Chihuahua Confidential

by Waverly Curtis

  “So let’s have you practice turning in circles with your eyes closed,” Ted said, “with your arms held out to your imaginary partner.”

  “What if I run into something? Or step on Pepe?”

  “Believe me, I will stay out of your way, Geri,” said Pepe. “My eyes will not be closed.”

  “I’ll let you know if you are going to run into something,” Ted said. There was just a hint of amusement in his voice.

  He turned on the music, a contemporary waltz, and set me up at one end of the room. “Now dance in circles to your left,” he said.

  I felt really silly, especially since the camera was filming me, but I held out my arms and began turning, concentrating on the rhythm.

  “Remember! Dreamy smile!” said Ted.

  I lifted my face up toward the ceiling and imagined a perfect partner. And suddenly he was there. I felt hands touching mine, then a hand around my waist, a hand holding mine. For a moment we were moving at odds with each other as I fought to keep my pattern; then I surrendered to the sureness and solidness of my partner and was swept away into the dance. It was breathtaking!

  “Ted?” I breathed, opening my eyes.

  And got the shock of my life! It was Felix! My quasi-boyfriend from Seattle. He was smiling at me. He looked good. His teeth were white against the caramel color of his skin. His dark hair was a bit rumpled. His brown eyes sparkled.

  I prayed he hadn’t heard me call him Ted. But the camera probably did. Ted stood to one side, his arms folded, with a rather tight-lipped smile on his face. There were two cameras in the room now. One was filming me and Felix. The other guy was moving, taking in the expressions of the others in the room. Pepe was over in the corner, ignored, and I could see that annoyed him. Rebecca was standing in the doorway watching.

  “What are you doing here?” I gasped.

  “Happy to see me?” Felix asked.

  “Of course, but surprised!”

  He nodded his head toward the door. “The producers arranged to fly me down, as a prize, I guess you would say, for doing so well in the competition.”

  “Oh!” I clung to him. “I’m so glad to see you.” Still it was weird. Our relationship was so new I didn’t know how to treat him. A long lingering kiss was what I wanted, but the whole thing was a setup, and I felt used.

  “How did you get the time off work?” And then I got it. His being so evasive. His working so many hours. “You did that for me?”

  “Well, of course. I had to be here to support my best girl.”

  Hmm . . . That was an ambiguous term. Not “my girlfriend.” Not “my sweetheart.” “Best girl.”

  “And her dog,” he went on.

  “Rehearsal’s over!” said Rebecca, clapping her hands. The cameramen took another couple of staged shots. They took shots of the little white dog trotting in and me taking the tag off his neck and miming surprise at the news we would be learning the waltz. They took shots of Felix talking about his work in Seattle and how we met. They took shots of me sitting and talking to Felix with Pepe on my lap.

  Then they left. Ted was packing up during the filming. He had been silent the whole time. I felt a little guilty flirting with Felix in front of him.

  “What about the waltz?” I said as he headed out of the room. “We didn’t finish the rehearsal.”

  “Yeah, that’s too bad,” said Ted. “But that’s the way Rebecca wanted it!”

  “You mean she screwed up our rehearsal? She wants us to lose tonight?” I was suddenly on my feet, indignant.

  Ted shrugged. “It was all a setup so she could get a good surprise shot when your boyfriend showed up.”

  “But we still have to have a routine for tonight!”

  “You’ll figure something out,” he said, and left the room.

  Pepe ran after him growling and barking. “It is sabotage, Geri!” he said.

  “I know!” I stood there looking at the empty door.

  “So who is that guy, Geri?” Felix asked. “He seems like a bit of a jerk.”

  “He is a jerk,” I said. “He’s supposed to be our choreographer, but he’s really just working undercover for PETA.”

  “Why has no one kicked him out?” Felix asked.

  “That’s a good question,” I said. “I think Rebecca knows who he is. But I believe he’s planning some kind of action that will get publicity for PETA. And Rebecca loves publicity. She says there’s no such thing as bad publicity. I can’t believe he just left us without finishing the choreography.”

