Chihuahua Confidential

by Waverly Curtis

  “I don’t know,” said Rebecca, “but I’ll send someone to find her. You should sit down and relax. You and your dog had quite a fright.”

  But I couldn’t settle down. Pepe and I combed the whole soundstage from one end to the other, but we couldn’t find any sign of the mystery woman. But we did find Luis and Siren Song.

  They were in the greenroom being filmed about their upcoming performance. “The most important performance of the competition,” said Luis to the camera. They were doing a number from West Side Story. Luis looked great with his hair slicked back and wearing a leather jacket. Siren Song wore a little pink poodle skirt.

  We waited until the interview was done, thinking we would get a chance to question Luis about the groomer’s whereabouts, but Rebecca showed up and blocked us.

  “Onstage now!” she shouted at Luis and Siren Song. As they headed out the door, Siren Song turned around and snarled at Pepe.

  “Wow! She’s really competitive!” I said to Pepe. His tail was between his legs.

  “What’s going on?” I said to Rebecca. “You’ve got to ask him about Brandy.”

  I saw Luis turn around and give us a puzzled look.

  “I already asked him,” Rebecca said. “She hasn’t been around since this morning. She was at the rehearsal hall, but she’s never been on the set. Your dog doesn’t know what he’s talking about,” Rebecca said. “Now get in there. We’ve got to get back on schedule.”

  “But my dog can’t perform until he’s been checked by a vet,” I said.

  “Just do the interview and I’ll send someone in as soon as I can,” said Rebecca, motioning the cameraman over and whispering in his ear before shutting the door to the greenroom. My hair had never been styled, and my curls were beginning to frizz up all over my head.

  “I can’t do this,” I said to Mark, the guy who usually directed these interviews.

  “Rebecca insists we do it now,” he said. “We’re behind schedule. Even though we allowed some extra time for the fight.”

  “You mean the fight was staged?” I asked. And here I was all worried about Felix! That rat! He must have been in on it.

  “Let’s just say we knew something would happen,” Mark said. “But it got a little more complicated than Rebecca anticipated. So tell me how you and Pepe are feeling about this evening’s performance.”

  “We feel confident we will win,” said Pepe. He sat up straight and turned his snout toward the light. “A little trick I learned from Tyra Banks,” he told me. “You must always find your light. That and smizing.”

  “What the hell is smizing?”

  “That is when you smile with your eyes,” Pepe said. “Like so!” He looked at me with those big brown eyes fixed on me, his eyebrows slightly raised.

  “Can you repeat that, Geri?” Mark asked.

  “Oh yes,” I said. “We feel confident we will win. . . .” My voice trailed off. Actually, there was no reason to believe we would win. We hadn’t even finished our choreography session, and with Ted knocked out, that seemed unlikely. Plus we had not yet rehearsed onstage.

  “You don’t sound too confident,” Mark observed. “Do you want to do that again?”

  “There’s no way we can win,” I said.

  “That’s not the attitude we want,” said Mark.

  “But it’s the truth!”

  “That is not so, Geri,” said Pepe, his ears pricked up and his head held high. “We are professionals. We know our steps, and we know how to please an audience. Plus, we are the underdogs. And everyone knows the underdog always wins.”

  “Your dog seems confident,” said Mark.

  “My dog is always confident,” I said. “If anyone can pull this off, it’s Pepe.”

  “That will do! We just need one good quote. That’s a wrap,” said Mark.

  I was so glad. We tumbled out of the room. I still needed to find the mystery woman, identify the substance she had tried to inject into Pepe, and get my hair and makeup done for the performance.

  I returned to the scene of the crime, just in time to see the EMTs moving Ted onto a gurney. He was moving a little. I saw his eyelids fluttering. Alice stood alongside, holding his hand and murmuring, “Just hold on. You’ll be OK.”

  The EMTs gathered up their equipment: used gloves, plastic wrappers, a cotton mask.

  “Did you ever find out what was in the syringe?” I asked Alice.

  “We found a vial of ketamine. That’s a horse tranquilizer.”

