least a couple of classes over the summer. I’m not sure about fall. I would be really close to my due date. But maybe I could take one class and arrange to take the final early.”

  A decision she didn’t have to make today, she told herself. “My attorney is working on the parenting plan. I hope to have that to Chad by the end of the month. Steven’s going to paint the baby’s room for me.”

  “Has Chad proposed again?”

  “No. I think he feels he did his duty and now we can move on.” She glanced at her father. “You’re not going to pressure me on that again, are you?”

  “No, I�
�ll let it go.” He looked at her. “Because you’re my favorite daughter.”

  “I’m your only daughter.”

  “That, too. And because you’ve convinced me Chad wouldn’t make you happy.” His gaze intensified. “I want to pay for graduate school and I don’t want you to argue about it.”

  “Dad, no.”

  His brows rose. “This would be you arguing.”

  “I know, and while I appreciate your generous offer, I’m paying for my own grad school. I’m a big girl. I can afford it.”

  “You have to save for the baby. What about college?”

  “Do you know the baby’s the size of a radish?”

  “Radishes grow up and need to go to college.”

  “Fine. Then put my grad school fund toward that.”

  He drew his brows together, then relaxed. “All right. I will. But if you need anything, I’m here.”

  “I know. Thank you.” She drank more of her tea.

  “I can’t decide if I want you to have a girl or a boy.”

  Which was just so like him. “You do realize you, in fact, don’t get a say?”

  “I understand basic biology, yes.” He reached for her hand. “I wish your mother were alive to see this.”

  The unexpected words made her eyes fill with tears. She squeezed his fingers. “Me, too.”

  “She would be so happy.”

  Zoe nodded. “Then she would go beat the crap out of whoever made the mistake at the pharmaceutical company.”

  “I would join her in that.”

  Zoe was going in another direction. She’d already been approached by several attorneys representing other women who were also dealing with unexpected pregnancies from the faulty shots. While she was fortunate enough to be in a position to deal with her situation, she knew there were other women whose lives had been completely shattered by what had happened. The only way to make sure that sort of thing didn’t happen again was to band together.

  She released her father’s hand. “What else is new?” she asked, mostly to distract him. “Have you seen Pam since she’s been back?”

  “How did you know she was back?”