  “Well, I would try to help you,” said Felix. “I know the waltz. But I have to get over to the soundstage. I have a job.”

  “You have a job? I thought you came to see me.”

  “Yes, but Rebecca wanted to kill two birds with one stone. She hired me to take the place of the guy who was killed, the Certified Animal Safety Representative.”

  “You can do that?”

  “Yes, I was certified years ago. I haven’t really done that work since I left L.A., but I told her I could fill in until the show wraps. It shouldn’t be too difficult.”

  “There’s only three dogs left. Just Pepe and Max and Siren Song.”

  “That is not Siren Song,” said Pepe.

  “But Pepe thinks there’s something wrong with Siren Song. Could she be drugged?”

  Felix looked thoughtful. “I could check it out. That’s the sort of thing I should be doing. I wonder if that’s what Jake was investigating when he was murdered.”

  Chapter 21

  Felix was a star as soon as we walked into the soundstage. He seemed to know everyone and everybody knew him. After all, he had worked as an animal trainer in the film industry for years before moving to Seattle. One of his cousins was a grip, and it turned out that Robyn, the costume designer, was the daughter of his mother’s sister’s husband’s sister.

  Then Alice, the vet, came running up. “Felix!” she squealed, and threw her arms around him.

  Felix, to give him credit, immediately disengaged from her embrace. He turned to me and drew me closer, saying, “Alice, do you know Geri? I met her in Seattle. That’s why I’m down here, to support her. And Pepe, of course!”

  “Of course,” she said. I saw her look back and forth between me and Felix, and her expression shifted subtly. Had she once gone out with him? “I know Geri and Pepe. In fact, I brought my scanner for her!”

  “Hey, I brought mine, too!” said Felix, opening the bag he was carrying and pulling out something that looked like a hair dryer. “It’s a 2007 Dataman 40X Scanner.”

  “Well, I’ve got a 2009 Minitrack Trojan Scanner,” said Alice, brandishing a green item with a big dial in the middle of it. “Mine can read more chips than yours.”

  “Not true,” said Felix. “Let’s try them out and see.” He called Pepe over to him and ran the hair-dryer-like appliance over Pepe’s back. It made a little pinging sound. “Definitely chipped!” said Felix, looking up at me.

  “Yum, chips!” said Pepe. “I worked up an appetite dancing. I would like more chips.”

  Alice pushed Felix aside and swept her green machine down along Pepe’s spine. It made a beeping sound as it passed over his neck. “I got a reading, too!” she said.

  “What data do you have?” They stood side by side, looking at the gauges on their machines.

  “What did you learn?” I asked.

  “I do not want Cheetos today. I am craving potato chips,” Pepe said.

  “Oh, we have to submit the numbers to the registries,” Alice said. “It might be twenty-four hours before we get any results.”

  “I can get mine immediately!” said Felix, and they were off again, arguing about the process.

  I left them deep in conversation and took Pepe off to the craft service table to get his potato chips. Of course, he also wanted some of the turkey and cheese, which I put on a paper plate on the floor under the table for him to sample.

  “You still owe me some Tofurkey, Geri,” he pointed out.

&n
bsp; Our next stop was the costume area. Robyn had created a stunning gown for me, a midnight blue satin dress, crusted with sequins around the neckline and hem. It plunged to a deep V in front and an even deeper V in the back. I was pretty happy that Felix had turned up for this particular dance. Pepe was supposed to wear a little black satin tuxedo coat with a bow tie around his neck, and he was not as happy.

  From there we proceeded to hair and makeup. I was getting used to being pampered. It was so pleasant to have someone feed me and dress me and style my hair and do my makeup every day. All I had to do was put on a new pair of yoga pants and a camisole in the morning, and for the rest of the day I could just float along and let others take care of me.

  As I relaxed with my hair in a basin full of warm soapy water and Zack’s strong fingers massaging my scalp, I thought I heard Pepe calling my name.

  I sat up abruptly, getting water all over everything. Yes, there it was again!

  “Geri! Help!” Then shrill barking and Pepe’s voice: “Unhand me, you vicious brute!” That was Pepe, using the language of a telenovella actor, but the terror in his voice was real.

