Evilution

by Lisa Moore

  My remark to Lily was not entirely a lie, I did feel those things, just not at the moment Lily felt my emotions. “I’m sorry Max that was insensitive of me. It must be especially hard not having any family, around the holidays or to mark important occasions.” “If by important occasions you mean meeting the woman I love, then yes it is hard not to have someone to share my joy with. But perhaps, had I not experienced these losses, I would not be the man I am now, capable and honored to be loved by you.”

  As we pulled up to my farm, I had to admit it did look picturesque. My mood was naturally lifted as it always is coming home. A white blanket covered the fields. The old barn, a dappled red, sitting back from the quaint white house welcomed us as I pulled my truck up the drive. Lily beamed a wide smile as she took in the scene. “Oh Max, it’s beautiful, so peaceful and serene.” And suddenly I felt very peaceful and serene. It felt like coming home, but for the first time in nearly a century, I was coming home with someone I loved, who loved me too. Could this be our home? I wondered, and then stopped my wonderings short, lest Lily connect to me and read me again.

  Chapter 24

  A Glimpse Into My Past

  I take Lily into my home. The quick tour of the simple house begins as we walk in the front door which opens to a large mud room. We take off our coats and shoes and enter the main residence. There is a large bright kitchen with massive windows along the back wall giving a spectacular view of the fields and woods that lay beyond them. To the left is a large family room with an impressive fireplace. Up the center hallway is a small guest bedroom. There is a bathroom and a narrow winding staircase that we take up to my master suite. This room has been converted from the original plans. The second floor was originally divided into two large rooms. Now it is an open floor plan with one expansive room and four large wooden pillars required for structural support. The back wall is almost entirely glass. Floor to ceiling windows and a sliding glass door leading to a deck give a panoramic view of the farm and surrounding woods. In the back left corner of the room is my bed, to the right of the stairs is the master bath. The remainder of the space is occupied with books and music and a few mementos of my life. Most of my older possessions are kept in storage or in one of my other dwellings around the world.

  Twilight has fallen over the woods that back my farm. The setting sun casts a waning glow across the snow covered fields. Dark shadows have begun to fill the gaps between trees, muddling the lines of distinction. Lily walks over to a wall lined with books and CD’s. As she peruses the titles I watch her expressions. “You have an impressive collection of literature and music. It’s like a mini library. Your tastes seem to sample works from the last century. Some of these books are first editions. How has someone as young as you, managed to amass such a collection?” “Well, Lily in my past, I have been known to go after the things I want quite tenaciously. And being an orphan, I was left with a considerable sum of money when my birth parents died, and when Genevieve died, I got the farm. I knew at an early age that land offered me the sense of permanence I needed. When I came of age I took the money left me and invested it. Some wise investments helped to expand my portfolio and today, well let’s just say I have sufficient enough wealth so as not to be required to work. I have spent the last several years traveling the globe and exploring what life has to offer. I have a passion for learning. I have taken many interesting courses. It is very liberating taking a college course for the sheer pleasure of it, not being bogged down worrying about a grade. When I am not traveling or taking classes I study on my own.”

  I watched as Lily pulled out and admired several old books from my collection. “I particularly enjoy reading works of literature that have been influential in past history. Reading is a passion of mine and I have been fortunate over the years, as I travel, to obtain many treasured books. You would be surprised at the treasures that can be found. Besides old book stores and antiques shops, I often visit estate sales, where entire libraries can be purchased. As for music, that is another passion of mine. I enjoy all types as my collection can attest. Again, my unconventional lifestyle has afforded me the opportunity to study music from around the world. I have learned to play various instruments and enjoy the challenge of learning to play a new piece. Perhaps one day I will play something for you.”

  I was feeling melancholy. I was also saying and feeling too much. It is hard to hide over a centuries worth of life experience in the body of a twenty six year old. I have been fortunate to possess enough resources and limitless time, and have used both in the pursuit of knowledge of the arts, science and history, and anything else that strikes my interest at the time. But this was dangerous. Lily was starting to sense our connection. Once she has learned to tap into that bond she will see me, all of me. I am torn between wanting to open myself up to her and her learning the truth. Something is preventing me from telling her everything at this time. For some reason I feel the need to tell her in New Zealand. Only a few days now and if she accepts me, I will have her lifetime to share with her.

  “Wow Max, I suddenly realize that I know very little about you. For the past few months I guess I have done most of the talking.” “Lily, in time you will learn more about me, perhaps more than you’ll want to know. That’s part of the excitement of a new romance such as ours, everything is so new. Every day I feel as if I learn more about you, and everyday I want to learn more still. And now I want to show you my favorite place.” I took her hand and led her out to the barn. I grabbed a blanket along the way and inside the barn, spread the blanket atop a pile of hay. “This is my favorite place. Lying back on a soft mound of hay, inhaling the earthy aroma of the barn amidst the sounds of the barn owls, bats and various other inhabitants I am at peace. There is something very centering about this place. I imagine it has something to do with my mother. This is where we would sit and talk. Here, we would share our deepest thoughts and solve life’s problems often with a hug and a plate of homemade cookies.”