  “Why would someone give that to my dog?”

  “Maybe someone wanted to slow your dog down.” She saw my confusion. “For the performance.”

  “Sabotage!” Pepe breathed. “And it came from the camp of mi amor. I was going to let Siren Song win, but now I will not. We will take this competition, Geri, and we will win the hundred-thousand-dollar prize and the contract for our own reality TV show.”

  The EMTs began to roll the gurney toward the outside door. Alice followed along beside it, still holding Ted’s hand. I followed after her. We could hear music and cheers and applause coming from the stage area. Apparently one of the contestants was already performing. I wondered if it was Max or Siren Song.

  They were taking Ted out through the back door, as exiting through the front door would have disturbed the show. This was the heavy door where I had first met Ted. As we approached, the door burst open and five uniformed policemen entered with guns drawn. They motioned us to the side.

  “Move aside,” one of them said. “We’re looking for Ted Messenger.”

  At those words, Ted sat up and tried to get off the gurney, but he was strapped in. In the ensuing struggle, the police wrestled Ted to the ground and handcuffed him.

  Alice begged them to leave him alone. “He needs to go to the hospital,” she said.

  Eventually, after consulting with the EMTs, the police agreed that Ted could be conveyed to the hospital, but he was going to be under guard, and as soon as he recovered sufficiently, they were taking him to jail and charging him with murder.

  Chapter 23

  We finally made it to the costume shop for our final fitting. Everyone was buzzing about the latest developments. Robyn was worried about Pepe, but he insisted he was unharmed by the attempt to drug him.

  I slipped into the midnight blue satin dress. The hem and bodice were embroidered with sequins and crystal beads that sparkled whenever I moved. They had a little more trouble with Pepe’s tuxedo jacket. They had to make a few adjustments so that he could move easily.

  Shelley came bustling in as Robyn fastened a rhinestone necklace around my throat. “You’re on in five minutes. And that guy is here to see you again.”

  It was Jimmy G, wearing a loud and garish red necktie.

  “Did you find Nacho?” I asked.

  “No, but Jimmy G got a gig as an extra on the set of Kiss of Death,” he said with a big grin. “I start tomorrow.”

  “Congratulations!”

  Robyn handed me a pair of long, chandelier-shaped rhinestone earrings to put on. “So have you given up on the package?” I asked.

  “Got a new idea,” said Jimmy G. “You know how you have to sign in with the guard to get into the movie studio?”

  “Yes,” I said. Robyn brought over a pair of midnight blue satin high heels, also embellished with sparkles. The heels were higher than any I had worn yet in the competition. “I’ve been wondering how you get in.”

  “Just use your name, doll. You seem to be well known here. You and the rat-dog.”

  I nodded. I was a bit distracted. I pulled at the straps to make sure the shoes were tight. Pepe was meanwhile wriggling as they tried to fasten a blue bow tie around his neck.

  “So?” I didn’t see the significance. I stood up and tried to balance on those heels. I swayed back and forth and had to reach out to Jimmy G for balance.

  “So all we have to do is get the guard to tell us the name of the delivery service, and then we can track them down!”

  “Good id
ea,” I said. “I’m surprised you haven’t talked to the guard already.”

  I walked around the room a little. Robyn and her sewing ladies applauded their handiwork.

  “Here, help me get to the stage,” I said, leaning on Jimmy G for support. We headed out of the costume room and toward the backstage area.

  “Well, Jimmy G tried but ran into a bit of a problem,” Jimmy G said.

  “Really, what?”

  “The guard says Jimmy G is merely a civilian and not entitled to that information.”

  We reached the partition that separated us from the stage. Shelley materialized with her clipboard. “You’re on in ten seconds,” she said. “You!” She pointed at Jimmy G. “Get out of here!”

  He gave a little tug of his fedora and headed off.

  Luis and Siren Song came running by. Luis was shrugging off his leather coat. I could see that he was dripping with sweat.

  “Wait!” I said, grabbing Luis by the arm. “I’ve got to ask you a question.”