  I threw off my towel. The sound seemed to be coming from the grooming station where Pepe was supposed to be having a bath. It’s true Pepe hates baths, but this seemed like an extreme reaction.

  I jumped up and dashed around the corner, but Pepe wasn’t on the grooming table. I heard his voice again: “Geri, help!” It was coming from the vet’s office, which was right next to the grooming station. I ran to the doorway and saw Pepe, standing on a stainless-steel table, shivering, a syringe sticking out of his hide. I surmised that he was afraid to move, afraid the sharp instrument would embed itself farther.

  But I couldn’t reach him to pluck it out, because my way was blocked by Ted and Felix, who were pushing and shoving each other, and they were surrounded by at least two cameramen with their cameras aimed on the action and the set’s still photographer, snapping away.

  “What do you think you’re doing?” shouted Felix, pushing Ted back with both hands.

  “I was trying to help the dog!” Ted protested as he struggled to keep his balance.

  “You were trying to drug him!” shouted Felix with another push.

  Ted staggered back, bouncing off one of the cameramen and coming back at Felix, his hands raised to ward off another blow.

  “She was giving the dog a shot when I came in the room. I tried to stop her!”

  “Oh, right!” said Felix. “So who is this mystery person? Where is she now?” He glanced around the tiny room.

  “Will you let me get to my dog?” I said, clawing at the cameramen in my way, but they didn’t budge. My hair was dripping down my chest.

  “I don’t know who she is. I’ve never seen her before!” Ted said.

  Rebecca showed up. To my surprise, she seemed pleased. A crowd of others gathered, alerted by the noise. I saw Alice, the vet, and Robyn, our costume designer.

  “You’re the one who shouldn’t be here,” said Felix. “I know all about you. Phony choreographer! Spy!”

  “Hey! Just because I’m the one hanging out with your girlfriend while you’re up in Seattle picking up dog poop—”

  And then the fight was really on. Felix shoved Ted again, and Ted fell against the partition, knocking it over and taking down a light and a mike with it. He got to his feet and launched himself at Felix with both fists swinging. Felix did some sort of complex maneuver where he bent down and Ted went flying over him and landed on the other side of the room, knocking down that partition. He still wasn’t done. He got to his feet again and ran straight at Felix, his head down, hitting him in the stomach. Felix went down with a mighty “Oof!” Ted danced around, holding aloft his hands in the victory clasp.

  I finally saw my opportunity and dashed around the two men and got to Pepe. I grasped the syringe and jerked it out of his hide, then fell on him, rubbing my face against his fur.

  “Are you OK, Pepe?” I asked.

  “I think so,” he said, but his voice was so small and shivery I could barely understand him.

  Felix had gotten to his feet, with a little assistance from one of the cameramen, and now he went after Ted again. Rebecca was directing the cameramen to move around to get a better shot. She was obviously delighted by the conflict.

  I began to wonder how much of it was staged. Felix had worked on movie sets all his life. He would know how to fake a fight. Still it sounded real. I heard the thud of a fist on flesh, the moan of pain.

  I wasn’t sure who was hitting who anymore. I had gathered Pepe up and was holding him against my chest, kissing the top of his head and saying over and over, “Pepe, you’re safe now. I’ll take care of you.” I had been backed into a corner by the fight, and they were getting closer and closer to me.

  The syringe had fallen to the floor. Ted stepped on it as he backed away from Felix’s flailing fists. The hard plastic caused him to slip. He went down backward, falling against the stainless-steel table and knocking it over. He landed on the syringe itself. “Ouch!” he said. He raised himself up, pulled the needle out of his rump, and then sat back down, an odd expression on his face. A few minutes later his eyes got all glassy and he passed out.

  Alice rushed over to him. “Move back, people!” she said. She put her fingers on Ted’s neck, checking his pulse. She pulled up his eyelids and examined his eyes.

  “Oh my God! What was that?” I asked.

  “It must have been pretty strong,” said Felix, bending over to pick up the syringe.

  “Do not touch,” said Pepe weakly. “It is evidence.”