  We lay back on the blanket staring up at the barn rafters. Lily inhales deeply and sighs contentedly. “I can see why this is your favorite place. Laying here with the smells, the sounds, and the hay beneath you, it’s like being wrapped in a hug. This place exudes such a powerful feeling of hominess, it’s very serene.” We stayed like that for a while, lying next to each other atop the sweetly scented hay, a comfortable silence between us. We watched as the bats nocturnal activity began. It was slowly getting dark outside. The interior of the barn was being swallowed in shadows as the last sun’s rays gave way to darkness. In the dimming light, I rolled to face my love and embraced her as we kissed.

  We made love atop the hay pile. It was sweet and tender. As our bodies touched, the now familiar hum of electricity enveloped us. As Lily neared climax, I was suddenly struck with mental flashes, like a black and white slide show. Each image as it flickered in and out of my mind was tied to powerful emotions. This was both extremely pleasurable and frightening. Pleasurable, due to the magnitude and intensity of the feelings I sensed in Lily combined with my own, and frightening because I knew our connection through the Evening Star was growing stronger. As we lay back against the hay, I searched Lily’s face for a sign that she may have experienced a similar cascade of images and emotions from me but nothing in her face suggested she suddenly knew my secret.

  “Max, that was indescribable. Each time we make love, I think we have reached a level of passion and connectedness that is unparalleled and then, well… and then this. It was like I could feel your heart beat in sync with mine. I could actually feel it beating in my chest. And the raw emotions, the absolute love and passion you have for me, I could feel that too. But Max, I also felt fear, what are you afraid of?”

  “I guess Charles was right. It seems the Evening Star has given us a much deeper connection. I must admit its power is daunting. I felt your emotions as well and perhaps the fear you felt was my concern of one day losing you, like everyone else in my life wh
o I ever loved.” It was the truth, not all of it, but I do fear the pain of one day losing Lily. As much as I want to protect her from all harm, one day she will die, by old age or something else, I know I will have to face that future.

  Lily took my face in her hands and kissed me gently on the lips. As she stared into the depths of my eyes she said, “Max, you and I both understand the pain of loss. Unlike you, however, I have been fortunate to have family to support me. I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you to feel so alone. I want you to know, you are no longer alone.” I hoped with every cell of my being that after Lily learned the truth she would still feel the same way.

  It was getting late. We dressed and went back into my home. I got together some clothes and things I would need for tomorrow and we headed out to Lily’s house. On the ride back I tried to keep my thoughts and emotions under control. It seemed Lily was as yet unable to fully read me, but since I got those flashes of her thoughts, I fear she too will soon see my own. At the wrong time that could be devastating. From the corner of my eye I noticed the look of empathy etched on Lily’s face as she said, “Max, thank you for sharing a special part of you tonight. Your home is rich with history, it was almost palpable. I feel closer to you somehow, having glimpsed a bit of your past. I think this trip is going to give us a chance to become even closer. I can’t explain it, maybe it is the Evening Star, but I feel like we are on the verge of something big.”

  Lily’s eyes twinkled with excitement as she talked animatedly about our trip. She was excited to further her research and hoped that what ever we learned in New Zealand was not just another “dead end”. She had no idea just how “big” the thing she was on the verge of learning was. Further her research? I think learning that the man you love is a vampire is pretty “big” on a number of levels. As far as her research goes, she gets absolute proof of the existence of vampires. If she doesn’t run off petrified of me or try to kill me somehow, she will be able to learn the truth about vampires, satisfying years of research and questions. As far as her emotional side goes, I hope the love we share now is strong enough to let her except me, to continue loving me. I don’t know what I would do if I lose her now. I am so deeply connected to her, the thought of losing that connection is like cutting off ones limb, or more like cutting out ones own heart. I push the thoughts quickly from my mind. The overpowering emotions I am feeling as I think these thoughts could easily be felt by Lily.

  It’s ironic that the Evening Star, a gift from me to Lily, which Charles seems to think somehow chose us, could potentially break us apart. I guess keeping secretes in any relationship is potentially destructive. But sometimes a secret must be revealed at just the right time, and under just the right circumstances. I have felt since the beginning of our relationship, that one day I would tell this woman my truth. The first time I saw her I think my body knew the importance of my discovery, before my brain sensed the special nature of her. The cellular response was like nothing I have ever experienced with another creature. But I failed to understand how the effects of being emotionally tied to this woman would impact my ability to reveal the truth to her. And now as events have unfolded and the connections to my past have crept into the equation it has made an exceedingly difficult task, with the possibility of a potentially disastrous outcome, into a nearly impossible task with a disastrous outcome likely.

  Thankfully a diversion from these troubling thoughts presented itself. As we were driving toward town a large white column of smoke could be seen rising in the distance. Lily rolled down the windows and inhaled deeply, “Oh my god! Could you please pull over to Rudy’s? I am absolutely salivating at the aroma. The smell alone must make the local’s cholesterol go up. I know you do not partake in the delicacy of charred flesh, but I suddenly must have some Rudy’s barbeque.”