  “What?” He seemed annoyed. Or maybe he just couldn’t hear. The audience was still hooting and hollering.

  “I’ve got to ask you about Brandy,” I said.

  “Who’s Brandy?” he asked.

  “Your special friend? Who Rebecca flew in from Seattle?”

  “Rebecca didn’t fly anyone in from Seattle,” Luis said.

  “Then who was that woman in the room with you and Siren Song this morning?” I asked.

  Luis looked around. “I can’t talk about that,” he whispered. Meanwhile, Siren Song was circling around Pepe, snarling and growling. Luis grabbed her up and went hurrying offstage.

  “That was weird,” I said to Pepe.

  “Yes, that was weird,” said Pepe. “Siren Song would not treat me so.”

  “Perhaps she’s in love with Max,” I said. The poodle was very handsome.

  “No way, Jose!” said Pepe.

  Shelley interrupted us. “You’re on!”

  Chapter 24

  The encounters with Jimmy G and Luis had distracted me, but now the realization that we were about to perform hit me.

  “Pepe, what are we going to do?” I said. “Ted didn’t get a chance to finish the choreography for our dance.” And now he certainly wouldn’t since he was on his way to the hospital. “And we didn’t have time for a run-through.” Because of the attempt to drug Pepe and the fight that followed. “And you might be affected by the horse tranquilizer.”

  “I do feel a little strange,” said Pepe. “And there is another problemo.”

  “What is that?”

  “Listen!”

  And then I heard Rebecca announce, “This is amazing! Siren Song and Luis have scored 9.8, the highest score yet in this competition. That puts them two points above Max and Maxine. Can anyone beat that score?”

  “We will have to dance perfectly,” Pepe mumbled.

  “That’s impossible!” I said.

  “Not if we dance from our souls,” Pepe said. He closed his eyes and swayed a little. Perhaps he was feeling the effects of the horse tranquilizer.

  The lights went dim, and we scrambled to our places. I was sitting at the bottom of the steps when the music began, and Pepe was sitting a few feet away, looking at me (with longing, I assumed). I was not supposed to look at him until halfway through the dance.

  “Just follow your heart,” said Pepe as the music began to build.

  I got up and began waltzing around the set, my arms held out to an imaginary partner. I could feel the dress swirling and swishing around my legs, could feel it unfurling and curling around me in perfect unison with the music. I was aware of Pepe dancing in tight circles around me, but I was not supposed to look at him; I was supposed to keep my eyes closed.

  “Do not fear, Geri,” said Pepe. “I will not let you fall.”

  Ah! If only I could trust him. But he was just a little dog. And I was supposed to be taking care of him. Would there ever be someone who would take care of me?

  “A little more to your right,” whispered Pepe, passing by me again. The audience was extraordinarily quiet. I didn’t hear the usual rustles and murmurs. I wouldn’t realize until later how poignant the scene was.

  The lighting tech had me isolated in the vast darkness with a blue spotlight, which picked up every sparkle in my dress, while Pepe slipped in and out of the light, a little white orbiting moon. It even gave me a chill when I watched the footage for the first time.

  The music dimmed and the singer’s voice faltered to a stop. This was my big moment. I curled in on myself, a woman in despair because she believes she is all alone in the world. And, truly, I felt this. My dog might not be my dog. My boyfriend seemed to be interested in another woman. And the man who had been flirting with me had apparently set me up for a fall.

  Then the lights began to come up, and the music shifted from minor to major and Pepe came dancing into view, his dark little eyes fixed on me, as they had been throughout the number. We began moving in unison, side by side, his little tux tail swinging behind him, my skirt swirling behind me.

  “Step left, step right, and turn two three,” Pepe said, coaching me through a series of side-by-side maneuvers. It felt effortless, like we were floating. I was totally able to relax and just copy Pepe’s movements.

  We danced around each other for a chorus, mirroring each other, and then he hopped into my arms and I caught him and we ended the dance with a series of tight pirouettes.