  “Don’t touch it! It’s evidence!” I said, passing along Pepe’s advice.

  “See if you can find the vial that was used to fill this!” snapped Alice, kneeling over Ted. “And someone call nine-one-one.”

  “Not again!” moaned Rebecca.

  Chapter 22

  “Let’s clear the room!” said Felix, shooing people toward the door. One of the cameramen refused to leave. I saw Rebecca whisper in his ear. This would be great footage for the show.

  “Are you OK?” Felix said, coming up and giving me a quick hug.

  “I’m fine! But I need someone to check Pepe!” I said. I looked at Alice, but she was busy with Ted, unbuttoning his shirt and pressing her ear against his chest.

  “Do you think he needs CPR?” I asked.

  “Alice will know what to do,” Felix said firmly.

  “What about Pepe?” I asked. “If it knocked out Ted, think of what it could do to Pepe!”

  “He seems all right,” said Felix, looking at Pepe, who was still shivering in my arms. He squeezed Pepe’s mouth open and checked his gums. “He’s got good color.”

  “What about you?” I asked. “Are you OK?”

  “Felix! I need your help,” Alice said. “Find that vial for me.”

  Felix hugged me again. “I’m fine. I’ll send Alice to check on Pepe as soon as she’s done here. Once we have the vial, we’ll know more.”

  I found a quiet corner a few yards away, where I could still watch the action. With two partitions knocked down, the room was open to the view. Felix was going over every inch of the floor while Alice tended to Ted, who still wasn’t moving.

  “Pepe, what happened?” I asked.

  “This woman came and took me away from the groomer. She said the vet needed to check me. And then she took me in that room and put me on the table and pulled that syringe out of her pocket and started to stick it in me. That is when I started calling your name!”

  “I heard you!” I said, kissing the top of his head. “I got there as soon as I could.”

  “Well, sí, and Ted seemed to hear me, too, because he came rushing in. He had a cameraman with him. And he shouted at that woman. And she went running out of the room. I think Ted was going to pull the syringe out, but he was nervous and he had just put his hands on it when Felix came in and saw him. Naturally he thought Ted was the one giving me a shot, and he pushed h
im away from me and that is when the fight started.”

  “So who was this woman?”

  “I think it was the woman in the room with Siren Song this morning,” Pepe said.

  “I wonder who she is,” I said. “We’ve got to find Rebecca and warn her.”

  “Yes, who knows what she might do?” said Pepe, shivering. “Dog poisoner!”

  “How much got in you?”

  “I think I am OK,” Pepe said, turning around and sniffing his butt where the needle had gone in. “She had just poked it through my skin when Ted came in.”

  “We need to find out what that was,” I said. “Let’s go find Rebecca!”

  The whole set was in an uproar. No one was where they were supposed to be. The cameramen were filming the revival efforts going on around Ted. People were standing around in groups talking. We saw Max the Poodle and Maxine in their costumes. I wasn’t quite sure what dance they would be doing, but Maxine was wearing a skimpy black costume that had little black pom-poms all over it that matched the pom-poms on Max’s paws. We finally found Rebecca talking to Miranda in the greenroom.

  I didn’t beat around the bush. “Who was the woman who was in the room with Luis and Siren Song this morning?” I asked.

  “What?” Rebecca looked frightened.

  “She’s the one who knows what was in that syringe,” I said.

  Rebecca shook her head. “Impossible!”

  “No, it’s not impossible!”

  “How do you know that?”

  “My dog told me.”

  “Right!”

  Miranda’s eyes grew wide. “Oh, that explains why you and your dog are so attuned to each other. How fascinating. You will have to tell me how you do that!”

  “Seriously, my dog talks to me. And he told me that woman was the one who gave him the shot. Who is she?”

  “That’s Brandy, Luis’s special friend,” Rebecca said. When she saw my puzzled look, she said, “Special friend. Like Felix is your special friend.”

  “He’s not my special friend,” I said. I hated that euphemism. And I really didn’t think it applied to whatever was going on with me and Felix. “So where is Luis? Where’s Siren Song? She must be with them.”