  Rudy’s Barbecue was a local staple. Apparently the food was excellent, at a great price. The huge parking lot was always packed, and tonight was no different. I pulled in and Lily jumped out at the curb. “Do you want anything? I think they have salads. Other than that this place is strictly for carnivores.” “No, thanks, I’m not really hungry right now. You get yourself your meat fix to go, and I’ll circle around a few times and pick you up back here.” She gave me a quick peck and was out the door. I drove around the massive parking lot several times while I waited for Lily to walk out to the curb. On my fourth pass she walked out with a bag of food and a smile from ear to ear.

  I pulled over to let her in and as she got in the car she carried the scent of barbeque with her. Lily sat contentedly eating her pulled pork barbequed sandwich and cucumber salad as we drove to her home. “I’m sorry to eat in front of you. But I have to say the only non meat food they had was a sad looking salad.” “Its ok, I’m really not hungry.” “You eat like a bird.” She said. More like a bat was what I thought.

  We got back to Lily’s around 9:00pm. It had been a long day. Lily took care of Pumpkin who was eager to go out and do her business, “Sorry, girl. You were cooped up inside here all day and it is way past your dinner time.” The dog looked at Lily as if to say “and how will you make it up to me?” In response, Lily added some barbeque chicken to the dog’s food. A special purchase she got at Rudy’s for Pumpkin. She must have felt guilty then, at how late we were getting back.

  Owning a pet is a little like having a child; one more individual to care and provide for. Pumpkin seemed to forgive Lily with the first bite of food. She ate ravenously and licked her chops clean when she was through. Pumpkin seemed so content she almost looked like she was smiling. All was forgiven.

  We agreed to retire early so we would be rested up for tomorrow. We curled up in Lily’s bed and within minutes she was fast asleep. We lay together with her small frame pressed up against me, radiating heat. Her breaths were deep and rhythmic and looking at her peaceful face it was like watching an angel. I sat and stroked her hair as I watched over her sleeping form.

  As I sat entranced by my sleeping beauty, it occurred to me that I had spent a considerable amount of time contemplating scenarios in which Lily would not react favorably to my revealing the truth to her. I had spent relatively no time thinking about if she responded favorably. I certainly did not want to get my hopes up, but as I sat gazing down at the miraculous creation sleeping in my arms I suddenly knew exactly what I would do if Lily accepts me. I decided one more trip to Charles’ antique shop was in order.

  Chapter 25

  Final Exam Day

  Lily and I got to campus early. I left her at her office and spent the next half hour before class planning the rest of my day. After the final exam, Lily would be grading papers and getting in her grades. We decided to meet for dinner at her place at 8:00pm. I told her I would have something prepared since she would be working straight through the day. That left me with the day to myself after the exam. We are leaving for New Zealand on Saturday. I was almost packed and finished most of what I needed to do before we leave. Today I want to accomplish two things. I need to feed and stop by Charles’ antique shop, not necessarily in that order. I hope Charles is ok. Leaving his shop last week, I was stricken by a persuasive feeling of sorrow. Seeing him close up shop, right after we left, felt foreboding. I will stop by there today after my final, perhaps I may find one more treasure among his collection of artifacts of days past.

  I make my way over to the lecture hall for my final. There are several students already there nervously milling about. Several smokers anxiously puff away, others review index cards of notes, and several sit in a circle on the grass throwing out questions to each other to practice their response. I glance over to see one solitary girl sitting on the wall. She has on head phones and her foot incessantly moves to an unheard rhythm; it is Ginny Grimes. I walk over to her and as she pulls the head phones out of her ears I can hear the sound of loud rock rhythms accompanied by a vocalist, who’s style is to scream each word with a guttural howl. The speed at which he speak
s/screams blends words into a mash of angst ridden howling. The music is technically good, although not my preferred choice and I do not know the group.

  “Hey Ginny, who are you listening to?” She took off her headphones as she said “Hi Max, Vexed, they’re a new group out of Massachusetts, pretty hot on the college circuit. So you ready?” “For the test? Yeah. I’m not worried, I’m prepared.” She replied with a smirk, “Doesn’t hurt to date the professor, as long as you don’t have a fight before she gives you your grade.” “Now Ginny, don’t talk that way, besides I’m not taking this class for a grade. So it doesn’t matter what I get, I just decided to take it because the content interests me. Meeting Lily was a very fortunate accident.”

  I don’t really believe meeting Lily was an accident. It seems our paths have been destined to cross for some time. But I was certainly not about to go into that with Ginny. I was simply trying to be cordial, seeing as we were going to be spending the next two weeks working together. Her tendency to exhibit acrimony towards Lily, especially with issues concerning us as a couple, was beginning to irritate me. As if sensing my feeling she said, “Hey relax, I’m just screwing with you. I don’t care what you and “Jelly bean” do, you’re both consenting adults.” “Don’t call her that!” I said a little too defensively. “Ok, take it easy, I heard that bartender at the Library call her that once, she seemed pissed. I would never say it to her face.” “Don’t say it at all.” I corrected. “Alright!, it’s just that I’m a little bummed, I think Bill and Andrew are a couple, so that sort of leaves me as odd man out on this trip.”