  I stopped, a bit dizzy. OK, really dizzy. The room was spinning around me. I thought I saw the audience leaping to its feet. Then I realized they were. The applause circled around us, growing and growing until it filled the room.

  The judges were on their feet, too, applauding. I saw Felix in the audience, his face beaming, and Jimmy G with that big, goofy grin on his face. Robyn and her crew were standing in the wings applauding. Pepe and I took bow after bow and still the applause went on.

  The only person who seemed unhappy was Rebecca, acting as MC. She had a sour look on her face as she motioned for us to come stand by her. It took a while but finally the applause died down and Rebecca asked the judges for their scores. I picked Pepe up and held him close.

  “What can I say to that performance?” asked Caprice, wiping tears from her cheeks. “That was the most beautiful depiction of the love between a dog and its owner that I have ever seen. They get a ten.” Princess yipped in protest, and Caprice tapped her on the nose.

  Beverly Holywell looked at Caprice in sympathy and then turned to Rebecca. “I concur. The emotion between the two was so real it simply transported me. This was not an athletic performance. Or an exhibition of good training. This was art. I give them a ten as well.”

  Rebecca seemed taken aback. She turned to Miranda Skarbos. “Miranda, do you feel the same way?” Her voice was sharp.

  “Oh!” said Miranda, clasping her hands and pressing them against her heart. “If I could give them an eleven, I would! I have never seen such an inspired partnership between a human and a dog. It was as if they could read each other’s minds.” She leaned forward and said to me, “I think you have the makings of a fine animal psychic. I will take you on as an apprentice, if you like.”

  “No way, Geri,” whispered Pepe. “I do not want you reading my mind.”

  There was a roar from the audience as they realized what these scores meant. The numbers on the scoreboard flashed and bells rang. Pepe and I had surpassed the score of Luis and Siren Song and had ousted Max from the competition. We were going to the finals! And according to Rebecca, we got a special prize: $5,000 to spend on a shopping spree in Beverly Hills.

  Once we were backstage, Rebecca informed us that I should get a really nice dress, as we were invited to a party at Caprice’s house. A network executive had seen some of the film from the show and was considering picking it up for his network. Pepe and I would be guests of honor.

  I was already in a dreamy state when Felix came running up. His eyes were shining, his smile was
bright, his embrace was strong, and his kiss was warm.

  “That was fantastic,” he told me, still holding me in his arms. “I’ve never seen a better waltz.” He let me go, dropped to one knee, and gave Pepe a pat on the head. “And same goes for you, little amigo.” Pepe put both forepaws on Felix’s knee and lapped up the compliment. “There isn’t a dog in the world who could have done better.”

  “I know,” said Pepe.

  “So,” said Felix, rising to his feet. “I have good news for you.”

  “Beef jerky?” Pepe exclaimed.

  “Got the results back from the scan already. No hits! Pepe is all yours.”

  “Of course he is all mine,” I said, picking him up and waltzing him around the room.

  Chapter 25

  Just being on Rodeo Drive intimidated me. The storefronts were dazzling with white stucco walls and arched windows. The street was immaculate, with neatly spaced palm trees and trimmed bushes sporting white flowers. The names of the stores represented the highest echelon of design and price: Dolce & Gabbana, Versace, Christian Dior, Louis Vuitton, Prada, Ralph Lauren, Tiffany & Co., and Chanel.

  Pepe seemed to know his way around. He went running down the street and dashed into the open door of a boutique just as a customer left: a rather disheveled young woman in sweatpants and sunglasses, with her hair wrapped in a turban. I almost ran into the door as I turned around to stare at her. Surely she was someone famous. Only a movie star would dress like that on Rodeo Drive.

  By the time I got into the store, Pepe was all the way in the back, by the dressing rooms, sitting on a gray velvet tufted sofa. He looked like he was holding court. He was surrounded by a bevy of salesclerks: skinny young women in chic black dresses.

  “Pepe! You’re back,” said one.

  “Where have you been?” asked another.

  “We missed you so much,” said the third.

  Pepe was chattering away, but I’m not sure they understood him because they kept talking to him.